LEFT to my own devices in the guest room, I flopped on the king-sized bed, nestled my head in the pillow, and proceeded to cry.
I cried for many reasons.
I cried for Spencer. I cried for his cousin, who had most certainly been laid to rest in the past couple of hours. I cried because I could not be there for Spencer when he needed me most.
But I also cried for myself.
I cried because things were not going according to plan. My training had been put on pause, and my future was now uncertain. And I cried because I had found my mate, and he had finally stopped ignoring me, which allowed me to face the fact that I did not hate him.
Alpha Wade.
It was because of him that I cried most heavily.
He had been cold and off-putting at first, and—admittedly—his shift in tone had not been long instated. But this change had allowed my thoughts to wander—to wander and dream. To dream of a future I could have had with Alpha Wade.
A future that looked dimmer with each passing day.
He did not want me, and I had to come to terms with that.
But my mind would not settle.
Why didn't he want me?
If I smiled a bit more or had a cheerier exterior, would he have been more willing to accept me as I am?
I hated myself for thinking such thoughts. It was him, not me.
It was him.
No matter how hard I tried to convince myself of this, pockets of doubt still lingered. It was him, but it could also be me. It could be us.
Frustrated with myself, I screamed my frustration into the now tear-soaked pillow and then slowly hauled myself up. My heart rate accelerated when I realized I had spent over an hour crying to myself.
I didn't want anyone to see me like this. More specifically, I didn't want Alpha Wade to see me like this, to see how much of an effect the bond had on me. It shouldn't have been something to be ashamed of. The bond was the pride in most Werewolves' lives. But us—our bond—was different in more ways than one.
Dashing from the four-poster bed, I opened the first of two doors in the room. It led to a bare, walk-in closet, so I turned my attention toward the second door, which led to a modest-sized bathroom.
The entire bathroom was white: white countertops, white cabinets, and white tile in the shower. As I stepped up to the pristine sink, I could see my eyes were red and puffy from crying. I wiped the stray tear streaks that ran down my face and then splashed some cold water over my face. The puffiness began to recede, but my eyes were still red.
I waited at the sink for a few moments, watching my reflection in the mirror, hoping the redness would lessen. It was like watching paint dry. My palms dug into the side of the marble countertop.
"Violet?" Alpha Wade's voice broke through the silence. Again, he repeated, "Violet?"
Startled, I ran the water again and splashed more cold water on my face. That would have to do for the time being as Alpha Wade's steps neared. I dried my face off with the nearest white towel and then took a deep breath before exiting the bathroom.
I knew the evidence of my sob session had not been wiped clean, but the signs were less apparent. From a glance, the redness could be interpreted as a sign of tiredness, from the car ride perhaps—even if I had spent the last half of the car ride sleeping. It was all to say, for someone to question the redness in my eyes, it would mean they'd have to care, if only slightly.
And I did not believe Alpha Wade would fall under such a category.
When I pushed open the bathroom door, I decided to act as if nothing was out of the ordinary. As if I had not spent the better part of my time here curled up crying. If Alpha Wade noticed anything different, he did not vocalize it.
Alpha Wade stood close to the end of the bed. His eyes danced around the room. In my haze of emotions, I had not taken the opportunity to look the room over. It was quite large for a guest room.
The king bed was stationed on one side of the room while a fireplace rested directly across from it on the other. A couch surrounded the fireplace, which was a relief to see. Alpha Wade and I did not need to share a bed.
"Dinner's ready," Alpha Wade said, his eyes narrowing on my face. "Ready to face my family again?"
I looked down at my feet and responded, "Well, that depends. Will there be alcohol involved?"
"Copious amounts," he said with a chuckle. "It wouldn't be a proper family dinner without it."
Alpha Wade walked toward the door, motioning for me to follow him. As I followed his lead, I exhaled the breath I had been holding. He didn't seem to notice the traces of my earlier crying session etched on my face.
"That's what I like to hear." My head bounced as I picked up my pace to meet him at the doorway. "But, you know, you'll still have to make it up to me."
"How so?" He turned his head, his interest piqued.
"I was thinking maybe a wing in the pack house dedicated in my honor?" I offered as an option. Once we entered the hallway, I made sure to keep enough distance from Alpha Wade so I would not get overwhelmed by his scent. I had to stop myself from gravitating closer to his body.
"Have you ever been to the pack house?" he questioned.
"No." I blinked but then said, "But I hear it's big."
He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders. "You could have a wing dedicated to you, sure. Maybe change a wing dedicated to one of my lesser-known relatives. But then again, you're aiming small."
"How am I aiming small? A wing is—"
"My great-great-great grandfather built and named a whole city block after one of his mistresses," he stated, eyes wide.
"That's," I paused to reflect. "That's actually really gross, but I now expect a whole town dedicated in my honor."
"A whole town? Violet, now I think you're aiming too high." He smirked, shaking his head once again
To clarify, I held firm in my position. "If a mistress can get a city block, I can get a whole town."
"Maybe you're right," he said, scratching his chin. "I was planning on creating an area in the pack to accommodate and ethically handle the waste our pack generates. Maybe I can dedicate that to you."
"That would be taking it too far," I quickly tried to put a stop to the option he laid on the table. "It would be far too kind. I mean, it sounds like that expansion aims to better pack life, and I don't know if I want my dedicated space to hold such an obligation."
"Fair point." His smile widened as we reached the end of the hallway.
Alpha Wade opened his mouth to say something when Trudy popped through one of the doorways. Upon seeing us, she looked us over with a sly smile and then exclaimed, "There you two are! Off exploring the house together?"
"Something like that," Alpha Wade murmured. Trudy latched onto Alpha Wade's shoulder with one hand and then latched onto my shoulder with her other.
"My sister Miriam has put some valium in the kid's drinks, so they won't cause as much of a ruckus today. So no need to worry about any incidents, Violet. I promise you. "
Looking over my shoulder, past Trudy's voluminous hair, I narrowed my gaze at Alpha Wade. He looked at me sheepishly as Trudy continued to steer us toward the dining room.
It did not take long for us to reach our destination, and, just like everything else in the house, the dining room was large. A monstrous-sized dining table was placed in the center of the room with enough seats for Alpha Wade's entire family to sit plus room for extras, as well.
Many of the seats had already been taken. Trudy did not allow us to pick where we were to be seated. She explained they saved two spots, one for me and one for Alpha Wade, near the head of the table.
As we were guided to our seats, Alpha Wade sat to one side while an older member of Alpha Wade's family, who I had yet to meet, sat on my other side. While the table was vast, the place settings and chairs were scrunched together. Alpha Wade fit just barely in the cramped space, but his knees would often scrape against mine.
Unfolding the napkin by my utensils, the elderly man at the head of the table spoke with a gummy grin, "Hi, Violet. I'm Rufus."
Alpha Wade leaned over and whispered, "My grandfather."
Once Alpha Wade explained his connection to the old man, it was hard to not see the resemblance. When I was younger, I had seen glimpses of Alpha Thames. In my mind, he had been a striking, regal figure in my childhood. While I could not remember every one of his features—especially since he had retired—I had always suspected Alpha Wade took after his looks.
I was wrong.
It was clear he had taken after his grandfather on his mother's side. Rufus, despite his age, still held himself up with confidence. His olive skin matched Alpha Wade's, and they shared the same dazzling eyes. Even the slope of their chins was perfectly aligned with one another.
If it had not been for the small scar under Alpha Wade's eye, I was sure it would have been impossible to distinguish the two of them if they were both the same age. They even had the same single dimple on the same side of the face.
I smiled at Rufus—which felt a lot like smiling at Alpha Wade—as Trudy began plating the pasta that had been cooked for dinner. She and a few of her helpers walked up and down the table, filling everyone's plates with food.
One of Alpha Wade's cousins, who was sitting nearby, laughed to himself when he said, "More like Dufus."
Trudy, who was close by serving food, set the bowl of pasta down and smacked him on the head. "Do you ever take a day off?"
"I cannot afford to take a day off in this economy," he responded, picking up his utensils as he waited to be served.
"Miriam," Trudy turned toward the woman sitting near me. "Maybe Chase would enjoy a drink of your special concoction."
"That's a wonderful idea, Trudy," Miriam gleamed.
As Trudy finished serving the food, Alpha Wade's grandmother, Sheila, who sat across the table, said, "We're happy you're here, Violet."
I nodded at her, fiddling with my hands in my lap under the table. My knees bounced up and down, knocking into Alpha Wade. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Alpha Wade peering at me with amusement.
Clearing his throat, Rufus said, "We were worried about Wade for many years. As you can imagine, losing his mate was not easy for him, especially at such a young age." Rufus sat back in his chair and mused, "But Wade.... He took his grief—"
"We don't need to talk about this," Alpha Wade responded, his voice gruff.
Rufus, after receiving a warning look from his wife, decided to drop the topic and instead redirected his attention back to me. "So, Violet, Wade's told us you two met at the Training Grounds."
I nodded my head, surprised at how much information Alpha Wade had divulged about us to his family. "I would like to be on Patrol one day."
A small smile twitched onto Rufus' thin lips. "One day you might be Luna."
"Grandpa," Wade warned with a ferocious glare. "She—"
"Is she not—"
Wade cut off his grandfather before he could finish his sentence. "It's complicated."
"It's as complicated as you make it, son." He shook his head, taking a drink of his wine. "But, nonetheless, I digress. I don't understand why people try to make the mating bond so complicated these days."
"Back in our day," Sheila gleamed. "You marked and mated the day you met your mate. Everything else came after that."
"Ew," Chase coughed. "I don't need to know the intimate details of your love life, Grandma."
"How do you think you were born, boy?"
"Immaculate conception," he said. "Or maybe even a test tube."
A different one of Wade's cousins said, "You were not made in a test tube. You never would have made it past the selection process."
"Wanna bet?"
"You're a fucking idiot."
"Language," Sheila warned. "For one night, one singular night, could you tone down the insistent jokes? We've got company."
"I say she needs to know what it's like to be a part of and around this family before she commits to something she might regret."
"Are you implying we'd scare her away?" Trudy laughed.
"If you haven't already." Chase leaned back in his chair.
As the tone of dinner turned light, laughter was on the tip of everyone's tongues as the drinks kept coming and the food began to disappear off our plates.