summary: you meet your biggest crush at a party and let her slip past your fingers. thankfully, your feelings aren't as one-sided as you thought.
warnings: none; hailee being a flirt, R trying to match energies (and failing a little); light mentions of being outed; me not knowing shit about sports and pretending like i know what im talking about.
wordcount: 2.4k
a/n: another tumblr request that i absolutely loved writing. reader is a soccer player in this one and like i said i know nothing about sports so hopefully the descriptions don't feel forced. i had a great time writing this, hence the length. hope you like it <3
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You weren't sure how you ended up here.
A casual night out with some of your old friends somehow turned into you being roped into going to a party fit for a famous actress, not a soccer player. Then again, getting to crash Hollywood parties was one of the less well-known perks of the job. A perk that was beginning to backfire on you.
You don't know how Zendaya managed to get the information out of you, maybe it was the drinks or the genuine joy of getting to have a conversation that didn't involve discussing game stats or strategies. You're not sure how it happened but you somehow let it slip that you've always had the biggest crush on a certain Marvel actress who caught your eye the second you walked into this stupidly crowded party.
You thought it was a harmless comment that would stay between two friends but of course, life had other plans. And by life, you meant your 5'10 friend.
You had gone to get another drink from the very inviting bar and by the time you had gotten back to your friend, she was in the middle of a conversation with said crush. You were about to turn around and head the other way when Hailee's brown eyes met yours once again. Except this time it's not from across the room.
This time, she's right in front of you...and you're definitely about to make a fool of yourself one way or another.
Zendaya notices the way the brunette's attention shifts toward you and she steps in, giving you no chance to walk away. (You don't know whether to be upset or grateful about that) She waves you over with a bright smile. "y/n, there you are. Have you two met?"
You shake your head and take the few steps that were left between you and them. You tell yourself the warmth on your cheeks is due to the wine you've been drinking and not Hailee's bright smile. "I haven't had the pleasure. It's nice to finally meet you."
"Finally, huh?" She replies with a perfectly arched eyebrow. "I didn't expect you to be a fan."
Her words make your blush grow stronger and you're suddenly incredibly glad for the lack of lighting. You rack your brain for something interesting to say and maybe it's the drinks or the easy confidence the actress oozes but you end up sounding flirtier than you expected. "We all need hobbies, right? I hope that doesn't ruin your opinion of me, though. I'd hate to lose out on my chance for an autograph."
"Hmm..." You feel weirdly exposed as her eyes trail up and down your figure. "I'll think about it."
She doesn't give you a chance to react, much less reply, and instead walks away to strike up a conversation with someone else. You wait until she's far enough away before turning to Zendaya with a dumbfounded expression on your face. "Did Hailee Steinfeld just check me out?"
"Yup. And I think she liked what she saw."
"I'm gonna pass out." You're technically joking but you're pretty sure your legs have turned to jelly from the brief exchange.
"I'm not carrying your drunk ass home if you do," she replies with a laugh.
"Fake." You playfully punch her shoulder, which earns you an eye-roll and a glare, before handing her your untouched glass of wine. "I'm gonna get some air."
She gives you a nod in response and you walk away in search of some privacy to freak out over the fact that you seriously flirted with Hailee. And she...liked it? What were you supposed to do now besides overthink every second of that interaction?
For now, you settle with stepping out onto a somewhat secluded balcony and letting the silence fill your mind instead. You walk over and lean against the railing while your eyes take in the twinkling lights in the distance. You're in the middle of admitting how much you missed L.A when you hear footsteps approaching. You don't look to see who it is, assuming it's a random influencer or something like that.
"You look like you're having fun."
Your heart skips several beats at the sound of that soft voice. You force yourself to keep your focus somewhere else, knowing the second you look in her eyes you'll lose the last remaining bits of your calm demeanor. "Yeah, I love being alone while everyone's in there partying."
You can feel the warmth of her body as she comes over and leans against the railing with you. You fight back the urge to scoot closer to her.
"I have a song about that."
"I know." Your eyes widen once your words catch up to you. "Shit, I didn't mean for it to sound like that."
"Well, you did say you were a fan." She lets her comment hang in the air and you can basically hear the underlying question she's waiting for you to answer.
"I, um, I watched Bumblebee right before I was sent over to play for England," you explain. "Let's just say it struck a chord."
You try not to think about the overwhelming loneliness that accompanied you that first year away from home. A loneliness that only got more and more severe when you came out to one of your teammates just for her to out you the second she got a chance to. The mere memory of it makes you shiver.
You can feel her eyes on you. You even catch a small glimpse of the understanding and concern hidden within them out of the corner of your own eye. "Let me guess, you feel like an outsider too?"
"Doesn't everyone?" The question slips out before you can stop it. You don't know why your heart is so insistent on spilling out all its secrets to this warm and ethereal riddle of a woman but you can't find a way to stop it from happening. And maybe you don't want it to. Maybe a part of you believes you'll find what you've been looking for in Hailee freaking Steinfeld of all people.
"Is that why you came out so soon? To feel less alone?"
You shake your head and force the truth out of your mouth. "No, I, uh...I was outed. My manager said it was better to release a statement myself before the news spread too far but the damage was done. I got shoved out of the closet before I even played a full season."
"I-"
"Don't say it. I don't want your pity."
You fear you've come off harsher than intended when she doesn't reply immediately. You're about to turn and apologize for being a sensitive jerk when you feel her hand brush against yours. You wait with bated breath, almost not believing she's even real.
But then her hand gently grasps yours and you swear the lights in the distance grow just the tiniest bit brighter.
"It's not pity, by the way. I've been there too."
That's all it takes for you to throw caution to the wind and finally turn to face her. You're almost expecting her to laugh and tell you she was kidding, that despite all the signaling and the hairpin drops, she's nothing like you. And yet there's nothing but absolute sincerity in her gaze.
It sort of feels like she's taking you apart and putting you back together at the same time.
You try to keep your focus on her eyes and not the tiny gap of space between your faces but you fail miserably and sneak a glance down at her lips before you can stop yourself. You're standing so close together that if you leaned in just a bit more you could-
"y/n! There you are!"
You jump away from Hailee at the sound of another voice, successfully dropping her hand and putting space between your bodies in one move. You're not sure why you react that way but you do your best to ignore the way your movement wipes that gorgeous smile off of her face.
One of your teammates approaches you, rapidly telling you way too many details about the arrival of another cluster of soccer players. The last thing you want to do right now is walk away from Hailee. Especially after the reaction you just had. But unfortunately, you don't get a choice in the matter.
Your teammate grabs your arm and starts to lead you away before you can attempt to protest. You turn back to say something, maybe to tell Hailee to come with you or wait for you or anything at all before she slips away, but by the time your eyes are searching for her, she's already gone. You swallow down your disappointment and force yourself to smile despite the storm of thoughts brewing inside of you.
You keep your eyes peeled even as you're pulled from one meaningless conversation to the next, hoping against all reason that you'll catch a glimpse of Hailee before the end of the night. You don't get your wish and you do your best to act like it doesn't bother you when it's really the only thing you can think about.
You think about it even once you leave the party and go back to reality. A reality you've grown to love but find absolutely tiring at the moment. A certain type of tiredness that doesn't come just from training for hours every day.
You feel borderline insane with how much time Hailee's been spending in your mind lately but no matter what you do, you can't shake off the feeling that you messed things up before they even started. It would be so easy to just pick up your phone, go on Instagram, and send her a simple message.
You don't do the easy thing though and instead, fill your Instagram stories with cryptic song lyrics and game day announcements. You tell yourself you're doing it because it's part of the job but you know deep down you're just doing it with the hopes of a certain brunette stumbling upon your announcements and showing up to your first game back in L.A.
You tell yourself it's just wishful thinking up until the day of the game. You make a habit of not checking your phone a few hours before you have to be out on the field which means you miss a certain someone's reply to your story telling you she'll be cheering you on from the stands.
Despite your lack of knowledge about Hailee's appearance, the excitement coursing through your veins is palpable from the second you step foot outside the locker room. The chaos that greets you on the field is one you love more than anything else in the world. The ear-ringing cheers, the smell of the grass beneath your cleats, the beautiful L.A sun shining down on you, everything about it makes you feel more at home than ever before.
It's like your mind turns off and instead allows your body and instincts to take over for the entirety of the match. Time seems to fly by while you're playing and it's not until after the game is over (a game your team won by two goals) that you return to yourself. Which more than anything means you manage to catch sight of Hailee right before you head back into the locker room.
You almost think you hallucinated her due to your exhaustion until she walks in a few minutes later. You suddenly understand why your teammates decided to run off to clean up and change on the other side of the room.
That does mean you're alone with the one person who's been running through your mind all week...and you look like an absolute mess. You try to channel the easy confidence you pulled out of thin air the night of the party but your mind goes totally blank and you end up making an awkward joke while wiping the sweat off your flushed face with a towel. "I didn't know they gave backstage passes."
She shrugs, clearly amused by your flustered response. "One of the perks of the job, I guess...and my brother knows a guy."
"Right." You let out a humorless laugh before burying your face in your towel. "Ugh, can we please just pretend I'm still funny and charming?"
She doesn't respond and you fear the worst when you hear the sound of footsteps. You don't realize she's walking toward you and not away from you until you feel her fingers wrap around your wrists. "I don't know, I kinda like you like this."
You groan, feeling your face grow hotter, if that's even possible. "That's not helping, Hailee."
She laughs before pulling your hands down and away from your face. "Are you always this difficult?"
"It's the trauma," you reply.
You finally gather enough courage to look up at her and your breath catches in your breath as your eyes meet. That same feeling from your conversation on the balcony creeps up your spine once again.
Hailee looks at you in a way you've never experienced before. Like she's pulling away all the debris you've placed in the way of your real self. In the way of your heart. Somehow, she sees past all the bullshit and the excuses, and for some reason, it doesn't scare you. It excites you more than any soccer game ever could.
You swear she can read minds because the corners of her mouth fully lift up into a breathtaking smile the second that last thought crosses your mind. She leans forward a little. Just enough for you to feel her breath against your lips before she speaks again. "Kiss me."
She doesn't need to tell you twice.
You lean forward in an instant and replace the space between you with your lips. The kiss is slow and gentle and full of feelings you can barely comprehend.
A part of you is worried you're feeling way too much way too soon but then you pull away just enough to be greeted by that same smile that stole all your thoughts away the first night. It's a smile that tells you you're not alone.
And it's like you're finally able to breathe for the first time in years.
"I'm gonna go so you change," she says in a soft voice. "Come find me when you're ready so we can go celebrate. I'll buy you a few drinks."
"Only if you let me buy you dinner."
She gives one more quick kiss before stepping back. "Deal."
You watch her go with the goofiest, most dumbstruck, grin on your face. Hailee Steinfeld will probably be the death of you and you have absolutely no problems with that.