Loki quickly became a nuisance to every member of the Avengers except me. Not for lack of trying, to be clear, Loki was quite incessant in his pestering. I just happened to be an expert at turning pranks against their makers, of which he had very little experience dealing with. I couldn't imagine Thor ever being aware enough to simply not fall into the trap, let alone to turn it against the original prankster. Hence, Loki had no experience in counter-counterpranking, or even avoiding the counterprank. I decided to be considerate to myself and not start a full scale prank war with the god of mischief but any time he set up a prank intended for me to walk into, I found it and turned it on him. He had been pied in the face, his hair briefly dyed magic-resistant purple, had feathers super-glued on his wonderful ass, and his helmet now sported a permanent red nose—that one was curtesy of Tony. Eventually, after only about three days really, he came crawling to me for a truce and I made us each a coffee while he begged me to spare him the counter pranks.
I, of course, quite enjoyed having a god beg me for mercy. After all, he'd fallen right into my plan. I could be impulsive at times but my brain was also its own kind of supercomputer. It also helped that Loki's personality was exactly the same here as it was in my universe, so it made him far easier to read and deal with than some of his other variants, some of which I'd met.
"If you want my forgiveness and mercy then I have a demand. Let's call it a deal, so to speak."
He gulped, nervous, "what is it?" Gods making deals was a serious thing, binding both parties until the contract is dissolved by the invoker. In this case, me. It was very rare for mortals to be the invoker in a contract with a god but whoever was the invoker had the power in the contract so long as the conditions were fulfilled by the contractee. Some were very simple exchanges, such as Odin giving up an eye for knowledge and power, while others were more complex, such as a master servant contract which could be limited or not based entirely on the agreed upon terms of the invoker and the contractee. Loki was my contractee, which did not happen often for a god, so he had every right to be nervous, even if it was over something as silly as a prank truce.
Naturally, I couldn't make him be my servant over something so small or else he wouldn't agree to the contract—I couldn't imagine Loki as a servant anyway—but I had more or less planned for this outcome. He was probably expecting something epic, but I smiled at him knowingly and figuratively pounced. "I want you to transfigure yourself into a cat whenever Fury, you, and myself are in the same room, hop on my lap, and make a scratching motion towards him." He looked at me as if I'd gone mad, and that coming from the god of mischief, who was apparently pretty insane for a while, was saying something.
"I am literally a god, I could get you magical artifacts to extend your life, or war trophies from famous mythical creatures, or even command an army to take over a planet." I raised an eyebrow at that last one, it hadn't gone over so well the first time so why would he want to try for a second. "Why would you want such a random and lowly thing from a literal god?"
I shrugged nonchalantly, smile on my lips, "that's for me to know and for you to wonder at eternally . . . and I like cats." Knowing I would need something that interested him to draw him in, I added, "But if you can guess the reason behind it, I'll tell you everything, and yes, I'll add that to the deal." Well, apparently what they say about cats and curiosity in this world did have some sort of merit.
Before he had the chance to think better of it, he said, "deal." There was a flash of light, signifying the bargain was struck. I heard a couple crows cawing outside, apparently Odin was watching and taking careful note of this deal. But I didn't care, this officially meant that I could terrify Fury with—I mean introduce Loki to Fury as a cat and drop a couple more hints. This was but the first step in making Loki my cat by choice. And who knows, maybe if I dropped enough hints they would go easier on me when I was eventually revealed.
How that would come to pass? I had no idea. I wasn't a witch, I couldn't see the future, and dimensional magic was very particular about time, best not to mess with it. I would have to make do with hazarding a guess. Best case scenario is coming out to them over team dinner—apparently that's a once a week thing, nonnegotiable—and nobody bats an eyelash because they're not surprised. Worst case scenario is me being forcefully revealed for some reason or another while wildly unprepared for it, and the Avengers turn against me. My best bet was probably somewhere in the middle of the road, whether that meant preparedness, willingness, or their reactions. I would be totally okay with a passing grade on this one, just as long as I didn't fail the class.
That being said, not long after Loki and I had struck our deal, Fury made an unexpected surprise visit. The perfect opportunity to try this new schtick out. I sat in one of the plush chairs and called in a soft croon, "Lokitty, where's my Lokitty?"
After a derisive snort, a little black cat with bright green eyes came streaking in, leapt onto my lap, hissing up a storm and clawing in Fury's direction like he wanted to scratch the man's other eye out. Well, Lokitty certainly put up a show when he wanted to go all in. Fury backed up a couple paces, a wary look in his eye as he sized up my Lokitty. "What is that?"
"This is Lokitty, he's my new cat, I found him wandering around in the archives." Lokitty turned to give me a questioning look, at least, the best he could in cat form.
Fury seemed to come to some sort of realization, "that's not a cat."
"What are you talking about? Of course he's a cat, it's not like he has tentacles or anything." I smiled mischievously. Fury's gaze seemed to sharpen as he traded looking between me and Lokitty with clear suspicion. "My, what's got you so jumpy? It's not like my Lokitty's gonna scratch your eye out or anything." That might've been laying it on a little thick, but once I got started, well, my impulses took over and I couldn't stop myself.
Fury growled, "keep that not-cat away from me." He then made what he would call a tactical retreat. Me? I call it running with his tail tucked.
Once Fury was out of sight, Lokitty transfigured himself back into his human form, forgetting that he had been on my lap previously and was now sprawled facedown across my knees like a limp noodle. Scrambling up, he muttered, "pretend you didn't see that." I hummed somewhere between agreement and amusement. Finally, after he had composed himself, Loki faced me and commented, "you are not simply a coffee loving mischief maker of Midgard, are you?"
"Well, all of that is true." It wasn't an outright confirmation but Loki perceived the hidden meaning.
"I have been trying to determine what of your first statement to me was a lie but I have not been successful." I made a sound of acknowledgement but didn't further elaborate. "If I have understood you correctly, I must guess why you asked me to put on such a facade to get any answers from you."
"Mmhmm, do you have a guess, Lord Mischief?" He preened a little at the title. Very catlike indeed.
"Somehow you knew that Fury is scared of cats, but I have no idea how it relates."
I made a so-so motion with my hand, "you're somewhere between right and wrong, it isn't cats he's scared of, but you have to guess how I know that."
"That's not possible, I can't read minds."
"You don't have to. I've been dropping hints, quite obvious ones at that, to everyone I've come across in nearly every conversation, just to make a little mischief. You just have to piece it together, and when you do, you're gonna kick yourself and I'm gonna have a good laugh, right before they lock me away."
Loki jumped on the clue, "they would imprison you for such a secret?"
"Not for the secret itself, but for what it represents. And . . . the destination after you get locked up isn't always a prison." His head tilted a bit in confusion, very catlike, so I elaborated, "a mental asylum, for crazy people."
"You do not seem to be insane." He commented critically, "but it's hard to tell." And here I thought he'd have more faith in me. Maybe once he put some more clues together? There was still that issue of proof though. I couldn't very well transport the entire team between universes, image the chaos that would cause, Tony and Loki especially. I shuddered at the thought, I'd have to come up with something else.
Sighing in a more snarky manner than usual, I grumbled, "thank you, kindly, for that assessment of my mental health."
"Who's mental health?" Tony asked curiously as he came into the common area for a snack. Knowing him, it was probably some blueberries. I raised my hand unenthusiastically. "Oh yeah, you're definitely crazy."
I grumbled, "how am I crazier than you lot?"
"Crazy just happens around us and we deal with it. But you? You chose the crazy, and I benefit from it." I thought maybe for a second he had figured me out, but then he said that second part about benefiting from it. Well, Tony only benefited from one thing when it came to yours truly.
This was about my minor coffee obsession. It was not my fault that coffee didn't exist in my universe and I loved it to death upon first discovery. I certainly will never try living in a universe without it again. "You try living in a place without caffeine for over a decade and see if you won't worship it when you're finally reunited with its divinity!"