(The picture above is Guan)
Zeng Chang really hated his job.
At first, when he was young and just starting out, it hadn't been that bad. Running to and fro around the Jade Palace, carrying messages from master to master had been easy, if a bit tedious.
But then, as the years went on and he grew older, his legs grew weary of all the running. He wanted to retire, or at the very least get a new job, but alas, it wasn't in the cards. Because Shifu's potential look of fury when he found out his most reliable messenger was quitting was something Zeng never wanted to see. He liked living, thank you very much.
Nothing scared him more than Shifu, which Zeng thought was extremely irrational. Shifu was a kung fu master, a sworn protector of the Valley of Peace and its inhabitants. He would never truly harm Zeng, but Tai-lung...
The incident with Tai-lung was the thing that had brought Zeng the closest to quitting that he had ever come in his career. He had walked for two weeks to carry that message to Chorh-gom, and when he had gotten there he had been greeted by glares and yells by the guards, who were less than pleased by Shifu's lack of confidence in their abilities and the prison's facilities. They had practically forced him to tour the place, ranting on about Chorh-gom's inescapability... only to end up eating their words not fifteen minutes later when Tai-lung escaped.
The escape itself was so fast and eventful, Zeng could barely remember who did or said what through all the shouting, explosions and crashes, but he could recall what happened afterwards.
Zeng could still remember it with startling clarity. He had been blasted onto the snowy ridge of the mountain Chorh-gom lied within by one of the prison's self-destruction mechanisms. He had been one of the lucky ones, most of the guards were sent plummeting to their doom by the blast.
His ears were ringing, he was shaking from fear and the cold, but Zeng could feel the footsteps coming. He had looked up in horror at the very man who the prison was built for; Tai-lung.
He was just as the rumors described. Tall and muscular, so sturdy that he paid no heed to the cold, even in his shirtless state. His teeth-no, fangs were bared in a cocky grin, his hair white as the newly driven snow. His yellow eyes glowed like a snow leopard on the prowl for quarry, and it had appeared he had chosen Zeng as his next meal.
(The eyes were what got him the most. Every bit of that man was terrifying, but you could see in those cold eyes he had no remorse. They weren't human, at least not to Zeng)
The broken chains on his wrists rattled as he grabbed Zeng by the neck, firm enough to keep him from getting away, but soft enough that he wasn't being choked. Then, for the first time since his escape, Tai-lung spoke.
"I'm glad Shifu sent you. I was beginning to think I had been forgotten", the man said, giving Zeng an easy going smile that wouldn't have looked out of place on his face five years ago. Before his incarceration, before his rampage. Then, the smile gained a cruel edge, and whatever sense of ease Zeng had been lulled vanished with the howling wind. This wasn't Tai-lung Zhanshi, the son of Shifu who had cracked jokes with the palace servants; this was Tai-lung, enemy of the Valley of Peace, and quite possibly Zeng's own killer.
"Run back there and tell them; the real Dragon Warrior is coming home.", the man hissed, before throwing Zeng onto the ground and watching him scramble to flee, all emotions leaving his face as he did so.
The whole time, Zeng didn't look back. He was afraid of what- of who he might see if he did. But Tai-lung didn't follow him. He must have wanted to give him a head start, to instill worry into Shifu and the others, or perhaps he decided he just wasn't worth the effort to kill.
Either way, Zeng was glad to leave alive, no matter the circumstances. And when he finally told Shifu of what had happened at Chorh-gom, while the old master was filled with dread and rushed off to inform Master Oogway of the news, Zeng was filled with thankfulness for still having his head attached to his neck, and promised himself not to complain about work to his wife for at least a month
So Zeng resigned himself once more to his fate as he marched up the countless stairs towards the Onyx Temple, home of the Sacred Onyx Shaolin, better known as the Masters' Council. He had only been here once before many years ago, and had nearly lost his head when some jumpy kung fu master threw an ax at him, thinking him to be an intruder.
Needless to say, he hadn't been too eager to return.
But orders were orders, and these ones came from Oogway, on behalf of the Dragon Warrior herself. This made Zeng slightly less uneager to fulfill his duties, because from what little he had seen of the girl who fell out of the sky, she wasn't that bad and was considered extremely promising (he forced himself to ignore the fact that those were the exact words he used to describe a young Tai-lung to those who asked, back before he went awry).
Zeng's task was simple; deliver a scroll to the Masters' Council explaining why the Sword of Heroes had gone missing, and why it would apparently not be returning to the Hall of Warriors, while praying that none of them took any of their anger out on him. Thankfully, kung fu masters tended to have much more self control than prison guards, so Zeng wasn't too worried about a repeat incident. Still, he wasn't thrilled, either.
As he scaled the last of the stairs and arrived at the large black doors to one of the greatest existing kung fu temples, Zeng took a few deep breaths and rapped on the door. A few moments later, both were doors opened dramatically by temple servants, and Zeng was left in awe of the men of the Sacred Onyx Shaolin. The twenty odd masters stood in a circle, seemingly awaiting his arrival. Zeng gulped as one of the men in the circle narrowed his lizard-like eyes at him.
"You, what is your name? For what purpose have you come here?", the old man's booming voice asked, echoing off the walls of the temple. Zeng gulped again.
"M-my name is Zeng, sir. I'm a servant of the Jade palace. I come bearing a message from Master Oogway.", he answered. The lizard-like man's yellow eyes widened greatly at that. Zeng shivered a bit at how much his eyes reminded him of Tai-lung.
"The Jade Palace, you say? How interesting. Tell me, is Oogway at last retiring, or has the old man finally keeled over?", a smooth, seductive voice asked mischievously. Zeng looked at the direction the voice came from, and was stunned by the beauty before him.
To the right of the lizard-eyed man was a beautiful woman with long, smooth orange hair that went past her waist. Her face was pale and delicate. She wore an elegant blue hanfu and hid her lower face behind a sky blue fan, patterned with peach blossoms. Peach blossoms were also clipped in her hair. Zeng's face turned bright red as he caught a glimpse smoldering orange eyes peeking over the edge of the fan, giving him only the barest hint of a glance. He swore, if he wasn't already married...
"Junjie! Hold your tongue!", the old yellowed eyed man barked. The woman lowered her fan, revealing plump red lips as she smirked at the old master.
"Of course, Master Chao. My apologies for my vulgarness.", the woman apologized as she fluttered her fan gently. Zeng then realized that the lizard-like man, now known as Master Chao, had referred to the woman as Junjie. Master Junjie was one of the strongest members of the Masters' Council, and a personal student of Master Oogway, but most alarmingly...
Master Junjie was said to be a man.
All the color drained from Zeng's face as he realized he had been briefly pining over a man, and he forced any lingering attraction to deepest recesses of his mind. His wife would kill him if she ever knew, and men weren't his cup of tea. Master Chao gave Master Junjie one last stern look before returning his gaze to Zeng.
"So, Oogway sent you? For what reason? Has Tai-lung at last been dealt with?", the old master asked. Zeng shook his head.
"No, sir. I was sent to inform you of the situation regarding the Sword of Heroes.", Zeng elaborated. Master Chao raised an eyebrow.
"That relic? Yes, we were made aware of its status as missing. Has it been found? Is that why you were sent here?", the man asked. Zeng winced a bit and frowned.
"Um, not exactly... ", he trailed off. Master Junjie frowned and raised a delicate eyebrow.
"'Not exactly'? What is that supposed to mean? It's a simple question. Have you found it or not? Yes or no?", the feminine kung fu master scolded. Zeng winced again and meekly mumbled his answer. Junjie didn't hear it and started glaring at him.
"Speak up, man!", he barked. Zeng jumped and gave his answer again, likely much louder than he should have.
"It is in the hands of the Dragon Warrior!", the brown eyed man said with a yelp. Every master in the room was left blinking at him.
"The Dragon Warrior? You mean the one Oogway chose? They were the one who took it?", Master Chao asked in bewilderment. Zeng nodded.
"Yes. She has chosen to keep the sword as her personal weapon.", the black haired man explained. Master Chao's eyebrows rose in surprise, and a glint of interest arose in Master Junjie's eyes.
"She, you say? You mean to tell us that the Dragon Warrior is a woman? How curious. I thought Shifu had no female students.", Master Junjie said with a flutter of his fan. Zeng began to look around shiftily as he realized all eyes from the other masters were now on him. He hated being the center of attention.
"H-he did not, but when the Dragon Warrior fell out of the sky during the choosing ceremony, Master Oogway took it as a sign from the universe and made her the Dragon Warrior.", Zeng said, cursing himself for stuttering. Masters whispered amongst each other, and behind his fan Junjie's smirk widened. Master Chao raised a hand to silence the chatter, and once everyone stopped speaking, he raised an eyebrow at Zeng
"Is that so? Well, if Oogway deems her worthy, then I see no reason to question his decision. I have no doubt she is capable of handling Tai-lung, and if she wishes to keep the Sword of Heroes as her own, then I see no harm in allowing it. Though, I would like an official statement of the reason why she took it in the first place.", Master Chao requested. Zeng nodded and pulled the scroll he had been given out of his messenger bag.
"I have it right here. It was approved by Master Oogway, and written by the Dragon Warrior herself.", Zeng said as he handed the scroll to Chao. Chao took it and unrolled it, reading it over carefully before a look of shock overcame his features. Master Junjie noticed this, and peeked over Master Chao's shoulder to read what was written. The orange haired man looked extremely confused.
"... This just says 'Fuck around and find out' in caligraphy.", the young master said at last, sounding just as confused as he looked.
—----------------------------------------------------
A few days earlier
"You want me to what?", Guan asked from the threshold of his room's door. It was two hours after training, and he had been about to unwind by reading a fiction scroll when there was a knock at his door. He wasn't wearing his usual hat, and Jade was back in her t-shirt and black jeans, having changed out of her usual training attire of a sports bra and yoga pants. Jade looked up at him with a hopeful grin.
"I want you to teach me how to read and write.", she repeated. Guan blinked at her.
"You mean you're illiterate?", he asked in slight disbelief. Jade's smile dropped and she gave him a glare.
"No, I just don't know Chinese. I can read and write in two different languages. Why? Got a problem with illiterates?", she asked seriously. Guan became flustered and waved his hands in front of him, panicking.
"W-what?! N-no! I just... I wanted to gauge your situation, is all!", he defended. Jade scrutinized him before grinning again and clapping him on the shoulder.
"Yeah, I know! I was just messing with you! So, are you willing or not?", Jade asked with a chuckle. Guan's blush deepened as he thought of all the other things he would be 'willing' to do with Jade, before shaking his head to rid himself of those thoughts and nodding.
"Ye-yeah, sure.", the black haired man agreed. Jade's grin became near-earsplitting, and Guan started to wonder how she was physically capable of doing that.
"Cool! Where do we start?"
—-----------------------------------------------------
"What up I'm Jared, I'm nineteen, and I never fuckin' learned how to read.", Jade said in a deadpanned voice with her head laying on Guan's desk. She had been trying to learn the Chinese language for over an hour, but she was getting nowhere. Guan frowned at her.
"Don't say things like that.", he scolded. Jade gave him an annoyed look.
"Oh shove it. You can critique my speaking habits when you manage to do the impossible and teach me how to read, which you have so far had no luck in.", the green eyed girl snarked. Guan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"It's not impossible, it's just a process that takes time. You've made staggering progress for a day one beginner. It takes a while to learn any new language, though I have to ask, why didn't you learn the characters when you learned the words?", the tall, black eyed man asked in a curious, no-judgmental tone. Jade sighed and answered him.
"That's because I never learned the Chinese language.", she admitted. Guan gaped at her in shock.
"What?! But you've been speaking it fluently since you arrived here! How is it possible that you never learned the language, and yet you've been speaking it perfectly for such a substantial amount of time?!", he loudly exclaimed. Jade sighed again and sat up.
"I don't know. Jesus? Buddha? The Google gods? Who knows. All I know is that you can somehow understand me when I speak, and I can somehow understand you when you speak. It's probably more complicated than I make it sound, but do I care? No. Now, are you gonna finish explaining to me how the hell brushstrokes factor into all this, or are you just gonna sit there with your mouth open like a dead fish?", Jade asked bluntly. Guan realized he was still gaping and closed his mouth, mortified at his actions. He then scooched closer to Jade, to the point where they were both sitting in front of the desk, so he could teach her better.
"Right, sorry. So, the character for 'house' is written like this- ", Guan started to explain as he picked up the calligraphy brush off the table and dipped it in some ink. Jade sighed dramatically.
"Guan, buddy, I appreciate the info, but I don't need to know how to spell the word 'house' right now.", the girl complained politely. Guan gave her a flat look and raised an eyebrow.
"Well, what do you need to know?", he asked. Jade gave him a nervous look.
"How to write a professional letter to the Masters' Council explaining my fuck up?", the black and white haired girl said in a tone that made her words sound like more of a question than an answer. Guan's shocked look returned.
"What did you do?!", he asked in a mix of panic and shock. Jade waved her hands frantically in front of her as she tried to explain herself.
"Wait wait wait wait wait! I just took a sword! Nothing world ending!", she assured. Relief and then realization spread across Guan's face at the news.
"Oh thank the gods! Wait... You stole the Sword of Heroes, didn't you?", he asked in a 'I'm disappointed but not surprised' tone of voice after clutching his heart in relief. Jade glared at him.
"Ye of little faith, Guan.", she criticized. Guan just gave her a flat look.
"Did you or did you not steal the sword?", he asked. Jade narrowed her eyes at him and Guan had his answer.
"Okay fine, yes I did, but I am not apologizing. Oogway said I could keep it. I just need to send to letter to Central 46- I mean the Civilian Council- I mean the Hero Commission- I mean the Masters' Council, explaining why I took it, why Oogway let me keep it, and why I should have it in the first place.", Jade explained, wincing everytime she got the name of the Masters' Council wrong.
She swore, every anime or cartoon she had watched that involved warriors had some sort of council in it. There were so many it was hard to keep track of them all. Guan looked at her strangely after she got the Masters' Council's name wrong so many times, but after he got over that, he only sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose again.
"Okay then, I'll help you. But! You still have to learn how to read and write!", the tired man said. Jade grinned once he agreed and nodded.
"Fine by me. So, ready to get started?"
—-----------------------------------------------------
"You know what? Fuck it. I give up. Just write 'Fuck around and find out', make them suffer like we have by not giving them a proper answer.", Jade said from her place lying on Guan's futon, in a voice that made it very clear she was on the verge of a mental breakdown.
She and Guan had been attempting to write her letter to the Masters' Council for hours, but had hit dead ends on what to say each time. There was no sophisticated way to say 'I came, I saw, I took the pretty sword to make myself more badass than I already am'. They were both growing tired of it all, and Jade had just about McFucking had it with questions about phrasing or sentence length. Guan looked up from the message scroll on the desk in front of him and looked at Jade in bewilderment.
"Are you sure about that? I mean, this is the Masters' Council we're talking about.", Guan inquired. Jade sat up and gave him a haunted look.
"Gaun, I am not letting this hell go on any longer. If I have to suffer through any more of this, I'm chokeslamming whoever required that I do this into the nearest wall. Write what I told you to write, or so help me God, Tai-lung will be the least of your concerns.", the pale girl told him in the most serious tone Guan had ever heard her use. The pale man gulped and picked up his brush, before looking at Jade curiously.
"So do you want me to write down exactly what you said or do you want a less offensive version- ?", Guan started to ask, only for Jade to shoot him a look that said he had point five seconds to shut up before he lost his existing privileges.
"Did I fucking stutter?", she asked severely. Guan turned white as a sheet and started painting the characters onto the scroll.
"No edits, got it.", he squeaked, and in a few short moments he was done. Guan looked at Jade with a closed-eye smile.
"There, all done. Now we just have to wait for it to dry and- ", he started to say, but was cut off by Jade once more.
"Cool, now come here so I can hold you.", she demanded bluntly. Guan stiffened and turned redder than a beet, his eyes wide.
"Wha-what?", he stuttered. Jade rolled her eyes at his disoriented state.
"Come here so I can hold you. You're warm and I'm freezing.", she repeated, then explained. Guan sputtered some more before getting proper words out.
"B-But it's summer! You shouldn't be cold!", he screeched not unlike the bird he had been during Jade's childhood. Jade gave him a flat look.
"Well too bad, because it's colder than the leather of the belt my mom used to beat me with in here.", she joked in a voice that did not make it sound like she was joking. At all. Guan looked at her in horror, and Jade rolled her eyes to the sky, sighing dramatically.
"That was a joke, Guan. No one's ever tried to beat me before, except maybe Shifu during the stick incident. Now get your ass over here.", Jade demanded tiredly. Guan began to look just as tired and went to stand in front of her, arms crossed.
"People where you're from must have messed up senses of humor.", Jade flopped back onto the futon, closing her tired eyes.
"Yeah well, you're not entirely wrong. Hey, what are you still doing standing up? Get down here already, dumbass.", Jade said, her arms behind her head as she opened one eye to look at her nervous friend, before she reached out a hand and took his own, pulling him down beside her.
Guan yelped as he was pulled downward and gasped as two strong arms wrapped around his waist. Jade buried her face into the crook of his neck and inhaled. He smelled like ink and old paper. Despite her recent experiences involving the materials, she liked it. Guan squirmed a bit as he tried to get comfortable.
"So do you just want me here for a few minutes or the whole night or- ?", the young man rambled, completely forgetting that this was his room and his bed. Jade grumbled quietly. Good God, he talked a lot when he was nervous.
"Guan?", she started to say, interrupting her friend for the umpteenth time that night. Guan promptly shut his mouth.
"Yeah?", he asked.
"Shut up.", she commanded gently, sleep slowly overtaking her consciousness.
Jade hadn't slept in days, her eagerness to master kung fu and the Sword of Heroes overcoming her need for basic human necessities like sleep. It seemed her energy was waning. She was about to crash. Guan obeyed her command for all of ten seconds before speaking up again, but it was too late. She was already asleep.
"Jade- ?", he finally got the courage to say, speaking up to question his friend's words. But he cut himself off when he realized the girl's breathing had evened out, and smiled softly. Guan then shifted the blanket from his neatly mad futon out from under him and covered Jade and himself with it, resigning himself to his sleepy fate. Turning a bit, he faced the candle beside him and blew it out, turning off the lights and leaving him and Jade in almost complete darkness.
Guan turned his head back around and closed his eyes. He fell asleep to the peaceful sound of Jade's breathing, a soft smile on his face throughout the entire night.
Nice to see this chapter didn't take me another goddamned eternity. Yes, I made Junjie young and attractive. Yes, he will be a love interest, but he won't be seen again for a while. I'm planning on doing some other legends of awesomeness characters as love interests, too. Mostly villains. All those institution names used in that one joke are from different anime's: central 46 is Bleach, civilian council is Naruto, and the hero commission is MHA for those who aren't familiar. Next time, more bonding time!
So long and Goodnight, Thackery Binx.