I went back to school and sat in the back to not disturb the people who had already arrived. Seconds after I sat down, someone called Doka up on stage.
I was confident, after encouragement from Murayama, Ryo and knowing that Jamuo missed me too and decided to give me another chance. I knew I needed to prove that I'm a good friend and that includes watching the clarinet performance that Doka has been talking about for a long time.
She didn't see me and it was good because I don't want to distract her.
Madoka started playing the clarinet with accompanying piano and she was great. I don't understand anything about clarinets, but I know she was amazing. Thank God I remembered it was today.
I was so proud when I applauded.
But again I felt bad for not being there when she was so nervous about the performance.
It took a while for them to announce the result. I remembered watching cooking competitions on TV and how nervous I used to be, but live is a thousand times worse. I wonder how Doka is feeling.
"And the winner...with entry number #9...Ishii Madoka-San."
I stood up once more to applaud, I was so happy for Doka and so happy I didn't miss out on such a special moment.
When she looked out into the audience, our eyes met and I saw her smile fall a little, but she soon recovered.
Now would be the hardest time, say sorry.
I went to school exit hallway to wait for Doka to come out so I could talk to her. There I found Shinya, also waiting for her.
He looked at me and I didn't know if he was giving me the dirty look because he always has that expression and it always makes me a little freaked out.
"I know that you and Doka argued..." I slowly turned my head, when he suddenly spoke. "She cares for you a lot and I care for her a lot. So please don't hurt her anymore..."
"I came to..." I was interrupted when Doka walked through the door, she looked first at Shinya who was sitting on a bench, then her gaze went up to me who was standing with my hands moving uncomfortably.
Shinya got up, spoke to her and looked at me before leaving, as an indication that I should go to Doka.
"Congratulations..." I said a little shyly, Doka was looking at me impatiently. "Could we talk somewhere else?" I said seeing how the other girls at school were looking at us, how they always look at me.
We went to another hall, but this one was empty, Doka didn't speak until we got there.
"So... what?"
"You were amazing...in the competition ..."
"Thanks." She said without even changing her expression, Doka has a much tougher shell than Jamuo.
"Doka...I want to apologize..." I gulped and continued. ... Even if you never want to see me again..."
I took a deep breath to continue, Doka's expression changed, she seemed to want to hear what I had to say.
"Even if it was just for a little while, I missed you. You know I hate school, but it gets a thousand times worse when you're not with me... And you have a total right to be mad at me. But you should know that I consider you a sister and that I love you."
Doka remained silent.
"Well that's it...I'm slowly trying to fix the things I broke. Thanks for listening and you were great." I said running a hand through my hair nervously. "I'll give you some time..."
I turned my back, intending to leave her alone.
"Ya... it's Madoka!"
When I turned again to look at Doka she was smiling. "What?" I asked, not wanting to get it wrong.
"You said Doka, it's Madoka." She said approaching. "And I missed you too."
"Does this mean you forgive me?" I said with renewed hope.
"No..." She said without taking the smile off her face. "It means that little by little I'll have to forgive.
"It's already a breakthrough..." With that she hugged me tight. "I... I still have to tell my parents, I'm working up the courage."
"You'll get it, now that you're fixing things, everything will fall into place."
"Thank you, for everything. You were amazing today... by the way, you are always amazing!" I said and felt her hug me even tighter, which almost left me breathless.
"I love you too, silly!" Doka shouted in my ear and my smile grew even bigger.
I asked Jamou to text me when he found Fujio and Tsukasa so I could talk to them since they don't answer the phone.
I went home after the Doka concet, thinking about what to say to Fujio and Tsukasa, because even though I apologized to Jamou and Doka, it seems that something is still missing, it seems that I need to take one more step to really get forgiveness from all of them for real and not provisionally.
Stopping my thoughts I look in front of my house and I see more than one car stopped, in fact there are two more cars, in addition to my parents' car.
Oh God... the reunion was today...
Praying it's a mistake and these cars belong to neighbors, who for some reason have stopped here, I open the front door.
And what was left of my hope is gone.
I see my father, my mother, my aunt, her husband and their twin daughters and my uncle, his wife and son.
My mom sees me first she comes up to me slowly like she doesn't want to make a fuss.
"Where were you?! I called so many times!" She didn't let me answer and continued. "And what jacket is that?!"
I looked down at myself and realized that I had forgotten to take off my yellow jacket.
"I..."
"You know what?!It doesn't matter. Go put on the dress I bought you and come say hello to your relatives."
I did as my mother told me, I looked in the mirror in the new dress and shoes she bought me.
I remembered when Murayama lent me his jacket.
And when I bought clothes at the thrift store with Doka.
And seeing my reflection now...
I don't feel like myself.
I gave thanks before I start eating and it seems like everyone is looking at me for some reason.
And I hate it.
"How's school going?" Nami, my dad's sister asks.
"Well..." I say quietly still looking at my plate, I've never been so uncomfortable in my life.
"Ah...she's still the same!" One of the twins said with the fakest smile I've ever seen in my life and I realized that I still don't know how to tell who is who. Maybe because I only see them once a year or less.
"You already decided what you're going to do when you graduate? You don't still have the idea of being a writer, right?" Now it was my uncle who spoke, with an irritating laugh.
"Actually...I'm not sure..." I replied, but Murayama's voice echoes in my head.
"Don't let fear hide this Haruka again"
"We're worried, dear..." My Aunt starts talking, I think a snake would be kinder. "You still read those romance novels, they're not for you. You need to start studying, reading books that make a difference in your life ."
It makes me so angry, it's the same thing people at school say, even some people on TV, on the internet when I see book recommendations, even people on the street comment when they look at the cover of the book I'm reading.
Everyone says the same thing except...
"You are lucky to have moved your company's headquarters. We have to be stuck in this city full of delinquents!" My mother's brother's voice interrupted my thoughts. "The other day, Ichiro, saw boys in the street fighting, tell your uncle and aunt what happened."
Ichiro, my uncle's son, the one I still haven't forgiven for breaking my doll, starts talking. "They're boys from a school called Oya, they think they rule the city. They're vandals!"
"Oh, where are these children's parents?!" My mother said indignantly, my father is also listening intently while he eats.
"Ah!" My aunt scoffed. "They must be the same as their children, poor people, who are too lazy to work and who jump from house to house because they can't pay the rent!"
I tried to eat to ignore what they were saying, but I couldn't not listen. I know the effort those families made...
"I bet they hit other people to make themselves feel better" One of the twins started and her sister added "Since they will never be like us!"
And then the whole table laughed, except me.
And my phone rings, my mom told me to turn the volume down and then I saw the message.
Jamuo: Lady, the four of us are at Oya...if you want to come...
"I'm glad we chose the right school for our daughter." I heard my father say.
"Ah, you're right! Our daughter's school is great, it only has girls from good families." My mother said excitedly. "Ah! Honey, tell them about the photography camp!"
I look at Jamuo's message and then at my mother.
"You keep everything to yourself. You have to learn to let the anger out! If you don't, you will end up exploding !" I remember Fujio saying that the first time I went to Oya.
So I decided to fight, fight to not lose my friends. Fight to defend my friends as they would defend me.
"Mom, dad..."
They look at me waiting for me to speak.
I look at my dress, my hair and the message and say.
"I lied..."