IGLESIAS
it's been a week ever since I had that fucked up fight with Elvira, I have been at the base ever since , In the office,thinking only about how disgusting I'm becoming , how disgusting I'm becoming in her point of view, I never saw her cry like that , nothing ever pained my heart by just words, lately I couldn't focus on anything,my work ,the stock that has to be shipped off to Cuba , nothing at all, I've been stuck in a horrible haze.
I don't sleep anymore, I tried , and I woke up to her voice crying out my name the way she did when I left that room , I have been more up to drinking ,getting drunk until I can't think or see anymore
In the morning I would wake up disgusting myself from my own actions, I am out of my mind, I held a gun to her head ,I told her how I could kill her without caring at all, in a heart beat,the way I lie is embarrassing, I've been staying up trying to understand what part of me would say that to her? Did I enjoy seeing her heart breaking over my words? Would I have actually killed her ? What is wrong with me?
I have to do something about this,I can't just isolate myself in this base and not go to see her ,I need to see her. My heart has been in pain ever since , and just staying here avoiding her like she did something wrong, no I did something far from okay,I still can't believe my self how i could do that to her , how I could traumatise her like that.
I get my keys before I leave the building, I get into my car and take a shaky breath before I turn on the engine I drive off,I'm driving the same Maserati that I drove the first day I saw her , this car carries luck and bad luck,the luck was that I saw her and the bad luck was who was her father, but I can't say that seeing her wasn't a moment that I will never forget, the way my heart rattled when I saw her beautiful eyes, and I somehow managed to make my favourite eyes cry many times these weeks.
I'm at my house , the house where she is right now,something in my heart tugs and pulls and I don't know why,I get out the car without hesitation, I open the front door slowly and I get inside , the house is a empty lifeless box, I walk into the living room to find anyone alive ,I slowly walk into the living room and there is no one here , there is , Romeo is on the couch, but he's looking lifeless. His hair a whole mess in his head and tiredness written on his face , and a glass of vodka next him as he stares straight into the wall.
"Romeo." When he heard my voice , he looked like he saw a ghost, he immediately got up to his feet facing me with a scared expression
"What are you doing here !?" He asks me with slight anger in his voice.
"What the fuck are you saying"
I say getting frustrated at him as I push at his shoulder and I sit down,he copies my action and does the same.
"What's up with you? You look dead man". He nods in frustration as he looks away.
"Look man I know you're mad at what I did , I get it, I'm a disgusting human being but I just need to talk to her ,make things right-"
"No." He says interrupting me as he says with no emotion on his face and a loud demanding tone, surprised by these actions coming from Romeo.
"What are you saying?"
"She's gone Iglesias. "
This , this is the moment where my heart dropped and my face ran pale,
Those words , does disgusting twisted words coming out of his words and I am fighting the urge to not break his jaw with my bare hands as I yell at him to shut up and stop talking nonsense, but he's too serious to be joking , I try to remain calm but my hands are already trembling, I lean back into my seat looking away from Romeo, being too deep into my mind, the longer I stay here the more my heart shreds into pieces and burns, he can tell me whatever he wants but I won't believe what he just said, maybe I'm taking what he said wrong , she could be out with Liliana somewhere, yeah it's okay I'm overthinking those words , I like overthinking that's my problem, curiosity is eating me alive , creeping up on my spine and tugging into my brain, I grip the armresters before I push my self of it and stand to my feet and start walking , walking too fast nearly running , I get upstairs, curiosity in me making me go crazy , I yank at Liliana's bedroom door, Maria's old room, and it's empty, the bed is still there and other things but the girls are not here , there make up and perfumes that always used to be in the vanity is missing, I get out of the room slamming the door and I go to my room, our room, that was once in a life time our room, mine and hers, the nights she slept in that night are a part of the nights that I will always cherish and not forget, I never slept better than when she was next to me. The way she wanted to sleep on the couch makes me want to smile, realising how much I fucking miss her , how much I crave her touch and her sweet voice. I get inside the room and I look around, how grey the room looks like, when she was here , the whole room always seemed to light up. I go over to bed and sit on it and stare at my hands as I remember her , her flowy white golden hair , her cherry smell, her beautiful navy eyes, her pretty rosey lips.
I turn my head to my right and I shouldn't , no no no please god I'm begging you, please don't make this be what I think it is , my breath is heavy enough to make my chest move in a crazy pace , my heartbeat is so loud that I can hear it clearly as it beats tremendously,I cannot breath , I touch my hand to my chest trying to slow down my breathings and my heart beat ,I pick it up nearly dropping it of how shaky my hand is , and when I bring it closer to me, it's the ring that I gave it to her, Not just any ring. Our engagement ring.
I fall to my knees as I hold it in my hand, and for the first time In years,
I hear my own sobs.
I taste my own tears.
My other free hand is shaking too, I bring it up to my neck trying my best to loosen up my tie to get access to breath better, I pull out my tie and I gasp for air , I back away and my back hits the wall, I hold her ring, this small ring that only fits half of my pinky , I hold it in my palm really hard as my hand shakes and the most disgusting sobs escape my mouth, I never cried like this in so long, and I mean it, I haven't cried like this in 3 years.
But now, she's gone, she's not my Elvira anymore , she left me , I made her leave me.
But I am not a person who accepts acceptance, I deny with my whole heart, she can't be gone, we can't break up, what we're we any ways ? I would start arguing with her a lot, I couldn't tell her how much I cared for her , the way I would kill my closest people for her .
I take a look at my ring, I'm still wearing it, I wore it everyday ever since we got engaged, but I would always twirl it around so they won't notice it, so she won't see it , what a fucking coward I was being, what an asshole.
I had a angel in front of me everyday,and all I managed to do is disappoint her, make her cry, make her hate this house, make her want to die.
"Remember when you was covered in my blood and you swore you wouldn't hurt me?"
When she said those words to me ,I came back to reality, and I realised what I was doing was so fucking wrong , I swore to her with her blood on me that I would NEVER hurt her in anyway . Ofcourse I fucking did the opposite, of course I had to break the promise I made .
I wish I never. Fucking. hurt her.
I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and it's Romeo, he comes into the room and he sees me on the floor with my back against the wall as one hand is holding my head and the other hand is holding her ring as I shake. He immediately swears under his breath as he look at me in disbelief and disappointment.
"What are you doing Iglesias " he casually asks
"Leave" I mumble,my voice weak and low, fucking hell.
"YOU WERE CRYING?"
"leave, I do not have the energy to shout"
"In case of that, i am not leaving"
He says sitting next to me on the floor.
"She's gone" i murmur and he slowly nods kissing his teeth.
"Where did she go". I say trying to keep my voice sharp and not quiver
He takes a deep breath at looks at me
"At her fathers house"
"No!"
"Yes."
"NO, WHAT IS SHE DOING THERE?" I find myself yelling at him I'm denial, she can't be going back to that bastard, he abuses her , with the state that I am in right now I would still have enough energy to murder him.
"I have to get her away from that bastard " I say attempting to get up but my heart is too heavy but I still force through it ,Romeo pulls me back by my arm "I am not fucking done Iglesias " he says raising his voice at me and I sit back down to see what he has to say to me.
"It was her decision, she wanted to go to him, understand?"
Something is starting to break inside of me.
"She wanted to go back, to him?"
"Yes"
I nod , she's choosing her abusive father over me, Elvira valencia, it was never Derek I'm not suprised im not even mad , I don't have the energy for it.
"She had no choice man, it's not a permanent thing though, just until she gets a house". I nod again not saying a word
"Can you please bring my pills?"
"Excuse me?"
"In the bathroom, in the cupboard,a small white bottle, it says my name on it-" I say running out of breath due speaking too much and forcing myself to explain to him.
"Woah woah man calm it, look at me what the fuck "
"They are right in the bathroom-"
"I know how a bottle of pills look like you don't have to kill yourself bu telling me the details "
"Romeo, I need those pills"
He stands to his feet frantically and rushes to the bathroom and I can hear him flipping through the products to find the prescription ,he comes running back in the room with the bottle in his hand, he gives them to me "shit let me get you water-"
"No it's okay ,just". I open the bottle and I don't remember how much I supposed to take since I haven't took them in such long time, so I'm guessing 2, I swallow the pill down my throat accepting the bitterness on my tongue, the effect is fast, I've already calmed down and I lean my head on the wall looking at the ceiling
"So..are you gonna tell me what are they for?" He says confused
"Panic attacks"
"You have prescribed shit for that?"
I nod my head closing my eyes
"Fuck..why didn't I knew about this?"
"I didn't tell anyone,I haven't needed them since I have 15"
"You had a panic attack, so bad that you needed pills"
I drag my hands over to my face and cringe my face and close my eyes.
"I saw her ring here, my heart stopped"
"Iglesias..I know that sometimes you can be all psycho mode like you broke my arm, but you are not always like that"
"What are you trying to get out of this?" I say confused, a asshole called frustration never leaving me.
"That I know you didn't want to do what you did to Elvira"
"Of course i didn't." I hiss through my teeth.
He sighs as he gets up and touches my shoulder.
"You will find a away to figure this out one way or another " he nods as he leaves the room, I sigh as soon he closes the door behind him, i attempt to get up rapidly and I fail,my knees are too weak and my brain is numb.
I get in my bed as I throw my shirt over my head and off , I throw it on the floor before dropping my head to the pillow,I look at the ceiling lifting her ring in the air and I look at it deeply, I shouldn't be holding it, she should have wore it instead.
I run my hands to my neck trying to in clutch my cross necklace, a few errors, but I open it, I take it off just to take off my ring and put both of our rings in the necklace,I clutch it back in my neck, and my heart bursts, worst part,i can't even do anything about it, about this emotion, I can't ever cry it out, or break something, I can't I'm too numb, I'm only guessing that I took more calming down pills that I should have been . I close my eyes and my heart is getting heavier and heavier as all I can see in this darkness, is her eyes.
I will never forget her eyes.
My eyes slowly close and re open and I black out slowly with her eyes in my head and a wound in my heart.
...
ELVIRA
It's been 10 days, I made it totally clear to Liliana that I am better and happier , but oh how my heart burns,
Days and nights make me think of him, as much as I want to think about him, I distract myself , really hard and forcefully, I've been trying to calm down my panic attacks , my breathings , and my mind, just so I don't wake up gasping and bursting into tears because I saw him in my dream again I promise that I'll get better.
It's been getting a little better here, my father is not a pain in the ass because he's in a death bed, not actually, he just has his whole arm ,wrist and fingers broken by Iglesias. Seeing him like that makes me want to laugh . Fernando and Liliana are only getting closer again, I tried my best to remain strong to my mother and my brothers, and not show pain, or grief, or any sign that I miss him. I'm not engaged anymore, I can't be missing him when I made the decision, after what he did? No, I have self respect. I've been reading that poetry every night , it's beautiful, more and its rose petal in every ten pages with dates in them, I wish I knew who made these.
It's dinner time ,and I have to go at the table already, I get up and shake myself from my haze and I casually walk downstairs, I get into my seat , adjusting my chair to the table and I look up, straight, my eyes narrow at what I'm seeing, shivers running down my spine, I plant myself into this chair stunned, my father is on the other side of the table and he's looking at me, he was supposed to be on his bed in his room with a broken arm.
"What's with the sour look daughter ?"
"W-what are you doing here?!"
I hiss through out my teeth in pure panic.
"What? You are in my house , what are you doing here". He says with a smirk , a disgusting look.
"It's not permanent." I murmured.
"Oh really? Then get out." he laughs out loud, as his chest shakes.
"I can't , I broke up with him" I say in a quiver , how fucked up it sounds saying it loud.
"Don't worry, I won't kick you out I need you for information about that bastard."
Before I could scream and shout at him for saying that, I calm myself down, force myself to shut up, if I say anything to defend him, but if I do ,he will kick me out or torture me into giving information, I won't do that to Iglesias, not even if he would have done worse, I still wouldn't, even if he tried to kill me. I don't say anything. I just stab my food with my fork with unnecessary force and put it in my mouth, I used to be hungry, now I've lost all my appetite.
I look up to see Liliana's terrified face and I nod to her saying that it's okay.
"So what did he do ? Kicked you out" he says laughing again.
"No, I broke up with him"
"Why would you do that? "
"He hit me". I lie , I'm saying bad stuff to him just so my father doesn't know that I care for Iglesias, just as much as I hate it.
"He hit you? That's why you left ? Of course, your so naive that you leave the man because of a slap"he says scoffing at me .
"I am not naive"
"Look at you, coming back to your father because even he hates your guts"
"Just because you hate me that doesn't make him anything like you"
"You're right daughter, he could never be like a man like me"
"He...he has done more in life than you ever did". I say getting frustrated and already defending him when I told myself not too.
He laughs hard, again, making my face cringe if how disgusted I am but his laughter
"Oh yeah? Like what ?"
"He's only 18 and he's leading his own mafia." I state.
His jaw clenched and his eyes narrows at me as he jerks in anger
"All he did was cry for his dead sister , that's rotting underground "
"DON'T." I find my self bursting , shouting at him, knowing that he did it makes me want to pick up this knife and throw it perfectly into his eye, just how he taught me.
But I calm myself down, I can't let him know that Iglesias told me that he did it. I get up frantically from the table and run off to my room with rage growing inside of me , I get to the top of the stairs and into my room that I share with Liliana, I slammed the door hard behind me and linked my hands with my hair grabbing at my skull, I kick whatever was on the floor and it flies to the wall and to the floor, I get on my bed as I grab a pillow and hold it to my chest , a itch in my throat I have , the biggest urge to sob, my heart is going to explode, my head is nowhere to be found , I clench into the pillow harder until I feel my knuckles popping and my face gets wet ,I let out a string of cries as I feel myself shake as my sobs get heavier and I keep getting my face wet as my back jerks as every sob I cause , I have to gasp for air to breath properly, how did I end up in this position again? I get up , my heart too heavy I'm afraid it might pull me down to the floor, I miss his presence, even though he's not here and he will never be because no matter how much my heart craves him, craves something what we never had , I will still not go back there. Even though he's not here , I still feel him. something weird feels in my gut almost like he's here , but he's not , I get scared , I collapse to the floor dragging myself to a corner looking around checking if he's here , somewhere, behind me , and I haven't stopped sobbing, but I only started sobbing harder and more difficult for me to breathe I bring my knees to my chest as I wrap my arms around them, I rest my face in my knees and then something sparkly and bright catches my eye, it's on my wrist and it's blinding my eye ,
My heartbeat is too loud that it fills the room along my ears , I gasp covering my mouth with my hand, and I shake , I tremble, I am terrified to death, this bracelet,
is his.
When I got his bracelet just to try it on I forgot it on , that was the same exact day I left , the day i broke our engagement with him and left my engagement ring in his room, I felt one thousand knifes into my heart the moment I left my ring there , and the wounds still haven't healed, they still sting , morning and night.
I forgot his bracelet in my arm and it's been with me ever since , this bracelet was once or more times on his wrist and I carried it with me during the whole break up without noticing, why do I do this to myself? I have to give it back, meaning, I have to face him again, or I could keep it with me and never take it off. Cant choose. No wonder why I felt his presence every day, I was wearing one of his bracelets the whole time, and he'll it's a expensive bracelet, it's covered in diamonds.
What he did what truly disgusting and I think that I will never forget it , he left , he left me pouring my heart to him as I screamed my lungs off shouting for his name, maybe so he can stay, maybe so he can hold me in his arms and apologise with every piece of his heart, maybe look at me at least, but no , we didn't had a goodbye, I just cried to him hoping for him to turn and at least tell me why he did that. If I knew what was the reason I wouldn't left him, but he left me confused about why he wanted to kill me.
He never trusted me , ever , maybe once or twice , he used to talk to me, I remember the night we got ice cream that was the most beautiful memory.
He always thought that eventually I'll have to choose which mafia gang I'm going to join and still be his fiancé, if it was the Russians , my fathers ,or his. I made him believe that I wanted to be in mafia gang, and trust me , I wanted . But he will be surprised when I have my own mafia gang.
Liliana comes running and bursting through the door and looks at me
"Shit are you okay-fuck, his sister is dead?"
She says quickly, sitting down in the bed.
"Yes. Liliana she's been dead for years."
"Shit, THATS WHY HE DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ME ??"
She says covering her mouth with her hand.
"
Yeah, he killed her"
"IGLESIAS KILLED HIS SISTER?"
"No-fuck Liliana no it was my father"
Her face shifts in disgust and fear.
"W-what?"
"Yes Liliana-but something isn't right about this? It's just so weird why does he say it so freely ?"
" I don't know but holy shit he killed her, he's fucking disgusting "
"Liliana, I have his bracelet " I interrupt.
"Huh?"
"I forgot his bracelet on my arm"
"
No." She says shaking her head
"Forgot? How could you possibly forget oh my gosh "
"
How do you even get it in the first place?"
"I just put it on my arm." I shrug.
"Well we have to return it?" She says
"That won't be necessary.." I find myself saying
"Wait-what do you mean?"
"What if I keep it."
S
he runs a frustrated hand over her face and takes a shaky breath
"Be honest, do you miss him?"
"Too much, it's eating me alive , and I hate him for what he did , I really do ! But I really really miss him."
"Do you love him?"
"I was close to loving him, so close , all the process disappeared the moment he showed that side of him to me."
"Elvira." She says with slight disappointment in her voice as she gives me the look"
"You do love him. Too much and you can't get yourself to say it"
She says as my heart squeezes at her words.
"I have to let him go "
"
No." She says
"Yea Liliana what the fuck?"
"Just calm down , we are not talking about this anymore".
"Good."
"Let's just ship the bracelet to his house"
"I don't want too" I say looking at thin air.
"Then I'll call Romeo to pick it up and give it back to him-"
"Please. Stop."
I get up and go to the door
"Where are you going?!"
I take a breath before I speak to her
"On a walk,alone, I'll be quick."
I get out as I pull my hud over my head and get out , it's pitch black out side , I walk in the street slowly as I look at the road ahead of me, I walk around town until I reach where we first met . This is a disgusting feeling.
I want to rip out right out of my guts.
Why do I care so much for him? Why why why? I don't know if he means everything to me, but he feels like he does and it's only killing me harder ,I don't know what to do , I don't know what to think, I beat myself into stop thinking about him, I will be alright. I won't miss him,I will leave him mentally too . I have to think about the terrible things he said to me not to the sweet ones.
"I could kill you right now and not care , in a heartbeat."
Just rethinking about it sends a shiver up my spine as anger builds up inside of me, I tried so hard to make us work out for once.
I sit on the bench next to the floral shop and I trap myself in a haze , right there, a couple feet away from where I am , his car was there , and he was there , and I was walking out right this store, this is where it started. This is where my heart started gaining wounds .
I said I'll be quick but I've been here for 3 hours not moving just thinking, thinking about almost every time we spent together, I smiled at the thought, cried , hated it and more,but mostly I cried. And I stay in this bench until 5 in the morning just crying and tearing up as I watch the sunset and all it reminds me is him, his eyes In the sun, I think this is where it starts, where I stop sleeping.
I get back home and I see that Liliana is asleep, all my brothers have been okay about me coming back and been nice to me , expect from Roberto,only cause he's not here ,he's in Italy and I don't know why, but something is really strange about it.
"Where have you been" a low voice I hear, my father is awake .
"I was on a walk" I say passing through him to go to my room ,but he grabs my wrist and pulls e back in-front of him
"If I found out that this is all a sick game you and your fiancé are planning ,you die first and then him"
He says into my ear ,hissing like a snake through his words.
"If we were planning to kill you , we would start assassination,not coming back to you seeking for shelter." I say back with anger in my voice.
In a blink, he wraps his hand around my neck and pushes me into the wall ,he chokes me until I can't breathe or keep my eyes open,I start kicking with my legs to push him away and get a breath, my hands wrap around his grip on my neck yanking at his hand to let me go
"I-I can't b-breath" I manage to say ,he pushes me harder into the wall before he lets go and I fall directly to the floor gasping for air as I start coughing and touching my neck .
"This is only the beginning of you staying in my house."he says walking away.
I pull my self together and walk to my room as I hold into the walls to keep my balance up, I need to stay a little more and then I'll leave, I know this whole house is a total torture chamber but I have to stay, just a little more and I will leave town.
I'll leave with Liliana somewhere, I don't know where but I know that by then, I will know where, I know that I will be filled with creative escapes and I will live more freely , I won't be scared anymore. I will also let him go,no matter how much I'll have to hurt my own heart with that I will let him go.
I'll leave.
5009 words
A/n:THANK YOU ALL FOR 500 READS OHHH MY GOD. tik tok :.lanasbaby
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