(Even though the third part has tons of fluff this one's pretty angsty. If you want to keep the fluff I suggest just skipping this part)
Ever since that night in the slammer I realized that trying to make him laugh wasn't happening. So for the first time that I can remember I gave up on something. Trying to get him to see me as something more was hopeless.
That's why I just stopped doing anything like that all together. If I'm being honest a huge part of why I did any of those things was to brighten up his day. Apparently, that was never happening.
Instead, I focused on just doing what I was supposed to do. I helped in the gardens until the day was over. That was that. I was done with my antic's and telling my stupid jokes.
I sighed as I dug my shovel into the ground. From a few feet away I heard Newt laugh at something Zart said. I looked at the ground and ignored the single tear that dropped to the dirt.
Newt's P.O.V
I know I should be more than grateful that Y/N hasn't been pulling any stunts lately. I had been pleading for her to follow the rules for so long. Now she was doing just that. No scaring people, teasing the Glader's, or even joking around with them.
That's what I wanted though, right? Then, why does it feel so wrong to see her acting that way?
I gave a fake laugh to something Zart said before my eyes subconsciously darted to Y/N. She was digging her shovel into the ground like it insulted her family.
From the distance I saw a small tear drop down her cheek. She didn't bother to wipe it as she kept at her work.
Ever since she's been here she's never shed a single tear. Even when she came up in the box she casually introduced herself as 'the nameless' like everything was normal with a wide grin on her face. We assumed it would kick in at night, but no. She just danced around the fire. Somehow, she got Alby to join. Eventually, it was everyone. Even Gally had a good time.
I couldn't help but smile at the memory. That was probably my favorite Greenie celebration. Seeing her face light up as she spun Minho around. Almost everyone had a turn with that including me.
Now that I'm really thinking about it has she really been as bad as we've thought? There was only one time someone got hurt by something she did. Gally accidentally punched her when she scared him. You could tell he felt bad when he saw her nose bleeding.
So you can't imagine the surprise when she just patted him in the shoulder and said he has an awesome left hook. Her setting the kitchen on fire doesn't seem like something she would ever actually do. Maybe she'd fake it just to freak a few people out, but she's careful with everything here. She's never broken anything.
I was so busy thinking about everything I didn't realize she had walked over until she tapped my shoulder
"Alby said he wants to see you,"She mumbled, already walking away.
"Thanks Y/N,"I called. She didn't say anything as she got back to planting the vegetables.
I went to see what Alby wanted as I debated whether or not I should check on her. I still couldn't figure it out when I got to him.
"Hey Alby,"I greeted.
"Newt, I need you to keep an eye on Y/N. She's acting strange. Well, strange for her."
I nodded in agreement. I guess I got my indirect answer. If Alby sees it too then I need to ask what's been going on with her lately.
♡ Time Skip♡
I kept waiting for her to show up at dinner. To my surprise she was nowhere to be seen. Even when it was over she hadn't shown up. Where had she gone?
Your P.O.V
I kept walking through the Deadheads. A long while ago I had little by little been sending down requests for specific supplies to the Creators. Eventually, I was able to build a small treehouse. It was concealed so nobody else knew about it. I even requested a bunch of sharpie's. I was surprised that the Creators sent up a bunch of different colored one's.
Now my little wooden space is covered in doodles. Flowers, animals, stars, planets, little quotes, daydreams, and a lot more surrounded me. It gave me a sense of safety I couldn't get anywhere else.
Now it has a more bittersweet feeling. I still love it, but I couldn't help but imagine what it'd be like to share it with someone else. So I'm staring up at the ceiling filled with ambitions and hopes.
Keep my head up
Make others laugh
Stay positive
Enjoy the little things
Remember something
Eventually, they grew less optimistic. Nobody knows about those though.
Escape
Find my family
Don't cry so much
Keep the sadness a secret
Stop being to much
The once happy place seemed surrounded by darkness. It had been that way for months now. I just didn't know what else to do with what I'm feeling. I haven't felt happy in so long.
What hurts is that nobody ever notices. They don't see the way my smile hasn't reached my eyes for so long. They don't see that my laugh is always empty. They don't notice I stopped doing those things at all.
They don't notice me, and when they did it was because I was doing something to make them smile. Now that I can't find it in me to do that what do I mean to this place? Where do I belong?
That's right. Nowhere. All I've been good for was getting a laugh out of people.
More tears fell until I was completely sobbing. I covered my face with my hands and wiped them away. It didn't seem to matter because more would just spill.
With a heavy heart I listened to the doors start to close. I took several deep breaths and relaxed my face. Once I was done I headed to get some sleep. I may as well be happy in my dreams.
Newt's P.O.V
After dinner I went looking for her. She hadn't been in her hut or the Med-hut. The only place I could think of was the Deadheads.
I kept searching as the pit in my stomach grew. Where was she?
Suddenly, I heard something. I froze and realized it was quiet crying. It eventually turned to sniffling. Without thinking I hid behind a tree and looked in that direction. There was nobody there.
Then, there was. Someone pushed tree branches back and climbed down. To be more specific it was Y/N.
I risked looking at her again. She didn't look like she had been crying, but I heard it.
She started walking, and I crouched low as I held my breath. I don't know why I don't want her to see me.
Thankfully, she walked past without noticing. Once she was completely out of sight I looked at where she had come from. That's when I noticed that the area there looked different. I carefully climbed up the tree until I came to a treehouse. Had she built this?
I cautiously ducked my head and stepped inside.
That's when it seemed to all stand out. Beautiful drawings decorated the walls. I looked every which way as I admired it. It was all so bright and colorful.
Then, it wasn't. I looked at the ceiling. There were tons of faded positive words. Unfortunately, there were so many fresh negative ones. My eyes scanned them.
Escape
Find my family
Don't cry so much
Keep the sadness a secret
Stop being to much
Actually be good at something
Be noticed for something
Don't be so irritating
Stop being such a trouble maker
There were so many more that I don't even want to say out loud. How hadn't I realized she felt this way?
A pang of hurt hit my chest as I thought about my words to her.
"Most people have common sense."
"You are so bloody insufferable."
"You're the worst."
"You are such a trouble maker."
This is bad. How do you convince someone they're everything you said they weren't?
How do you make up for ignoring their signs of pain?
How do you make up for years of calling them their insecurity?