Chapter Fifteen
Mya Anderson
Malibu, California - A Few Weeks Later
"Mariaaaaah!" I screamed as I rushed up to my sister to give her a big hug. "And baby, hi Emery." Picking up my heavy baby boy, I planted a million kisses on his face. Oh my goodness, I miss my kids. "Follow me."
We headed outside and went over to the pool.
"No lie Mya, I'm so ready for you to come home. I never realized how badly I don't have a life until now."
Laughing, I sat down in one of the pool chairs. "Yeah, being here everyday is starting to take a toll on me, I can't lie."
"You gave five weeks left. It'll fly by. Can I throw you a welcome home party?"
"Absolutely not."
"Why? This is a big accomplishment?"
"I'm just not sure if I'm up for that, I'll let you know."
"Well what about that divorce party you wanted so badly? We can put something together. Invite a bunch of fine single men."
I left out a fake laugh. "Oh yeah."
Mariah's eyes squinted. "What was that about?"
"What are you talking about?"
She copied my laugh. "That...what was that?"
"Nothing Riah. We can have the divorce party."
"Mya, don't do that. You know you can bullshit everybody else but I know you like the back of my damn hand. What was that fake laugh all about? What are you not telling me?"
"Why can't you just believe me when I say it's nothing?"
"Because I know you're a horrible liar."
Rolling my eyes, I turned my focus off her and pulled Emery in closer. "Mommy missed you!"
"Mya!" Mariah called.
"What?"
"So you're not going to talk to me?"
"I'm just not trying to hear I told you so." I looked up at her then over at the pool.
"What? Why would I— Chris."
"Yeah."
"Are you guys talking about getting back together? What's the problem?"
"He's been a here...a lot."
"Y'all fucking?"
"Yes." I felt so ashamed. When I decided to go forward with the divorce I was supposed to be completely finished. The only thing we were supposed to focus on was our kids. All it took was him coming to see me, making me laugh and smile and I was right under his spell again. I hate how weak I get when it comes to him. "I fucked up Mariah."
"You know what....I'm going to keep my mouth closed."
"Thanks!"
"No fuck that, I said I was going to start holding your ass accountable so I'm doing that now. Mya, you know and I know and everybody else knows you did not want that divorce. You can keep trying to convince yourself that this list was such an eye opener but honestly it was all a bunch of bullshit. Why are you really trying to sit up here and act like this marriage was awful?! If you and Chris were dealing with some bullshit it was because outsiders were fucking with y'all. First Kayla, then Brian, then Tim and y'all, mainly you let it put a strain on your marriage. He cheated when y'all first got together, but he fixed what needed to be fixed. Y'all had only been together three damn months anyway and every other day, y'all were breaking up. I hope and pray you're not using any of that bull shit that happened when you first got to LA as an excuse. What was the worst thing? He hid Ammika? Now I'm not telling you to overlook anything with Nia. You had every right to be angry at him about that, but Mya...there's was no way you should be divorced right now."
"Where was this energy when he wanted to legally separate and take my fucking kids away?"
"He was wrong, reacting without thinking, just like you do! But Mya let's look at the logistics here. You knew that his daughter had gotten raped and brutalized and you said nothing because her mom begged you not to and look what that bitch turned around and did?! If Landon was hurt badly and Chris kept away from you, oh Mya you know it would be world war 3. But once you talked to him, he realized that he was overreacting and called everything off."
Shaking my head, I looked away from her. She's not about to convince me that I made the wrong decision. "We're not meant for each other. I hear every thing you're saying Riah but at the end of the day you're just on the outside looking in."
"Girl bye! I was basically the third wheel in your relationship. Everything you went through, I was there. From the beginning to the end. I'll know how done you are with Chris when he pops up with a new girlfriend. If you let him and that girl live, I'll let it go. But if I see any anger come from you, I'll gladly tell you again that you shouldn't have gotten a divorce."
"Chris can have a million girlfriends, I could careless."
Mariah just started laughed because she knew that was some bullshit just as much as I did.
•••
Mariah and Emery hung around for few hours, then I had a scheduled therapy session. The past few weeks had my mind jumbled. I'm on the fence about Chris and I know I shouldn't let these 'moments' that we have cause me to have any second thoughts. And these moments were more than just sex...we talked, we laughed, we enjoyed each others company.
If we were to ever get back together, I want it to be literally a fresh start we didn't really date each other the first time around. His last visit here, we talked about a lot of things. Mainly if our relationship was rushed and we both agreed that it was. I asked Chris why he felt like he was ready to propose and he said that he's not completely sure if he was ready, he just thought that marriage would strengthen our relationship. Everything was going good for us, we just had the baby, did that eye opening therapy session. He just wanted to keep the good times rolling.
One thing he made sure I knew was that he doesn't regret proposing.
Then Chris asked if I was ready to get married. I said no with no hesitation. I had way too much to work on personally, so much that I still felt like we didn't know about each other. I was so caught up in the moment, I said yes.
But just like him, I don't regret saying yes, or marrying him.
Walking in Dr. Yusef's office, I took a seat on the couch. I used to think that Dr. Thompson was the best psychiatrist but this lady can pull anything out of me without even trying. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a damn trance.
A few minutes later, she came walking in. The first thing I noticed about her was her hair and it's how we bonded. She shared her hair secrets with me and now my curls are flourishing. I can't wait to try it on Jade.
"Hey Mya."
"Hi Dr. Yusef."
"How we feeling today?"
"Um....good."
"Oop, you hesitated, you're not confident in your feelings." She grabbed her notes for me then sat in her chair. "Did I miss something? I've heard about Chris's frequent visits. So I'm going to ask again. How are you feeling? If you need to take a breath to feel everything, do that."
"I'm conflicted."
"About?"
"My divorce."
"Mmhm...what about your divorce has you feeling conflicted?"
"I'm on the fence about it. When I went ahead with it, I was thirty days into my program here and I felt like I was able to go ahead and make that decision. But I wasn't. I was just starting to really open up to you at that time and I was angry about everything that happened still."
"So you're no longer angry?"
"No....I don't think so."
"Mya, I think you're letting a few good moments with Chris cloud your judgement. Before he came to visit you were absolutely sure that you two not being together was the best thing for you mentally."
"Yeah."
"So are you letting a temporary feeling alter your mind? What happens when you two aren't on good terms?"
"I don't know."
"When you brought the divorce up to me at the beginning I offered for you to try marital counseling. You said that you've done it before and it didn't work. I knew back then that you didn't want this divorce but you were very sure Mya."
"I know."
"I'm only repeating this to you because we've also talked about how you react on impulse not to sway you away from whatever you want with Chris. You have to work on getting your mind and your heart on the same page. What does your mind tell you about Chris?"
"That maybe I wasn't thinking things through when it came to our divorce."
"And your heart."
"That I love him."
Dr. Yusef sat back and wrote in her notebook. "Are you willing to do a session with Chris?"
"Um."
"You don't have to say yes."
"I don't know."
"Why?"
"I'm scared."
"Of?"
"I'm scared that a session will bring up old pain and it'll end this moment that I'm living in."
"Marriage is not easy and it's not always gentle even though that's what we think it should be. Now in no way am I excusing your pain, let me say that. But I do believe that you envisioned it all to be smooth sailing. I remember when my husband and I got into this horrible argument when we first got married. We were arguing a lot then...big ones and small. I ran to my parents, screaming and crying how I was just done and couldn't take it anymore and I complained to them that it was too much and I didn't think I could do this and that marriage is supposed to be easy. My parents looked at each other and laughed. My mom went on to tell me about the rollercoaster her and my dad had been on for years. Then my dad said, marriage is like the ocean, when it's still and calm and blue it's the most beautiful thing in the world, but it can get dark, those waves come in and they're wild but when those moments happen, just close your eyes and remember the stillness and the calmness. It'll help you see the light at the end of the tunnel."
Immediately, tears poured down my face. I thought about my dad and what he told me and Chris when they first met.
"I just don't know what to do Dr. Yusef."
"You'll figure it out Mya. We have some time together left and I'm willing to help you get it figured out. Don't beat yourself up over it. The best thing is that you're admitting that you're unsure and we're going to get those answers that you want, okay?"
"Okay."
Chris Brown
The Next Day
Walking inside of the facility, I headed up to the front desk. I've been visiting Mya frequently. I tried to make the first time the only time but the moment I saw her, I knew I'd be here all the time.
"Back again." The receptionist said with the same flirty smile. She tried every time I came here.
"Yup, can you let Mya know that I'm here."
"Sure." She turned away and I focused on anything else but her. I've learned my lesson with giving a woman too much attention. "Sorry, she's not up for visitors."
My eye brows furrowed. "Really? I just talked to her earlier."
"Well something must've happened because she told me to tell you that she doesn't want visitors."
"Mm....alright then. Have a good one."
"You too." Once again the flirty smile was back.
Leaving out, I got back in my car and headed back to LA. I wonder where the change of heart came from. I just talked to
Mya and she was perfectly fine. I hope nothing crazy going on or somebody lying on me. My visits up here got me feeling hopeful. I think when she gets home everything should be good between us. We talked about all the things we missed out on when we first got together and I promised if I got another chance, I'd get it right.
But just having her in my life, together or not as long as I'm in her good graces I'll be satisfied.
Once I finally got home, I picked up the kids, we grabbed some food then headed to the house. I got them all squared away and everything then went to watch TV in the family room.
"Dad can we talk? Man to man." Landon said making my eyes squint.
"Man to ma— sure Landon, what's up?"
"Why is mom away?"
"She wanted to get better Bam, I told you that."
"Is she on drugs?"
My eyes grew bigger than they ever have. "What?!"
"I saw this today. I have google alerts on you and mama." He handed me his phone.
"You need to give Google a break, for real." I looked down at his phone and it was an Instagram post from The Neighborhood Talk
It was a picture of Mya and she looked distraught, like she just got done crying or something
This was the most disgusting thing ever.
Before I could say anything, Landon's phone rung and it was Mya. They give her an iPad to use when she wants to FaceTime us. I quickly answered, expecting to see her upset but she was perfectly fine.
"I thought you were coming to see me today." Mya said while poking out her bottom lip.
"Ba— Mya, I was there. I thought the receptionist called you. She told me you said you didn't want any visitors."
"What? She never talked to me!"
"Oh my goodness." I rubbed my forehead and now I'm pretty sure, she leaked the pictures. "Well I got some bad news."
"What?" Mya's eyebrows furrowed.
"A picture of you crying was leaked to the blogs and I'm almost sure the receptionist is responsible."
"Are you serious?!"
"Yes but relax ima handle it."
"Why the fuck would she do that to me though?! I've never spoken to that woman since I've been here."
Groaning I laid back into the couch. "It's because of me."
"You?"
"Yeah, she flirts with me every time I'm there but I never pay her any attention. I guess this time was the last straw. Im sorry Mya."
She didn't say anything, but I could tell she was mad.
"Can I talk to the kids?"
I handed Landon the phone then got up.
Swear it always something.
Okay God, I see the signs. No matter how much it's going to hurt...I'll let her be.