Kaden's POV
"Kaden I'm talking to you." Divya waved her hand in front of my face.
"What!" I took off my headphones.
Divya narrowed her, she put the two skirts she had on her hands down and crossed her arms. "What's up with you? Your head has been on the clouds lately. What did you do?" She asked accusingly.
"Nothing," I rolled my eyes.
I wasn't about to tell her that I was hooking up with Jessie and I can't get her out of my head, also I haven't heard from her in days and it might or not be driving me crazy.
"You never told me what happened in your trip to the States." She launched herself on the couch besides me.
"Not much, I slept with a friend of Morgan's. I liked her but it lead to nothing since I'm in another country, but we still text each other." I shrugged. That was the most simplified explanation of the trip I could give her.
"So nothing new for you."
"No Divya, nothing new for me."
"That's still not it... you are too melancholic so I know it's not a boy, I remember you used to make them melancholic in college, not the other way around. Girls on the other hand... they're your soft spot. So who is it? The friend of Morgan's that you slept with?" Divya poked my side to try and get an answer out of me.
"No it's not Elizabeth."
"Oh so she has a name." Divya accommodated herself on the couch to gossip. "Tell me about her."
"What can I tell you? She's British and Lebanese, she's in her early 30's I'm not quite sure of her age though, she's also the CEO of the company Morgan used to work for... she used to sleep with Morgan." At that part Divya's eyes went wide.
"Do you share your fucks with Morgan?"
"What?! No! I would never sleep with Hayley." I shuddered at the thought of it, I might have joked about a threesome at the cabin, but I would never go through with it. I wouldn't even sleep with Morgan again let alone.
Divya put her hands up in surrender, "I'm just asking! You two are a weird duo."
"Not that weird and so is Jason." I mumbled.
"Okay so if it's not that rich woman then who is it?" Divya insisted, but I was not about to tell her.
"No one, I'm not melancholic about anyone. I'm just thinking about life and stuff going on in it." I explained. Divya however wasn't buying anything coming out of my mouth.
She stood up from the couch and looked at me suspiciously, as if trying to figure me out and I have to admit—I was scared that would in fact figure out who it was that I was thinking about. Divya is not stupid and —unlike Morgan— she is not oblivious.
"I'll let you come and tell me whatever it is that has you on a mood. I'm always here for you Kade."
"I know you are, but it's nothing Dyv."
She hummed not believing me still, "Are you coming to the clubs with me and the girls tonight or you are too depressed for that?"
"I'll pass on that, thanks for the invite though." I grabbed the tv controller and turned it on.
"Fine lazy out all night," she showed me the two skirts again. "Which?"
"The shortest one, show off that great ass of yours." I grinned at her scoff.
"Your corny pull doesn't work on me Kaden." Divya turned around and began to walk to her room.
"You hurt my ego!"
"Good, it needed to be!" Divya slammed the door of her room shut and left in the living alone to dwell in my thoughts once again.
I sighed and went to the kitchen — if I wanted to end up the night a sane person, because her thoughts were driving her insane.
—
"I'm going to ask you one last time before I go. Do you want to come over to the club with us?" Divya stood in front of me—already dressed up to go partying, in the skirt I had chosen for her as well.
"No." I turned my sight back to the tv and drank from my can of beer.
"I tried." Divya made her way to the apartment's door. "Try not to drink all the beers in the fridge."
"I'll try," I turned on the couch to look at her. "You ass does looks great in that skirt Dyv!"
"I really hope you are not the only telling me that tonight. Bye Kaden."
"Be safe!" I watched her wave at me and close the door.
I let the emptiness in the apartment sink in before pressing play on my movie again. At least the beer and television were working good enough to keep me distracted from grabbing my phone and texting Jessie.
I've tried reaching out to her for days and she never picks up.
So I'm done texting her.
I don't have to be begging for anyone's attention. Less of all a married woman! I could have anyone I want that's not married.
I glanced at my phone on the coffee table, the screen face down to the table.
Oh fuck me.
I grabbed it and got into Jessie's chat—embarrassing filling me by seeing all the unanswered messages I had sent her. Although all marked as seen so she does open them and reads them. She's just the most stubborn and hard headed woman I've ever met.
Jessie
I know you read my messages Jessie.
Please I'm going insane here.
It should be obvious since I just
admitted that to you.
Come over please, Jess.
I shouldn't have acted like that at your house the other day, I was an asshole.
I don't want to do this over the phone, please come over. Divya is out so don't worry about that.
I'll be waiting for you.
I'm being pathetic.
I threw my phone somewhere on the other couch and pressed play on another movie. She's probably reading all that and laughing to herself at how desperate I sounded. I slept with someone else despite our agreement of not doing it and I didn't care the moment I did it.
But I fucking do now. All it took was seeing her to realize how badly I truly cared. I hate it, I hate that Jessie has an effect on me.
She shouldn't.
As minimal as it is, it seems to be enough to have me begging on texts. If I knew where she currently lives I would have appeared on her step door... that's probably the reason I still don't know where she lives though.
I should order food, maybe that will help me keep myself busy and when I eat I can just go to sleep. But first... whatever I just pressed play on.
After the movie was done I didn't have a chance to go grab my phone as my peace was disrupted by knocking on the front door. I felt my heart skip a beat before I rushed to it.
Opening it I was met by the sight of Jessie. She came. My mouth opened and closed before I snapped out of it and moved to the side—wordlessly letting her in to the apartment. She was dressed in casual clothes, contrary to the last time she was here — she looked just as beautiful regardless.
"You were occupied." Jessie commented eying the three empty cans of beer in the coffee table.
"Slow night." I said as I went to pick them up and throw them away.
I watched as Jessie sat herself on the couch from where I was on the kitchen. I swallowed and went back to where she was—standing in front of her before I decided on sitting besides her. "You came," I said.
"You were adamant on wanting to talk... so go ahead, talk." Jessie's face was unreadable just like it was that day at the house.
"I shouldn't have acted like an idiot the other day at the house." I started out.
"A cretin more like." She corrected me.
I sighed, "Yeah whatever a cretin."
Jessie gave me a look at the attitude on my voice, making me sigh again. I can't do anything right can I?
"It was wrong, I keep screwing up with you. I never take you into consideration when I act. And yes, maybe I didn't care at first but—"
"But what? You care now?" Jessie scoffed.
"I do. You know? This is not only complicated for you. You— you mess with my head! I don't know what to think, I don't know what to feel — no one has ever messed with me to the point that I don't know anything regarding what I want. You frustrate me Jessica, because I kept telling myself that this is a bad idea, that you are married and I'm going to get hurt, so I have to leave before I do... despite how much I tell myself that you could never hurt me because I wouldn't get to the point that you would be able to do that to me." I put my face on my hands and groan.
"I've turned to other people to fuck and I just end up feeling guilty. How does that make sense?!" She didn't say anything—she just watched me lose my mind as words poured out of me. "And when I saw you with your... husband and how he treated I lost it. I wasn't jealous I was just—"
"You were jealous," Jessie finally said something. "You were jealous and acting out — you were an asshole because you were jealous Kaden. And because of it you got possessive to the point you wanted to show him all the places in the house you had fucked me in. Was that not jealousy?"
"Maybe." I wasn't going to say yes I was fucking jealous. "But don't act like you weren't jealous I slept with someone else." I turned the spotlight to her.
"I wasn't jealous, I was hurt." Jessie admitted—her unbothered act finally falling. The hurt she was talking about now present.
"This is getting out of our hands Jessie." I said lowly—as if there was someone else in the apartment when in reality it was just the two of us.
"I know."
We were both leaning close to each other maybe unconsciously—maybe not. I didn't care about that when our lips met again. Unlike the kiss we had last shared at her house this wasn't full of rage, it was different from all the other's we've shared —they were always full of lust, but this... this was different. It was like we were testing uncharted waters.
It was delicate and soft, the most we've been with each other.
I stood up when we broke the kiss and grabbed her hand—Jessie just looked at me as she followed me without any complaints. I guided her to my room and locked the door behind us.
"We can't ever talk to each other without ending like this, that's a problem." Jessie said without bothering to pry my hands off her.
"A problem for another day?" I said as I helped her take off her shirt.
Jessie nodded and grabbed the back of my neck and got our lips to meet once more, this time a bit more desperately but still gentle enough. I walked her backwards until the back of her legs met my bed and I helped her lay on it.
I was only on a shorts and shirt so I quickly disposed of them before getting on top of her on the bed and helping get rid of her clothes. Her warm soft bare skin against my own, it felt like two pieces of a puzzle put together.
"I don't want to feel like this." Jessie said as our mouths parted.
"Like what?"
"Like how you make me feel, is conflicting—and way too complicated Kaden."
"I know that Jess, I understand that better than anyone." I can't say I like her... I'm not sure of it and it doesn't matter if I did anyway. Things are complicated enough.
"That'll be a problem for another time... right?" Jessie looked up at me—hesitation and uncertainty on her brown eyes. They were desperately screaming for me to help her, to reassure her.
To not leave her alone in these uncharted waters.
"Right." I nodded and kissed her lips—moving down all the way until I met her glistening sex.
I put her her legs on my shoulders as I pecked the inside of her legs—my tongue then coming in contact with her, lapping and taking everything she had — her moans music to my ears encouraging me on as my tongue and lips tasted all of her. I plunged two fingers inside her as I moved back up to face her—I wanted to see her.
Jessie's hand grabbed a fistful of my hair as I came face to face with her—eyes closed tightly in ecstasy as my fingers worked in and out of her.
"You are so beautiful," I said kissing her cheek and moving to nip on her earlobe and the side of her neck.
"I wasn't just jealous that he was there with you... I was hurt too." I confessed in her ear. I saw her eyes open to meet mine.
"You were?" Jessie managed to say between moans as I increased speed pumping my fingers in and out of her—adding a third.
"I feel... just as much as you do." I reassured her and leaned down to whisper against her lips. "You are not alone."
When a tear slipped out of her I wasn't sure why it was—if it was because she was close to her release of something else.
"Fuck Kaden!" She screamed and gripped my back so we were impossibly closer. I felt her come undone in my fingers and went down on her to take everything she had just done.
We went at it for hours until we got distracted by our own small talk. At some point of the night we even heard Divy drunkenly walk into the apartment.
It was the most we have talked, sex long forgotten as the both of us laid comfortably on my bed.
"Can I ask you something?" I said as I ran my fingers over her arm—her head laid over my chest.
"Go ahead."
"Why did you marry him? You don't seem happy." I finally asked the question that has been nagging me for the longest time.
Jessie tensed for a second before sighed, "It wasn't always like this... we loved each other. I met Patrick in college, we dated through most of it — it was great our relationship was perfect through college and even through our engagement and the start of our marriage. He was the man of my dreams."
"You don't have to go on." I said when she stopped.
"No it's okay, if we are doing... this, you should know our story. It's only fair to keep you out of the dark." Jessie smiled at me softly and I nodded back at her. "Our marriage was more than good at the start, we were happy—I was happy. Then after the first year we wanted to try and have kids."
That caught me off guard.
Jessie had told me she wasn't ready to have children. Did she lie?
"I know what you're thinking Kaden. Just let me keep talking okay? You'll understand why I said what I said to you." She stopped my train of thoughts.
"Fine."
"So we wanted to have children, we tried... after months and many negative test we decided we both should visit the doctor and we did. Patrick went and he wasn't the reason of our failed attempts... I was." Jessie took a shaky breath. "I went to the doctor and explained everything, I had every test done... it turns out that it's very difficult for me to get pregnant."
That's when she broke and the sniffing started.
"Jessie—"
"We tried every method the doctor had told us, every method we could find in the internet or through friends. And it worked— it fucking worked once only for me to go and have a miscarriage not even a month in!" Jessie was now full on sobbing.
"We kept trying after but it was always negative! We grew apart after the miscarriage, even more after the failed attempts. A part of me wanted to be alone... until I realized I was truly alone at some point. Patrick was distant, he never treated me the same... he was not bad, but he wasn't anything at all. He was never home after all that happened, it was like he blamed me. He probably does I see it in him that he does." I hugged her to me as she breathed heavily. "I know the love is not there anymore between us— I know that, but when he proposed the moving I thought maybe... things would change back, but it was just the same—maybe worse given he's even less at home now, barely talks to me, if he does at all."
"Jessie—"
"I don't blame him, who would want to be stuck with this. It's my fault. I'm fucking broken."
At that I sat up with her and cupped her face in my hands. "You are not broken and it certainly is not your fault he is a— a fucking joke of a man. He was not there for but he should have, he shouldn't have allowed for you to feel like you do now. You are so much more than your... inability to carry his children and if he can't see pass that to see that you were hurting... he doesn't deserve you at all."
I kissed her forehead and then her lips, "You are not broken, you are absolutely perfect Jessie."
"I don't feel like it." She cried as I now held her against me.
"I'll help you feel it. I'll never stop remind you how perfect you truly are." I kissed the top of her head.
"I don't want to be alone anymore."
"You are not, I told before and I tell you again now. I'm right here with you." I swallowed hard as I felt my own knot in my chest. "However you want me to be, I'm here."
—
A/N - That was long and eventful... thoughts?