ELVIRA
This morning has been grey.
I've been up for 9 hours, I woke up early, yes but I'm not saying that it was a good morning and that I completed my morning routine, the only thing I did is splash cold water on my face and I went back in liliana's bed just stared at air. For 9 hours I haven't ate anything, i haven't moved from this bed , I barely even spoke any words all I said was "yes" and "no"
and maybe some other words, Liliana is concerned for me, she asked me if I want food and I said no, he called Romeo to come into the room to see me and she asked me if I want Romeo to order me food and I said no. He sat there holding his chin as he looked at me with big noticeable concern on his face , same for Liliana but then she told him that he can leave now, Liliana has been looking at me and I say nothing, she reads to me, shows me a song, shows me a dress, I try to pay attention and laugh back with her , but I have no energy.
Im stuck in abyss .
Not long after Liliana spit out some words at me trying to sound frustrated.
"That's it! We are going downstairs"
"Are you out of your mind?"I say, already starting to pace over her nonsense suggestion.
"Yes , maybe I'm out of my mind, but Elvira, whatever you are doing is not good." she says, frowning
"No,I refuse I can't see him I can't"
"he hasn't been home since lastnight Elvira he's not here."she says with a blank face.
"That's impossible" I let out a shaky nervous laugh.
"I swear to you, he's not here"
"I need proof ." I say while I'm terrified that she might be lying.
She sighs and closes her eyes
"ROMEO!" she shouts really loudly making me jump ,I can hear his footsteps running upstairs
"WHAT WRONG !?"
"Where is Iglesias " she says crossing her arms and looking at him and he breathes out a relived breath.
"Gosh you almost have me a heart attack, you know he hasn't been home ever since-" they get interrupted my heavy breathing and heaving chest as I stare at the wall with my eyes widen , I shake automatically, my hands trembling as I force my self to stop, I breath out too hard, nearly gasping for air as my chest rapidly goes up and down at a un-catch able pace. "Elvira-" Romeo says, walking slowly forward towards me and I lift up at finger and point it up to stop him, I get up and walk to the bathroom as I try to stop my shaking body. "I'm gonna use the bathroom " I say trying to sound normal and not reveal the breakings in my voice as my throat closes , I close the door and I lock the door behind me, I shake harder than I did, I go over to the sink and hold into it for support with my both of my hands, I look down to the sink as I shake, heavy breathes and echos if my heart beat is the only thing I can hear, I look up to look at my self in the mirror.
"He hasn't been home since Last night".
He's gone. He's gone and he isn't coming back and he isn't coming back to make up with me ever again, he's gone and I break down right here , holding into the sink looking in the mirror , trembelous sobs escape my mouth and I try to be quit and cover my mouth and my heart is in ignition for not letting my cries out loud, my back jerks as I cry there , really hard , I back away from the sink as I carry on crying , and I hear my heart burst again, I expected him to hurt me but not leave.
It's over , no more Iglesias, he won't ever hold my hand the way he did that day and I fucking shouted at him.
He told me he cares about me and I accused him off lying.
I was supposed to go where he was going, I was supposed to see what he sees I wanted to always be by his side
That's all I wanted , the moment I realised who I was going to get engaged with , that's all I wanted .
I cant breathe. I'm on the floor touching my chest with my hand as I cry out loud, not caring if they hear me , but I cried too much that my throat hurts, I take breaths , I take breaths and calm myself down
"Breathe Elvira , breathe it's okay I will be with you there too"
his words, those words that he told me I will never forget , right now it's re playing in my head and it's suffocating but it's somehow calming me down . I finally get up and wash my face and look at myself in the mirror and my eyes are bloodshot. I look crazy and I laugh a little and I think I'm actually crazy, I get out the bathroom like nothing happened, I see Liliana on her bed biting her finger nails as she's bouncing her knee and looks at the floor,she looks terrified, concerned and sad.
"Are You okay Liliana?" I ask.
Her head shoots up at the sound of my voice and her eyes widens at me
"Don't you dare ask me that, I heard the way you were crying it scared me really, really bad." She says
I look down and try to find how to reply to her , she grabs my hand and squeezes it a little before she pulls me into a tight embracing hug and pulls away and look down then at me
"It's okay, let's get you something to eat." She says slowly and I walk with her downstairs and I hate how empty the house looks without him, I shake that thought from my head and I actually eat.
"Soo, how are you feeling?"
Romeo says as he rubs his hands together and sits in-front of me at the table I look up to him with heavy eyes. "yeah you know, this food kinda sucks"i say, stabbing the food with ny food and holding it up.
"Elvira, is everything okay?" He asks,his eyes dropping into concerned ones. I take a shaky breath and look at him.
"What happened last night?"
I shake my head repeatedly in denial.
"I don't....i don't want to talk about it." I say, going away from the table because I finished eating and I go sit on the couch and he follows me.
"Okay it's okay I'm sorry" he apologies
"So he just left " I say unfazed, scoffing.
"I don't know Elvira, he probably slept at the base or somewhere, did you call him?"
Did I call him.
No.
I didn't, I couldn't have the guts to do that, I don't have the voice to do that I can't but I wish I called him.
"No." I say simply.
"Oh" he says and he turns his head to stare at thin air.
"What did you wanted to talk about with me?" I ask curiously.
"Oh that, are you sure you still wanna hear it?" He says with a concern look on his face.
"Yeah, if it isn't about your invisible girlfriends, sure" I shrug, attempting to make joke.
"No no,this is serious " he says looking serious for once .
"Go on, tell me"
He takes a long shaky breath as he rolls his waist and shifts into the couch .
"Iglesias cares about you" he says and
Creaks. It's like I hear creaks from my heart.
"Maybe" I mumble looking at my hands.
"I'm serious, you know he was looking for you the whole year"
"He wasn't." I deny.
"Yes he was Elvira , he used to stay up at night telling me about your eyes" without even noticing, a tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away rapidly with slight frustration.
"No, I am sick of getting fed with lies" I look at him now, my blood boiling up to my neck.
"Like what is this? Romeo can't you see? It's all fake this whole engagement it's all fake , and I don't even know why I'm crying" I say as I reach my hand to my eye to wipe another tear and I let out a little laugh at my own stupidity, naivety.
"You're only crying because you care for him too." I look at him not saying anything letting the tears slowly rolling in my cheek, almost too slow as my lip trembles and shakes , I try to look for answer to respond to him but there's no specific word I can find out together to make a sentence, I can't deny this , I can't get up and cry and shout at him for saying this because I do care for Iglesias, too much it might murder me.
He touches my shoulder.
"Hey, don't cry infront of me because I will cry too and then Liliana will see us and she will cry too and we all gonna cry like toddlers" he says and I look at him for quite a second with a smile creeping on my face and at this, I laugh , I push his arm and tell him to shut up and he puts his arm around me and I stop crying.
"He's my best friend you know, if you want him here I can get him to come back he's not gone Elvira"
"He was in love with the girl I wasn't, when he found out who I am he.."
"He what? I saw the way that man looks at you Elvira he doesn't hate you a tiny bit" he says sounding too true and I hate it.
"I'm going to call him." I say, a random burst of adrenaline shooting up my veins like acid.
"What? Shit yeah go for it Elvira"
I need to call him, I need to atleast hear his voice , I need to know that he's okay, fuck what is wrong with me? I push myself off the couch and I walk towards the stairs to go back upstairs, Liliana is getting dressed in her room , so that leaves me to only one decision, I go to my old room. The room that is also mine and his or was. I remember the first night he bought in that room, he didn't slept that night, he spent the whole night in his office.
I walk and I wrap my hand on the handle and I push the door open, I plant myself into place and I sudden waves of cold flush over me as I look at the room. The bed is untouched it's perfectly done not one rustle on the sheets,it hasn't been touched for days, the room is incredibly clean and I spot my stuff in the same location I left them,I walk towards the counter only to find his watch, an obsidian ring , and a silver thin bracelet covered in in little diamonds, these are all his. The only thing that caught my eye is the bracelet,i run my fingers on it before I pick it up slightly and slip on it on my wrist, it's big, it's really big for my wrist almost falling down off my hand, I twist it in two and make it fit my wrist and I succeeded , I'm not going to steal this from him, I just need to wear it for a little while and I will put it back from where I found it , I don't dare to sit on the bed , it's too perfectly done I'm not going to mess it , so I sit on the floor with my back leaning to the bed , I pull my knees to my chest and I pull out my phone and take a long, shaky breath as my chest rises along with my breath and trembles back down. I go to my contacts, I see his name on the screen and I have a unspoken ache in heart. I press the number and dial it .
It's dialling, it's dialling even longer and my breathes hitches and I shut my eyes closed tightly praying to god in my mind for him to pick up
Please god , please, please-
"Hello?"
His voice . I heard his voice nice and clear through this phone , my heart stops, my breathing quickens, my hand tremble along with the phone I'm holding , he's okay , thank god he's okay.
"Hello ?? Who is this?" He asks again but I do not say anything I just put the phone speaker up to my ear and try to slow down my breathings so he can't hear me . It feels so amazing, so peaceful even though I can sense his frustration through screen as I not respond and he has no idea what's going on , my heart beats at a normal , relaxed pace, he's okay, I'm okay , I really needed this, I really needed to hear his voice , to hear the life in his voice , to hear his voice ringing in my ears. He hangs up, he hangs up and I take the longest sigh I pull my knees to my chest and rest my chin on my knees , I wish I could have had the power to say something to him, tell him that it's me , apologise to him, tell him that I care for him, but I didn't have the gut too speak, I was too focused on hearing his voice.
I get up to leave the room as I'm heading down stairs I run into Liliana
"OH MY GOD ELVIRA "She shouts
"Uh hello?" I say confused
"I heard That the bastard of Romeo told you to call him" she says, slightly pissed off.
"No, I suggested it"I say, casually.
"Excuse me what?"
"I didn't talk to him I just.."
" you just what?" She says crossing her arms at me.
"I just wanted to hear his voice." I say quietly as I close my eyes not ready for her reaction, but her face relaxes and her gaze softens.
"Oh Elvira darling."
We sit in silence for quite a while not knowing what to say , me, biting into my lip nervously, Liliana, resting her hand against her lips and then she breaks the silence.
" me and Romeo" she says trailing off and I suddenly jerk my head up to see what she has to say.
"We are going to cook for you tonight and make your hair curly like ours." She says with the biggest smile on her face as her eyes lit up.
"Excuse me? How exactly are you going to make my hair like yours and Romeo's?" "Iron ." She says casually
"Oh no your gonna burn my scalp off " I say as my eyes widens at the idea of Liliana curling my hair with a hot iron.
"Not."
...
Liliana is behind me curling my hair with a iron,how did I get into this position? , Romeo is in front of me looking at my hair telling Liliana when to let go off my hair to see the curl.
Them two are my beautiful headache.
"Alright, last strand princess "
"Do not call me that I said that before" I demand trying to look angry at Romeo
"But I have a reason? Liliana? Doesn't she look like a princess?"
Liliana nods in agreement with Romeo proudly
"my blondie princess "she says with a high pitched voice
" she would be-uhh - AURORA!"
Romeo shouts as he laughs acting like he just won a lottery.
"No idiot aurora doesn't have blue eyes " Liliana snaps at him and his whole confidence goes away and his face shifts into a blank expression and sits back down .
"She's Cinderella."
"Yeah, damn I see it now, it's Cinderella Derek". He says that and Liliana gives him the look and he stops talking and grits his teeth
They are silent and I don't like it.
"so Romeo seen my hair and it's done? Let me go see my hair "
"You will love it"
"Yeah right" I say and roll my eyes and get upstairs to the bathroom and look myself in the mirror, I look different,I haven't curled my hair at this intensity, full volume it makes me smile, it looks ridiculous and beautiful at the same time ,I get out of the bathroom with a smile of myself and I feel like stepping on something, with my shoe , I stop, I freeze , I bend to see what it was and it's shiny, it's my ring, my engagement ring that I threw off my finger last night , I pick it up and put in in my back pocket and not on my finger , my heart hurts if slip in on my finger , I take a deep breath before returning to Romeo and Liliana, and place a big smile on my face as I think about how good they did my hair , I jog downstairs frantically nearly tripping.
"ITS BEAUTIFUL" I say, my voice dripping with amusement.
"I told you ,you would love it " she says with the proudest smile on her face and Romeo has his hands on his head and has his eyes widens at me
"Cinderella, do you have a blue dress?"
"Uh-yes,but no we are not playing dress up right now-"
"PLEASE" they both scream at the same time with their hands together
"NO!" I scream back at them and they burst out laughing at me.
"Princesses don't scream Elvira"
"Oh shut up" I say as I hit his arm and he sarcastically winces in pain
"fine then , no dress then , we are going to play a cooking show for you"Romeo explains
I hold into my forehead and shake my head
"oh my god, sure go ahead kids"
"I am 17, and she's 16 , we are not kids." He says lifting his eyebrow at me and Liliana gasps at him.
"You're 17?!" She asks, surprised.
"Yeah Liliana, how old did you think I was ?"
"Eighteen." She mumbles.
"No That old ew" he says sarcastically
"It's not old " I find myself saying.
"Of course you would say that, come on" he says rolling his eyes as he drags Liliana by her arm into her kitchen leaving me confused
"What does that supposed to mean?" I ask holding both my hands up in the air , questioning him confusingly "you know" he says casually and I do not know
He gives me look and looks me up and down practically judging me and I already know it , he's talking about Iglesias .
"Oh come on I said it's not old because in a year I'll be 18 too and that's disrespectful to say"
Romeo scoffs at my response and looks at Liliana and points at me
"Yeah yeah sure whatever you want princess, we are cooking pasta"
"Too basic" I point out
"Ungrateful"
"No cooking skills" i practically say
"Disrespectful " he says shaking his head in disbelief
"ENOUGH YOU TOO !" Liliana shouts to break us apart
do we even have pasta?" Liliana ask romeo in disappointment
"Yeah Liliana this is a house filled with Italians you expect to not have pasta ?" He says to her and Liliana looks offended " I'm Salvadorian.."
"Well yeah, my bad ". " don't talk to me". She says turning her back at him and looking for the ingredients "come on ! " he wraps his arms around her neck gently and smells her hair before placing a kiss on her head , I think they are adorable but Liliana is too stubborn for this
" don't ever do that ever again".
"You said that we could be a team in cooking don't ignore me". "FINE I won't but don't do that". " fine fine"
"Hello? Love birds I'm still here?"I say and they look terrified
"Don't say that Elvira" Liliana breathes out
"Y-Yeah she's right" he says looking at Liliana and back at me with his cheeks flushed .
I head into the living room couch reading a book I found on the coffee table. It's filled with Shakespeare poems, I'm impressed.
"Love all, trust a few , do wrong to none"
"I defy you , stars"
"Hell is empty and all the devils are here."
The last one is underlined with blank ink. It was probably the readers favourite one and it's my favourite too ,there's a book mark at this page too, I'm curious who read this book I don't think Iglesias reads, or Romeo, or anyone who lived in this house longer than me and Liliana, it could be the maids book . Hell is empty and all the devils are here. I think that's the most beautiful poem I ever heard because meaning the truth, the world is filled with cruel human beings,devils, i don't think there's a lot of devils in hell at this moment, they somehow came on earth .
...
Everybody is in the couch watching a model runway and Liliana and Romeo are judging their walks, I try to pay attention but I'm too focused into this book I'm reading, it's beautifully filled with heart touching poems.
I asked Romeo if he knows who is the owner of this book and he said nothing but shrugged, after ever 10 pages there was a dried rose petal slipped into it , nicely straight from the closed book in them, I didn't dare to pick them up because I know they would turn to ash that's how old they look, ever petal had a specific date on them written in black ink.
04.02.2008
12.10.2010
21.12 . 2013
And way more dates that I don't know the meaning off , I'm actually flattered that there is a date that was in my birthday, when I turned 7 years old that person did something on that day that caused them to put this date here on this rustic rose.
I read more and more,explore more and more roses and dates and I am so amazed and invested into this poetry book.
I was having a good moment ,but it wasn't long after the door creaked open , I heard it but didn't dare to look, I was too deep into this book.
Slow, loud, sounds of shoes hitting the hardboard floor I hear.
I can feel a strong presence looking at me and the effect is high on me, I can't breathe, this familiar presence that never failed to make me feel like this , I hear breaths his breaths, I force myself really hard to not turn my head to face him , but do I always have control over myself when I need to? No. I turned my head and I could feel bullet wounds in my heart , Those unforgettable eyes , those sad eyes that hurt my soul, those eyes that I would take other people life's to get to look at them ever moment
His eyes are surrounded by redness making his eyes more mesmerising, I look at him , for too long , both of us in pure agony and disbelief.
He's here ,here here Only ten feet away from me ,I'm the first one to breathe heavily , he still doesn't takes his eyes from me and Romeo and Liliana noticed.
He lets out a shaky laugh and runs his hand through his hair and I can see as his hand trembles as it runs through his smooth hair , he closes his eyes and looks away from me.
"Romeo , help them get the paper inside " he says looking at the door of his office, before he even finishes the sentence he head over there slamming the door behind himself
Liliana looks at me with fear written in her face and shock , "it's okay"
she whispered to me in a breath
And I shake my head in denial
"I have to see him-i need to talk to him". I say trying to explain what exactly what I want , I want to understand what is going on.
"No Elvira please listen to me"
"Elvira sit down " Romeo says sounding serious
"So what I just let it slip away like that? I don't even know what's going Romeo , why does he say that he cares about me and does this? I need to know" I get up and they don't say anything and I just walk there to his door and hesitation rushes over me as I wrap my in the knob and slowly switch it open and let the door swing slowly open , I close the door behind me , in a motion so slow , so careful .
I turn to find him and when I do my heart automatically forgets its normal heart beat , he is resting his elbows on his knees as his head is in his hands , his tie , undone , his blazer on his couch and he's bouncing his knee as he sits like that ,he hasn't even heard me coming in and I just sit for a while to study him, being grateful that I had a chance to see him again I thought I wouldn't be doing this again.
"Iglesias." I say soothingly.
His head slowly lifts up from his hands and his gaze shifts, completely relaxed but alerted at the same time, I notice his heaving chest as he leans back in his seat, he grabs his chin and looks away from me and to the floor .
"Why are you here" he says not facing me as he tries to hold a steady tone.
"Iglesias " I say sitting next to him
"Please , please stop saying my name"
I feel my heart bursting and I am confused,he doesn't wants me to hear me say his name.
"why?" I ask frustratedly with a little breaking sun my naive voice
"It's a mask , you saying my name is a mask , tricking me that you're good"
"Only when you say it , it kills me dangerously Elvira "
My faces cringes at the words escaping his mouth shooting right through my wounded heart, he thinks I'm pretending, he thinks that all this is a act, that me being nice to him is all a mask, it isn't , I care for him, I care for enough to rip my heart out of my chest and give it away for him, I would accept taking every pain that he has to take if it was possible, but he thinks like this of me , and me , I don't think I can handle him thinking of me like that , i force myself not cry right now , I force myself really hard to stay strong and get my mouth to shape words before I don't have a chance anymore, if I don't talk now , I have a big feeling , that this is my last chance to tell him this, I just know it
"When did I ever pretended to be good?" I ask trying to keep my voice flow and steady.
"For the first time in my life , I told someone that I care about them, and it was you." He says as he drily laughs at himself.
"What an idiot I was , and what did you do? You accused me of lying"
He laughs at himself louder now , his vicious laughter filling the room scaring a part of me but a ignore it.
"
I had a reason to not believe you-"
He gets closer to me, looking angrier than ever .
"What was it" he asks me with pure fire burning in his eyes
"
You told me that you can't care about me , you made it simple ."
"I told you I lied about that"he says quietly
"Did you?" I ask with a higher tone now.
"Yes Elvira I did, I did care about you ,a lot it would drive me insane"
He says as his breaths gets heavier.
"
You did? So just like that one night and you stop caring?" He doesn't respond or face me
"Talk Iglesias, talk" still nothing and im starting on fire
"LOOK AT ME FOR FUCKS SAKE"
I. Lose. It.
"YES, YES ELVIRA I STOPPED CARING ABOUT YOU" he says as he shouts very loudly at me ,in my face and feel my eyes tearing up,but I do it let myself cry. He looks possessive.
"WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?" I shout louder , matching his tone, I'm too angry , I feel my bones igniting as my blood boiling inside of my veins.
"YOU WANTED TO KILL ME LAST NIGHT IS THAT NOTHING IGLESIAS? AM I SOUNDING NICE SAYING YOUR NAME RIGHT NOW?"
And I hear my my heart bursting again, I shout , I shout from ever power I have till my lungs feel numb inside of me , I'm pointing at him as I'm shouting at him with pure possessiveness charging through me I never felt anger like this before , anger , dangerous anger , shoutings that I never thought I would allow, words that I would never allow to escape my mouth.
"You said you wanted to die Elvira? Or am I making this up"
I laugh as tears already racing down my face from rage , I laugh at him through the dark fury inside of me.
"
No Iglesias you are not making shit up this time you were right I want to fucking die, you make want to die, this house makes me die."
"THIS RING MAKES ME WANT TO DIE" I shout from the bottom of my lungs as I hold up the ring in-front of our faces and I'm crying, really hard as I shout .
" all I do is make you want to die"
He says through rage trying to lower his tone.
"Look at me , look at me Elvira I said !" He says grabbing my face with one hand making me look him in the eye, as he pushes me to the wall and pins me there,his light emerald green eyes are dark, ruthless, he slips his free hand into his waist and pulls out his gun.
I cant believe my eyes, he's going to kill me, This is exactly what I didn't expect to happen, this wasn't supposed to happen , Iglesias is Ruthless, he has no mercy , his heart is only made out of plastic. There's nothing inside. My ears are ringing in agony. I breathe hard and the thought of knowing that these might be my last breaths, only making them harder and harder , and right now what's happening, is I'm having a panic attack and a gun to my head, by my fiancé .
"Do you want to die Elvira?" He asks again this time with his tone harsher.
"Yes Iglesias just do it already" I'm fucking shaking.
He doesn't respond.
"YOU CAN'T DO IT CAN YOU?"
I shout at him I'm frustration of him not pulling the trigger yet.
"You know how easily I can kill you easily without caring a little bit? In a heartbeat."
"DO IT". I don't want him to do it and I'm being the biggest fool for encouraging him to murder me, but I also can't beg him for my life.
"ELVIRA IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU". he shouts at me and his face gets closer to mine and our noses are almost touching but I'm crying too hard to notice, he looks dangerous than he ever did and I never been more afraid of him.
"Do you remember when you swore with my blood all over you that you will never hurt me?" I ask him making him remember as the tears on my face burn hotter . His furrowed brows get back into place and his eyes are filled with rage and full fear, his gaze softens and looks human again, his face runs pale and he lets go of my face and his hand falls down both of them, the gun in not pointing at my head anymore, it's pointed to the floor now, his shoulders are growing and shrinking as he's breathing heavily looking breatheless, he backs away from me , takes 3 steps backwards and takes a shaky breath as he's shaking , he looks down to his shaking hand holding his gun, he looks back at me, he looks like he's in full panic mode , he's shaking too hard , but i still see the rage in his eyes as I stare at him, looking at him with tears on my face and I can't believe my eyes , I can't believe how he could do that to me, after he swore he will never hurt me in any possible way, he swore in oath but he still pointed his gun to my head and threatened me to kill me, and it burns as I cry and collapse to my knees and I shout his name,I shout his name trying to get him back to the sweet Iglesias I thought he was , and I know it , this is the last time being with him and I felt something die inside of me so loud and painful. "Iglesias." I yell out weakly again and I can swear that I could see his eyes tearing up , or maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's because my vision is too blurry from these tears, he shakes his head fastly when he hears me say his name and backs away further and I just watch him fade away from me as I am to my knees crying out my entire heart, he looks at his gun and he grits his teeth and he shouts as he throws his gun into the glass table and it shatters, it shatters in small pieces,big pieces, all different shapes of glass pieces in the floor , I screamed and covered my head as I cried and only cried as soon as I heard the shatters, the broken pieces remind me of myself , myself and him, how we was , the small pieces reminding me of our small moments but unforgettable, the big pieces are the biggest moments,memories of me and him together, I can say that whatever piece is the bigger there would be the moment he swore he wouldn't hurt me, the other big one would be the one I first saw him, and it could even be the one right now , because what just happened, this, I will never forget it.
He walks out . Just like that I watch as I see his silhouette disappearing in the dark and I can't help myself but scream harder as he leaves and I do not scream for him, I scream for what just happened. Liliana and Romeo come running in the room and they both gasp at the same time when they see the table and me , the shattered glass table and glass everywhere and me, in a corner down to my knees as I hold my hand to my chest and I cry and shout deep in hysteria. I can see Romeo shouting but I can't hear him , he's shouting at me , probably asking me something but I can barely hear him , he shakes my shoulders and I can't feel anything or hear . I need to go I need to leave , not to my room, I need to leave this house right now.
I get up and Liliana helps me up and she takes me to her room sits me in her bed and hugs me really tight with my head on her chest as she strokes my hair and I can't help but shake and cry
It's the end . I'm leaving my ring in his room that was once ours as soon as I finish packing my stuff, I'm leaving , it over , how much I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. I loved him every morning I woke up, every night I went to sleep , I have always loved him.
I wish i had the courage to go to him and tell him.
"I have always loved you Iglesias "
I wish I told him that once but I won't do it in any lifetime,, we were never meant to be , meant to meet ,meant to love , never .
I take the ring out of my pocket and I stare at him and I beg Liliana to leave the room for a while to give me some space and she does, and I sit on the floor holding into the ring with a tight grip as I sob tremendous sobs, I knew this was wrong the moment they rushed these rings into our fingers, I get up and I slip it in my finger for the very last time, I try packing without bursting into tears,but I can't help it , it's so terrifying how you can lose a person into seconds , Iglesias Derek lost me today.
...
it's 5 am in the morning and Liliana woke me up, she has already booked us a cab , I look myself in the mirror,my eyes are bloodshot, my left eye has a popped blood vessel from last nights crying, Romeo begged us not go but also said it was for the best, me ,Romeo and Liliana can always meet that no problem .
Our cab arrived and I'm ready to go but I'm forgetting something, I go to his room and he's not here of course I'm glad , I leave my engagement ring on his night stand with a strand of pain appears into my heart and try to calm myself down and not have a panic attack again and start crying.
I leave as fast as I can already feeling tears in my eyes but not crying,I spot the book I was reading , the poetry book, I take it with me.
The cab starts and i look back as I get away from his house, something is getting torn out of my heart, something that I tried keeping safe , I have to fresh start now .
I'm going back to my fathers house with Liliana. I know it's a bad idea , the worst but I'm not permanently staying there , only until I get a house.
This pain that I will face will be to be unspoken about.
6300 words A/n: I CRIED SO MANY TIMES WRITNG THIS. Thank you all for nearly 400 reads this is incredible 😞 vote for ruthless sweetness in the fans watts choice awards!