~ Brielle ~
Current Location: On the death row of hell.
Time: Before Sunrise
Duration of travel: Hopefully as long as the earth revolves around the sun.
Destination: That place. 10000 feet from hell.
It's been a few years since I left my hometown and decided to live in a big city. Since that day, I never once went back, not to visit and not to stay. The only time I got a chance to be with my family was when they came to visit me or if we went on a family vacation outside the hometown. I've been doing my best to stay out of that place for various reasons, but the worst part is coming back with -
"We'll be there in three more hours. You okay?"
I nodded. Honestly, I feel sick. Feeling ko nagsisirko-sirko ang mga bulate ko sa tiyan. Ano ba 'yan, masususka pa yata ako. How did it end like this anyway? Why did we decide to go back?
I sighed. Life is a bitch.
___
~ End of Summer: June of my 3rd Year in College ~
Family Reunion....daw.
Bakit ako pupunta kahit wala naman akong balak? Dahil nagdradrama ang best actress kong ina kasama ang aking nakakatandang kapatid na tinopak nanaman sa kaartehan. Hindi naman talaga kami mag-rereunion eh. May party daw kasi ang pinsan kong hilaw na kababalik lang galing ibang bansa, at dahil minsan lang daw umuwi, naisip nila na magdiwang at imbitahan ang buong angkan or so I heard, pero sa rami ng tao rito, sigurado akong hindi lang angkan namin ang inimbitahan nila kung 'di buong bayan.
Sa isang private resort gaganapin ang so called reunion, away from my birth town, and by the looks of it nagsimula na sila.
"Briely! Mabuti naman dumating ka nang bruha ka. Kanina ka pa namin hinihintay," bati ng pinaglihi sa pompyang kong pinsan na si Joyanne, na talagang ginulo pa ang magulo ko nang buhok.
"Sino ba kasing may sabing maghintay kayo."
"Grabe ka naman bruha, syempre tagal ka naming 'di nakita kaya excited kaming masilayan muli ang kapangitan mo."
"Pinagsasabi mo gurang," asik ko habang naglalakad papasok sa venue. "Nagkita lang tayo last month malapit sa Royale."
"Eh iba naman iyon," paliwanag nito. "Tara na nga ipakikilala kita sa mga bagong miyembro ng pamilya natin."
Ito nanaman tayo sa pakilala. Every family gathering may tinatawag na introduce-yourself-to-people-who-is-apparently-your-kamag-anak-but-you-didn't-know-existed-until-now-because-they-lived-far-away-or-because-galit-sila-sa-iba-niyong-relatives.
Or you will be introduced to the son of your third cousin who's the daughter of your second cousin in the father side of your family whose uncle once married the tenth daughter of your mother's third cousin whose mother is your paternal grandfather's fifteenth wife.
Make sense?
Isang oras din ang tinagal ng introduction portion ni Joyanne. Wala rin naman akong ma-aalala kinabukasan kaya tumango-tango na lang ako.
"So Brieley, balita ko sumali ka raw sa banda," chismiss ng bruhang Joyanne na ngayo'y prenteng nakaupo.
"Sinong chismosa nanaman ang nagsabi sa'yo 'yan?"
"Noong nasa Royale kasi ako, may taga-department ka na nakapagsabi sa 'kin na may napupusuan ka raw na taga-banda kaya ka sumali."
Iyon na ba ang kumakalat? Masyado akong naka-focus sa ibang bagay kaya kinalimutan ko na ang mga chismis na tungkol sa 'kin. Tch. Ma-check nga iyon mamaya.
"Walang katotohanan 'yon. At bakit naman ako sasali sa banda, alam mo namang makabasag semento ang boses ko sa tindi."
"Sabagay. Na-intriga kasi ako lalo na noong sinabi nila kung anong itsura ng lalaki."
Ano namang problema? May mga piercing ba? Puro tattoo? May tatlong mata? Isang butas ng ilong? Naku 'wag naman sana, 'di ko type ang mga ganoon.
"Hmm, may kilala ka bang nagbabanda?" Baling ulit niya.
Banda? No. Maybe? Bakit sila agad ang sumagi sa isip ko. May iba pa namang banda sa Royale ah.
''Alam mo ba kung anong name ng band?"
"Hmm, Kung hindi ako nagkakamali A-"
"Wala."
"Brielle!" Agad kaming napatingin ni Joyanne kay mama na siyang tumawag sa akin. Nice timing.
"Yes ma, ano 'yon?"
"Kanina pa kita hinahanap anak, nandito ka lang pala. Hinahanap ka ng tita Alisa mo, gusto ka raw n'yang makausap."
"Sure. Saan ma?"
"Sa may pool area. Puntahan mo na lang."
At hindi na ko nagdalawang isip pa. Ayoko nang pag-usapan kung ano man ang sinasabi ni Joyanne kaya mas mabuti pang makipag-ngitian na lang sa mga bisita ni tita Alisa na mga yayamanin. Wala eh, favourite pamangkin n'ya ako.
Pagkatapos kong ipamalas ang ngiting beauty queen ko ay umalis na rin ako agad pero wala akong balak bumalik sa table namin kanina kaya sa bar, na talagang pinalibutan ng mga Christmas light, ako nagtungo. At least dito, marerelax ako.
"Sangria please," I ordered
One glass should be enough. Ayokong malasing dito. Nakakahiya.
"I knew it. It really was you."
Agad akong napalingon sa taong nagsalita. Mali. Agad kong nilingon ang hayop na nagsalita.
"Hanggang dito ba naman sinusundan mo ako, Alexander!"
"Geez. At hanggang dito ba naman hindi mo pa rin alam ang salitang 'tone down'?"
I just rolled my eyes, and went back to my drink. Bakit ba nandito ang leong ito? Part ba ito ng nasasakupan niya? Everything that touches the dark is his ba?
"What brought you here?" Tanong niya ng makalapit.
" Ako dapat ang nag-tatanong niyan."
"Hmm, but I asked first so you answer the question first."
"Tsk. Ang mga paa ko. Iyon ang nagdala sa 'kin dito. So to what purpose do we owe your presence, Alexander? "
He just shake his head at my response. Wala akong balak makipag-usap sa kanya ng matagal dahil wala ako sa mood. Kung bakit ba naman kasi siya narito.
"My mom was invited here but she couldn't make it because of other ventures so I went in her stead."
So may mga business people nga talaga dito. I mean, sa dinami-dami ng tao ngayon for sure may isa o dalawang tao na ang nagsign ng contract or whatever.
" Well good to know, now if you can just leave me -"
"Avy!"
Nagulat ako sa matinis na boses na tumawag sakin. Isang tao lang ang tumatawag sakin ng ganun. And the moment I turned and face the person, I knew it was her.
"Brianna..."
___
Hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog pala ako. Nang ako'y magising ay malapit na kami sa border. Pinahinto ni Alexander ang sasakyan bago kami pumasok sa nayon.
I took a deep breath. This is it. The moment I leave this car, I'll be in Myrefields, the village I was born in.
I can already see the green fields by the welcome sign of the village. The small nipa houses near the farmlands and the modern bungalows just across in the east. I can imagine the sound of flowing water by the creek near my parents' house and the vast land they plow and cultivate. I remembered the smell of the soil after the rain, the view from the small tree house my sister and I used to go to, the way to the hilltop to view the sunset and the big house that overlooks the village on the northern side.
There were a lot of memories flooding my mind, but as much as it gives off a nostalgic feeling, uneasiness runs through my bones.
"Are you okay?" he asked, which brought me back to my senses.
Tumango ako. Huminga ako ng malalim at sinubukang pakalmahin ang aking sarili.
"Do you want me to go with you?"
"NO. Alam kong parehas lang tayong umiiwas sa kung ano man ang pwedeng mangyari sa atin kapag tumuloy tayo sa lugar na 'yan pero wala na tayong magagawa. We're here."
"Are you telling me that or to yourself?"
Hindi ko alam. May sariling dahilan si Alexander kung bakit siya narito at ganoon din ako. Gusto man namin o hindi, kailangan naming harapin ang kung ano man ang narito.
I took one last deep breath. "Okay. I can do this."
I was about to go out when Alexander called me. "Ano nanaman?"
"Take this."
I looked at him confused. He gave me a small red charm bag. There's something inside. Hard as rock or maybe a shell.
"Ano naman ito?"
"A charm for -."
"Ah okay. Sige. Ako na bahala. Salamat sa paghatid."
His forehead furrowed. I didn't bother talking anymore so I grabbed my bag at the back seat of his car and went out.
This is it. Welcome back to the town of North Hill, Brielle. Welcome back to Myrefields Village.
The place where you left and buried your heart.
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"We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there."
― Pascal Mercier, Night Train to Lisbon
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