Dedicated to Nicararocks for being there since the beginning and reading every other story I have posted.
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Chapter 23: Heart to Panties with Mr. Bad Boy
Ever since my talk with Tyler, I was being more sensitive to other people's feelings. I was consciously making an effort to think before blurting things out loud. I kept my eyes peeled for anyone who looked like they were contemplating suicide. I tried not to be so paranoid about it, but I just couldn't help it. It's not like I could do anything about it without throwing myself in the nuthouse.
His story touched an untapped part of my heart. And for that, I felt closer to him. The fact that he was being vulnerable and opening up to me was unbelievable, and it meant a lot to me. More than words could explain. I'm pretty sure that I was already starting to like him more. I mean, I already knew that I liked him, but I liked this new side to him that I was seeing. It was different from his badass, 'I don't give a damn' attitude. It was comforting.
"Pst, Tyler," I hissed, nudging his arm with my elbow.
No reply.
"Tyler?" I poked him. "Tyler!"
He turned his head slowly toward me, a slow, sullen scowl crossing his face. "What?"
I smiled innocently and waved. "Hi!"
He rolled his eyes and gave a low chuckle. "Hey."
"So..."
"What?"
"Do you have any plans for this weekend?" I blurted, regret instantly flooding my body. Way to be desperate, Charlotte.
He laughed again, which made me uneasy. He was going to reject me. I could feel it coming. I just wanted to grab the offer that was hanging loosely in the air, but it was out of my reach. I was like a dog, chasing after my tail.
"What?" I demanded. "What's so funny?"
"I just find it ironic that you're asking me out."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, isn't it supposed to be the other way around? It almost seems as if you're trying to take my virginity." There was a small sparkle in his eye. I wouldn't have caught it if I wasn't looking so closely and my senses weren't sharpened.
"Well, it's obvious that you're not going to make the first move to hang out with me."
"That's because you deserve better. I won't be a good influence on you."
"I don't care."
"But I care. You should be with Luke—"
"Don't say it," I gritted through my teeth. "Don't say his name. Don't suggest that I should be with him."
"Trouble in paradise?"
I glared at him.
"I'll take that as a yes...well, even Ian is better than me."
"Ian's nice enough, but I like being with you."
He sighed and said, "You're going through that phase," which only caused more questions to arise and heighten my curiosity.
I cocked my head to the side. "What do you mean?"
"The bad boy phase. It seems as if every girl goes through that."
"I don't like you because you're a bad boy." I put air quotes around 'bad boy.' "I like you because I like talking to you."
He scoffed. "Because I'm such great company," he muttered sarcastically.
"You are."
"Oh? Because I make you laugh and feel all warm and fuzzy inside." His voice was just dripping with venomous sarcasm. He had a dull expression on his face.
"It feels normal to be with you."
"Ha. So I don't get your heart rate up?"
"Maybe a little bit," I admitted. "But I feel as if I don't have to yell at you for being immature, like Ian and...Ian."
"But do you get a rush from the danger?"
"You're not dangerous."
"We've already gone over this, Char. I'm very dangerous, well, I can be."
I smiled. "Just because you have the potential to hurt me, doesn't mean you will. I don't think you could ever physically hurt me."
"Don't doubt me."
"I'm not. I'm believing in you for you to do the right thing—or not to do the wrong thing."
I was beginning to think I said the wrong thing because he didn't say anything for five minutes after that. And when he did, it was, "I'm not a virgin anymore, so your futile efforts will be wasted."
"I'm not after it!"
"That's what they all say. It hurts that you would lie to me like that, Char."
"You're such a kidder," I said dryly.
"You're right," he decided. "I am good company."
***
"So," I started, swinging my arms back and forth. "What do we do now?"
Tyler shrugged. "I don't care."
I didn't plan anything. He didn't plan anything. So we didn't do anything. With Ian, Luke, Beckett, or Alec, they always had a set schedule on what we would be doing, or at least some sort of idea. But not Tyler. When I asked him what we were doing today, his reply was "You wanted to hang out. Here I am. You make the plans."
I wasn't used to being in charge. I was always the one who went with the flow, and apparently, so was Tyler. So here we were, two go-with-the-flow people, not flowing. In fact, we were just sitting in his car in a vacant parking lot downtown. It was awkward, to say the least. Our past talks two completely different sides.
"Wanna make out?"
I shook my head quickly, an appalled look crossing my face. "No!"
He shrugged. "Calm down. It was just a suggestion. Don't get your panties in a bunch."
"My panties are not in a bunch, thank you very much."
"Just an expression, Char, but I'm beginning to think that your panties are in a bunch."
"Can we just stop talking about my hypothetical panties?"
A sly smile crept up to his lips. "You mean you're not wearing any?"
"I never said that!"
"But you didn't deny it either."
"Shut up," I mumbled dejectedly.
He didn't say anything after that, nor did I. Our attempts, at making conversation were dwindling. What broke the silence made Tyler snicker. "Ooh, we called it off again last night, but ooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you..."
To save myself from further embarrassment, I clicked answer before looking to see who it was. "Hello?" I muttered, my cheeks flushing with color. I made a mental note to change it.
"Charlotte? Is that you?" The sultry sweet sound of her voice made me cringe.
"Rochelle."
"Oh, you know I wish that you would call me mom."
"But you're not."
"I gave birth to you."
"Yeah, and that's all you ever did."
"I'm sorry...but I'm trying now—"
"Is there a reason you called?" I asked icily. "I'm busy."
"I just wanted to reconnect—"
"In order to reconnect, we have had to connect first."
I heard her sigh lightly. It almost seemed tired, fatigued. "You know when you were younger—"
"Please...just stop." I couldn't hear her reminiscing about her memories of my babyhood. It would just soften and crumble the walls that I've built to shut her out. I was an emotional person and I refused to let her take advantage of that.
"Charlotte, give me one more chance."
I hung up.
I had forgotten Tyler was in the car, who had just witnessed my personal roller coaster of emotions. "Sorry you had to see that."
"Who was that?"
I watched as my fingers fiddled with my phone. "My mom."
"Are you mad at her?"
"You could say that."
"What happened? You just seemed to explode..."
"Seventeen years of pent up anger can do that to you." I looked up at him, taking in his concerned, dark blue eyes. It was new. I took a breath. "She abandoned me and my dad when I was really young, too young to even remember her. And now she expects me to welcome her with open arms."
"And you don't want that?"
"I don't want anything to do with her."
"Maybe there's a reason that she left."
"She didn't want me. That's why she left," I yelled. I felt the tears begin to form. And for once, I didn't try to hold them back. I needed to vent to someone, and if it happened to be Tyler, I was okay with that. "And if she didn't want me then, then why would she want me now?" My voice was cracking. "
"Because she realized that she missed the chance of getting to know a beautiful woman."
"Tyler, she probably didn't want to be weighed down."
"But you don't know for sure?"
"It can be assumed."
"Don't assume things. You're just closing yourself to all the other possibilities out there."
I sighed, feeling slightly warmed by his kind and surprisingly inspirational words. "I just feel like it's too late to start a relationship with her. And I don't know if I can handle her leaving again."
"What makes you think she'll leave again?"
"She left me when I was an adorable baby who could do no wrong, and now...and now I've been corrupted by the world."
He winked. "Not all of it."
"I'm serious, Tyler."
He cleared his throat. "Right, sorry."
"I can't take being rejected by her again. What if I'm not good enough? What if I don't deserve her love?"
"Hey, whoa, calm down. Weren't you just saying that she was the bad guy?"
"She is! But I'm the reason she is! She wouldn't have left my dad if it weren't for me. He could've had happiness."
"He has you. He seems pretty happy."
"But he doesn't have love, not the love that he deserves, anyway. He's a good dad, Tyler."
"I don't doubt that, but your mom's making an effort here. If she didn't care, she wouldn't be trying."
"What if she gets bored and leaves?"
"Trust me. She won't go through all of that work just to leave."
"It's the guilt," I muttered.
"Maybe, but you don't know that for sure. Give her a chance, Char."
"She doesn't deserve another chance."
"You're right. She doesn't. What she did was crappy, but don't you deserve it? Don't you deserve to know what it feels like to have a mother?"
"I don't know..." I trailed, looking at the small, jagged scar on his left cheek. It was fading, but you could still see it if you looked closely enough. I tried to maintain eye contact with him, but he looked incredibly intimidating.
"If you don't do this now, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. At your wedding or something, you're going to wish that you had let her in. If she messes up, at least you'll know that you gave her a chance."
"And if I get hurt?"
He shrugged. "You've done it before. What have you got to lose besides a bit of time? If you don't do this, you'll be losing more than opportunity. Go meet her."
I was about to ask him why he was pushing so fervidly for me to develop a relationship with my mom, but then I remembered he never really got to. He was making sure that history wouldn't repeat itself. He was making sure that I got the chance that he never had. He was making sure that one of us had a happy ending with our mothers.
I nodded, a smile crossing my face. "Okay."
He looked at me expectantly and gestured to my phone.
"What? You want me to do it now?"
"Why not?"
His argument was simple, but I couldn't come up with an excuse not to. I was scared, but I'm pretty sure Tyler wouldn't take that as an appropriate response. So I called her back. My hands were shaking the entire time.
"Hello? Charlotte?"
"It's me."
"What...how can I help you?"
"One more."
"One more? Stop talking in cryptic code and tell me in coherent English."
"You get one chance."
Her voice softened. "Really? You'll give me another chance? What changed? You know what, it doesn't matter. I won't let you down."
"Uh...I'll call you later..."
"Alright," she chirped. "Have a nice day."
I hung up, blindly putting my phone back into its home in my pocket. I looked over at Tyler, whose eyes had a certainly warm glow to it. They were a lighter shade of blue than usual. They were dancing. His small smile mirrored mine. "See? That wasn't so hard, now was it?"
"Thanks, Tyler."
"And people call me a bad boy."
"Can you blame them?"
"I'm not complaining. I like it when people are scared of me, but they shouldn't judge so quickly."
"You're a little late to discover that it's high school: land of the judgers."
"Well...they should stop it."
I tilted my head towards the side and looked up at him. "You're completely different than who I thought you were."
"What can I say? I'm unpredictable."
I realized that our previous conversations consisted of him either being a complete jerk to me or being a sensitive softie. It was like there were two sides to him, but this...what we were doing right now was different. It was almost the perfect balance: playful, yet somewhat serious at the same time. Tyler was right. He was unpredictable. And I guess that's what drew me to him.
He sighed and looked over at me, "Well do I have to do everything or do you have an idea of where we're going?"
I laughed and stuck my tongue out at him, "Look who has his panties in a twist now! I thought we were having a moment here."
"Moments are boring. We should be living."
Our eyes had an intense connection and suddenly I realized where we were going to go.
"Okay, move, tough guy! I'm driving." I slid over and opened the door, shoving him out onto the concrete all in one swift movement.
"Fu—" I interrupted him and gave him a look, "—dge stick? What was that for?"
I just simply shrugged my shoulders, "My legs didn't want to walk."
He mumbled a bunch of curses under his breath and slowly got up. I watched him as he walked to the other side of the car and gently sat in the passenger seat.
I gave him a wink and pressed on the gas. "Hold on tight, bad boy. You're about to live on the real dangerous side."
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