"You may leave, Miss de Marre." The queen motioned with her ring clad hand. "I have no more questions for you."
"As you wish, Your Highness." Sheera stood, flashing me an apologetic smile, then curtsied before she slowly made her way out of the room.
The sound of the doors shutting behind her echoed through the vast space, sending a chill down my spine.
"What more could she want from me?" I wondered, wishing she had just let me go as well.
"I have chosen you, Miss Beckett." The Queen watched me as if this had been another one of her tests.
"To be sent home, Your Highness?" I mocked.
"No." Her gaze grew harsher, "To wed my son."
I stared back at her, as my skin prickled and heart thumped, doing everything I could to pretend I was not shocked.
"You tease me, My Queen." I tried to laugh, but nothing came out, so instead I forced a smile.
"Let us not play this game of masks, child." She sounded bored, "You know I am being sincere, so do not drag this out more than it needs be."
Her personality had once again shifted in a matter of seconds, nearly giving me whiplash. In the twenty or so minutes since we had arrived, she had been several different versions of herself, making it to where I honestly could not figure out which was truly hers.
"Had her wicked display been nothing more than a show for Sheera?" I rubbed the fabric of my dress between my thumb and pointer finger, "It felt too real to have been nothing more than a façade."
I waited for a moment, sizing up the situation. I did not want to believe her after everything she had just put me through, but the honesty in her voice confused me.
What I had not been confused about was the newly forged dislike I had for the woman and her awful games.
"Why me?" I finally asked.
"Because you have nothing." She stared back, "You have no one whispering in your ear, controlling you from the shadows. You are just a broken little girl who longs for love and nothing more, and my Thomas needs someone who will not betray him. Someone who will put his wants before that of their family's needs and aspirations."
My skin crawled at her motherly tone and her insulting evaluation of me only angered me further. "So, all you need from me is to love your son?" I asked then mentally added, "To obey him."
It sounded too good to have been true.
"There is more to it than love." She shook her head, "But those needs are for later. For now, your job is to win The Courting, and my son's heart. And with how often he visits you in the garden, it should not be that hard of a feat."
My eyes grew at her relaxed tone as she dropped such an unnerving bit of information that she shouldn't have been privy to. "Have you been watching all of us?" I bit my tongue wishing I had not said it aloud.
"Watching you?" She met my fixed gaze, "No. But the eyes of the castle see all, especially in such a public place."
"I see." I fought the embarrassment that wanted to make itself known on my cheeks. But the thought of more than just one person having seen the two of us intertwined in the garden was hard to push past.
"You must not fail me." She snapped me back to reality.
"And if I fail?" I held firm, keeping the real questions I wanted to ask to myself.
"If you go against my wishes and purposefully lose or do anything to make a fool out of me or my son, then there will be worse things than your mother waiting for you." Those words, I believed them without a second thought. There was this look in her deep blue eyes that seared me to the bone, and I did not even dare question her further despite being filled to the brim with them.
Where I had once had the choice of disobeying my family and taking control of my own life and choices, the queen had finally stripped me of them, leaving me in the same predicament as before. I could not disobey her as easily as my family, but for now, her demands aligned with my own wants.
However, I did not know how long that would last.
"Then I shall do my best." I smiled.
. . .
The moment the doors shut behind me I started gasping for breaths. The whirlwind which had been that conversation felt like a kick to the gut.
I was in over my head, drowning in the new demands while being pulled down by the old. Who should I have chosen between the two? My family, or the Queen? In truth I wanted to choose me. But I did not know exactly what I had wanted.
Henry? Thomas? Both had me ensnared in different ways. But realistically I could not have Henry the way I could have had Thomas. I had all but been guaranteed Thomas, by himself and his mother. But I did not want to let go of Henry. Of how warm and safe he made me feel.
I angered myself, going back and forth between brothers when I should have only ever had eyes for one. But feeling the things I felt for Henry were my choice and they came naturally. Whereas with Thomas everything was forced or predetermined.
It was clear who the choice had to be. I just did not want to make it yet.
"Ah, there you are, Miss Beckett." I could hear his smile from across the hall.
"Thomas." I straightened up, trying to hide my exhaustion and stress. "I had just finished speaking with your mother."
"I know." His long legs carried him to me within seconds. "I assume all went well since you are not in tears."
I looked up at his brilliant light blue eyes framed in long wispy lashes, as they burned with emotions unknown to me.
"Indeed, I shall remain with you longer." I carefully moved backwards, his closeness filling me with unease.
He paused for a moment, then tightly grabbed me by the shoulders. "You have no idea how upset I was when I found out. I thought you had been ravaged and beaten to a pulp."
"S-Sheera is the one to thank for that not happening." I clenched my jaw at his touch.
"Let me go." I thought to myself, "Just let me go. . ."
He released me almost as if he had heard my thoughts, then before I knew it his lips were firmly pressed against mine and his hands pulled me into him.
I swallowed the urge to scream, as I tried to relax myself, but the more he engulfed me the more I wanted to push him off.
He was rough, like that man, filling me full of fear and dredging up memories of that day.
"T. . .Thomas." I breathed through the relentless kisses, but he invaded my mouth with his.
"I missed you." He trailed his kisses down my face, planting them along my neck. "God have I craved this, you."
"W-we are in the middle. . ." I yelped as he bit my neck, "of the hall. . . please. . . before someone sees."
I heard him sigh before he unwillingly let me go. "I suppose you are right." Anger flashed across his face before being replaced with a smile. "I have something for you."
"You did not need to-" My body completely froze as fear washed over me.
"I personally went to the place where you were attacked, doing what I could to find any information on why it had occurred, when I found this," He dangled the necklace he had gifted to me, the one I had lost in the attack, in front of my face. "near the body of one of those decaying bandits."
I stared at the glittering piece of jewelry as tears welled up in my eyes and the urge to vomit tickled at the back of my throat.
"I-I'm so. . ." It felt as if I had been skinned. Every inch of me that the filthy man had touched burned as my mind fogged over and I began to sweat.
I could have sworn that I saw Thomas' face twist into a wicked smile as his hateful eyes peered down at me with pleasure swirling around in them.
But I knew it had to have been a figment of my tortured mind as he had, within the blink of an eye, been looking down at me with a hurt expression plastered across his beautiful face.
"Emma? Are you okay?" He gently pulled me back into his large chest. "You have endured so much darling, just let it all out. I am here now, nothing will hurt you again."
He was suffocating me. Or at least that was what it had felt like. I bit my cheek, trying to rip the awful thoughts from my mind as I pushed away from him.
"It's not his fault, he's done nothing wrong." I tried to beat it into my own head.
"I am so. . . happy that you found it." I forced the words out with everything I had. "I was so scared it had been lost for good."
He smiled, brushing a stray hair out of my eyes, "Then shall I return it to where it belongs?"
"Please." I nearly choked out, then immediately closed my eyes, dreading the feeling of the cool metal against my skin.
To him, it had been a sweet gesture, a token of his love. And before, it was something I had once cherished. But now, it was nothing more than a constant memory of that day, one that I was going to be forced to wear daily without a choice to do otherwise.
"Back where it belongs." He clasped it, then gently grabbed my chin, "Around the neck of the woman who's mine and mine alone."
I opened my eyes only to have been pulled back into another, harsher, kiss. Though, thankfully it was shorter than the last.
I knew it wasn't his fault that I could hardly stomach him and his affection, but it did not make it any easier. Part of me was angry. Furious at how I refused his advances when I enjoyed how tingly his touches had once made me feel.
But I was not ready for it, not when all I could think about was instead of it being him who kissed me, it was that man. That I was back in the woods, being forced down onto the ground and with his filthy, rancid lips on me.
And still, what bothered me more, was his lack of consideration. That the thought hadn't even crossed his mind that he shouldn't have immediately forced himself on me after I had something so horrible happen to me only days prior.
Then again, who was I to assume he even knew the full story? I had only just informed the queen of it myself. So, there was no telling what exactly he thought had happened.
What I did know was that I needed time before I could accept his advances, enjoy his affection.
However, it was becoming very clear that time was not something I was going to get.