The sun had set. Fireworks would be starting at the beach soon.
The house was dark and empty. I took a shower and laid on my bed to read a book, but my mind kept envisioning Nate out on the beach, laughing with Kari, probably cuddling up on blanket to watch the fireworks.
My phone vibrated on my nightstand.
Holly: R U coming to watch fireworks?
Me: Can't. My dad said I couldn't go to the party 😤
Holly: Booo. Could you just come to watch the fireworks with me? We won't go to the party side of the beach. I'll bring you back home before your curfew, I promise. If your dad is mad, you can blame me. We could just tell him you are going to get late night pizza!
Me: Well he's not even home right now...
Holly: Great, I'll come by in ten! Wear something cute!
I looked through my closet and found a three-quarter length pair of leggings and a flowy bohemian crop top that I hadn't worn in over a year. I crawled into the back of the closet and found a pair of sparkly, strappy sandals.
I went into the bathroom and opened the vanity. I had some makeup in here somewhere. I applied blush and some eyeliner and mascara. This was as cute as it was going to get.
Holly arrived at my front door in five minutes, not ten.
"Whoa!" Holly looked at me wide-eyed when I met her on the front porch. "Take your hair out of that bun and you're sexy AF!"
"Shh, let's just go. I have to be back here in an hour and a half!" I pulled Holly along.
"Oh, oh we're doing the walking thing, right," Holly scurried to catch up in her platforms.
The beach was packed with cliques of teenagers and young college kids. There was a bonfire with several couples sitting around it and another group playing beach volleyball with a glow in the dark beach ball. I scanned the crowds and saw no sign of Nate or Kari.
"Over here!" Holly squeezed through the crowd as I maneuvered as deftly as I could, trying to keep up with where she was going.
A few colourful pops of light exploded in the sky as we reached a small clearing amongst the families with kids. Activity around the beach slowed as everyone turned toward the ocean. More colourful pops of light exploded at quicker intervals above.
I tried to concentrate on the lightshow above, but I couldn't help but continue to gaze around to the groups of people. Surely, it can't be that difficult to find a long-haired giant amongst the crowd.
"Did you notice all of the guys checking you out on the beach," Holly asked as we walked back toward my house after the fireworks display.
"What?"
"You didn't notice that you were turning heads all over that beach tonight? What were you looking at?"
"Nothing. I just didn't notice," I replied. I didn't want to say I was preoccupied to see anything on that beach because I spent the entire time searching for one person.
"Thank you for coming to watch the fireworks with me tonight. That was really fun," Holly gave me a hug. "I'll see you later, ok?"
"Text me when you get home," I responded.
My stomach was in knots wondering where Nate was if I didn't see him on the beach. It was less than thirty minutes until midnight and Nate still wasn't home. My stomach was nauseated at the thought of him flirting with Kari. Maybe they didn't even make it to the beach. That thought made the nausea even worse.
"Ugh," I tried to physically shake the thoughts out of my head.
The light on the phone was blinking, indicative of a voicemail. No one ever called the house phone anymore except for telemarketers at dinner time. I called the voicemail, expecting to delete the message immediately.
"Oh hi, this message is for Mr. MacKenzie. This is the emergency unit at St. Bart's General Hospital. We have a young man here named Nathan Thorpe. I understand he is under your care for the summer. He's been in an accident," I slammed down the receiver without listening to the rest of the message.
I grabbed the keys off the rack and ran out to the driveway. The car I had shared with Nicky sat in the driveway. It was a clunky old sedan, but it got us to school and back every day. It had been sitting sedentary for almost four months and I wasn't even sure it was going to start.
I shoved the key into the ignition and turned. The engine caught and held. Slapping the transmission into gear, I reversed out of the driveway and sped to the hospital as quickly as I could.
"I'm here to see Nathan Thorpe!" I said to the the hospital receptionist. I was so out of breath - partly from running, partly from panic - that it came out winded and broken.
"Ok, honey, let me just find out where he is, ok?" she spoke calmly and moved too slow for my comfort. I was grabbing and wringing the fringe of my shirt. "Are you family?"
"Yes...he's....he's my brother," I lied. What else was I going to tell them? They might not have let me in if I said I was a friend.
"Ok, hun, you can come around the desk and go down this hall. He's in room A15 on the left."
I ran past the desk and down the hall, nearly bumping into a nurse leaving a room.
"Nate!" I breathed out a sigh of relief as I walked into his room. He was laying back on the bed, with a bandage around his arm and a fresh bruise under his right eye. A catheter stuck in the back of his hand was connected to a tube running up to an IV. On his other hand was a finger clip that was wired to a beeping monitor that showed his pulse rate and blood pressure.
"Hey," he lifted his head to see me. The pulse rate of his monitor crept up slightly.
"Oh my God, are you ok? What happened?" I could feel the bubble of nausea inching its way up into my chest, which already felt tight.
"It's ok," he reached out his hand to touch mine. He pushed himself up into a seated position, swinging his legs off the side of the bed to face me. "Took you long enough to get here."
"I drove here," tears were welling in my eyes. "Are you ok?"
"You drove here?"
I nodded. The tears were dangerously close to releasing.
"I'm ok," he replied, wrapping his unbandaged arm around me, and pulling me in for a hug. "I'm just waiting for them to finish the paperwork and I am free to go."
I wrapped my arms tight around his neck and shoulders. I could feel the heat from his body soothing the tension in mine.
"I went to the beach tonight. I went looking for you. I thought you went with Kari to the party. And...and you were right – I was jealous. And then Holly invited me to go so I went looking for you," I was rambling but I couldn't stop myself. I was shaking from the nervousness of seeing Nate in the hospital.
"I wasn't even planning on going to the party. Yes, Kari asked me but I saw how upset it made you and if your dad said you couldn't go, I wasn't really interested in going," Nate spoke low and calm. He ran his hand up and down my back comfortingly. " I left the house and I was going to the store to get some ice cream – the kind you got from Mr. Jenkins, because it made you so happy. And then on my way back to the house, a car ran a stop sign and hit my car. I'm just a little bruised from the air bags."
"I just heard on the voicemail that you were in an accident and I was so scared," the tears were freely flowing now. The mascara I had put on was likely leaving black streaks down my face.
"Hey, look at me," Nate leaned back and tilted his head down to ensure I was making eye contact with him. "Look. I'm ok. I know you were scared and rightly so. I am so proud of you for being brave by coming here because you could have stayed home. You could have run to the bowling alley. But instead you came here and I'm so glad you did. Do you remember the countdown calming technique?"
I nodded.
"Ok, five things you can see – go for it."
"I see an IV drip, I see the metal rails of this hospital bed, I see a bruise around your right eye, I see your arm in a bandage..." Tears were welling up again. "I see your eyes, trying to reassure me everything is ok."
"My turn," Nate said, "Four. I can touch your hand, I can touch your shirt... this is a different shirt than your usual tank tops. It's nice. I like your usual tank tops though. They suit you better."
I exhaled a half-hearted laugh.
"I can touch your hair, I can touch the tears under your eye," Nate wiped away the latest tear that had snuck out and had begun to trickle down my cheek.
I shut my eyes to try to stop any further downpour and leaned my face into his touch.
"I can hear the beeping of the machines. I can hear the hum of the fan under the window and I can hear your voice," I opened my eyes to meet his.
"I can smell your shampoo," he spoke low next to my ear. His voice had taken on a deep, husky quality. He was leaning in close enough that I could feel the warmth of his body and his breath on my cheek. "And I can smell the fear, radiating off your body."
"Liar!" I laughed giving him a gentle shove. "I am not radiating fear!"
"Ouch! Right where I took a liner to the ribs," Nate grimaced. "I can't believe you're trying to hit an injured man."
"I'm sorry!"
"I'm kidding," he smiled. "I'm on some pretty good painkillers. I barely feel anything."
Nate pulled me closer again with his good arm. He locked his eyes on mine. I noticed that the green of his irises had flecks of gold.
"It's your turn. One thing you can taste," he bit his lower lip as he lowered his eyes to my mouth.
My heart was beating so hard, I could feel it drumming in my ears.
The sound of someone in hall made me jump back.
Nate released his arm around me.
"Dad!" I spun around to see him standing in the doorway of the hospital room.
He looked stressed and exhausted. I wonder if he had been here all night with Nate and I hadn't known because I went to the stupid party. If he had known I went to the party, he made no indication that he knew.
Instead he rushed over and hugged me. A full, warm dad-hug. The kind you get from your dad when you're small and you scrape your knee and the only thing that will make it feel better is a hug from your protector. He held me close and rocked gently side-to-side. I could tell from the shaking of his body he was crying.
"I'm so glad you're here," he sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Jordan. I'm so sorry I haven't been present."
It's weird how a dramatic event can make you either distant or close to a loved one. One car accident and my dad was a zombie. Another and he snaps out of it. I don't know what exactly about this incident snapped him back to reality but in a sense, I was glad for it. I hoped it wasn't isolated to this evening.
I could have fought him. I could have reminded him that he had ample opportunity to be this present all summer but we were both exhausted. And in that moment, I was just relieved to have my dad back.
"Your paper work is done. You're free to go," a nurse came into the room to discharge Nate, removing the catheter and releasing him from the IV drip.
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