September flew past. A busy time of the year. The numbers of students taking her second semester courses had nearly doubled. The resulting work load quadrupled. She put in quite a few late nights, caused mainly by her post graduate lectures running during the evening. She also put in several early morning stints because she had a lot more marking to do. All in all a very busy time of the year.
Her lectures on Women's role in society and in the family had led to several heated debates during tutorials. And whilst she welcomed the opportunities for students to reflect and challenge their thinking, it was tiring facilitating those discussions. Some men had also enrolled on the course. That pleased Grace. It brought another perspective to the discussions. Keeping the discussion in perspective and allowing everyone an opportunity to debate issues that were at times intensely personal and emotive was not an easy feat. So it was hardly surprising that she was often mentally and physically drained by the end of the day.
She was really looking forward to her summer holiday. She kept her sanity by simply remembering that she and Sasha, her youngest sister, were going on holiday at the end of the academic year. The thought of the vacation break kept her working flat out trying to get her marking done and her preparation for next year up to scratch.
But it was early inOctober that Grace received an unexpected invitation to a party. She hadn'trecognised the hand writing on the envelope, but once she saw the scrawledsignature she couldn't help smiling. Zac. She read the crazy invite and thenpenned him a negative response, dredging up a suitable excuse. The last thingshe really wanted to do was go to a party for Joshua. The fact that he had beenin her thoughts an awful lot simply supported her argument. Self preservation.She was not going to get involved with the man. It, the situation, him; wascomplex. Every time she thought about him, and it was far too often, she becameflustered, and when she recalled the way he'd held her, she might as well not have had a brain. This was one man who managed to annoy her and make her heart hammer with intense awareness at one and the same time.
No, the last thing she wanted was to spend time with him, not if she was interested in her independence and maintaining her dignity. The instinct was strong, somehow without knowing why, she knew that he could make her drop everything.
She felt vulnerable when she was around him. Apprehensive even, not because he scared her, but because she scared herself. She was scared by her feelings. She recognised that. And she fought it. She had worked too hard to get this independent, she wasn't going to loose it now.
Grace finished giving a third year lecture, on Gender issues in the classroom, to a group of undergraduate teacher education students, and made her way back to her office. Grace was already mulling over how she would change it next year.
When Grace walked into the foyer, she couldn't help but notice the commotion in the corner. She stopped contemplating her lecture and flashed a look of inquiry at the receptionist. Tina signalled her over. So Grace ambled over, all the while keeping her eyes on the ruckus going on in the corner.
"Don't tell me we've got an All Black visiting." Grace suggested as she reached Tina. The only people Grace could imagine getting this type of attention were the men from the national rugby team.
Tina grinned, "No such luck. Though he is fit." Tina told her when Grace had come close enough to hear. " A guy to see you."
"OK." Grace answered absently, as she watched the group in the corner. She was interested in finding out more about the bedlam there, nevertheless she asked, " Did you send him to my office?" Grace inclined her head, unable to restrain her curiosity any longer, "So what is going on over there?"
"He's there." Tina used her finger to point at the commotion.
"Who?" Grace looked askance at Tina. Then realized who Tina meant. She didn't know guys who'd get this kind of attention. "Who is he?"
"A hunk." Tina said with much feeling.
"A hunk eh?" Grace chuckled at Tina's rapt expression, "And he's mine." She said with relish. Her eyes scanning the crowd of chattering girls, hoping to see past them to the male body they had cornered. Tina giggled in acknowledgment.
"Think he needs rescuing?" Grace questioned as she watched the young women vie for the attention of the man buried in their midst.
"Well if you don't I will."
Grace feigned disgust, saying, "It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it." Grace put her bag and papers down on the reception desk. She winked knowingly at the receptionist and then turned and walked toward the cluster of young women. A few feet away from them she coughed loudly. No one took any notice. The gaggle of women remained huddled together, talking loudly, giggling pitifully. Grace tried peering past them. No luck, they were bunched too closely together.
Grace spoke loudly, "Excuse me. He's waiting for me."
Still nothing. They ignored her. Students ignored her. Grace turned her head back toward the receptionist and raised her hands in question. Tina laughed. Resigned, she took a deep breath, put two fingers to her mouth and whistled loudly and shrilly. Twelve pairs of stunned questioning eyes turned and focused on her. They looked affronted by the interruption.
"I believe he iswaiting for me." She announced into the silence.
The young women seemed reluctant to deliver their quarry. But they parted sufficiently for Grace to see the man.
"Zachary." Grace announced in surprise. He was sitting on one of the low lying leather upholstered sofas, surrounded by a bevy of women. He looked totally relaxed, as if this sort of reception was perfectly normal. Grace quirked an eyebrow at him and Zac got to his feet.
He grinned with a lazy charm and sauntered over to Grace, calling over his shoulder, "Nice meeting you all."
The sheer cheek of the man. Grace couldn't stop the smile, "Come along Casanova." She handed him the bundle of work she had picked up off the counter. Automatically he took it. "This way."
They walked along the corridor, "Wasn't expecting to find so many interesting women here." He stated blithely.
"What?"
"Women's studies, figured they'd be ..."
"You might want to think very carefully before you finish that sentence, I have a double doctorate in law and women's studies, it comes in useful for defamation cases." She told him and he meekly followed her to her office. It took a while to open her office door. As usual it was stuck.
"You want me to barge it?" He queried in a pragmatic tone of voice as he folded his arms and leaned against the wall watching her battle the door.
"No, " She turned exasperated eyes toward him, "I want you to be patient."
He shrugged and waited. A short while later they were in. She took the papers from him and placed them on her already cluttered desk. She dumped her bag on her chair and switched the kettle on, all in one fluid chain movement. Practice long ingrained. She indicated a chair for him and then set about trying to find some desk space. She shuffled papers into several piles, finally clearing enough space to actually see the surface of the wooden desk. While she rummaged and organised her desk, Zac openly studied the room. Two walls were shelved and crammed full of text books, box files and paper stacks. Potted plants fought for quality space, several were perched on the window ledge. Her desk was at an angle to the window and in front of the desk were two chairs. To the corner was a small table with two other chairs, all the surfaces were covered with heaps of papers.
"Marking." She told him as she eventually found space to put two mugs. "So what are you doing here?" She asked as she reached for a jar of coffee that was perched on the shelf to the side of her desk. "Want some coffee?" She asked before he even had a chance to answer her first question.
He answered her second question first, "Black, please."
Grace spooned some instant powder into the mug, "Well?" she prompted as she stirred the granules until they dissolved. She peeked up at him waiting for him to respond.
He shifted uneasily, making Grace slightly wary. The fact that this usually confident man was stalling felt decidedly ominous. She handed him his coffee. Without hesitation, she shifted papers off a chair and sat down beside Zac. Gingerly she hugged her mug of boiled water between her palms.
"I'm waiting." She reminded him when he still hadn't said anything.
He shifted into a more upright position and looked her in the eye before shifting his gaze away "Er, it's, the thing is, it's about the party." He finally admitted and glanced across at Grace a silent question in his eyes.
She frowned. "Didn't you get my reply?" Grace distinctly remembered posting her reply early last week, he should have received it by now. "I can't make it." She reiterated her response.
He nodded, "Yeah, you said." He seemed to suddenly make up his mind about something, for his body language changed and his posture relaxed, the confidence oozed, "I'm here to change your mind."
"I don't think so." Grace laughed, seeing his transitory expression of dejection. He was very good. She could imagine him perfecting the look over the years. "Look, Zachary, I am sure that heaps of people want to go to your party, hey, those women out front wouldn't say no. Ask them." She smiled to soften her words. "Parties aren't my kind of thing."
"Make an exception." He told her spontaneously.
"No." She replied steadfastly. "I'm not really the party type."
"Please." He pleaded and if anything, his expression was even closer to that of a beseeching puppy.
Grace grinned at his strategy. "It won't wash."
"What?" He fenced, sensing that the ploy was wasted on her.
"That pleading expression you have perfected on probably hundreds of gullible women."
"It wasn't that bad."
Grace raised a shapely black brow at his statement.
He chuckled, "O.k., ok, I was giving it my best shot. It works on Riah." He capitulated cheekily.
"I'm not your sister." Grace told him dryly before she took a sip of her drink.
"Thankfully." It was said with so much conviction that Grace chuckled.
"You are a rogue." She informed him. He grinned. "Zachary, tell me why you are here. Keep it simple, honest and brief." She sipped her water again, her eyes never leaving his face, her expression expectant. His eyes widened at her tone. She tilted her head in response, "So let's hear it." She commanded autocratically. He looked temporarily flustered, and she could see him do battle with his thoughts.
He didn't tell her everything, of that she was sure, but he told her enough to make her feel guilty. Half an hour later she had agreed to go to the party. Two hours later, after he had left, she was left wondering if she'd made yet another mistake. Gut feeling said it was a big mistake. Another mistake. But her heart was doing mini somersaults.
Two weeks later, on Friday, just after an early lunch, Grace drove up to Auckland to stay with her parents. She took a fair amount of ribbing from her father about going to Joshua's party.
"He didn't invite me dad." She said for the umpteenth time in vexed exasperation, "Zac did."
"Yes dear." Ben smiled. Grace wanted to strangle him. She imagined he was getting his own back for all those years. Fathers.
"Zac asked me and I said yes. Alright."
"Yes Grace." His eyes twinkled. He'd waited years for this. Years. Daughters.
"What are you wearing tomorrow?" Angie interrupted calmly trying to steer her husband away from his one track. Grace scowled at her father. He feigned indifference.
Side tracked by yet another dilemma, Grace quickly picked up the new conversation thread. "I don't have anything suitable." She remembered the group at the wedding. None of their clothes were home made, and Grace made almost all of her clothes. They employed designers, she designed her own. She had done for years. "Thought I might go shopping tomorrow. Want to come?"
Her mother nodded. "There's this lovely new place in Parnell. Had some lovely things. Took Sasha there." Her mother grimaced, "Total waste of time. That girl's dress sense leaves a lot to be desired."
"Well if it was tasteful and colour coordinated it would have been a real waste on Sasha." Grace agreed. Then with a telling sigh she said, "I want something that is classy, but not ostentatious. Casual enough for a BBQ but not just average. Did it have stuff like that?"
Angie smiled whimsically. "Yes." Ben was right. For a man that she didn't want to impress, Grace was going to an awful lot of trouble for Joshua's party. And she wasn't as confident as usual.
"It's just that I don't want to look out of place." Grace finally owned up. "They aren't exactly your average middle class family are they? Did you see the cars they drive? You should have seen what they wore at the wedding." Nervous, she found herself rambling, "I doubt they'd wear t-shirt and beach shorts to a barbie. I'm not in their class." She frowned, shook her head and then glanced up at her mother. "God, I hope I don't make a fool of myself. This was a stupid idea. I should cancel. If I had any sense I would cancel. Yes. I should cancel."
Angie threw her husband a speaking look. Ben didn't need the signal he was ready to jump in.
"Grace, you could wear a sack and you'd have more class than the lot of them put together."
"Hmm." She looked fondly at her father, his earlier teasing forgotten. "Not that you are biased or anything, dad."
"Stating the obvious." He replied positively.
"Thanks dad."
"Why don't you make a day of it?" Angie suggested. "Pamper yourself." She was warming to her theme, "Get your hair done, have a massage, get a facial, manicure, pedicure, whatever." She hugged her daughter, "You were saying it's been a hectic term, well treat yourself." She smiled, "And to top it all go to the party."
"I don't know."
"Ok, let us treat you." Angie suggested wondering if Grace was temporarily skint.
"No, no, it isn't the money or anything. I can manage that." She shrugged. "I'm just not sure that it's worth all the effort."
"It?" Angie smiled at her daughter, "Not it, you. You are worth the effort, and once in a while we all need to treat ourselves to a bit of luxury."
"I can run you into town tomorrow and meet you both later for lunch." Ben suggested.
"Perfect." Angie continued, "We can shop in the morning, then run you back to Titirangi, there's this nice new place, get yourself a pamper and I'll come and get you when they are all done with you."
"Oh, I don't know."
"Great, that's settled then." Angie went to the phone book to find the telephone number for the salon.
"Mum."
"What?" She found the flier that she had folded and placed in the book.
"Oh nothing," Grace conceded.
"Here, give them a ring."
They telephoned the salon and were very fortunate to get an afternoon appointment. Someone had cancelled at the last moment. A good omen. She would be relaxed, look a million dollars and be ready to face Joshua.
On Saturday morning Grace and her mother shopped for an outfit and in the afternoon Grace spent two rather long hours at a salon, having her hair, face and body done. Throughout the day she wondered why she was going to all this trouble. She had never been one to spend minutes on her appearance, and now, here she was spending hours getting ready for a party that she was already having misgivings about going to. If only she hadn't been swayed by Zac's argument. Who was she kidding, an inner voice challenged, she wanted to go and she wanted to make an impression on Joshua.
Being honest, she soon admitted that Zac hadn't had to push much. She was almost encouraging him to make the right statements, provide the right argument, all the while pretending that she really didn't want to go, but was being magnanimous. Her brain told her it was sheer folly, her heart told her it was serendipity, her chance to dazzle Joshua. And she wanted to see him. She really did. There was just something about that man. Perhaps if she got him out of her system, she could get on with life as normal, instead of having to consciously drag him from her mind at very inopportune moments.
The party at Macleans Bay was in full swing when Grace arrived. For the umpteenth time she questioned the wisdom of coming here. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this nervous. Give her a three hundred-seat lecture theatre filled with colleagues and experts in her field, or a tutorial with the most demanding and challenging students and she would cope. Do more than cope. But a social event like this and she was little more than jelly on legs. Her heart was racing as much from fear as anticipation. She was determined to leave this party having made a positive impression.
It was after half eight and still very bright, she could make out the red gold orb of the sun as it dipped into the water's edge. It had left streaks of red and pink in the still purple blue sky. Enthralled by the beauty of the vista, she simply stood and looked out across the water. It also gave her a chance to pull her self together. She closed her eyes for a second and willed herself to calm down. Then she opened her eyes, let out the breath in one steady stream and turned to face the house.
The drive was littered with cars, expensive cars. Grace threw a doleful glance at her ten year old Mitsubishi parked alongside a gleaming new Ferrari and a sporty Merc. Chalk and cheese. What the hell was she doing here she thought as she glanced along the rows of expensive new cars. She took her time to saunter up the steps toward the front door, counting the cars as she went. She guessed there would be at least seventy people here, there were more than fifty cars in the drive. Once again her heart jack knifed and her palms went from barely damp to an out and out sweat.
The last time she'd been here, she'd been carried through that austere looking portal. But she hadn't taken the time to notice it.
It really was a beautiful old white colonial house. Sweeping, majestic and beautiful. Even the gardens and the drive were immaculate. Grace wondered if Joshua or Zac did the garden, then realized they probably hired someone. These guys were rich. Absolutely loaded. What the hell was she doing here? This was not her scene. The people here did not play in her league. Her confidence began to ebb. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, squared her shoulders and summoned her flagging spirits.
The verandah was deserted and as she stood silently on the top step once again she turned to enjoy the vista of the coastline it provided. She knew she was stalling, but she took her time to study the Bay far below, yachts leaving Auckland harbour could be seen in the distance, nearby, she saw wind surfers cruise slowly along. Grace slowly brought her gaze back to her surrounds. Two other, equally splendid houses shared the tree lined private road.
This really was a different environment to her modest cottage in Cambridge. Her entire cottage would probably fit in one room here. She smiled, funny that she hadn't noticed the size of this place the last time she was here. Childhood insecurities came back to haunt her and again she had second thoughts about being here. She felt out of her depth. Seriously out of her depth. With a great deal of self- consciousness she gave her outfit the once over. She'd actually bought this for tonight. She couldn't remember the last time she'd bought outerwear. She smoothed a non-existent crease as she took a deep breath and battled her reticence. Designer label clothes could not change who she was. And she was as nervous as a kid going to school for the first time.
Before she allowed herself to turn tail and run, Grace took a deep breath and used the door knocker to rap loudly on the door. It was answered promptly.
A relieved Zac beamed at her and hauled her in, as if he sensed her inclination to run. He gave her lips a smacking kiss. "I thought you'd chickened out on me." He teased as his eyes quickly looked her over. He'd been hovering by the door for the last half hour. Thank God she had come.
"Thought about it." She murmured under her breath.
He closed the door firmly once she was in, then he wolf whistled long and loud. "You are gorgeous."
She'd needed that confidence boost. Her palms were still clammy with nerves, but her heart was just beginning to pick up a normal beat.
"Idiot." But Grace was incredibly pleased. At least she looked the part, she thought as she watched him continue to take stock of her.
"Everyone's by the pool." He took her arm and threaded it through his, his eyes glinting with appreciation. "This way. If we weren't rescuing Josh, I'd chat you up myself."
"Now you are over doing it." Grace chided as she used her free hand to smooth her short black linen skirt. It was barely decent, the hemline was several inches above her knees. The skirt allowed viewing access to slim long legs, the low kitten heeled strappy, black and tan leather sandals did not give her much added height. Her temple only reached Zac's shoulder. Clearly he was taller than his older brother. "I doubt I'm your usual taste, in fact I imagine you prefer well stacked blondes."
"I'm hurt." He clutched at his chest, and grinned at her. He let his hand rest on her bare back, "Beautiful skin." He teased unrepentantly as his fingers stroked along her spine.
The tan linen halter top left her shoulders bare and her back devoid of any covering whatsoever. Why was it that designer label clothes cost so much and covered so little?
Grace chuckled just before she dug her elbow into his ribs lightly. "Ooops."
He threw her a wounded little boy look. She laughed. He grinned then added with a great deal of sincerity. "You know, I really like you."
"Idiot." She laughed at him
"She's here." Zac whispered, taking Grace with him, as they stepped through the open patio doorway. He kept his arm on her waist, any excuse to keep touching that beautiful skin. There were hordes of people. Grace was immediately daunted. This was a small party? Zac felt her tense as she quickly took stock of the people. His hand on her waist held firm as he felt her prepare for flight.
"A small party." Shemumbled.
Zac nodded. "Yes, Josh doesn't like big events." He sounded as if he didn't share his brother's viewpoint.
There were heaps of people. That was frightening enough, she never had been a crowd's person. But even more alarming was the fact that the only people she knew in this throng were those related to Joshua or Craig and that amounted to a handful at the most. Her stomach did a somersault as nerves vied for recognition. Zac saw her pensive expression and continued to feel her apprehension as her body became more and more taut. He realized that she hadn't been exaggerating when she'd told him she wasn't a party person. He moved his arm up her body, gave her tense shoulder a gentle reassuring squeeze and left his arm draped along her shoulder, pulling her into a gentle semi hug.
The next time she had a gut feeling, telling her not to do something, she was going to follow it. This evening was going to be a nightmare. She knew it. A living nightmare with her in the staring role as the victim. She hated these kinds of parties. Even though she had no qualms lecturing to hundreds of students, walking into a party of people she didn't know made her quake. Tonight was no different. If only she had stuck to her guns, told Zac that she couldn't make it. Her reason for agreeing had been simple, and it wasn't the one Zac assumed or believed.
Grace had wanted to come, wanted another chance to be with Joshua. It was unexplainable, and she had given up trying, but she had wanted to be with the man. So for the first time in her life she was going to chase a man. Her first thought had resulted in her sending the r.s.v.p regretfully declining the invitation. Her second thoughts were what if: What if she never got to meet him again? What if she never had an opportunity to bump into him again? What if he was never part of her life? It was beginning to depress her. Zac's arrival had been timely. Almost providence. Subconsciously, she knew she'd accept Zac's invitation to the party. Knew it, dreaded it and looked forward to it, all in the same heart beat. And now that she was here, she was surprised that she still had a heart beat.
Zac propelled her forward, pushing her toward a small group of people by the BBQ. He could feel her consternation and knew without a doubt that she would make an excuse and leave within the next few minutes if he didn't do something, and do it quickly.
"Look who's made it." He called loudly drawing immediate attention to them.
Several people turned to stare. Grace wished she'd gone into clinical research, a scientific field, because by now she'd have discovered how to make oneself invisible. A simple method, controlled by thought processes, that way, she'd have had a choice, make them invisible, or make herself invisible. Instead, without that protection, she found herself being observed by a dozen or so pairs of eyes. The people watching were filled with curiosity. She pinned a forced replica of a smile on her lips and gazed sightlessly at the throng that parted to let them through while following their progress. They studied her blatantly, avid curiosity in their eyes. Some recalled seeing her at Craig's wedding, they passed on that tidbit of information. Other's wondered if she was Zac's latest, though they vaguely recalled her leaving the wedding with Joshua. Fascinating. A few simply looked, having never seen her before they were interested in this newcomer to their scene.
Grace assumed an air of calmness, but her heart was thundering so loudly, she was surprised they hadn't heard it. This was worse than she expected or imagined.
First she wasn't expecting to see so many people, 'a small family and close friends party' Zac had said, small, hell, there were more people here than there were on the South Island. The only family she'd spotted so far was Zac, no doubt Mariah and Steven were here too, but surely Joshua didn't have this many close friends.
Second, these people were from a different world. Getting pampered this afternoon for this party, was a treat. It wasn't something she did often. The people here would probably have their hair and makeup done professionally on a regular basis. Designer labels abounded. The only designer label she wore on a regular basis was her bra. Although if she was being picky, she could say she often wore designer gear, she'd designed and made her clothes. Expensive perfume mingled. Grimacing inwardly, Grace glanced down, then wished she hadn't. Their sandals probably cost as much as her entire outfit. She really was not one of this crowd.
As expected, Joshua was at the end of the parted throng. He frowned, then his eyes narrowed as they flicked from Zac to Grace. The look he threw Grace was enough to send her scuttling backwards, but Zac's arm along her shoulder forced her to keep moving forward. On top of everything else, Grace realised that Joshua was livid. Absolutely, uninhibitedly vehemently angry.