Grace and her parents left for Whangamata the next day. Sasha was going to drive up from Wellington during the week, and meet them there. There was no phone at the family bach and for two weeks, Joshua neither heard from, nor saw, Grace. Why hadn't she phoned? Not even a call on Christmas day. He'd hoped she'd call. But she hadn't. If he knew where the bach was he would have driven down. He was like a bear with a sore head, at least, that was the way Mariah described him to Steven. He snapped, talked when he had to, and scowled for the most part.
Grace was equally unhappy. But if they were going to split up she didn't want to make things harder than they already were. By the time she and her parents had left for Whangamata she had convinced herself that his kisses in front of the house had been to keep up appearances.
"You want to talk about it?" Sasha asked, the day before they were all due to head back to Auckland. It was obvious to Sasha, and her parents, that Grace had been preoccupied for most of their holiday. Grace agreed to all their plans, but, unlike her normal self, didn't suggest or modify any. So, in cahoots with each other, Ben and Angie had disappeared into town almost ten minutes ago, leaving Sasha to work on her older sister.
"Have you ever been in love?" Grace braced her elbows on the balustrade of the deck and looked out across their small garden.
Sasha grinned, "First with Jimmy Hirtle, I think I was six. Then of course there was Nick Tarant, but he was going steady with Aroha Weihepena. So I only fancied him at a distance. I think Sean Marsh was next, he of the gorgeous grey eyes, but he only looked at Bri, then Reed Hunter, he was cute, good kisser too, but it turned out he was gay. Oh, I forgot, Neihana Ardson, I drooled over him for weeks, until I saw him kissing Ariel. Do you remember her? She had breasts when the rest of us were still wondering what we had to eat in order to develop." Sasha grinned, "Oh, my biggest crush was on Danny Sinclair." Sasha came and stood beside Grace, but leaned her back against the wood as she faced their the French doors.
Grace chuckled half heartedly, "I'm not talking about crushes. I mean have you ever really been in love?" She glanced across at Sasha, and wondered whether this was the right thing to do.
Sasha pushed her hair off her face as she considered her sister's question. Then she shook her head, "No."
"I've never felt like this before." Grace sighed loudly as she stood turned and headed to the other side of the deck and began to look sightlessly out at the Harbour. It was a beautiful view, giving clear access to the headland and the estuary. But it was wasted on Grace that morning. She took a deep breath then said, "I love the man." She sighed audibly "I love him and it scares the living daylights out of me." She turned to face her sister, "I love him, even when he's a pain in the neck, prime time bossy grouch."
"Sounds like love. I've never seen him grouchy. It must be you." Sasha teased.
"What am I going to do Sash?"
"I don't see what the problem is." Sasha strolled toward her sister and stood a few feet in front of her sister as she asked gently "Have you told him you love him?"
Grace pushed her hands through her already tangled hair, "Me?" She shook her head as she turned and braced her back against the rail that ran the length of the upper floor deck.
"Yeah, you." Sasha turned and headed for the bench and wooden seats, her voice gentle, calming. "Why not?"
"I know I love him, and I want him, desperately, but," Her voice petered out into nothing, leaving the sentence hanging in the air.
Sasha straddled the bench and sat on the old wooden seat. She looked straight at Grace, "But what Grace?" She prompted gently.
"What if he doesn't love me?" Grace asked and Sasha could see how much it cost her sister to voice her unease.
Sasha snorted inelegantly. "Are you nuts? Of course he bloody loves you." Sasha answered bluntly, "The man is mad about you. He puts up with your bossiness, your stubbornness, your nonsense. If that isn't love I don't know what is." Grace smiled, as Sasha had intended her to. "Honestly Grace." Sasha had not finished, "He takes you away for weekends, weeks even. He practically hangs on to your every word. He's forever trying to touch you. He deals with your sass. What more do you want?"
"I think he wants me." Grace conceded in a wry voice before tacking on lamely, "He's in lust with this delectable body."
"Don't kid yourself. If he wanted a delectable body, he'd have taken mine." Sasha teased audaciously and grinned cheekily at her sister.
"O.k. then, he lusts after me." Grace retorted, then shook her head, "But love? I don't know. He's never said anything." She threw her sister a questioning look, "Aren't you supposed to tell someone you love them?"
"Like you, you mean?" Sasha pressed her point. "Have you told him?" "Shouldn't he have said something by now?"
"Sounds like he is the demonstrative rather than talkative type." Sasha stated in a sanguine tone. "I've seen you guys kiss."
"Since when have you become such an authority on this subject?"
"Oh, since my ugly older sister brought home this gorgeous guy and he didn't even give the more beautiful, talented, charming, younger, wittier sister, a second look. That, plus the fact that he told the family he wanted to marry you."
"He thought I was pregnant." Grace admitted miserably.
"Hmm. Thought so." Sasha was thinking out aloud. "But nobody said anything"
Grace smiled. "What did you want? A radio broadcast?"
Sasha grinned. "Better make sure you marry him. I'm not having my sister seduce poor defenseless men and then leave them to suffer in today's society."
"Puritan."
"Tart."
They smiled. Grace chewed on her lower lip as she wondered whether to carry on with this discussion. She headed for her sister and sat astride the bench seat, facing Sasha.
"This is so stupid." She brushed at an imaginary speck on her t shirt, "I've never felt like this before. I've never felt like I've been missing out before. I can't imagine not being with him. I feel this huge gaping hole whenever I think that we aren't going to be together. Honestly, it feels like my heart just becomes a worthless leaden rock. I just can't imagine life without him. And at the same time I am absolutely petrified of telling him I love him. Just in case he runs a mile."
"He won't." Sasha told her. Without hesitation Sasha leaned over and rubbed her sister's arm in comfort.
"I never expected this Sash. I mean, it isn't as if I haven't been out with some cute guys..."
"And some duds. Remember Ian?"
The two sisters looked at each other, grimaced and then burst out laughing.
"He couldn't help it."
"Yeah, he could. Ugh!" Sasha cringed. "Thank God for Joshua."
"I do that every day. Me? Ms independent- I-can-manage-anything-do- anything-without-having-to-rely-on-anyone, has realized that I don't want to, not without him. It scares the living daylights out of me."
Sasha didn't say anything. She just listened.
"I want to have his children. Me? I've never been clucky. And now, I spin fairy stories about us living together. I have discussions with myself about whether I'd keep my name for academic purposes or whether I'd take his." She laughed nervously. "I mean, how stupid is that?"
"Grace, you lovehim." Sasha stood up, threw her sister a knowing smile and said firmly, "Tellhim."
"I'd be humiliated if it's one sided."
"And you call yourself a feminist. Equal rights huh? You want him to tell you first." Sasha mocked gently, before saying compassionately but firmly, "Tell him." She smiled gently at her sister, then whispered, "I have this gut feeling that he loves you."
"You think so?" Grace sounded hesitant. Sasha nodded vigorously.
"Yeah, I think he does." She insisted. "Ask him." She gave Grace a ferocious hug.
"I'm not sure." The years of doubt were difficult to kick. What if Sasha was wrong? What if it was just sex?
"Ask him Grace." Sasha ordered more forcefully. "And I'm not wearing some fluffy peachy bridesmaid's dress."
"Right." Grace switched moods, "You'd want to wear some obnoxious surfie gear and probably carry hemp instead of a bouquet."
Sasha didn't take any offence, "I'm just warning you in advance, no frothy, frilly pink stuff." She linked her arm through her sister's, "And I get first pick of the groomsmen." Grace rolled her eyes as Sasha continued, "You know what will happen if Briar gets there, none of them will even give me a second look."
"Yeah right Sash." Grace replied facetiously. "Promise Grace. I get first pick. Promise."
"If, and that is a mighty big if, if Josh and I get married you can have first choice of a groomsman. Satisfied?" Grace got to her feet.
Sasha nodded. "Dad said he had a cute brother!"
"Idiot." Grace laughed then gave her sister a hug. "Thanks." Arm in arm both women headed back into the house. "So was it your idea or did mum and dad put you up to this?" Grace challenged as they entered the house. Sasha raised questioning brows. "For you to have this chat with me?" Grace supplied, knowing full well that her sister knew exactly what she was talking about.
"What chat?" Grace chuckled.
When the Toyota pulled into the drive another car was already parked there.
"Poor love sick man." Sasha teased Grace in a whisper. In reply Grace dug her elbow into her sister's ribs. "Ouch. Grace. That hurt."
"Good." Replied her sister without an ounce of remorse. Grace was pleased to see him. Pleased didn't even begin to cover it.
Joshua sat in the Jag, tapping the steering wheel in time to the music filtering from the car radio. He smiled and got out of the car when Ben parked the Toyota beside his Jaguar.
"Compliments of the season." Angie said with a smile in her eyes, before she reached up to kiss his cheek. "Don't tell me you were just in the neighbourhood." Angie teased gently.
He laughed, taking the banter good naturedly, "No," He told her honestly, "Luke and I played a round of golf this morning at Titirangi, when I called round your neighbour said you'd be back around fourish."
Sasha gave him a smacking kiss on the lips then sauntered past him, wearing yet another pair of ludicrously loud beach shorts and a T shirt that made no attempt to match it.