Freedom
I was still young when I realize the reality of how the world's work. This world are full of cheaters, liars and snakes. Even your family and friends can betray you. No one is an exemption.
That's why I can't give my trust easily to anyone. And that's the reason I will never allow myself fall in love with someone. I don't believe in love because I am not made of love. I am sin that no one wants. I am not supposed to born anyway. Dahil bunga ako ng kasalanan. A sin that my parents did but I am the one's who is suffering of what they did.
And I loathed them for it. I don't want to live like this. Living while carrying the sins and burdens that your parents did. Taking the responsibility that you are not responsible for. And being blamed for the things that you didn't even did. How cruel the world, isn't?
My mother is prostitute that's what my father said. Nong magkalabuan daw ang relasyon nila Tita doon n'ya nakikila ang mama ko. They met in bar. My father and Tita are already married that time.
My father said I am just a mistake. A mistake that he regretted his whole life. But it can't change the fact that he still cheated. I strongly disagree though it's not just a mistake. It's a choice. A choice that he decided to do.
If he really love Tita then why he was in that place in the first place? Kung nagkakalabuan sila ba't hindi siya gumawa ng paraan para magkaayos sila? Instead of going in that place. And if he really love enough tita then he can't be tempted with any women no matter what they do. Kahit maghubad pa man ito sa harapan n'ya. His love is shallow then if he got easily tempted.
I will never understand the point of those of who cheat to their partner. I couldn't, whatever reason they have. Paano kaya nila nasisikmura na lokohin 'yong partner nila? Love in this generation is a gamble. You can't be sure if you'll win it or lose. You're lucky if you find a faithful, then. But right now, it rare to find someone who is faithful.
Tumaas ang kilay ko. He mess with wrong person. I can't be easily get by that card. I'm not easy get like those girls.
"How sure you are... that I will agree to that?" I rolled my eyes.
"Let's see, then." He chuckled.
"Okay, let's see." I smiled sarcastically.
I'm not a player but I can still play this game better. Let's see who's gonna win.
Namangha ang mata ko nang makita ang tanawin sa unahan. Marahan na huminto ang kotse. My eyes were glistening while surveying the whole place. Kung maganda iyon sa picture na nakikita ko sa internet ay mas lalong maganda iyon sa personal. It ten times better than the pictures! In front of my eyes were the tall walls of Ruins of Alcatraz. If you are watching Attack on Titans, then you can compare it to the three walls; Wall of Maria, Wall Rose, and Wall Sheena.
And take we're still inside the car when I saw it. Paano pa kaya kapag nasa itaas na kami ng Ruins of Alcatraz? Edi mas lalo pang maganda ang tanawin?
Dahil sa pagiging abala ko sa paninitig sa paligid at hindi ko na namalayan na lumabas na pala ito sa loob ng sasakyan. I just notice him when he open the door beside me.
My eyebrows immediately raised when he offer his hand to me. What? What did he think of me? Pilay na hindi makaalis doon kapag walang kamay n'ya o tulong nito?
I go out from the car and ignore his hand. Kunwari hindi ko iyon nakita. I saw him chuckle like he's amuse of me.
"Ang suplada naman." He laughed.
Tiningnan ko siya ng masama nang sabihin n'ya iyon. Alangan naman maging sweet ako sa kan'ya.
"So, what? Maganda naman. Eh ikaw nga pangit na nga pangit pa ang ugali." I saw him frozed for a seconds.
I smirked. Alam kung hindi n'ya inaasahan ang naging sagot ko. I guess 1 point for me?
"What the heck? Me? Ugly?" Hindi makapaniwala n'yang saad.
"Are you blind?," he added.
I rolled my eyes. Kung bulag ako edi hindi ko siya nakikita. Where's the common sense? I shrugged off my head like I can't believe him.
My sight shifted in the beach near the Ruins. Para'ng inaakit ako ng tubig na pumunta roon na para bang may sariling isip ang mga paa ko na humakbang patungo sa beach. A loud air enveloped my bare face when I reached the beach. I embraced my body using my arms when I feel the extreme cold. By simple looking at the beach make me calm. It's so peaceful here. I could wish I will always be like this.
Sa sobrang kalma ng tubig sa dalampisan ay mas lalo akong nakakaramdam ng takot. Takot na baka may biglang dumating na napakalakas na alon at hindi pa ako handa na salubungin ito. But that's life, even if you're not ready to face the waves you must face it. There's no such ready in this life. Ready or not you must face and accept it wholeheartedly.
I don't know if I am still referring to waves.
"You may catch a cold. Do you want to swim?" I feel someone put something on my shoulder.
It was from my back. I glanced at my shoulder. It's a plain black jacket. Nakita ko si Silas sa gilid ko na naupo sa bato.
I faked a laugh I don't know how to say to him that I don't know how to swim. And I don't have any extra undergarments.
"It's your first time coming here?" He asked again.
I slowly nodded and tried to sit like what he did. Buti na lamang at hindi ako nakapalda kaso medyo mahirap din pala umupo kapag naka slacks ka. Slacks kasi ang uniporme namin hindi palda. Pero wala namang kaso sa akin 'yon kasi okay lang naman sa'kin kahit ano.
"Bakit mo nga ba ako naisipang isama rito? We're not that close to invite me here. Oh, I forgot you didn't invite me either you force me to come here together with you."
"Sorry, It wasn't my to intention to force you. I'm just desperate. You know I'm kind of interested to you." He looked shy when he said it.
What? For whatever reason my heart flattered. But I must not believe what he say easily. He is known as a certified playboy. He might just bluffing. Most of men were liars and manipulated. I couldn't be the victim. I refuse!
"Ilang babae na ang sinabihan mo n'yan?" Tila walang gana kung tanong.
"Ikaw pa lang."
He's pick up line is an old style! Napalakhak ako sa kan'yang sinabi. Ikaw pa lang? I couldn't believe it! Hays mga lalaki nga naman magsisinungaling para makuha ka. Nalukot ang noo nito nang tumawa ako na para bang nainsulto ito.
"I'm serious. Hindi ako 'yong naghahabol sila lang mismo mo ang kumukusa na lumalapit sa akin."
I don't if I'm gonna be happy of what he said.
"Whatever." Ipinalibot ko ang dalawang mata sa kan'ya bago tumayo mula sa bato na inuupuan.
Napadungaw ako sa mataas na pader ng Ruins. This could be a nice resort if they finish this. Marahan akong humakbang papunta sa taas. Dahan-dahan lang ang paglakad ko dahil medyo madulas ang bato na tinapakan ko. In just one wrong move you may fall. Bato pa naman ang babagsakan mo kaya mas mabuti ng mag-ingat.
Nasa likuran ko land din si Silas nakasunod. Mahirap pala umakyat sa ibabaw. Masyadong nakakalula 'yong taas. Para'ng mahihilo ka kapag tumingin ka sa ilalim habang umaakyat. Even I'm not afraid of height but I could feel my feet shaking because of fear.
I close my eyes intensely when I feel my head spinning and my vision getting blurry. Shit! Not right now, please! I stop stepping because of my situation.
"Hey, are you okay? Be careful." Naramdaman ko na hinawakan n'ya ako sa braso para alalayan.
Ilang hakbang na lang at aabot na ako sa tuktok pero inatake pa ako ng migraine ko. It's a good thing that Silas were at my back holding me if not then, maybe I fall already. Baka pinaglamayan na ako. Kung kanina ay nauna ako kay Silas pero ngayon ay sabay na kami. He didn't take off his hand on me until we reach the top.
Tapos nong nasa ibabaw na kami at pinaupo n'ya muna ako para makapaghinga. After a few minutes I feel better. I was an awed when I look around. I could see everything from above. I am speechless because of the scenery. Kitang-kita ko ang kabahayan at ang dagat mula roon. Lalo na't sa gilid mismo ako nakapwesto. I close my eyes and feel the fresh hair.
Then, I came to realization that I am still living I thought I'm just surviving in every each day passed. But I am still alive.
Freedom
Just one word. Seven letters
If someone ever asked me a question to describe of what I am feeling right know in one word. My answer is I am free from everything. Because I am in a safe place. And I didn't expect it that I am brought here in the safe place by the person and a stranger I couldn't truly trust fully. But who cares anyway? At least I'm already here. I am safe.
This is it! A freedom that I badly want! Free from the insults, burdens and judgements. This is the best feeling. Natanggal na ang tali ko sa buhok kaya nagulo ito pero wala akong paki. Ninanamnam ko lang ang bawat hampas ng hangin sa aking mukha.
Inilibot ko ang aking mata. When my eyes found of what I am looking my lips parted and then a genuine and smile escaped from my mouth. For the first time in my 18 years of existence here in universe I smile genuinely. Walang halong pamemeke na ngiti.
He was holding a camera and then, suddenly I saw flash from the camera right in front of my eyes.
I didn't notice the camera when we're climbing up here. Lumapit ito sa akin at may ibinigay na litrato.
"Souvenir. Are you feeling better? You're not dizzy anymore? Maybe we need to comeback so you will get treated."
Tinanggap ko ang litrato na ibinigay n'ya. I giggled when I saw the photo. I look good in this photo. Halos hindi na maalis ang mata ko roon.
"Thank you! I'm alright. Dito muna tayo." I released a small smile to assure him that I'm okay.
"You sure?" He still look hesitant of what I've said and surveyed my face.
Nailang ako sa ginawa n'ya kaya ako na ang nag-iwas ng tingin. But I could still feel his gaze.
"Oo nga. Eto naman paulit-ulit. I enjoy mo na nga lang 'yong view dito. I am 100% okay no need to worry. And I can handle myself."
I glanced at him. He is still looking at me.
"Yeah, right. I enjoy so much the view. It's so beautiful that even the camera can't capture it perfectly." He said it while directly looking at my eyes.
My face heated. Para'ng malulunod ako sa sobrang lalalim ng kan'yang mata. Tila tambol ang puso ko sa pagkabog. Napakabilis at napakalas na para'ng 'yon na lang ang naririnig ko.
"But my naked eyes can see it perfectly. Maybe this view is only made for me," he added without breaking the eye contact.
I feel like my breath has taken away from me. My eyes widened because of mixed emotions. And my jaw dropped surprised of what he said. Tila nagloading pa sa utak ko ang mga sinabi n'ya. Para'ng hinihele ako ng bawat bigkas n'ya ng mga salita na iyon. Doon ko lang namalayan na kanina ko pa pala pinipigilan na huminga. And that's the reason why I am gasping for air.