Micah's pov
"Amber?" I gently shake her, but she still doesn't respond. "Hey," I try again, but she just pulls her knees up to her chest and rocks herself back and forth.
The posion running through her system must be making her delirious, right? Cause when she referred to the 'pups', she must have been talking about Jace and Azariah's. Trying to get her to confirm this for me was proving to be difficult. Since she vomited all over my feet, she hasn't said a single word.
I've always known she was going to be the death of me, I just didn't think it would happen this fast. I figured it would be a slow drawn out process, like the way nature intended. But at the rate she was going, I'd be a goner by midnight. Hell, I didn't have to worry about Malcomb killing me. She was aiming to beat him to it.
Closing my eyes, I rest my head against the back of the seat. Was it too much to ask for a nice, normal, boring life? I suppose if I wanted that, I'd have to become a hermit and live far into the woods, where nobody could find me. I wouldn't have to worry about things like shaving or bathing. I could sit around in lounge pants all day, scratching myself, and there would be nobody to judge me. Not my smell, my appearance, or my way of life.
The only problem with that was that now I know what it felt like to love somebody more than anything else in this world. I pulled her damp hair back that was stuck to the side of her face. Hell, I loved this female more than I ever thought it was possible to love another person.
The thought that she might have actually been referring to her being pregnant makes my chest feel like it's been put in a vice. If the damn thing squeezes any tighter, it would shatter me. Why would she hold her stomach and say that they might not make it. None of this makes sense, and my brain has given up trying to. I'm just gonna go with my original thought and assume she was delirious.
"Alpha Micah, we're here." The driver tells me. Before I can focus on our surroundings, the door beside me opens, and someone reaches in and pulls Amber off my lap. The sound of her retching again as they run through the medical facilities doors gets my ass in gear.
The sprint from the truck into the building shouldn't have left me winded, but I find myself fighting for air as I race down the hall after them. Amber is taken right into an examination room and placed on the bed while the Dr comes running in as well. Two nurses follow quickly on his heels. One wraps a rubber band around her arm, while the other slides a needle into her vein with expert accuracy.
As much as I want to jump right in and demand they fix her, I know it won't help the matter at all. Dr Zucca gives the nurses new instructions once they have an I.V. line set up, and they rush to comply with him. One holds her head slightly tipped back, while the other hooks a bag of clear fluids up the I.V. The Dr then takes a soft, flexible tube and slowly inserts it down her throat.
Amber gags and tries to grab at his hands, so I jump in and hold them down. The nurse who was starting her saline drip pulls out a syringe and pokes it into an elbow on the line running into her arm. It takes less than five seconds for Amber to relax and stop fighting. The Dr works fast at pumping her stomach, trying to get rid of any remaining posion.
I know someone called him and gave him a run down on the situation, I'm just not sure who placed the call. A bunch of weird thoughts start running through my mind. Like, the two nurses in the room were literally the only two we had. Azariah could act as one, but she was apparently not around at the moment. Shit, she was trapped in a tunnel. How did I forget that? The other nurse we had was sitting in a holding cell for participating in tormenting Amber and laughing when her friend shot her in the ass with a dart.
We were in fine shape around here.
The other thing that is front and center in my brain is that there is no known cure or anitdote for wolfsbane posioning. Seeing Greg lying there dead after only a short time from when he got posioned is a reality check for me. Depending on how much got into Amber's system, will determine her chances of survival.
Once Dr Zucca finishes pumping her stomach, he removes the tube, then starts setting up some equipment that I don't recall what it's used for. I gently push her hair off her forehead, then lean down and put my mouth next to her ear. "Sweetheart, you're doing great.Just hang in there for me, okay?"
She groggily nods her head yes, then moves her hand back down to her stomach. "Hurts," She half whispers, half groans.
"I know your stomach hurts, sweetheart, but it'll feel better soon."
The Dr removes her hand, lifts up her borrowed t-shirt, then squirts some jelly like substance on her belly before strapping on a weird disk shaped device. He moves it around a little bit until the monitor beside us starts to make noise.
"Find her blood type, and bring me everything we have." He barks at the nurses.
"What's wrong?" I ask him.
"The pups' heart rates are dangerously low. They wouldn't have gotten much of the posioning in that short of a time, but her body is fighting to survive."
"What the fuck does that even mean?" I'm pretty sure he just confirmed what Amber tried to tell me, but my mind refuses to comprehend this information.
"It means, it needs all the energy it can get so it might try to terminate the pregnancy due to how much strain growing pups is on the body." He explains to me. "If we can clean her body of the posion, then it won't have to work as hard to do it itself."
The sound from the machine starts to make sense. Through the static there's a faint lub dub sound. "She's pregnant." I say this, not as a question, but just to see how it sounds coming out of my mouth. Maybe if I say it enough, I'll actually believe it.
"I see she hasn't told you yet. But yes Alpha Micah, she is indeed pregnant. With twins." One of the nurses comes running back in with six bags of blood, and the Dr quickly sets up a line in her other arm. "There's no need to panic just yet, but were gonna do this as a precautionary step. A females body doesn't give the unborn pups it's own blood. The body creates blood for them, so the chances of them actually being posioned is extremely low." I know he's talking to me, but it's like someone hit a switch making his voice go into super slow mode.
I try telling him to do everything in his power to save all three of them, but no sound comes out when I open my mouth. It's not until all the oxygen in the room dissapears that I realize I'm going down.
********
I wake up in a dark empty room, alone. The machine beside me was the only source of light, but there wasn't much coming from it. There's quiet beeping noises emitting from it, and as I look over, I see it's monitoring my heart rate. I'm not even sure why my heart rate needed to be monitored.
When I sit up, I notice there's a pulling on my chest and hands. Small wires are linked from the machine to my body, and are stuck on with white square stickers. The first one I try to peel off hurts like a bitch. Took some of the hair off the back of my hand with it. Why on earth would they put these overtop of hairy parts on the body?
My head was currently to foggy to make any sense of anything at the moment.
Like, why was I here? And why the hell were these things attached to me? I look around the room, finding it odd that nobody was here. I was alone, in a hospital bed, being monitored for Goddess only knows what. Quickly ridding myself of the other stickers, I get up and make my way out of the room. The hallways were equally as dark as my room. Luckily for me, I knew my way around this place. I turn and consider heading towards the exit. Hopefully I brought my truck so I could hightail it out of here.
Hushed voices come from down the opposite end of the hall, they were whispering secrets that nobody was supposed to hear. Taking a few steps in that direction, I notice a light peeking out from under the partially closed door. It's not until I hear the word pups that I remember where I was, and why I was here.
Amber! She was sick, and I fainted like coward in the room when I realized she was in fact pregnant. Showing my face in that room again wasn't something I really wanted to do, but my legs made the decision for me.
I run as fast as my body will allow, bellowing out her name the entire way. When I reach the room where the voices were coming from, I reach out to push open the door, but my hand goes right through it as if I were a ghost.
Because my balance was thrown off, I stumble into the room ungracefully, probably looking a fucking lunatic. My eyes find the bed first, where my mate was still lying, semi unconscious. The Dr was standing next to her, hastily trying to change over the bag of blood that she was hooked up to. I can tell by the look on his face, that things weren't going as well as he'd hoped.
The machine she was hooked up to was beeping rapidly, indicating her heart rate was spiking. As I'm about to race to her side, the hushed voices I heard alert me to the fact that others were also in the room.
A female and male stood off to one side, both looking at Amber. I wished with all my might that I didn't know who they were, but unfortunately I do. The Moon Goddess was standing there, next to my father, discussing the situation in the room. The Dr and even Amber must not notice them, because neither look in their direction when they start talking again.
"Why are you telling me this?" My father asks her. His eyes are glued to Amber, the amount of worry in them has my nerves going into hyperdrive.
"Because right now, you are the only one who can do something about it." Selena responds.
"Me? How?" He looks at her in confusion.
"The fates demand a sacrafice to save them. Otherwise there's nothing I can do." She looks at my father, with sorrow shining deep in her eyes.
He nods as if he understands, then takes a couple steps towards Amber. I don't know why I'm shocked, but his missing leg, was no longer missing. He looks healthy, as if he'd hadn't been fighting for his life for the last five days.
Dr Zucca, nor Amber even spare them a glance. "Dad!" I holler out, hoping to gain his attention. When he doesn't look over at me, I jump in front of him, waving my hands. "DAD" I scream out again.
Still, he ignores me. I glance over at Selena, and for the briefest of seconds, her eyes meet mine. Then she goes back to pretending I'm not here as well. I'm starting to see why Azariah gets annoyed with her whenever they meet up.
"Will it be enough?" My dad asks without looking at her. "There's two of them, correct?"
"Correct. You have pure Alpha blood running through your veins Garette. It will be a fair trade for two embryo's." She steps up beside him, joining him in looking down at Amber. "I can't tell you what the right thing is to do, but I can tell you what your life will look like if you recover enough to be able to go home."
"I assume its not gonna look great considering I'm missing a leg, possibly an arm." He scoffs.
"You will have a lot to overcome. Many more surgeries, and pain medication that will hardly help for the rest of your life. I'm sure with time, and rehabilitation, you'll be able to live a somewhat normal life, but shifting and running will be out of the question."
"I won't be able to shift?" Horror is written all over his face as he turns to her.
"You can, but your wolf will give up trying after a while. Without the use of one of his front legs, and a completely missing rear one, walking won't even be possible. I'm sorry Garette, I know this isn't what you want to hear." She puts a hand on my dads shoulder, the gesture is meant to be comforting, but I want to scream at her to stop touching him. How dare she tell him this shit.
"I'd rather the ugly truth, than a pretty lie." He puts his hand overtop of hers affectionately, and gives it a little pat.
"I need you to make a decision, their time is up." She tells him.
"Make what decision?" I scream at her. I try putting my hand on her shoulder to spin her around, but it goes straight through, like it did the door. "What trade are you talking about."
"There is no decision to make. Obviously I'll do it. If I don't, she loses them and I'll never get the chance to meet my grandpups. If I do, I still won't ever get the chance to meet them, but I can at least live with that choice."
He closes the distance between himself and Amber, then places a hand on her forehead. Although my mate can't see him, her eyes scrunch up in the center, as if she could feel his hand.
"Take care of my family Luna Amber." He leans down and removes his hand so he can place a kiss where his hand just rested.
Oh fuck! What was going on here? Why don't I understand what's taking place before my very eyes?
A flash of light brings my attention to the ceiling, where two faint pinkish looking ribbons appear. They float down from the ceiling, the ends disappearing at my mates stomach. A dark navy blue one protrudes from my fathers back, and floats its way up to the ceiling, directly beside the other two. His looks solid, like I could reach out and grab ahold of it. The Goddess grasps my fathers ribbon, and pulls it from his back.The part that was in the ceiling lets go. I watch it float to the ground, become translucent, then vanishes all together.
Without having to look over, I already know the two pink ones attached to my mate will be bright and sturdy looking. I look anyways, as tears fall down my face now that I realize what just happened.
My father traded his life force to the Fates, to save my unborn pups.
***************
I bolt upright, almost throwing myself off the bed I was in, and onto the floor. My pulse was hammering away, leaving me disoriented and light headed. I do a quick inspection of my body, hoping those awful stickers and wires weren't anywhere to be found.
"Woah there big guy, take it easy." Unlike the nightmare I just had, someone was here with me when I woke up. That's got to be a good sign, right? No wires, not alone, it's not dark. I can safely conclude my brain short circuted when I fainted.
"Alek? What are you doing here?" I realize after I said this, it came off as rude. I should be thankful someone was here, to share in my embarrassment.
"Watching your sorry ass sleep," His voice drips with sarcasm, and he also gives me the one finger salute. I suppose I deserved that.
"Where's Amber?" I swing my legs out of bed, not intending on waiting for an answer.
"Next room over. Before you go, I have some updates you might want to hear." He gets up and stands in front of the door. I could easily remove him, but decide to hear him out first. Besides, I wasn't really in the mood to flex my authority.
"You have thirty seconds." I firmly state.
"Liam is in critical condition. He's at Ambersy pack, and as you know, they currently don't have a Dr thanks to Malcomb. So unless Dr Zucca can go up and sew up this throat, he won't make it till the morning."
"Can we not bring him home safely?" I question. It would make our Dr's job that much easier.
Alek just stares at me, not bothering to dignify my question with an answer. "Alrighty, so the second he feels Amber is in the clear, he needs to head up there. What else?" I reach for the door handle, and raise a brow when he refuses to budge.
"I just spoke with Jace less than ten minutes ago. He found Azariah, and they are on their way here." He steps aside, and lets me pull the door open.
Shit. How did I keep forgetting that my Beta was in danger? She got buried under a ton of dirt, and her oxygen was in critical danger when I was on my way with Jace to rescue her. I mean, yes Amber comes first, but still. I should be ashamed of myself.
"Thank you Alek." We walk out side by side, but he chooses to go take a seat in the hallway instead of joining me in Amber's room. "Get a car ready. I want the Dr on the road the second he's able to go."
Alek nods in agreement. I carefully open the door to Amber's room, trying not to burst in and fall on face like I almost did during that nightmare. I never knew people could dream up crazy shit like that just from fainting.
Amber was still lying in the bed, with an I.V. in each arm. There was a bit more color in her face, and she even smiles when she sees me. The nurse gets up from the chair she was sitting in, and smoothes her uniform top free from wrinkles. Dr Zucca however, was nowhere to be found.
"Alpha Micah, how are you feeling?" She asks me. There's no judgement, or laughter on her face. Thankfully.
"I feel fine, thank you. Just a tad embarrassed." I walk straight over to Amber, lean down, and cup her face. "Sweetheart, how are you feeling?"
"A little better. I could really use a drink though." She leans her face into my hand and kisses my palm.
"I'll go grab you something Luna Amber. What would you like?" The nurse asks her.
"Gingerale please." The nurse hurries out the door before the word please is even done. I chuckle to myself, thinking that she must not have wanted to be here during this conversation that was about to go down.
"Where's the Dr?" I look around the room, then back at my mate. I'm not sure I'm overly happy about his disappearing act.
"He got called out just a few minutes ago."
I carefully sit on the edge of her bed, and take both of her hands in mine. They were abnormally cold, so I rub my thumb up and down the backs of them, trying to share my warmth. "Your cold. Do you want me to get you another blanket?" I offer.
"No, don't go. Listen Micah, I'm sorry..." I let go of one of her hands so I can press my finger over her lips.
"Shh, none of that right now. What did the Dr say before he left? Are you okay? Did he rid your system of the posion? Are the pups okay?" I realize I've asked way to many questions, but once my mouth opened, it just all came pouring out.
"Well, umm, he was really worried there for a little while, but he said the blood transfusion seemed to do the trick. My stomach still feels gross though." She pushes herself up on the pillows, then smiles warmly at me. "See those three numbers on the monitor?" I look over, and notice all three were flashing green. That had to be a good thing, right? "The first one is my heart rate, and the next two are the pups. Theirs has improved a lot in the last ten minutes."
"How long have you known?" I whisper, hoping it doesn't come off as an accusation. Sure, I was upset she held this information from me, although I can think of a few reasons why she may have.
"I found out early Sunday morning when you went to Red Dawn to look for survivors." She waits for me to say something else, but my focus was on those two little green numbers that were my pups hearts. The dizzy feeling I had earlier returns, so I clutch the blanket to try and prevent myself from falling over. "Your not gonna pass out again, are you?"
"What if I do?" I challenge her.
"In that case, this time I'm laughing. You only get to scare me once per day." She giggles.
There was some irony for ya. This female has scared me enough for two bloody lifetimes, and she has the nerve to tell me I'm at my limit. I know I shouldn't ask, but it's gonna bug me if I don't. "Why would you go running into the woods, alone, and put all three of your lives in danger?"
She doesn't even hesitate to answer. "My best friend was moments away from running out of oxygen, and nobody appeared to be smart enough to find her." She pulls her hand out of mine, and drops in her lap next to her other one. " I panicked. To be fair, I thought the path I chose was safe and I knew when I got there, Adler, Jared and Jess were all there as well. So, safety in numbers right."
Part of me really wanted to be angry with her, but that would mean I was angry with who she was. My beautiful mate had created a bond with Azariah that the Goddess herself couldn't break. Both of them have rushed head first into danger just to save the other, without a thought for their own safety. I may have put my own safety on the back burner a time or two as well.
"When you got word that Azariah was buried in that tunnel, did you hesitate to rush out there to save her?" She questions me.
"No, I did not." I reach out and take back her hand. "I think maybe both of us need to make smarter decisions."
"I appreciate you including yourself in that statement," She pulls my hand back down, and rests it on her belly. "I've gained an entire pant size" She whines.
Something inside of me almost bursts with the image of her getting a huge ass puppy bump, and having to waddle everywhere. "I can't believe I didn't see it with all the eating you've been doing."
"Hardy har har." She scowls at me, but there's no real threat behind it. "So, I just need to know something. A couple of days ago, you made some comments about not having pups for a long, long time. Are you upset we're pregnant?"
"Upset? No! More like terrified." I try making a little jokey joke, but of course, more than just her ears hears it.
"Ya, get over it." Azariah calls out as she enters the room. I don't get the chance to respond, as she practically pushes me out of the way so she can sit beside Amber. "You wanna tell me what the hell you thought you were doing?"
"Trying to save your sorry ass, that's what I was doing." Amber sits all the way up and wraps her arms around Azariah's neck. Her I.V. lines both get tangled, but she doesn't seem to notice. "Why are you always scaring the shit out of me? No wonder you never had any friends."
"Hey! Jace and I are standing right here, you know," I say with my arms crossed over my chest.
"She's just hangry. She doesn't mean it." Azariah snickers. "You need some food?"
"I can't even get a fucking drink. The chances of getting food gotta be less than zero." My mate pouts. I'd say it was cute, but with the big F bomb she dropped, I have a feeling she was serious.
"I'll go get you both." Azariah stands up to leave, but I jump in her way, blocking the door.
"Why don't you seem surprised that she's pregnant?" I can't keep the bitterness out of my voice. I don't even know why I'm surprised.
"Because the pups are mine?" Jace bursts out laughing at her terrible joke, and Amber snorts out a small laugh herself.
"Well then, I guess a congratulations are in order. You're gonna have one hell of a full house." I step out of her way and allow her to go get the drink and food for Amber. Now probably wasn't the best time to delay her in getting what Amber wanted.
Narrowing my eyes at my mate, I wait for her to answer my question. I'm more than a bit surprised when it's Dr Zucca, who answers this time. Much like Azariah, he just snuck right up on me. I should probably close the door, or at least put a bell on it.
"That's my fault, Alpha Micah. When I gave Luna Amber the news, she pretty much had the same reaction as yourself. Minus the fainting, of course. I brought Azariah into the room to help calm her down. That's when I did an ultrasound and found out there were two pups hiding in there." He walks up to the machine and looks over her stats as he explains this to me.
Although I'm annoyed by the fact that she knew before I did, I'm also relieved that Amber had somebody there for her. Imagine getting that news and not having anybody there to hold your hand through a mini panic attack. I wanna say I'm surprised that Azariah didn't spill the beans to me, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. She wouldn't have betrayed Amber by telling her secret. Plus, she kinda has a lot on her own plate these days.
"Fair enough." Then I turn to Jace and raise an eyebrow. "You?"
He at least has the decency to look sheepish. His hand automatically goes to the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his. "In my defense, I just found out maybe fifteen minutes ago. I, umm, kinda came to an awful conclusion about why my mate is always in danger, and let's just say she set me straight."
"Care to tell me about this conclusion?" Amber growls at him.
Jace presses his lips tightly together and shakes his head no. After years and years of dealing with Azariah, he's learned the importance of when to keep his mouth shut.
"Everything looks good here. I'd like you to stay the night for observation, though, okay?" The Dr speaks directly to Amber, ignoring myself and Jace.
"I suppose." She exaggerates, fluffing up her pillow and getting cozy. "Micah darling, I'm gonna need some pajamas from home, please, and thank you."
"I'll be staying with her as well," I inform the Dr, who replies with a knowing smile.
"Before you leave Micah, I need to have a word in private." Dr Zucca tells me.
"Azariah and I will stay until you get back, Micah." Jace says before I even have to ask him.
"Thanks." I go over and attempt to kiss my mate, but she turns her head from me, letting my lips land on her cheek.
"I've spent the last couple hours puking my guts out. I could use my toothbrush too."
I promise her I'll be back as fast as wolfily possible, then follow the Dr out into the hallway. His demeanor completely changes, making goosebumps break out all over my arms. Maybe Amber wasn't as well off as I thought.
"I'm going to head to Ambersy pack to try and help Liam." He starts saying.
"Of course, of course. She looks good, right? Are they going to be okay?" I wait for him to tell me what he really brought me out here to say.
"Yes, all three of them are doing much better. I can't make you any guarentee's, but I feel confident they are out of danger." He puts his hand on my back and guides me down the hallway.
"Thank you for all you've done." I tell him.
"Micah, there's no easy way for me to say this." He stops and turns to look me in the eye. "Shortly before you woke up, your father's heart stopped. We did everything we could to restart it, but I'm sad to say he has passed on."
No, no , no! He did not just fucking say that. It was just a dream. My ears ring, and my throat dries up. I'm not sure if I'm going to vomit, pass out again, or inappropriately laugh.
It was just a dream!
"Micah, I'm sorry. Your mother and sister are in the room with him. I'll give you the chance to say goodbye before we have his body prepared for his Kedeia."
"How? I thought by putting him in the medically induced coma it would give him the chance to heal?" I needed him to tell me something that would take away the possibility of what I dreamt being true.
"The thing Micah, is that his body wouldn't have survived if we didn't do that. There's no explanation I can give you as to why this just suddenly happened, but we always knew it was still a possibility. Again, I'm sorry." He waits with me for a moment, to see if I have any further questions.
I walk the rest of the way down the hall to where my fathers room was alone. As I stand outside his door, I'm frozen with fear. Selfish as it sounds, I did not want to see his lifeless body. Or maybe, if I don't go in there, this whole thing didn't really happen. As unlikely as that was, I could still wish it to be true.
The door creaks open, startling me, but also taking my decison away on rather or not I was going to turn and run. Henley steps out and slams straight into my chest. Her eyes were closed, and tears flowed down her face. Wrapping my arms around her, I rest my chin on the top of her head and just hold her.
It takes her a few minutes before she can speak. "I can't sit in there any longer." She says through choppy breathes.
"I know. Go have a seat and I'll take you home shortly." She stumbles away from me, but doesn't make it far enough to sit in a chair. Her back leans into the wall, and she just slides down till her butt hits the floor. I'd like to be able to just take her out of here now, but somehow I needed to find the strength to go in this room. My mother was still in there after all.
The first thing I notice is how quiet the room is. There's no machines making noise, no oxygen tube hissing out air into his lungs. This was a type of quiet I never wanted to experience again. My mother was sitting beside him, still holding onto his hand. Her face was a blank canvass, with not even the slightest emotion showing. Maybe a hint of confusion, but even that was small.
Not wanting to sit, I stand beside her and place a hand on her shoulder. I still didn't have the nerve to look at my father, so I took to staring at my bare feet. The same feet Amber puked on not that long ago.
It just dawned on me that my sprint into the hospital, and up to the point where I fainted, I was completely nude. Now, I had on a pair of black athletic shorts, a t-shirt that was to snug, and my feet looked all shiny and new. I wonder who fixed me up.
"I must be out of tears," My mother whispers. After a few minutes she stands up, and leans over my father. Still not looking, I can hear her kiss him, and murmer in his ear about how much she loves him, and for him to rest now and be at peace.
"Micah, I'm gonna go sit with Henley. Take all the time you need." She leans up on her tippy toes, and kisses my cheek. When she exits the room, she quietly closes the door, leaving me alone in the noiseless room.
My eyes travel up the bottom of the bed, over the metal railing, and land on his open hand. The one my mother was holding. The same hand that used to ruffle my hair as a child, or clap me on the back when the mood struck. The tears start to fall rapidly as I realize this hand would never get the chance to hold my pups, or ruffle their hair.
A whirlwind of emtion overtakes me all at once. I was devastated that I'd never get to speak with him again. Never get to say goodbye, or ask him how I was doing in my new role. A role he should have been here to guide me through. I was also angry at him for this. This isn't how things are supposed to go. What right did he have to just up and leave us?
I'm angry with him for not fighting! Yes, his life may have been difficult when he woke up. But he was the strongest wolf I know, if anybody could have recovered from their injuries, it was him. This thought process is the start of the guilt for me. I was a selfish prick for wanting him to remain alive, even if he was in constant pain, and struggled every single day for the rest of his life. I was so scared to face the unknown alone, that I would see him miserable just to be here to guide me through it.
I feel like reaching out and shaking him, screaming that Amber and I had a lifetime to have plenty more pups. That he should have chose himself instead. But after hearing those two little heart beats, I can't say I wouldn't have made the same decision. I definitely would have. It still hurts to know that he gave up his chance at survival to save them. It leaves me with a feeling that I have no words to describe. I would have been devastated either way I guess.
As I stand here, I think about how there's two different types of people, or wolves, at the end of their lives. First, the ones who would give anything to be able to see tomorrow. And then the ones who can't bear the thought of having to see tomorrow. Right now, I can't even think about what tomorrow will bring, because whatever new shit Malcomb throws our way, I'll have to deal with it regardless of everything else. It won't matter that I should get a day to rejoice in the fact that I was going to be a father. Or mourn the fact that I just lost mine. Tomorrow would come, whether I wanted it to or not.
I reach out and touch his hand with just the tips of my fingers. His skin was already cool, and felt foreign to me. This didn't feel like the hands that carried me around when I was a young pup or the hands that carefully buttoned up my shirt the first day of school. Was I a coward because this is all I could handle? Maybe. I turn away and head to the door, without ever having the courage to look at his face. I wanted to remember what he looked like alive and healthy, not what he looked like right this minute.
"Goodbye, dad," I whisper before exiting the room.
I'm glad the door doesn't creak when I open it. Any noise at this point would have me jumping like a scared cat. Back in the hallway, reality waited for me. My mom and sister were mere feet away, and down the hall, my best friends and mate were probably having a snack and happily chatting. How can everything be so normal out here when my insides were screaming in pain? I suppose this is a sad reality of death. Everything just carries on the way it always has, even though a piece of you is missing.
"He died protecting me," Henley sobs into my mothers shirt. For a brief moment, I think back to Saturday night and all the horrors that came with it.
My father wasn't just protecting her. He was trying to stop the crazed wolves from killing everyone. The image of my nightmare enters the forefront of my mind. If that was really how things happened, and I'm guessing it is, he was just doing what came natural to him. I could be angry at him or Amber for the situation we were currently dealing with, but that wouldn't help anything.
There was no way for us to know that Malcomb was going to step up his game and try posioning everyone. Amber certainly didn't go out there with the intent of fighting the enemy. She was doing what came natural to her. Trying to save someone's life. Someone important to her. Add in all the pregnancy hormones, and her actions weren't that difficult to sympathize with. She was in protective mode, just like my father Saturday night.
"Henley," I wait till she lifts her head to look at me, "He died, protecting his family, friends, and his pack." That just so happened to include my unborn pups. But that was something I'd never tell another living soul.
If I put that burdon on Amber, she'd never forgive herself. Ultimately, it could have a very negative impact on our lives together. Keeping that vision to myself was a no-brainer.
"It was an honorable death," My mother reassuringly tells us. How she was holding it together this well was beyond me. I'm just glad one of us was.
*****************
For the last couple of hours, I've been in a fog. I remember taking my mom and sister home, getting Amber and I something to sleep in. When I returned to the hospital, I remembered that Amora was also in here, so I made a quick stop to check on her. Seriously, how could I forget she was shot this morning?
My list of failures was adding up real fast. Or, like Azariah pointed out, there was just too much going on. At least she made good on her promise and brought food for Amber, and lots of it. She explained the reason it was taking the nurse so long with the drink was because the small cafeteria in the basement of this place had absolutely nothing in it. There wasn't much to begin with, but it had been wiped clean on Saturday when we were overrun.
Azariah and I stepped into the hallway and made a list of things that needed to get done, including the restocking of the cafeteria, and decided to divide and conquer. I wanted to ask her and Jace to stay with us here tonight, but then I remembered that Xavier was at home waiting for them. Plus, Matias deserved to know about his lifelong best friend. What he didn't deserve was to hear it over the phone. This was one of the tasks Azariah agreed to take on.
I knew the news of my fathers passing was going to hit her hard like it did me, but I had to tell her before they left. This day has certainly shaped up to be the second worst day at Moonwalker Pack.
By the time Amber and I were left alone, I was mentally exhausted. Somehow, we both managed to fit into the small bed, using the big spoon little spoon position. One of her I.V.'s had been removed, but the one keeping her hydrated was still in. The monitor for the puppies' hearts was still hooked up, too, and the sound coming from the monitor was actually soothing. Better than silence, that's for sure.
My arm that was wrapped protectively around her held her close as if she might up and vanish on me. The only thing left now was whether or not I tell her about my father, or let her get a good nights rest and tell her in the morning. I feel like she has enough on her plate right now, and I don't want to add any undo stress on her or the twins.
It hits me like a sledgehammer right in the forehead! "You didn't tell me because you didn't want to add any more stress on me, correct?" How could I not have drawn that conclusion already?
"Your father and best friend got torn to shreds. Jace's sister and many others lost their lives. Red Dawn was devastated. And to top it all off, you had to officially become the acting Alpha here. So ya Micah, I didn't tell you because I wanted to give you a few days, or week at the most, to adjust." She confirms exactly what I just thought.
Letting out a slow breath, I decide to tell her. As bad as it was Sunday morning, I still would have preferred that she had just told me. If I wait till tomorrow, she'll be upset that I held her in my arms all night while I was secretly grieving.
"So there's something I need to tell you, even though I don't want to put any further stress on you." She twists herself around so that we're facing each other. "When the Dr got called out of here tonight, before I woke up, my father's heart stopped."
The gasp she lets out almost sums up the shock that I felt hearing that as well. "Micah, don't say it!"
"I wish I didn't have to. They couldn't get it to restart." Before I left my fathers room earlier, I fought for control of myself so I could be strong for my mom and sister.
Amber pulls my head down to rest on her chest as the tears make a reappearance. She just holds me without saying anything, because really, what could she say? Sometimes, just having someone hold onto you so you don't split into a million pieces is worth more than any words that she could say.
Her fingers make repeated trips through my hair, starting at the forehead and ending at the nape. The motion is almost the equivalent of her petting me, and I'll be damned, it felt great. She almost had me fully asleep until my brain fired back online with a bunch of new thoughts about our pack.
"If you wake up later and I'm not here, it's because I'm waiting for word on Liam. If he pulls through, I'm gonna head out there real quick to see him and apologize." I tell her. I needed to do better for my pack, and I would. Starting with acknowledging the pack members' efforts in person. I needed to look him in the face and tell him what he meant to us.
"Of course. Why don't you go home and be with your mom and sister tonight." She soothingly offers.
Reaching over my head, I pull on the chain to turn off the lights. Then I push myself up on the bed, sliding my arm under her neck and pulling her into my chest.
" I am home."
*********
A/N
So, anyone who has been following me lately knows that I lost my father back in April. I've had this chapter planned out long before that, and honestly, I was dredding having to write it.
I did consider changing it numerous times, so I didn't have to face what it feels like entering a room knowing it's the last time you'll ever see that person.
I have some chapters later on that I would have to change if I did this, so I put on my big girl panites, and got through it.
A little insight for you guys..I decided that I'd spare Micah the image of seeing his fathers face at the end, so he wouldn't carry that particular image around with him forever. Somedays I wish I was a coward and didn't look. Most days though, when I think about my dad, I end up laughing. He was one of the funniest people I've ever known, and I'm glad his memory makes me smile more than cry.