Hey y'all! Sorry for the month delay, I moved and it has been hectic. Anyways, as always hope you enjoy! Also comment boy baby names if you have any requests ;).
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Just a few days ago being in a dark room would have brought me relaxation, and sleep almost instantly. Now, dark rooms are where my thoughts are allowed to fester, and replay every single scene of that horrid day in my head.
I continue to let a waterfall of tears run down my face as I shift in bed on my right side, trying not to scream out in pain. This late in pregnancy it felt like it was impossible to breathe laying on my back, and since there were cracked ribs on my left side, the right side was my only option. I took deep breaths, willing the urge to sob to subside. The last thing I needed was to give Colton another reason to worry.
I was discharged from the hospital three days ago after giving my initial statement to the police, and spending another night for observation. Luckily the change in pain management improved my vitals, and all the markers for pre eclampsia came back negative.
Colton took me home to our new house, and walking inside almost took my breath away, and not just from the broken ribs. His mom, dad, Cally, Alex, Andy, and my brother Roman had all worked to unpack the house and make sure it was ready for when I came home. Everything was gorgeous, and I fell in love with every decoration and piece of furniture they had chosen.
Since arriving home those three days ago I had barely left the bedroom. Being curled up in a cool dark room helped with the symptoms of my concussion, and also helped me hide the constant flow of tears and cries of pain from Colton, for the most part.
Every move the baby made sent jolts of pain so strong it made me want to throw up. The pain medicine they sent home with me did a good job of taking the edge off the overall pain, but there wasn't really anything that could be done for fetus feet and fists pain.
It didn't really matter that the pain kept me from sleeping, seeing as every time I slept I relived that day with Michael all over again. Although in my dreams, sometimes Michael killed Colton, even though he wasn't there.
I could tell Colton was extremely worried, and I tried to assure him I was going to be okay, but it was hard to convince him when I didn't even know if I believed it myself. I could faintly hear him talking to Liz this morning about me, but I couldn't make out what was said.
I'm 30 weeks today, and set to have weekly checkups for the rest of my pregnancy starting today. Colton made arrangements for Liz to come to the house, and have access to everything she needs because the thought of leaving the house right now sends me into a spiral.
Two detectives are also supposed to come by the house today for my final statement to close out the case. Even though Michael is dead, they still have to close it. Colton tried to see if I could get out of it, but there was no way around it, especially since this case became so high profile. Who knew holding a bunch of doctors and a medical student hostage would be national news.
Knowing Liz would be here soon, I took a deep breath before fully rolling onto my right side and out of bed. I stayed hunched for a few moments after standing, attempting to catch my breath before moving to the bathroom. Colton was probably going to have my head for showering by myself, but I needed to manage this myself, and I felt ten times better today than I had yesterday.
When I reached the bathroom, I delayed turning on the water knowing that it would alert Colton, and instead strip out of my clothes and stare at myself in the mirror. The swelling in my face had gone down considerably, but it still looked as though someone threw black, blue, and purple paint on my face. The gash on my head didn't look as angry either. Moving my eyes down my body, I tried not to cringe at the bruises covering my ribs. Miraculously, the bruises didn't touch where our baby boy sat. I would do it all over again, giving Michael my ribs and backs as targets, just to protect him. Turning around, my back was more of the same story, but I could actually make out the outline of Michael's shoe in one of the bruises. Sighing, I pulled my curly blonde mange free from the knot on top of my head, and started the water. I made sure I left the door unlocked before hopping in, thankful the water had heated up quickly.
I took a deep breath, resting my head against the tile wall as I let the steam envelop me, and the warm water cascade down my back. Just as I had anticipated, I could hear Colton running up the stairs and into the room, before busting into the bathroom.
"Faye!"
I sighed again, not even bothering to lift my head from the tile.
"Faye god dammit can you just ask me for help!" Colton snapped
I slowly stood, turning to look at him through the clear glass of our shower, not caring I was fully exposed.
When I turned his eyes softened, and I watched him fully take in the bruising covering my body. He had seen it before, but I think every time he does it's a reminder of how he wasn't there to protect me, even though there isn't a single scenario where he could have done anything.
"I can't do this anymore Colton," I say choking out a sob. "I can't stand to be coddled, and hovered over, and looked at like I might break in half!"
He swallows, and I can see the tears fall from his bloodshot eyes. I knew I was being selfish, but in this moment I didn't care.
"Everyone looks at me like I'm one second away from snapping, and I can't stand it, but when you look at me like that, it fully breaks my heart!" I cry out, letting the mist from the shower mix with my tears. "I know you're worried, and I know you love me, but please stop looking at me like that, I can't take it."
Colton swallows again, wiping the tears from his cheeks before taking a deep breath.
"I don't mean to Faye, I really don't, but you don't think I see you trying to hide how much you're hurting, emotionally and physically, but I do. I see it and I can't do anything about it because you won't let me in."
"BECAUSE ITS NOT YOUR BURDEN TO BARE!" I yell, collapsing against the shower wall from pain and exhaustion. Leaning against it, my back to Colton, I finally release the raw pain that had been clawing at my chest since Michael had been shot.
My knees wobble, and I force them to straighten as I gasp for breath. The scream that rips through my chest doesn't sound real. It's not one of physical pain, but of emotional. I'm so lost that I don't even hear the shower door open. Colton steps in and carefully wraps his strong arms around me, pulling me into his chest.
I finally let me knees give out when I know he's got me, and continue to sob. The emotional pain hurts so bad that I don't even notice if my ribs scream as I do. Colton continues to hold me against him as I cry into is chest.
After a few minutes, I have nothing left to give, and I allow myself to fully slump against Colton's bare chest. He runs his hands through my tangled soaked hair, and soon my sobs turn into deep breaths.
Colton pulls me back from his chest, and looks into my eyes and I look up at his. For the first time I notice the bags under his eyes, and the lines from exhaustion.
"I'm sorry." I choke out.
Colton shushes me, gently running his hands down my back. "There's nothing to be sorry for Faye, you lived a hell I can't even imagine. I know its not my burden to bare, but I want to because I love you.
I whimper, holding back more sobs. I don't think my body can take any more.
After a few more minutes, Colton reaches for the shampoo and slowly begins to wash my hair, careful of the gashes and bruising.
I thank god, because I don't think I could lift my arms without passing out at this point.
Colton goes through my full shower routine for me, and even though we're both in the nude, there's nothing sexual about it. We don't speak for the rest of the shower, and I'm thankful.
Colton helps me out of the shower, and wraps me in a towel before wrapping himself in one. He gently leads me back to the bed, and I sit on my side and lay back against the pillows. Closing my gritty eyes, I rest the back of my head against the headboard. I hear Colton head into our walk-in closet, and when he returns I open my eyes to see he slipped on a pair of black boxers.
"Liz will be here in an hour, and then after your appointment you'll have an hour gap before the police want to do their final interview."
I nod, and send him a soft smile. He sends a full one back before dropping to his knees at my side and moving my towel to expose my belly.
My heart flutters as he presses a kiss just below my belly button.
"Hi baby boy, I'm so glad you're okay. You're already so brave and strong. I know this last week has been a lot, but I promise I will spend the rest of my life protecting you and mommy."
Just when I thought I was out of tears, Colton somehow found a way to bring them right back.
"I love you both so much. Nothing could ever keep me from the two of you."