4:40 p.m.
(The boys talking about baby Rae)
Mom make her olderrrrrr!!! We wanna be able to hang out with her. Raul complained reasonably looking down at two month old Rae. First of all No because that's not how it works and second of all NO because I'm not sure I want y'all to be "hanging out" with her. Grace said squinting her eyes suspiciously at Raul and Ramiro. We're not gonna make her drink beer mom, we just want her to be older so we can take her places and make fun of her. Ramiro pointed out straightforwardly. Grace picked Rae up carefully and patted her back. You guys are nine years older than her...the time will come around where you're both good ages to hang out but for now I need you guys to finish up with school and get the hell outta here HELL I'm encouraging more than the beer idea you have when she's older Ramiro. Grace yelled funnily walking away from them. MOM! Ramiro screamed back as she headed upstairs. Raul laughed and hit Ramiro in the chest. Estupido(Stupid) Raul said insulting Ramiro in Spanish. Tu eres el Estupido!!( you're the stupid one). Ramiro insulted back in Spanish. They both learned Spanish from their dad who had the time to teach them if he wasn't too busy hitting them. They were smart.
4:47 p.m.
(Grace breastfeeding Rae in bed)
Grace looked down at Rae and smiled. You're so beautiful. Grace said softly as Rae ate. I'm so lucky. Grace added looking to the side as Rae kept eating. Ouch ouch ow ow not THAT lucky. Grace said changing her mind as Rae bit her. Grace pulled Rae away and grabbed her nipple massaging the area where it hurt. You're strong. Grace said with a surprised smile directed at Rae who was looking around. Yeahhhh your brothers were both formula babies but with you I wanted it to be more natural I guess...I wanted to be more connected but I guess what does connection matter when you're not even gonna remember this or your existence, HAA! Grace said a little manically as Rae just babbled like she was going to spit up. Grace grabbed Rae and patted her back quickly. It's okay Rae it's okayy momma's here.
5:50 p.m.
(Mina comes and talks to grace)
Mina held Rae gently and smiled at grace. She looks just like you!!! Mina claimed estatic that one of her kids finally looked like her. Grace smiled at that claim. She still has a couple years to fully get my face and to be honest all she has is my eyes. Grace points out honestly. You ruin everything. Mina remarked rolling her eyes jokingly. Yet you still coming running back. Grace mocked cutely as Mina snickered. She's adorable grace. Mina compliments holding Rae over her shoulder and peeking with a smile. Thank you min. Grace replied happily. How are the boys?? Mina asked genuinely curious. They're doing well Mina. Grace responded truthfully. You think they'd remember me??! Mina questioned putting Rae in her bouncer. It's been a long time I'm not sure. Grace answered as honest as she could. Ah. Mina said hurtfully. That's not my fault. I know it's not it's just a little hurtful. Mina revealed looking at grace. I know trust me. Grace said recalling all memories as Mina still looked at her. Mina we can still be together. Grace suggested randomly. What, how? Not in the way we want. Mina argued rightfully. We could get married like you want and I could forge Rodrigo's signature on divorce papers. Grace thought unknowingly. Grace you can't do that there's so many ways that divorce happens but it's not like that, you'd have to tell him. Mina explained consciously. Right. Grace replied looking around at the house. Grace it's okay...maybe we're not meant to be together. Mina stated sadly. That's not true Mina. Grace responded defeated at that thought. No it is.
6:23 p.m.
(Grace tries to put crying Rae to sleep)
Raeeee pleaseee. Grace complained walking back and fourth patting Rae who was screaming at the top of her baby lungs. You're so small, how are you so loud??! Grace muttered shocked at the strong voice Rae already had. Grace patted Rae gently as she continued to walk back and forth and around the room. Rodrigo would come in at like two at night and purposely make noise that would wake up Rae. Grace paid him no mind because even though he took advantage of her body every single time she got pregnant but she persevered because he wasn't going to take another thing from her. Grace grabbed Rae's freshly made bottle and sat down on the ottoman that was leaned up against the bed. Grace crossed her legs and took a deep but quick breath putting it into Rae's mouth. Okay. Grace whispered looking down at her baby. You're so strong already, you know that?? Grace whispers softly inches away from Rae's face. You're gonna do so great in this world.
6:32 p.m.
(Grace having a mental breakdown)
Grace looked in the mirror muttering hurtful things to herself but they invaded her mind more...it was like another part of her was whispering them to her and she chose to believe them. Grace didn't feel strong per se, she just felt she survived a lot of things like the next human and she didn't need praise for that. Grace realized that the life she had now that was surrounding her very being wasn't bad it was just suffocating; she hated watching her kids endure the pain from her husband but what really fucked up her mind was that he wasn't always like this and how he was the literal definition of how one horrible event could really affect someone. Grace didn't blame him for hitting her...she just wanted her kids to be safe so that's why she kept pushing for her sons to move out because she knew that when push came to shove (literally) she'd stay home.