HURTS LIKE HELL

7. A Bitches Game

Kara

It wasn't the butterflies I came here for. 

It was the mockingbird. 

I did read "To Kill A Mockingbird". In the story, a mockingbird represented the idea of innocence, so to kill a mockingbird meant to kill that innocence. I was a mockingbird. Even if there was ever innocence in me, it was destroyed. Until all that was left, were scars and nothing. 

It got me thinking. If a mockingbird represented innocence, I wanted to be the evil that destroyed it. Because that's who I was and that's what I did. And I wanted to be reminded of that every single day of my life. That's, the reminder I needed to be marked with. 

Beau had just begun to outline the mockingbird on until I stopped him, "Wait." 

Immediately, he lifted the needle off my skin and looked up at me. "Did that hurt?"

I blinked. He looked worried and I wasn't used to being looked that way. To being looked at all really. After and before him. "No", I said, "I want to change it." Beau frowned and before he could ask, I told him, "I want an arrow." He'll never look at me like that again after I say the next. "Pierced through the bird." It was scary how cold I definitely looked then, that there was zero emotion on my face and in my eyes. I expected a reaction from him. I didn't know what reaction but I expected one. Instead, there was none. 

"Where exactly do you want the arrow?", was all that he asked. His eyes, unreadable but attentive as they watched me. 

"The chest." That's where it hurts the most.  

I didn't dare to hold his eyes, because I was afraid to give it all away. I tried to hide it. I've been trying for so long. But there was pain inside me and my eyes would be a dead giveaway. The pain outweighs the dead. It would be better to die than to live in pain. In suffering. 

But I just couldn't die.

My chest ached more when I felt the pad of his thumb softly trace the faint outline of the mockingbird on my hand. First, James. Now, Beau. What was it about today? I hated it all. I didn't know why. Maybe I missed being touched that way. Being caressed. But at the end of the day, I knew it meant nothing. 

I kept my eyes on the left wall when I heard him say, "Ok."

We didn't talk anymore after that. Beau concentrated on my tattoo while I thought about many things. 

Things I shouldn't be thinking about. 

People I shouldn't be thinking about. 

A boy I shouldn't care about. 

A boy I still care about. 

And I thought about cruel things. The things that made this reality. That made this my reality. Its' so cruel, so wicked and I was just ruined.

When Beau finished, I looked down to find a tattoo different from my request. I was speechless by how perfectly drawn the bird was, but surprised to find the arrow I asked for clutched between its beak. 

"Why -"

"I don't usually go against a customer's request but . . ", he delicately grasped my fingers in his, lifting my hand so I got a better view. "I had a strong opinion about this one."

"Is that even allowed?", I grumbled. I didn't know how to feel about the tattoo he drew. It wasn't what I wanted, but I didn't dislike it either.

He hissed. "No. I just hope you won't sue me for this."

"Or kill you", I glared and he grinned, unafraid. "Why did you do it?"

"Simple. People are always trying to kill mockingbirds, but they're not that easy to take down. I wanted to show you that", his eyes met mine and they were bright with a certain emotion as he continued on, "People will shoot arrows, but mockingbirds catch them." 

Our gaze held and I was too stun to speak a word. That was not what I was expecting. Did he know the real reason I wanted that tattoo? I wondered while looking back at him, like I was seeing him for the first time. 

Mockingbirds catch those arrows. 

My eyes fell to the completed tattoo and I swallowed. "It looks like a mockingjay."

"That suits too", he said, his voice a pitch lower. "You're a rebel, aren't you?"

And how does he know that? 

I looked upwards and found our faces closer to each other's. His eyes were on mine until it flickered down to my lips. I ignored it and asked, "You read?"

In the Hunger Games, a mockingjay was to represent rebellion and defiance. Now, it represented me. 

"I'm offended you asked that", but his smile didn't show it. It was the playful kind and I felt it too. 

"Good", I said and his grin widened. 

What the hell?

I sat there unmoved while Beau slowly brought his face closer to mine. His eyes were on my mouth and my throat bobbed as I gulped silently. Our faces tilted and I sucked in a breath. No. I leaned back and turned away. It'd be better if I kissed him and looked like I didn't give a shit, but I felt off. All those thoughts, it made me shaky. And I was feeling crazy. A different kind of crazy. 

"I need to go", I grabbed my bag off the floor and began ruffling through for the envelope. When I pulled it out and opened it, I started to flick through the bills, "How much?",  I asked without looking at him. 

Fuck, I'm bipolar.

I heard Beau huff out a breath and saw movement from the corner of my eye. "It's - It's free."

My head whipped towards him, shocked. I didn't think he meant it. "You can't do that."

"I can, actually", he said and locked his hands together between his knees, staring at me impassively. 

My lips parted, unsure of what to say next. "You . . Why?", I asked. Why the hell did I sound so piss?

He shrugged. "I don't know, Kara."

"How do you even know -", realisation drew in, "You're one of them."

"We're friends. I'm just closer with Asher", he admitted, his eyes never leaving mine. 

I nearly scoffed. That fucking asshole. Even his name pissed me off. "I see they talk about me?", I lifted a brow, my face uncaring.

He licked his bottom lip and carefully spilled, "It looks like you're all they talk about right now."

My grip tightened on the arm-rest. "What the fuck do they want with me?"

He shook his head, his eyes falling when he rubbed the back of his neck. "That's up to them. They have a job for you."

"A job. The next thing you'll tell me, they're gangsters?", I mockingly raised my eyebrows at him. 

"In some way", was all Beau said and I stared at him baffled while he smirked. 

This was not happening. 

What the hell was happening?

"They think you're different."

I scoffed. "I definitely am. Whether in a good or bad way, that's up for choosing. Not that I care what people think", I mumbled.

Beau studied me from where he sat. There was a safe distance between us and it needed to stay that way. I needed it too. I was a disease and it couldn't be controlled or tamed. 

"So who tried to shoot you down?", was his question that I didn't expect. I looked at him in a new way then, but I didn't let the hurt in my eyes show. I couldn't. 

Instead of telling him, I said, "I'm not a mockingbird."

He grinned faintly. "Then what are you?"

A wasted, been-used whore.

"You'll get what's coming for you, Kara."

Diseased-whore.

"She's a slut."

A shame. 

"Never piss her off or she'll come bite you."

"Poisonous."

"She's literally toxic."

I was everything they feared.

"A snake", I replied easily, "One that poisons you."

And that was the truth. 

I poison people. 

And I give them wounds that hurt like hell. 

Beau's expression was unreadable but then he nodded, not in agreement, but understanding. Understanding how I saw myself, as the bad guy. "Who did you poison then?", he asked. 

The names on my skin burned. 

But they weren't all. 

No, there will always be more. 

I'm so sorry.

"I never meant to", I said what I thought was in my head, but then Beau's gaze changed and I realised too late, that it wasn't. "I'm going." I slid off the chair and hastily made my out, only to stop at the door. 

"Anyone ever tell you, you have a resting bitch face?"

Not to my face, I thought.

There's something missing and I couldn't leave without it. 

I huffed and turned around with my middle finger up, looking Beau directly in the eyes, "I want a snake."

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 

I sat on my bedroom floor, smoking and staring at fucking nothing. 

My window was open and I shivered when the breeze touched my naked private part. Oh fuck it, it's my vagina.  And it was naked because I had no underwear on. I no longer wore my jeans either. It was fucking ripped off me. 

So yeah, there I was sitting on the floor half-dressed and half-bare. However, with my vagina uncovered, I felt completely naked. Vulnerable. 

I dropped my head and tangled a hand in my hair, why the fuck was this my reality?

Why is this even reality?

"It fucking sucks."

I didn't want to go to fucking Nathan's party tonight, but after what just happened, I'd do anything to escape this place. 

I put out the cigarette and tossed it out my window before pulling it shut. My eyes lingered on the spot where Carl pushed me. 

"I really hope I broke your fucking nose."

This was the reality. 

The reality of that pretty little mess with the monsters in her head. 

There were different ways in which people dealt with rage, I used them all. I was petty that way. Whenever I got angry, I'd be the sexier side of me because to some, that would be my revenge. And right now, I fucking wanted to be revenge. And I wanted to look like it. 

My makeup was a bit darker tonight, more sultry. My eye a little darker and I purposely made my lips look more luscious by wearing the plum shade of matte lipstick I used the other day. I swiped on some cherry gloss to make me taste good. I sprayed on perfume to smell good. I wore my high heels to feel good. 

There was a strange order of my dressing process on some nights. There'd be times when I couldn't even be bothered to wear underwear, knowing they'd just be ripped off me anyways. Because that's what always happened. I pulled on my lace panties up my heels, legs and under my high-waist black mini skirt, running my hands over the back of them after. 

I looked myself in the mirror one last time. 

"Oh, you're so going to get fucked", I sighed, neither sounding excited or tired. But both. 

.   .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

I hate parties.

That was one thing that never changed. 

"I need a drink", I grumbled and separated myself from Lily who busied herself with Scotty. Yeah, their tongues will be doing more hooking up tonight. 

That's what everyone else was doing. In every corner, people were either making out or doing something scandalous. I'm pretty sure the girl I had walk passed was being fingered against the wall. There was a lot of moaning going on, smoking, drinking, dancing. Well, grinding. I saw lots tongue, dry humping and boobs on the way to the kitchen area. Just two years ago, I'd be traumatised. 

It felt good sometimes, to be scared off. There wasn't much trouble in pushing past people and when some continued to block my way, I shoved them aside. Yeah, I know I'm a bitch, move on. My eyes wandered after walking through the crowd of people and it landed on James. Everything was lit in red, but I knew it was him. He had his tongue down a girl's throat. Probably feeling my stare on him, his eyes opened and it met mine from across the room. I stared blankly and he stared too, but then he smirked and devoured the girl's mouth in front of me - eyes open and watching me still. 

Wow.

Unbothered, I looked away and head to the drinks set on the bar table. I grabbed a cup and poured myself some punch, which I'm one hundred percent was spiked. I took a sip and yup, it was. 

"Punch instead of beer?", I turned and found Aurelia next to me, grinning. 

I shrugged and hooked an arm around her shoulders. "Thank god you're here."

"Let me guess . . Scotty got her", Aurelia quipped.

I nodded. "She seems to like him."

"I actually think of all the football guys, he's one of the friendliest", Aurelia elbowed my side,  "She'll be fine."

"Friendly doesn't mean anything", I mumbled. 

Aurelia sighed and leaned into my side. I held her close to me and we drank while the party carried on around us. This punch was definitely not going to do it for me, but it'll do for now. My eyes were already searching for something a little stronger when I heard Aurelia ask, "What should we do?"

I chugged down the last of my drink before answering, "Drink. Dance -"

"Or hook up", she grinned, suggestively. 

"You don't mean with each other right?", my eyebrows raised. 

Aurelia laughed and shook her head, "No", then her grin was back, looking up at me with seductive eyes, "But we could."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Get a dare, hun. Then I'll kiss you."

Her eyes brightened, "That's actually . . not a bad idea." I looked at her confused. "Let's go play."

"What? Truth or dare?", she nodded, "Pass."

"Oh, come on. It's a classic for parties", Aurelia pushed. 

"No." I turned to pour myself another cup of punch. "Fuck truth or dare. It's always "kiss him", "kiss her." Oh, "fuck him", "go fuck her","dry-hump him", "go down on her", give the other a fucking orgasm. Those kind of shit. Yeah, such a classic", I added bitterly. 

"Ok . . . I don't see anything wrong with either -", Aurelia wavered when I glared at her.  I took a long sip of my drink before she said, "Come on. We live for the excitement of truth or dare."

"I don't live for anything, Lia", I retorted with a pointed look and she clamped her lips tight.  Fuck. I hate myself.  Aurelia just wanted to have fun and truth or dare was the one way for her to have it. Of all fucking games . . . "Ugh, fine."

Immediately, her face lit up and she smiled. "I love you, girl."

I downed my second cup of alcohol and swallowed. "I love you too."

Aurelia poured us both another drink before handing me one. I really do plan on getting drunk tonight. "Ok, now lets go find a group of bored asses", she started to pull me with her and I gulped down a chuckle.

Eventually, we did find a group of bored asses who coincidentally and unfortunately were playing truth or dare. What were the odds? It was a party classic. That and beer pong. However, unfortunate was the group that was playing. All of them were cooped up in the lounging area along with a few other people and I started to feel more nauseated after seeing all their faces. 

"Well look what the devil brought in", Melanie scorned, giving me the dirtiest look. Seriously? When will girls ever stop looking at each other that way? It was pathetic. 

I was too tired to even say anything back to her, so Aurelia did it for me, "I'm looking at it", she said, sending Melanie a mocking smile. I had to bite down on my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling or laughing. I brushed Aurelia's waist in thanks. 

Lauren did the most overdramatic eye-roll I had ever seen in my life. "You're a lost cause, Aurelia."

"I think you meant you and your group of rats", Aurelia casually returned and honestly, if she offered to hook up again, I'd take it. They glared daggers at us and instead of faltering, we did what we always do. We put on our bitch attitudes and played the game. "Now, who's really up for truth or dare?", she challenged.

I heard that as a threat and fucking liked it.  We received a few intrigued looks, mostly from the boys, and a couple of scared looks around. I smirked after seeing how threatened the girls looked. It's just a game and now, I really wanted to play. Aurelia plopped herself down on a single-couch while I settled on the armrest. I kept my gaze towards the rest of the party, since I didn't really feel like making eye-contact with any of them. Them, as in the boys, who's eyes I definitely felt on me. "Ok, who's got a bottle?", Aurelia asked around. 

"Here", someone said. I looked to see the cute brunette, who's laugh I like, hand Aurelia an empty beer bottle. Very briefly, his eyes flickered up to me before looking back down. That was pretty cute. Rachel, who was snuggled up against his side, must've caught my attention on him and she slid a protective hand up his thigh while sending a glare straight through me. I wanted to smirk but held back. 

"Alright, we're starting." Aurelia placed the bottle down on the table in the middle of lounge and didn't hesitate to spin it. I took a large sip of my drink. This was going to be hell. The bottle slowed and all of us watched in anticipation as it turned and landed . . . on me. I glared at Aurelia. She hissed and looked up at me, apologetically. "Sorry."

"Alright, let's give Kara a dare", Melanie announced, smirking like an arrogant B. 

"I spun it", Aurelia firmly said, "And she get's to pick either truth or dare."

"This isn't a kids party, Aurelia. We don't do truths, we do dares. And since you're the whore's bestie, your dares won't be any fun", Melanie said back. "Let's go for something a little extreme shall we?", she looked at me darkly. 

This really was going to be hell.

"What if she doesn't do the dare?", I heard Lauren ask from where she sat.

Melanie thought about it. My neck heated and I looked to see James staring at me with the girl he made out with under his arm. I ignored him and looked at the bottle on the table. I never really was the daring type, but that was before. Everyone was silent until I said something that surprised them all, "You fuck", Melanie raised an arrogant brow at me, "Fuck some of the darer's choice", I simply explained. Slowly, Aurelia's head turned and I looked down to find her smirking at me. Melanie looked hella shocked and so did everyone else. "I'm sure none of us has a V-card still so it shouldn't be that scary", I finished my third cup of punch. 

"How is that a penalty? What if some of us wants to get fucked?", Melanie dully asked. 

I almost chuckled. "Well, I'm the slut right? So pretend to be surprised by my version of penalty", I said, "You don't want truth or dare? Make it fuck or dare."

Aurelia offered a low five and I intertwined our fingers together. "Let's do fuck or dare, Mel", she said. 

Melanie's grimace twisted into a smirk and the next thing we knew, we were all in for fuck or dare. 

"Ok. I'll be giving Kara's dare", she began and crossed her legs, clasping her hands on top after. I looked at her waiting. There was no backing out now, unless I wanted to fuck any one here. Please just let it be Aurelia. Everyone was quiet while Melanie decided on a dare, eventually she got one and I already saw it coming. She was a wicked bitch. "Strip. Naked." I stared her down. "Or fuck . .", she looked over the group and probably not liking the idea of me fucking any one of the hot new boys, her eyes settled on someone out of it. "Scotty."

I clenched my fist. Looking over my shoulder, I found our school's quarterback and he was having the best time dancing with Lily. I pointed my deadliest glare to Melanie. She smirked and Aurelia placed a hand on my knee, holding me down so that I don't kill the bitch. 

"This may sound very unoriginal but you're a fucking bitch, Melanie", Aurelia bit out. "He's not even playing the game!"

She only shrugged. "What's it going to be, Kara?"

It wasn't a hard decision to make. I would never do that to Lily and especially, not for a fucking dare. I didn't have any fucking pride anyways. When I was about to remove my jacket, Aurelia saved me. "Why not something that takes two?", she suggested, "You wanted fun . . . how about body shots?"

The bitch looked uninterested, "No."

I chuckled and it was bitter. "Now I just think you want to see me naked." Melanie's glare darkened and it was my turn to smirk. 

Aurelia lowly raised a hand. "I'll take it of her. Since it's obvious you don't want any of those guys tongues anywhere near Kara's body."

I bit on my bottom lip hard. Melanie looked absolutely furious and she wasn't the only one. We turned the dare and those girls wanted to murder us.

"What's happens when everyone see's her naked, Mel?", Aurelia leaned in towards her to taunt her more, "She'd be wanted more than you ever were."

That's when Melanie had it. "You want to lick off her so bad? Go ahead."

Aurelia's smirk was dangerous and she took a peak at my body. "No defending there", she mumbled and I nudged her shoulder, smirking as well. This was our game and we were going to play it our style. 

We both got up and someone lowly whistled. My bet's on James. I turned and as expected it was him, looking annoyingly excited to watch a girl take a body shot off another girl. Dick.  After sparing him an irritated eye roll,  I slipped off my jacket and tossed it onto the armchair. I needed to tug my skirt down so that my stomach was visible and I did, not giving a fuck about showing more skin. The table was moved aside so I could lie on the floor and I sat my ass down while everything needed was being grabbed. I was adjusting the spaghetti-strap of my cropped top when my eyes connected with those pair of blue eyes. They were alluring and hella sexy. I only smirked and he smirked right back. 

"Let's do this babe", Aurelia was back with a salt shaker in her hand and a determined look in her brown eyes. 

Let's give them a show, my eyes told.

I laid back and everyone watched as she sprinkled salt up my bare stomach. A bottle of tequila was handed to her and she filled a shot before balancing the glass over my belly button. Then she placed a slice of lime in my mouth. We were ready to go. All eyes were on us, even those who weren't playing. 

"Get it over with bitches", Melanie ordered, looking irritated that we had everyone's attention.

Aurelia looked me in the eyes first and I winked at her. She moved down my body. Her head dropped to my stomach and I felt her drag her tongue up my stomach, licking the salt off me. I  would've sighed but I didn't want to risk the shot spilling. This was legit the most intimate thing we have ever done. Party Monster was on in the background, making the scene hotter. Aurelia took the shot in her mouth and tilted her head back so that the liquor went down her throat. She swallowed down the tequila and settled the glass onto the floor after. Our eyes locked and she smiled before leaning down her mouth to grab the lime out of mine. She sucked on it before tossing the peel away and I grinned. 

Some who were watching began to turn away, thinking the show was over. It wasn't. No, we did one more thing that made all their jaws drop.  I sat up and my lips touched Aurelia's. We kissed briefly and then pulled away, grinning. Yeah, this was us. I wanted to laugh after seeing everyone stare at us with their mouths wide open and from the looks of it, so did Aurelia. 

"You're both sluts", Rachel grimaced.

Aurelia snorted. "Take a look at yourself bitch", she said back, indicating towards Rachel's underwear that was there for all of us to see because her dress had hiked up a little too high while she practically straddled the brunette. Her face turned red. 

I sighed and pulled Aurelia up with me. "Try not to get killed", I mumbled in her ear. 

"Oh please, you can take them all easy", she whispered back, confident. 

"True."

"Is that really all? Or are we going to do more dares?", Lauren, who sounded overly bored, stared us dead in the eyes, a challenge behind hers. Aurelia and I glanced at each other, our mouths tilting upwards at the same time.

Shaking my head, I reached down for the tequila bottle and left Aurelia to it, "That's all for us", she declared. My eyes momentarily met James's in the dark and although it was hard to read his expression, his boner said it all.  And I doubt the girl kissing down his neck was the cause of it. My lips curled and I winked before dropping an arm around Aurelia's shoulders. "You're welcome!", she lastly said over her shoulder as I steered us away. 

We both shared a fist bump after. 

 .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

"I can't believe I missed all that", Lily sulked while I poured her another shot of tequila. 

"I'd do it all over again just to piss Melanie off", Aurelia shot back her glass and slammed it down onto the high table. "Nothing pisses off a bitch more than two confident bitches who are open with their sexuality."

I refilled her glass and raised the bottle in my hand, "To all the bitches."

"The bitches that take down bitchier bitches", Aurelia lifted her glass and Lily joined us with a chuckle. 

They took their shots while I drank the tequila straight from the bottle. Suddenly, Lily's hand covered mine and I looked to her with my eyebrows raised. "Thank you", she said to me, her eyes sincere, "Scotty and I are not really thing but . . .  I do appreciate you not fucking him."

I rolled my eyes. "I wouldn't do that to you."

She smiled and it was a genuine, "I know."

"What is up with you and Scotty though?", Aurelia asked her, curious. 

Lilly failed miserably at hiding her smile. "We're . . . friends."

Aurelia scoffed while I just continued to drink, no comment there from me. "I think the definition of friends has changed at this point."

"Friend's with benefits? But we haven't had sex though", Lily told. 

"But you hooked up", Aurelia said. 

"And that's it."

"Hooked up as in just your tongues right?", I asked her and she looked at me weirdly. 

"What other form of hook up do you know?"

"Lots", Aurelia and I answered together. 

Lily huffed and placed a hand under her chin, looking both of us over. "Who are you two hooking up with then?"

"I think we just hooked up with each other", I said and Aurelia chuckled. 

"Kissing is not a hook up", she returned while shaking her head.

"Kissing is all Scotty and I've done though", Lily mentioned. 

"Oh come on ~ Not even a little finger action?", Aurelia teased and poked the waistband of Lily's jeans. 

Lily nudged Aurelia's hip with hers. "No."

"Boring", Aurelia loudly deadpanned and my lips twitched. 

All of a sudden, someone tapped on Lily's shoulder and we looked to see it was the quarterback himself. "I was looking for you", he said to Lily, frowning, "One moment I was getting us drinks and when I turned, you were no longer on the dance floor."

"Oh my gosh", Lily gasped, "I'm so sorry. I was pulled away", she gritted while glaring at Aurelia who just shrugged. 

"She was our girlfriend before yours dude", Aurelia directly said and I muffled a laugh. 

Lily's eyes widened and Scotty only wrapped an arm around her shoulders, chuckling, "Sorry Aurelia. Mind if I borrow her?"

Instead of threatening him like I normally would, Aurelia just said, "Nope. Don't mind at all. Go ahead and take her. She needs a lay", she added lowly. 

Oop. Lily was practically glaring through Aurelia's skull while Scotty laughed. I drank the tequila to hide my smile. Sorry, Lil.  To spare Lily from her embarrassment, which I appreciate him for doing actually, Scotty only offered her a drink, "Here."

I didn't realise I had drunk the tequila dry so I asked him, "Is that punch?"

"Jungle juice."

I snatched the other cup from his hand, "Thanks Scotty. You now have my blessing."

"Both for ten bucks", Aurelia said and Scotty, surprisingly, was really chilled to pull out a ten dollar bill out his back pocket and handing it to her. Oh, he wants my best friend bad. My need to smile was critical so I kept on drinking. 

"You're both horrible", Lily grumbled while watching Aurelia plant a kiss on the single bill. 

Aurelia stuck her tongue out and I said to Lil, "But you love us anyway."

She sighed. "I can't believe I do."

"Ok now leave us already. Go make out or something. Just text us when you're done", Aurelia added in the end with a dirty little smirk. 

Lily flipped Aurelia off and I caught Scotty smiling down at her as she did. The Lily effect has already got the better of him. I think Aurelia really was right to say Lily will be fine. He seemed friendly enough and not in a fake way. My heart squeezed and I watch Scotty take Lilly away until they were gone together.

I used to be looked at that way. 

"Alright, hey", Aurelia pulled me out of it, "I'm going to get us more drinks. But first, you got to tell me who you're gonna hook up with. Just in case I come back and you're missing."

"Not really planning on anyone."

Aurelia gave me a face. "Bull-fucking-shit. You've been doing dirty with someone, I know you have."

I raised an accused brow. "Ok, how do you know?"

"Come on, give me a break. I'm your bae, babe's. I can tell when you're horny. You've been fidgety all day without realising it and been clenching your legs together since lunch", she poured and I rubbed my lips together. "You must've have gotten a really good lay. Now tell me. Who was he?", she grinned. 

I shifted to stand taller and my shoulders raised while I dragged in a breath. The last time I fucked, was with Mr Ward. Me getting fucking raped earlier didn't count. That was not a good lay. 

"Was it the newbie?", Aurelia smirked and narrowed her eyes at me. 

I clicked my tongue and sucked in another breath. It was a risk to tell anyone, but this was something I couldn't hide from the girls. And for once in my fucking life, I wanted guidance. Even a bad one, I'll take it. "I know you won't freak but don't make it obvious I just told you something . . "

"Dirty?", her smirk lingered. 

Dirty would be underplaying it. 

My breathing had stopped and I looked at her dead in the eyes. One of her eyebrows flew up and she looked at me suspiciously, "What did you do?"

This was it. The first person I was telling. I beckoned her closer until her ear was near my mouth. "Mr Ward."

She leaned back abruptly and I waited for her to say something, but she just stared. And then, of course, "Sorry babe. The music's actually really loud. I don't think I heard you clea -"

"I fucked Mr Ward."

"Holy shit", she cursed, her eyes wider than I've ever seen them. Her eyes stayed staring at my face and I stared back at her, waiting. Slowly, she asked, "Was it good?"

"What the fuck", I breathed, "Aren't you suppose to hate me or something? I did a really shitty, stupid thing. Or like tell me I did something crazy and wrong."

"Ok first, yes. That's crazy and wrong. But I'll never hate you, babe. We're girlfriends and I've been putting up with all of your shits till now by the way. One more screw is not going to change anything."

"That's the problem", I gritted, "It's not just one more screw. I screwed my fucking teacher", I hissed.

Aurelia sighed, frustrated. "Ok, I'm gonna guess you didn't tell anyone else. Lily?"

"Nope."

"Will you though? And Regina?"

I thought about it for a second. "I will eventually."

Aurelia released a breath, looking over-whelmed. "This . . is actually crazy." She then looked at me. "But no matter how fucking wrong it is, you have my full support because you're the first to ever get fucked by the hottest teacher in school and not those try-hard sluts ", Aurelia high-fived me and fuck, I loved that my best friend was insane enough to smile then. "I'm legit so proud of you", she threw her arms around me and I was legit shocked. And for the first time in a long time, I hugged her back tightly. 

You never know when you'll lose a friend, so keep them close. 

I love you, Lia.

"Alright. Now -", she pushed me at arm's length and looked at me seriously, "I want the details. All of them. As in when, how, and . . all the positions he fucked you in", then, she gasped loudly, "Holy shit. Was it on his desk?"

I cupped a hand over her mouth and shook my head. "Ok. I'll tell you everything but let's be discrete about it."

"Oh please, this music won't turn down anytime soon", she muttered once I took my hand back.I chugged down my drink and Aurelia looked at me expectantly, "Details, bitch."

"I'll give it once you come closer." She was quick to stand right next to me and I sighed before explaining, "It was yesterday."

"And you're telling me one day after?", she looked at me offended. 

I gave her a bored look. "You want the full story?"

"Ok, I'll shut up."

I huffed out a breath before continuing. "He called me out after class because I wasn't paying attention. Then . . he sat next to me, gave me a talk about how I should do better and shit then .  he touched my hand. Um . . .  he leaned in closer and I leaned in also", my head dropped, "And we kissed."

"Wow", Aurelia breathed. 

"The bell rang and he said he'll be in the room during lunch, so . . ."

"You went back", my best friend smirked. 

"Ugh, I don't fucking know what happened. I went to his classroom, and then . . we fucked."

"Jesus", she hissed, "But seriously though . .  was it that good? He's not named a sex God for nothing."

I sighed and leaned against the wall behind me, shaking my head. "I can't stop replaying it in my head, babes. I fucking rode my teacher."

"You rode him?", she asked me, eyes widened again. "You lucky bitch. Damn, I almost want to beg  you to let me tell those fucking bitches just so that I can smell that sweet jealousy." I glared her down and she rolled her eyes,  "Of course, I won't say anything." She then looked at me, earnestly, "I promise, babe."

I never trusted pinky promises but we swore it anyways. 

"But honestly . . can I say something?", I nodded and she said, "You're the first student that's ever successfully gotten with him. What if he's like . . interested in you?"

"The guy's like double my age. Plus, two years."

Aurelia sucked in a sharp breath. "Yeah . . thirty-two right?"

"Yup. And a teacher, in case we forgot."

"So? It's not like you both will date or anything. It was a casual hook-up and I'm all for it. Didn't I tell you feel free to hook with anyone you like?", she asked me, eyebrows raising. 

"I don't think a teacher comes under anyone."

"Forget for one second he's a teacher, babe", she said, "You could go out there and fuck any other thirty year old guy and it'll be totally fine just as long you willingly did it. And yeah, student and teacher relationships are wrong on all fucking levels but remember what you told me before?"

"I've told you a lot of things."

"Yeah but what you told me when we first drank together. We were underaged?"

My mouth was parted then slowly, I smirked after recalling that wild night of ours, "It's only wrong if you get caught."

She smiled, "Exactly, babe. And from the looks of it . .  you haven't been caught. So there's not one thing you did wrong."

I smiled too and to hide it from everyone around us, I pressed my hands to my face. "I'll know what I did though."

I felt her wrap her arms around my waist. "Don't be the one regretting, Kara. You don't need that stress."

I sighed and she placed her head on my shoulder, so I leaned mine on hers. "Thank you." It's been forever since I truly meant it, but now I did. I needed Aurelia and I hoped deep down that she'll never leave me. 

I heard her sigh. "You're fucking welcome."

We were quiet for a while until I had to ask, "What if I did it again?"

Aurelia just offered me a low-five which I took and locked our hands together. "That's what I'll give you", she said. 

I clamped my lips shut and laughed silently.

"Ok", Aurelia got off me, "You and I both need drinks now", she was about to walk but I grabbed her wrist. 

"Who are you going to hook with?"

She looked around, "Well, Nathan's off the list so maybe . . .", she shrugged, "I'll find someone who's in for some drunk sex. Just need more drinks."

I chuckled and Aurelia was off to get herself drunk. 

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

Warren

We were all huddled up in the kitchen. I had just drained my fourth bottle of beer tonight when Alex handed me a cig.  After lighting it, I took a long drag and released. I've never been so fucking grateful for a break.

"Dude, that Lauren chick can't keep her hands off you. Are you really gonna get with her?", James asked me from across the counter. 

I took another hit and shook my head. "Don't think so."

Alex's eyebrows flew high. "She's going to jump on you, man."

I shrugged. "I'll just shove her off." It wasn't like I gave a fuck about her anyways. From the looks of it, that girl really was a bitch and so were her friends. 

James blew a low whistle. "Harsh, man."

"Where's the girl you want to fuck?", I asked him instead.

He took a swig out of his fifth beer. No doubt, man will be wasted as fuck by the end of the night. "If you mean the girl I had grinding on me back there, she passed out on the couch. That juice is poison, man", James grimaced at the punch bowl, fucking disgusted by it, "And the girl I want to fuck . . I have no fucking clue where she is."

"Still in it for Kara, huh?", Slate asked

"You act like you're not", James glared at him. 

Fucking Slate just smirked like always. Obviously, the guy couldn't deny it. To find someone that didn't want to get with Kara was rare as fuck. I didn't really get it until I saw her yesterday. The girl's got a pretty face, a fucking hot body and an even more hot attitude. I think I took pleasure in seeing her threat James. I couldn't forget when she did, she was hot as fuck. I'd do anything to have her threat me next. 

"Woah, dude, are you thinking about her?", Alex's face was too fucking close to mine and I shoved him far back. He smirked. "Oh you definitely were. I swear, you were smiling."

"Fucking lay off", I said and turned my eyes on James. "I recall her wanting to chop your dick off yesterday."

"And slicing it in a blender. Her exact words", his lips twitched. I've never seen the guy smile while thinking of a girl, that was some miracle shit. "She's got one hell of a fiery tongue."

My body tensed at the mention of Kara's tongue. I didn't want to think about that girl's tongue. It was a distraction I didn't need right now.  I've seen her at the club, wearing nothing but a skimpy piece of lace that did little to cover her. She was fucking toned everywhere, my hands ached to touch that perfect body. Every-time she licked her lips, I was pushed closer to the fucking edge. 

"Doesn't mean she knows how to use it", we all looked at Asher who was silent for about the whole fucking night. 

"What's your problem?", James asked, but Ash didn't answer. 

"Did you catch her blowing off someone's dick? Jealous, Asher?", Slate provoked him and was stupid enough to smirk after.

Asher's glare was deadly. "Fuck off."

"Calm, Asher", Alec cooly said from his side and pinned the other down with a stare. 

"But seriously though, do you have something against her?", Alex was careful when asking him. 

Asher had taken another puff of his cig before actually responding, but like the usual ass he was, he answered by asking his own question, "Have you seen her tattoos?"

James asked first, "Which?"

"She's got new ones", Slate added with some kind of weird amazement in his eyes. She wasn't the first girl he's seen with tattoos, so why the fuck was he interested in hers?

"I saw her at Beau's. She has a tattoo of names under her right wrist", Asher brought to our attention. 

"And why the fuck do you care about it?", Slate was back to tormenting him.

"I don't care", Asher gritted, "I've never seen a tattoo like that. Like who the fuck inks that many names on their skin?"

Alex was the first to make a guess,  "Someone who has many asshole boyfriends?" 

We turned rigid. We hardly ever hear or use that fucking word "boyfriend" since commitment wasn't really something either of us were use to or in for. What person even is nowadays?

James had a grin on but, unfortunate for him, I could see through the guy and he was looking unusually pissed off. "Where are they then?"

"How the fuck will I know?", Asher was sharp with his comeback. 

"Did you not recognise any of the names?", Alec, to my surprise especially, asked him.

"I didn't give enough fucks to read them", was what we got. 

Nobody said anything after that. Ash seemed moodier then usual while James for one, looked amused and like all of us, chose to trigger Asher more, "She's really got you on edge. My guess is .  . you're in it for her too, aren't you?"

Asher's answer came out slow but like him, it lacked any feeling whatsoever, "She's got nice legs, a banging body and sexy mouth. You'd be blind to not want a bite of all that. So what? I'm like all you assholes. Just wanting to shed her panties off and open her legs."

I didn't know which part of all that got me on edge. My body tensed again and my fists had clenched by my sides. Asher was not wrong, but to actually hear someone say it out loud, I wanted to go find her and do just that. To rip her panties off, spread her open for me and pound into her like there was no tomorrow.

A door was pulled open besides the kitchen arch and the loud bang of it against the bathroom wall briefly caught our attention. Until we saw someone with long, black hair stumble out of it. Speaking of the girl everyone wanted to fuck.  She was fucking drunk. We were all quick to recognise her and watched as she placed a hand on a near by wall to stable herself. She bent to take off those killer heels and my eyes went from her rack to those nice long legs. It travelled to the hem of her short tight skirt and my dick heated. She stepped into the kitchen area, the white light falling on her and fuck, I really did want a taste of that body. Her curves were tempting me to touch her. 

"And she joins us again", James was grinning again and he seemed to be back in his usual, fuckboy mood after seeing Kara. 

I grinned after she returned him an unimpressed look, "Keep your dick in", she mumbled while dropping her heels onto the counter and we looked to find James with a fucking hard-on in his jeans. I would've laughed at him but then realised, I was fucking hard too. Fuck. The island was blocking me from Kara's view, so I just needed to hope fucking Alex doesn't rat me out. 

"Feel honoured, baby. My dick doesn't salute just anyone", was his comeback to her. He's gonna regret that one. 

Kara didn't miss to impress. "No, it just salutes every vagina in it's range in hopes of getting in one."

"A guy doesn't need pussy for a release, babe", James, like the idiot he was, continued to rally against her. 

She rolled her eyes. "No, all you need is a fucking hole. But I know a girl's cunt is easier to slip into than a cork bottle."

"Are you trying to tell me you're wet?", he smirked. Dick. I wanted to tell him to lay the fuck off but Kara was quick to do it herself.

"Not for you", she said, side-eyeing him. 

James's smirk dropped and Alex started to laugh his ass off. My mouth stretched and the next fucking thing I knew, I had a grin on. I don't think I've ever wanted to fuck anyone this bad. Kara was fucking unstable while heading towards the island to pour herself another cup of that toxic shit and James was the first to tell her, "I think you've had enough of that."

She laughed, but it was bitter as fuck. "Stop acting like you don't want me drunk", she said and drank, "A girl is more vulnerable when she is", I heard her mumble. 

No fucking clue what came over James, but I didn't complain when he grabbed the drink out of her hand before she could take another sip. "As if you aren't already", he said to her and  they both were sucked into some deep eye-fucking-contact. 

Kara sighed, "That's because I fucking want to be", she snatched her drink back and chugged down the rest of it before tossing the cup aside. I actually smirked while watching her. She was a stubborn bitch, that was obvious and my want to fuck the hell out of her just kept on getting intense.

She pushed past James, who was fucking dumbfounded, and slid herself onto the counter. Her skirt hiked up when she did and my eyes hungrily lingered on her exposed thighs. Asher was fucking staring at them too and I smirked after realising I had the better angle. From where I stood, if Kara just opened her legs a little wider, I could actually get a glimpse of that covered cunt of hers. The temptation to spread her open was screwing me the fuck up. 

"Surprised you're not at work tonight", Alec brought up, arms folded and eyes focused on Kara.

"I got a night off", she was straight-forward. 

"On a Friday?", as usual, he pushed her. 

She shrugged him off. "There are more strippers."

"But none your boss seems to be really fond of", Slate mentioned to her. 

"Well, nobody is sluttier than me", her legs rubbed against each other, "I always did do the job better", she stared him down and that only made Slate smirk.

"I can agree with that. But a whore isn't always the best to fuck  . . . since they're already infected with God know's what", Lauren showed up and I cursed. The fucking break didn't last long enough. 

"It's called semen. And I know you've had it down and swallowed many times before, so if anything, you're just as infected as me", Kara said, looking like her unbothered self. She didn't even need to smirk to make her point hit, because from the red look on Lauren's face, her words did enough. 

"Well at least all the shit I'm swallowing doesn't belong to a man double my age", Lauren blurted and Kara's unbothered facade shifted, "You're the typical cunt of the school you know that? Spreading your legs for teachers . . which we all know you do. I doubt the reason why Mr Ward is always nice to you is because of your grades", she started to invade Kara's personal space and my fists were clenched harder than before. This was fucking getting over line. "You're just another student he see's easy to fuck. You are the slut."

Everyone stopped breathing and nobody dared to speak while Kara studied Lauren with unreadable eyes. It lowered and then she surprised us by saying, "Those look new."

Lauren, taken aback, looked down to where Kara was staring. She then lifted her chin up,  "They are. And expensive. Not everyone can afford heels like this, so don't feel all too bad."

Kara nowhere looked impressed. After nodding like she could give a fuck, she gagged and it was clearly fake but Lauren freaked anyways. "Oh, I had way too fucking much to drink. Better back up before I hurl all over your precious, new stilettos."

"You bitch", Lauren stumbled back and Kara's lips crooked upwards.

"It's so easy to scare you, Lauren", she tormented, "If you want to be tough, grow a fucking vagina, that's what really can take a pounding."

James's choked on his beer. My mouth fell open and Alex's jaw looked damn near to falling off. Lauren had gone extremely red and looked so fucking close to murdering Kara on the spot. 

My bet was Kara would win. 

"I can't wait to see you scared, Kara. You'll get what's coming and worst", Lauren turned back on her, "And so will your pathetic bitches."

Kara's eyes darkened and all I could think of was, bad fucking move. She was off the counter in seconds and we all watched with extreme amazement as she grabbed the back of Lauren's neck and pinned her onto the island. Lauren yelped at first then groaned when Kara pulled her hair. She struggled to free herself from Kara's hold and none of us even bothered to help her. We were way too fucking entertained with what Kara was doing. "Mention them again", she arched her head back and Lauren cried. "I fucking dare you." Lauren sobbed and Kara leaned in closer to her ear, muttering some threat that I desperately wanted to her. Then she released her, but only after tugging on her hair harder in warning. 

I grinned. 

Kara won. 

.  .   .   .   .  .  .

Kara

We had gathered every fucking attention of those near us, which actually wasn't many but I didn't give a crap if it was anyways. Nobody fucking insulted my friends without paying for it. If that insult was any more revolting, Lauren would've been leaving with scars and broken heels. Fucking bitch. 

Lauren was a sobbing mess when she ran out of the kitchen and I glared down everyone else that watched. They all left with fear in their eyes. And that was exactly how things should be, with everyone afraid of me. Except, of course, there was group that wasn't and they all stared at me anew. This was the true version of me that they haven't yet seen, until now. When I get angry, you'll fucking pray you never made me. 

"Can I please fuck you?", James was staring at me like he'd just met the fucking love of his life. 

I lifted my right middle finger, showing off my very new tattoo while I did. What is it about a pissed off female that turns a guy one. I took my place on the counter again and looked at the cute brunette who watched me with his mouth opened, "I'd appreciate the beer though", I nudged my chin towards the stack beside him. 

He shook himself out of whatever trance he was in and walked across to hand me a bottle. "Wait a sec", he said and grabbed an opener. 

"You actually use that?", I asked. His eyebrows raised and I reached a hand out , "Hand it over." Skeptically, he did. I had some experience doing this shit so I didn't hesitate to raise the bottle and with ease, opened it with my teeth. The boys watched, shocked, as I dropped the cap in my palm and downed half the bottle. 

"You're full of surprises aren't you?", blue eyes started to smirk.

A trail of beer spilled through the corner of my lips and I licked at it before wiping my chin. "You haven't seen all of them", I easily said and he was too distracted staring at my mouth to say anything back.

"So why does Lauren have it out for you so much?", James broke the short moment of silence, his tone light but his eyes different as they stilled on me. There was a genuine curiosity behind them and all I could think of is, why the fuck does he give a shit? It must've been entertaining for him to see girls at each other's throats. This was a very shitty topic, and hell no to talking about it.

 "I'm not drunk enough for that", I brought the bottle rim back to my lips. Not long later, it was ripped out of my hand and I glared up at James. 

"Maybe you're drunk enough for a game then", he drawled and had no fucking right to look that gorgeous with a smirk on. There was a daring gleam in his blue eyes and for a second longer, our eyes held. 

"What game?", it was stupid of me to even ask, but I was in the mood to play and I actually hoped that this time, it was a real game. 

"Let's keep it classic", James said, his smirk growing, "Truth or Dare. Or shall we go with what you like to play", I only then registered how fucking close he was to me, his fingers brushing my bare leg. He pressed his face against my hair and lowly said into my ear, "Dirty." I kept absolutely still until he leaned back to look me in the eyes, "Fuck or Dare?"

I finally released the breath I was holding. There was no fucking way I'd let myself be effected by the pretty boy in front of me and I won't cower away from his challenge either. He wants to play dirty, I can be the game. I looked to the rest of the guys and said with my typical bitch look on,  "Who's up to play?"

"Only if it's Fuck or Dare", the cute brunette grinned. 

I'd like to play nothing else. 

Nobody seemed to be against playing, so it looks like we were all in for the real game of Fuck or Dare. My eyes met James burning ones, "So what's your dare?" His mouth tilted up, beyond amused by my attitude. 

"He can't be the one giving you a dare. He'll just ask you to fuck him", the blue eyes plainly said. 

"What's the point calling it Fuck or Dare then?", I tiredly muttered, side-glancing at James. 

"I'll give the dare then", the brunette announced, clearly drunk and neither of us had time to react before he dared me, "Kiss Warren or fuck James."

Everyone froze. 

"Fuck you, Alex", the blue eyes grumbled. 

I think I forgot the ability to swallow my own fucking saliva. My mouth had parted without me realising and I tried to fucking act calm, when I really wasn't. I've never been nervous to do either of those things but when it came to these boys, I was on a different kind of edge. A more dangerous one. I purposefully avoided looking at James, who's eyes burned the side of my head, and while doing so, accidentally clashed eyes with a pair of intense green ones. Warren. 

Holy shit.

I needed to fucking breathe before I pass out.

"So what's it going to be, beautiful?", James asked, his tone off and I looked to find him intensely staring at me. There was something new on his face and I must've been crazy, because there was no fucking way he cared about me kissing somebody else. It was like earlier today when I imagined him sounding pissed. I now imagined him looking worried. It wasn't real, I told myself. It's all in my head. It always was.

"You and I both know we're not fucking", I said and got off the counter. Nobody stopped me as I swayed across the kitchen to Warren who watched my every move carefully. My heart was beating like fucking crazy and I blamed it on the adrenaline. The rush of playing the game. The idea of kissing the hot newbie who's gaze practically burned my skin.

It's like I clicked pause and everything was muted out when I actually stood in front of him. He was tall as fuck and even more handsome up close. The devilish kind of good-looking with hard features and piercing eyes. His hoodie was up but I got a glimpse of the tattoos on his neck and where it trailed down to. There was definitely more, a lot more and I wondered if he was covered with them all over. Our eyes met again and he didn't protest when I inched my lips closer to his. Neither of us breaking eye-contact.

My breathing was shallow and I prayed to fucking God that my knees wouldn't give out under the intensity of his stare. I brushed my lips over his while staring back at him and because I felt like it, nipped on his bottom lip. Something wild flashed in his eyes, animalistic almost, and I was definitely a wicked tease because instead of kissing him, I grinned and snatched the lit cigarette out of his hand before stepping back. Warren stared at me and it was burning like hell. 

Like me. 

I smirked and tucked the bud between my lips, before grabbing my heels and walking away  with a puff of smoke blowing in front of me, "You all play the game."

And that's how you play, by making the game your own. 

If anything, I was the real game. 

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 

I was definitely wasted. My tolerance was higher than some so when I was drunk, I was drunk. I had actually called off the drinking about an hour ago, the last thing I needed was to pass out in fucking Nathan's apartment. Since alcohol was no longer an option, I went after the other thing that cleared my mind. Sex.

But to find somebody I'd actually like to fuck was like finding a virgin in this shit hole. Ok fine, that was a lie. There were some I didn't mind fucking and it was no other than the ones who set me on edge. It's always the bad boys. Usually, I'd just fucking go for it but there was something holding me back when it came to them. It was like a warning in my head, telling me if I went for any one of them, there'd be no turning back. 

My body ached for some sexual attention, so I just went to find some. I've reached the point where I didn't care who gave it. I didn't know when the hell this guy sauntered himself over to me but he was kissing down my neck and it was the sloppiest feeling ever. Maybe I wasn't really that drunk. Bored, I pushed him off me and paid no attention to his fuss as I left him just like that. There was something fucking wrong with me, I wanted to be satisfied but for some reason, can't be. I rounded a corner and ran into Aurelia. She was pressed against the wall and making out with some buff I didn't recognise from behind. He looked pretty well built. I grinned. At least, someone found a hookup tonight. 

I sighed and headed for the bathroom again. It was locked and I startled back when the door started to bang against the frame. There was moaning heard from the other side and I tilted my head back, cursing. Was everyone getting a good lay except me? 

It'd be pathetic if I just left the party right? I scoffed. Who fucking cares. I wasn't feeling it anymore anyways. As long the girls were ok, I was too. I trusted Lily in Scotty's hands. And Aurelia was more than capable of chopping disrespectful dicks. I went to retrieve my jacket from the lounge, glad to have found it on the armchair I left it on. Ignoring all the make-out sessions around, I searched through my jacket pockets because I've always assumed the worst from people. My fingers touched something wet and I grimaced when I pulled out a very-much-used condom. 

Bitches.

Agitated, I headed for the kitchen since the fucking bathroom was occupied. I dumped the contaminated shit in the bin and tossed my jacket onto the counter before washing my hands. I wasn't new to touching male fluid, but I scrubbed myself clean with extra soap anyway. James showed up when I was in the middle of scrunching up my used paper towel and throwing it away. 

"You look pissed."

"When am I not?"

He leaned his back on the counter near me. "Lauren get to you?"

"Well, it was either her or one of her friends that planted a worn condom in my pocket", I gestured towards my denim jacket, "But we can always assume someone else since many fucking hates me."

James winced. "Shit."

"Exactly." My arms crossed over my chest and I settled beside him, leaving a good three feet  between us. 

He then turned to me, eyes searching my face in a way they haven't before. "Why do they hate you?"

The answer to that was simple, but the explanation behind it was a whole story I didn't feel like sharing. I peered at him through the corner of my eye and casually shrugged, "I'm a problem." A slight crease formed between his brows and a frown touched his perfect lips. His stare didn't break from me and I didn't look away either. What do you have to say to that?

"How?", he asked. 

I shrugged again and shook my head, "I just am."  The way James looked at me changed and the fact he was capable of looking at anyone that way, surprised me. I dropped my head to look at the floor. Why the hell did I suddenly feel so beaten. Fuck the alcohol. 

Probably noticing my guard had lowered, James dared to lessen the space between us. I ignored the heat radiating off him and the short brush of his arm against mine. His eyes were on me, I could feel it. We were closer now and for some fucking reason, I didn't move away. "If I kissed you, will you kill me?"

I huffed out a disbelief breath. "You are . . fucking hopeless."

He actually had the audacity to grin. "Well I'm that and pitiful. What else you got for me?", he teased.

I pushed off from where I leaned and faced him head-on, our eyes locking just like that, "I'm starting to think you like me making fun of you."

"I'm starting to think you're unaware of how turned on I am", he said, nothing but heat in his eyes. 

"Oh, I noticed", my eyes flickered down to the hard bulge in his jeans and his grin widened. My lips twitched.

We stared back at each other grinning until suddenly his charm faltered, I frowned and then he  caught me off guard by asking,"Why did you say we'll never fuck?"

My eyebrows flew up. "What?"

"You said earlier that we both know, we'll never fuck. Why?"

Why's he concerned about what I said? If a guy wants to fuck a girl, he fucks her anyways. Consent means nothing to a cruel man who's greedy for release. But if I were being true, not all of them were cruel, no matter how fucked up the world is. 

I drummed my fingers against my arm while thinking over what I wanted to say before actually saying it, "You fuck through girls like it's an everyday routine and to be honest, you're no different from me. But if I actually go for someone like that, I'll just be another one of their sluts", I gave it to him straight, "I'll be a trophy and there's nothing I hate more -", I took a step closer and slid a hand to the back of his neck, his gaze fell hotly onto my lips while I spoke, "Than giving a man the satisfaction of winning."

Our mouths inched towards each other's before I made a move to step back, but James's hands came down to my hips, stopping me. He held me there and I looked up at him with lifeless eyes, "You caught me then", he said, grinning faintly and my eyes hardened, "But I'm starting to think of you differently now and it's not a fucking trophy." Whether I really was drunk or he actually meant that. 

It was a wrong move to step into his space, because now he had me in his hold and I wasn't really looking forward to parting away. But to actually trust a guy to mean those words . . .  that day wasn't today and the day will never come. I lightly pushed at his chest, but he didn't let go. "James -", I started.

His fingers brushed my neck and my breathing ceased. Nobody had gotten that close to me and the lighting wasn't clear enough to see the marks, until now. They were faint under the layers of foundation I applied, but it was visible from this proximity. It was a miracle Warren didn't catch it earlier and that was probably because his eyes weren't on my neck. He wouldn't give a fuck about the them anyways.  "I knew I wasn't imagining it", James mumbled, a hard edge taking on his voice. 

I shoved him back and turned away. 

"Who did it?", he tried again. 

"Why act like you care?"

"It's not acting", he was pissed and standing right in front of me, "Who hurt you, Kara?"

Everyone.

My fists clenched. I never liked being questioned. There were too many things I couldn't answer and, majority of the time, I couldn't care less about whether I did. It was nobody's business. This was the shit I had to put up with, so I'll put up with it on my own. I never needed anybody and I knew that was bullshit. "Why don't you just go back to fucking?", I said, "Go find the girl who's throat you had your tongue down in", that was also bullshit, but I didn't know what else to say. 

He grinned and for a second, I thought he'd lost his mind. "Jealous, baby?"

"Oh, fuck off", I sighed. "That's really your first assumption?"

He shrugged a casual shoulder, grin lingering. It was then he looked like the typical playboy he was. "Can't help it. I know you didn't like watching me suck off somebody else's tongue."

"Yeah, I didn't enjoy watching you suck off a girl's face while staring into my fucking soul", I returned, dryly. 

James's eyes trailed down my face to my mouth and it tingled under the burn of his stare. "Well it was you I imagined kissing so I just thought, why not let her know?"

I blinked. "You are so fucking hopeless."

His mouth stretched higher and I don't think I've ever seen anyone grin this fucking much. "You're so fucking hot", he countered and I rolled my eyes. 

"As if I didn't know that."

And for the first time ever, I saw the pretty boy smile. 

"So really then?", he moved to me, one bold step followed by another until he towered my body with his, "You don't give a fuck about how I've had a taste of every girl here . .", he lowered his face back to my ear, "Except you." I didn't move or said anything. "You're not even curious about how it'll feel to have my tongue in that pretty mouth of yours?", he was teasing and briefly, my mouth curled, amused. "I had that girl's tongue wrapped around mine and the whole fucking time . . . I imagined it was yours. I imagined it was yours I was sucking, pulling on -", his lips tickled my earlobe, I held back a shiver, "And baby, I imagined all the sounds you'd make." 

"You're just trying to rile me up", I muttered.

I could practically feel his grin stretch against my ear, "Is it working?"

"Is it?", the tone I used clearly indicated it wasn't.

He groaned and pulled back. I smirked at him. "Alright, new tactic."

My eyes squinted. "Just give up."

"So you're really not going to quit your job?", he asked instead and just like that, my smirk was gone. His was back. "Step one, catch you off guard. Now . . I get to say, I think you're scared."

"To kiss you?", I asked, blankly.

"To go after something you want", he corrected.

"And you think I want you? . . . pitiful", I drawled.

"Nothing new yet?", he grinned, playful as ever and I was irritated as fuck. "I'm starting to think your vocabulary is limited, beautiful."

"If I kick you in the balls, will you shut up?"

Something gleamed in his eyes. "Maybe, but it'll be temporary", he replied, a mischievous look in on his face. "Now, I can think of something that'll shut me up and trust me, it's more permanent." I stared at him, unamused. "It involves your mouth on mine, lots of tongue -"

"Hopeless", I mumbled. 

"Possible fingering, moaning", he went on, "I mentioned tongue right?", his smirk was tempting me to throw a punch, "And if you're lucky . . maybe some fucking. You'll actually get to see the dick you'd been all so keen of looking at -"

"And chopping", I intentionally added. 

"It's pretty impressive. The size of my dick", at this point, he was just trying to irritate me, "And I know you want it in you. You want my cock, baby. Admit it. You want it really really bad", this guy has zero shame whatsoever. "Just say it and I'll give it to you" I knew he was playing with me from the light tone in his voice, but I wasn't one to be played with. I was vicious. "I'll wait however long it takes -"

Oh my fucking god.

He proceeded to annoy the fucking hell out of me so in a swift motion, I grabbed the back of his neck and smashed my lips to his. He moaned and I felt the vibration down to my throat. My hands were in his hair and his greedily holding onto my curves. I tilted my head and our tongues slipped in to play. James groaned and arched his body into mine. We were then grinding against each other, moaning. 

Fuck him, for making this feel good. 

His hands lowered to cling onto my ass when I pulled on his bottom lip and tugged, hard. He hoisted me and I was on the counter with him standing between my thighs in seconds. I gripped onto him and his mouth moved desperately over mine. This was so  not meant to happen. Our tongues brushed and I whimpered when he pulled on mine, sucking on it just like he said he would. 

We kissed hard until I felt his fingers slide up my thigh. I gasped when he slipped into my panties. James groaned, "You really are wet", our eyes locked and my mouth curled. It parted but before I had the chance, he growled, "Don't you fucking dare say it's not for me." He stole my breath away with a hard and starved kiss, locking my chin with his other hand as he rubbed his tongue against mine. I moaned when he slid two fingers inside me and by instinct, my inner muscles tightened around them. "That's it, baby", he breathed and dragged his mouth down my neck, "Can you take another?" Before I could even give a response, he added a third finger. My head fell backwards. "Oh look, you can", he teased breathlessly and worked them inside me, curling until I lost my fucking sanity. His mouth was on mine again and he groaned in approval when my teeth latched onto his bottom lip - guess it's clear I was into biting. I really couldn't fucking help it either. I was a greedy little slut. I rocked my clit against his hand and his fingers were in deeper, hitting a spot that made me see fucking stars. "Cum, baby."

"Make me", I said over his lips. 

I didn't give a fuck about how loud my moan was when he worked me faster. Never in my life have I ever been fingered this good. It was the high I needed. Oh. . . . fucking God.  

He pulled his fingers out, my wetness gleaming off each of them under the kitchen light. My eyes followed them being rubbed over his lips and the middle one getting sucked all the way into his mouth. My own lips parted in lust.

What would he do if I pushed him down to his knees? 

Probably, eat me out fucking good. 

He hovered his lips over mine. "Want to taste yourself?"

My eyes flickered down to his mouth, shining with my arousal, and instead of kissing him, I slowly glided my tongue over his bottom lip. He groaned, eyes staring down at me intensely. I withdrew my tongue, tasting myself and hummed. Jokes on every asshole, I tasted fucking great. 

He brought his mouth to where my neck met my shoulder, kissing and moving his way down lower. I arched back and then . . .  locked eyes with Nathan. He witnessed from across the island, a hard look on his face and something washed over me. I refuse to admit it was shame, but it had me pushing James away regardless and getting my ass off the counter. James watched me confused until he looked to where my eyes had focus on. 

"You're different now, Kara", was all he said and uncapped a new bottle of beer. We've ignored it well, but it couldn't be forgotten that Nathan knew me. He was an asshole and I've seen him that way since day one, but he's his best friend. I learned to accept him somehow, it didn't mean I liked him though. 

It was easier to look at Nathan when he's being a cocky ass than when he's staring at me like this. Like I was the girl who broke his best friend's heart. This is why I hated seeing anyone outside of school. It's like our facade gets shattered once we walk past those gates. And the show ends. 

I couldn't look at Nathan in the eyes then. I was reminded of everything all over again. So I just grabbed my jacket and walked past him, ignoring James who reached out for me, "Happy birthday, dick."