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THE PAST THREE weeks have been agonizing for Jean. It seems like there was unfinished business everywhere, making it almost impossible to even be at peace for five minutes. Overthrowing a government, all while being on the run with everyone wanting to kill you, was not for the weak.
After everything that happened in Wall Rose, the Scouts were soon back to experimenting with Eren's Titan Powers in hope of paving the way for their return to Wall Maria, and shortly after that, the government was after them.
He lost track of all that has happened so far.
Running from the MPs. Eren and Historia's kidnapping. Fighting thugs with ODM gear. Almost dying inside a cave. Fighting Historia's dad as a 100 meter Titan that burned the city to the ground. Almost dying again. Overthrowing the government. Historia's coronation.
Jean's agenda has been booked and busy.
It's been three days since Historia was pronounced as the Queen of the Walls, and life hasn't gotten any easier. Now that Jean has time for himself and no one's life is in danger, he has find it extremely uncomfortable to be alone with this thoughts, to be in silence and at "peace".
He looks for the slightest distraction to keep himself away from thinking. Wether it be going out of a run, or helping his superiors with tasks, Jean did it. Anything that helps him forget.
Forget her.
It was the right thing to do. She was a traitor, an enemy to humanity, and therefore, his enemy, as well, so why can he bring himself to hate her like he wants to?
He's angry at her.
She betrayed him, betrayed his friendship and his heart, betrayed everything he thought they shared. There was no denying that.
Yet, deep down, he knew his heart yearns for her. It calls out her name in his sleep, it aches to know the cruel truth about her, it breaks apart when he sees her in his memories, and it's driving him insane.
There was so much he wanted to say, and so much he wanted to do. He wonders, if he could somehow eras everything and meet her under the right circumstances, would they still become friends? Would he still care for her as he does, despite all the strings his mind is pulling to do the complete opposite?
Who knows? he thought. Jean sighs, ruffling his hair frustratedly.
He currently sat in his desk, a blank sheet of paper on top and a pencil in his hand. Thankfully, Connie was out on cleaning duties with Sasha and Mikasa, leaving Jean to himself in their shared dorm.
Originally, Jean's plan was to distract his mind by doing something he hasn't done in a long time; draw, however, it's been so long that he actually believes he has forgotten to even draw a circle.
But as much as he tries to bring the pencil in his hand to touch the paper, he couldn't make himself move. His eyes could simply staring at it, hesitating. It was as if he was afraid.
Of what? If only he knew.
Jean sighs, twirling the pencil with his fingers. He continues to stare at the paper for what felt like eternity, and then, suddenly, his hand began to move on its own. As he writes, his heart opens and pours out a small fragment of everything he's been keeping in.
He couldn't help, but feel as though he was doing something unforgivable, as thought he were committing a crime. There was not a single soul or pair of eyes in the room, no one there to catch him or witness his actions, so why did writing her a letter feel so terrifying?
Jean drops the pencil instantly. He drags his hands against his face, muffling a groan. When he opens his eyes, they fall upon the written words.
Iris, the letter said, I have a million of things to ask you, and yet, I can't bring myself to do it... But let me start with this; was it all worth it?
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Iris slips the red armband on top of her beige coat. She straightens her blouse and sighs, letting her hands fall to her sides.
Another day, she thought, another day I am to closer to death.
With a tired sigh, Iris heads out her room and spots her uncle, who sat on the dining table, eating a piece of bread as he read the newspaper. The sight warms her dull heart, for some reason. It reminds herself that there is still a small fragment of will inside of herself, hidden somewhere to keep close.
She still had fight in her. She'll fight for him, and that is enough to make her get out of bed every morning.
"You're off this early?" Aaron asks, chewing the soft bread, as he observes her putting on her boots, "It's barely six in the morning."
Iris nods, "Yeah. Magath's gonna make us run our asses off, if we were not early, so I'm saving myself from that misery."
Aaron chuckles, taking a sip of his coffee. He sets down the newspaper on the table and looks at her. Suddenly, a thought comes to mind, just as Iris was about to step outside the door.
"You don't have to be strong all the time, you know."
Iris halts. Slowly, her body turns around and faces him. Her uncle's eyes felt like daggers stabbing her own.
She realizes that she'll always be an open book to him, her emotions clear as water, no matter how much she tries to hide.
"I... don't know know what you're talking about."
Aaron walks to her with a sad smile, placing his hands on her shoulders, who carry the weight of the world, but remain high. With one hand, he caresses her head.
"Mi niña," he says gently, "no tienes por que aguantar todo... Puedo ver claramente el inmenso dolor que guardas, como eso te está comiendo viva, y como finges que sus muertes nunca pasaron... Yo te conozco."
Iris lets out a deep sigh, shaking her head. "Tonterías. Estoy bien, tío, no hay que preocuparte por mi. I'll see you in two days, all right? Take your medicine and-"
"Iris! Will you just stop it?!"
She went quiet at the desperation and raw emotion in his voice. Never had he raised his voice at her, not even when she did trouble as a kid, but it seems this was his last straw.
His eyes were glassy with tears when he spoke, "I hate how you act like your Alma's death doesn't have even the tiniest of importance in you... as if she were not your own mother, the woman who brought you into this world... I understand you're grieving in your own way, but... please... I can't stand by and watch you hurt yourself even more, Iris."
His words was a like a tsunami, the waves of truth washing over her and drowning her with guilt. Has she been this selfish all this time? How could she be so oblivious to the pain she's causing him?
"I... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, tío... I just... I don't know what to do...," Iris says, swallowing back her tears, her voice, quiet and defeated, "It hurts too much to even think about them... and if I let myself fall... I know that I'll never be able to pick myself up again... I-I can't."
Aaron's heart aches at the way she is quick to stop herself from breaking down and quickly resetting her emotions with only a sigh. Iris composes herself and looks at him, no traces of sadness left behind.
"Please... for your own sake... forget what I said. I don't have the time nor the luxury to let my heart get the best of me... so please... let me be..."
"Iris-"
In a blink, she had slipped from his touch and closed the door behind her, forcing herself to keep walking. A sudden heaviness filled her heart.
Once she was out of the building, Iris looks up to the warm, blue sky and thinks, are you watching over me, mom?
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"How much longer do you think we have to wait? It's been three weeks, and not a single announcement. You'd think we'd get at least a "hey, guys, I'm still alive" message by Bertholdt by now."
Iris hums at Reiner's concern. "Yeah, well, Zeke says it's any day now. Don't worry too much, Bertholdt's fine, trust me. Enjoy the peace while you still have it."
After eight long, painful hours under the command of arrogant men who think she's a lab rat for them to experiment on, Iris finally had peace to herself. Well, with Reiner to her side.
The two warriors were lazily thrown over the common room's couches. Reiner, being the bigger person, took over the long couch and laid down, spreading his legs, one over the backrest and the other hanging from the cushion, which left Iris to the brown loveseat. She managed to curl her body in away that made her fit inside, her head resting on the arm support.
Porco was still not done with his duties, explaining his absence.
Reiner lets out a heavy sigh, crossing his arms before his broad chest. He glances over at Iris, who was playing with her necklace's pendant. To him, the pine cone pendant was odd. It always made him wonder where did it come from and why did she held onto it so dearly.
"That necklace...," he says, catching Iris' attention, "who gave it to you?"
She raises an eyebrow, "Out of the sudden? Why'd you ask?"
"Nothing, I have just noticed how you're always playing with the pine cone whenever you're lost in your thoughts... just like you are now."
Iris relaxes her face, slowly letting go of the pendant. She sighs, "I thought I was more discreet at hiding my worries... I guess I wasn't."
Reiner sits up at that, worriedly staring at her, "Hey, you know you can count on me, right? You don't have to be anyone, but yourself around me, Iris."
She chuckles, mimicking his actions, "I figured you'd say that."
"I mean it, you know?"
"I know you do."
That didn't satisfy Reiner. He knew there was something else going on.
These past few days, Iris has been odd, to say the least. She's quieter than usual, he has caught her taking midnight runs multiple times, and she isolates herself whenever she gets a chance. It's a surprise she's still here with him.
He smacks his lips and stands up, heading to her with open arms. "Come on," he suggests.
To that, she frowns, "What?"
Reiner gives her a small smile, "It's a hug, dummy. I'm sure you can use one right now."
"Oh," Iris realizes, dismissing him with a wave of her hand, "don't worry, Reiner, it's nothing. I'm fine. You don't have to do that-"
"But I want to."
There was a hint of hesitation in her sharp, brown eyes. Just as Reiner starts to lower his arms, Iris had risen from the loveseat, staring at him with a gentle gaze. She moves forward, steady and slow, his eyes following attentively.
Then, her head softly crashes into his chest, and her arms wrap themselves around his back. Iris sinks into his warmth, feeling as though all weight was relieved from her shoulders. Her heart began to match the soft thumps of his, and she finds an odd comfort in it.
Reiner held her head with one hand, and her back with the other. He was startled when Iris tighten her embrace, her soft breaths clashing with the crook of his neck, sending flutters to his stomach. He lets out a shaky sigh as his cheeks redden slightly.
Good thing she wasn't looking.
A peaceful silence took over them, then, Iris lets out a small chuckle.
"What's so funny?" he asks, dumbfounded.
"Your heart... it's beating fast," she whispers, "Do I make you nervous?"
Her voice was like poison in his veins, dangerously sweet and intoxicating. She's capable of making him feel things he's never felt before. It's infuriating, really; to not know why his heart gets all fluttery and anxious, and why it craves to be around her when she's not near.
Could it be, he likes her? No. Impossible. Iris is like a little sister to him, they grew up together and have survived hell itself, so why would he have inappropriate feelings about her?
Why does it feel so wrong, yet so right when it comes to her? What has she done to him?
Reiner shrugs off the thoughts and clears his throat, "No... I don't know what you're talking about."
"Right, if you say so," she says, then, hums in pleasure, "You know, this reminds me of when we were kids."
He pulls away slightly, just enough to be able to look down at her, and realizes the mistake he committed.
There, she stood, in his arms, gleaming under the warm light. Her ebony waves gracefully flowed down her back. Her freckles, as he begins to notice, were kisses from
the sun, a constellation of beauty.
And her eyes.
It was so easy to fall into their depth and loose himself, to admire them until the end of days. He could barely find the strength to blink, but once he does, Reiner asks, "How so?"
"Well," Iris says, chuckling softly, "I remember our first year as Warriors. It seemed like the whole world was against you for not living up to the standards, and then, one day, I found you crying alone under that tree near the dorms. I gave you a hug and told you not to give up, and you bawled your eyes out on my shoulder until my shirt was drenched."
Reiner begins to smile. He can't believe that after all these years, she still remembers the kindness she never failed to show him, even if he didn't.
"From that moment, we started being friends," Iris smiles at the far memory, "We had each other's back and together, we became Warriors. And you... you always seemed to know when something was wrong. It's like you had superpowers that could tell when I was upset... and I never told you this, but... thank you."
"Thank you?" he tilts his head in confusion.
Iris nods, "Thank you... for always healing me with your hugs, just like you are doing right now... You never knew, but one single hug from you was everything to me... I needed a friend, and you were always there for me, just like I was for you... so thank you for that."
Reiner's hand loosen around her back, lowering down to rest at her waist and pulling her close. He takes a step forward.
Startled, Iris takes one back. She observes as he leans down slowly, a drastic change in his gaze. His eyes were vivid, as though he came alive for the first time. Deep hazel longing for something. They weren't focused on her own, but on her lips.
Reiner's mind has gone blank, his senses failing him, and a rising desire controlling every cell in him. He couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop.
Iris gasps quietly when his warm breath clashes against hers, their mouths inches away from meeting. Her heart was beating out of control, her hands nervously resting on his chest.
Move, you fool, she told herself.
Bodies pressed together. Hot, trembling breaths. Blurry surroundings.
What is going on?
"Reiner...," she breathed out, "I... I need to..."
"Iris."
His low, husky voice sent chills down her arms, and then, just as their lips brushed up against the other, Iris' body jolts. She gasps, slipping out his arms in a haste.
Her shaking eyes meet his bewildered ones.
Reiner raises eyebrows, as if he realized what he was about to do, and feels his heart sink in guilt.
Iris runs a hand through her hand frustratedly. She blinks several times, and finally says, "I... I-I'm sorry, I can't..."
"No, Iris, it's my fault," Reiner sighs, "You did nothing wrong... I don't know what got over me..."
She whispers something, but he couldn't figure it out until she raises her voice, her face gone pale, "I need to go. I-I'm sorry... I-"
"Iris, wait-"
It was too late. She had already sprinted out of the room.
Reiner lets his body fall back into the couch with a heavy sigh, whispering, "Shit..."
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Iris looks down at the paper in her hand, and back at the street sign above her, matching the address written in it. She folds the letter and tucks it inside her jacket's pocket. Lastly, she adjusts her mask, making sure it covered her nose and mouth, and walked further into the street.
What happened the night she murdered her father was still a blur. Certain fragments of that day remain to be put together, and it was all due to the sedative that stranger gave her. The effects were still strong, and it has only been two days.
From what she learned from Zeke, the police had arrived at the scene far too late. The house was burned to the ground and there was no evidence of the body nor the culprit, which makes a part of her satisfied.
The job was done. She has brought justice to her mother and brothers.
The other part of her, however, finally realizes the consequences of her actions. That night, she had given her life away to protect her family, promising to become a stranger's spy, and to put her place as a Warrior on the line.
And as promised, a letter would arrive at her doorstep. What she didn't expect was for the letter to only have an address as a message.
Five minutes later, she had sneaked out of the apartment, praying her uncle wouldn't wake up, and was out in the dark streets of Liberio. But at last, she had found it.
At the end of the street, Iris saw an abandoned warehouse, far away from the main streets. It was rusty and looked like it was caught in a fire a long time ago. She figured it used to be a mining company, judging by the deserted equipment
everywhere she walked. And as she inspected the inside, her hand kept a tight grip on her knife.
Something catches her eye. Light. Orange flames and the crackling of a fire's sparks. A tall figure standing by a bon fire.
Iris twirls the knife in her hand and walks towards them, only to have her blood boil in annoyance.
Why the fuck does it keep being him?
"Iris," Zeke greets with a smile that came off as disgustingly sweet, "I was starting to think you got lost... or maybe the monsters under your bed got you."
She scoffs in disbelief, realizing the knife won't be necessary and hiding it beneath her shirt, "Of course it's you... It shouldn't even be a surprise anymore."
"Oh, lighten up, will ya? We're only getting started," he says, amused at the way she shot daggers with her eyes, "Now, my... colleague... and I agreed to have me... explain what you have to hold up to as your part of the deal. So if you have questions, I'm all ears, Elvira."
Iris looks around the place, and back at him, "Why me, huh? What made you want to drag me into whatever this is?"
"Ah, you're mistaken," he chuckles, no hint of humor in his voice, "It was your choice to be part of this. You could've walked away, but you didn't, and now, you're here. You were never forced."
"I was dying, you idiot. I couldn't do anything. I had to survive."
Zeke raises his arms out in defense, "If you say so."
She rolls her eyes. "So what's with your colleague? My guess is you're not really Marley's Golden Boy. It's an act. Deep down, you two are planning something, and I want to know what it is... or I walk away this instant..."
A smirk grows on his face.
"Do as you please, but it will be someone else that pays the consequences... How's your uncle, by the way?"
In a blink, Zeke had Iris' fists grasping his collar tightly, and a cold, dangerous look in her eyes. It made him realize that the phrase 'if look could kill' really came to life for him.
"You bastard...," she hisses with venom, "I see what you're playing at, and I won't tolerate it, you hear me?... So you better tell me exactly what you want before I throw your head in that damn fire."
"Your threats never fail to amuse me, you know?... Aren't you happy? You'll finally be able to use them on someone that isn't me."
"Zeke."
He sighs, "Fine, fine."
Iris abruptly lets go of him and takes three steps back, keeping a sharp eye on his every moment. Zeke, on the other hand, scratches the back of his neck, and sighs.
"Look, it's simple, and not something you haven't done before. You'll just have to... watch over some people, have a nice chat with them, and bring back what you know to me, steal a thing or two, if needed, and then, you'll be rewarded for your skills and loyalty. Simple, right?...
Her eyes warily scan him up and down, "You want me to be your spy, yes? That's what your friend said the other day. You want someone who'll get their hands dirty for you since you're such a coward."
Zeke chuckles, "I'm no coward, Iris. I'm risking a lot of things by simply being here, just like you are, but there's no reason for us to fight when we both want something and there's a chance to work together to get it."
She remains quiet.
"You seriously think your sick heart can go on without any sedatives or meds?" He scoffs mockingly, "Please, you'd die out of a heart attack one of these days, and you know it... so what's there to lose?.... Besides... as much as it pains me to admit it... there's no one I can trust to do a good job on this other than you."
"Am I supposed to be happy? Honored, that I was chosen from the endless candidates?"
"You should. You do whatever it takes. You never hesitate. You are everything a Warrior should be," he says, but Iris saw the hesitation in his eyes. It was like he was confused. "No... that's wrong... You will no longer be a Warrior... but someone who'll bring punishment upon those who defy you and you'll protect those you care about."
Iris' heart sinks. Her hand secretly reaching for her knife underneath her shirt.
"You'll be my spy...My executioner."
Well, shit.
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NOTE: hey y'all 😍
i'm sorry for taking a lot of time with this chapter, but fear no more, it is here!! i know this is kinda a filler chapter, but next one will go according to the real plot. hope you liked it <333
let me know your thoughts in the comments, i love reading them :))