Angela was about to close up the funeral home for the night when her phone rang. She smiled when she saw her friend's name on the caller ID; it felt like she hadn't talked to Rosa in a long time. "Hey Ro," she greeted, leaning back in her desk chair. "What's up?"
"Hey um...you talk to your man or your primo at all?" Rosa's voice wavered a bit. (Cousin)
The hairs on the back of Angela's neck stood on end; it sounded like Rosa had been crying. Rosa rarely cried. Not unless something big happened. "N-no. Is everything okay? What happened?"
She sniffled a bit before clearing her throat. "I um...word on the street is...a Son killed Esai. Plain view. In the park."
Angela's breath caught in her throat. She couldn't have heard her right. "What?"
"A Son killed Esai. He and his dad went to the park and somethin' happened. I don't know anythin' more than that. Called you as soon as I found out," she explained, her voice cracking a little.
A Son killed Esai, the words kept replaying in her head. Over and over again. Esai was dead. Whatever he'd done, that big fuck up he'd told her about, had sent him to his grave. Her stomach churned; Esai had hurt her...over and over again, but she hadn't wanted him dead, and she certainly hadn't wanted a Son to do it. "Is Raffa okay?"
"Raf is fine. A fuckin' mess, pero alive," Rosa replied, and knowing her friend, she was raking a hand through her hair. "He...he um...he said E went to see you the night before. That he smacked you. Thinks that's what caused all this."
Tears sprung to Angela's eyes; she hadn't thought of that. Had Juice told Happy? Was this his sick way of avenging her for all the shit Esai had pulled in the past? "N-no. They're not that dumb, Rosa. This...this could start a war. No one wants that. They wouldn't do that over some stupid slap."
"I dunno..."
"Ro, this wasn't the first time he did somethin' like this. We both know that. Hap's never...he's threatened it, but he never did it, and Juice? He wouldn't do that. He's not an idiot."
Rosa sighed heavily. "Yeah, you're right, you're right," she said, though Angela could tell she didn't really believe her. "I gotta go, pero keep me posted if you hear anythin'. Love you."
"Y-yeah. Love you too."
She hung up the phone with a snap, grabbing her keys and stepping outside. She doubled over, taking deep breaths as she fought the urge to vomit. Esai was dead. Raj was dead. How come every man she ever loved was dead? Was Juice next? No. She would not let her mind go down that path. No way. With shaking hands, she got into her car, speeding towards the clubhouse. Juice had told her to meet him there after work. Apparently, there was some big party. Were they...celebrating Esai's death? No. There was no way they would be so bold as to celebrate such a heinous act. Flaunt it in the Mayans' face. They weren't that stupid.
The party was going strong when she pulled into the compound. Some guys were fighting in the ring as usual. Sweetbutts of all shapes and sizes were milling about. She parked in the first spot she could, walking quickly towards the front door. A few people called out their greetings behind her, but she ignored them and pushed inside.
The place was dark, crowded with people as usual, but over the music, she could hear the familiar buzz of the tattoo machine. Glancing towards the bar, she spotted her cousin leaning against it, arms outstretched in either direction. A sweetbutt was sitting in front of him, inking another happy face onto the collection he had on his stomach. Bile rose up in her throat; Happy had finally killed Esai, and the Sons were celebrating.
Her eyes itched with tears as her mood warred between sadness and fury. How could Happy do kill Esai? How could Esai be gone? And Raj? How come everyone she loved died? Her head was spinning, chest tight. She rushed outside for air, unaware that anyone else had seen her.
~'~'~'~
Juice couldn't help but grin when he saw Angela walk in. He was a little surprised that she was still in her work clothes since she usually changed before coming to the clubhouse, though it didn't bother him; it just meant she hadn't stopped by their house on the way over. She'd barely taken two steps into the bar when her eyes fell on where Happy was getting tattooed and all of the color drained from her face. He put two and two together; she'd found out about Esai and knew exactly what that tattoo meant.
"Shit," he murmured to himself, pushing away from the pool table to chase after her. "Angel!"
Angela was walking quickly towards her car, her head bowed, hair in front of her face. She ignored him and went to open her car. "Angel, stop," he said, grabbing at her wrist.
She whipped around, and he was surprised to see there were tears in her eyes, spilling down her cheeks. "Did you know?" she demanded, her voice shaking a little.
"What?" he asked, eyes wide.
"Did you know about Esai?" she clarified, fear and anger in her eyes.
He didn't know how to answer that. He knew, of course he did; it was part of whatever agreement Clay had made with Alvarez. He hadn't had a chance to tell her before, but he also was wary of telling her in case she tried to intervene. "Angel..."
Angela shook her head, exhaling shakily. "Was it because of me?" she asked, insecurity bleeding into her voice.
Juice hated the devastation written all over her face; it physically hurt him to see her in so much pain. He understood her reaction now. She thought his death was her fault just like Raj's. "No, baby," he murmured, pulling her in close and wiping away the few tears that has escaped her hold. "Had nothin' to do with you. Was a deal Clay made with Marcus."
Her brows furrowed in confusion as she struggled to understand what he was saying. "No, E's his...his son. He'd never..."
"I promise you, Angel. Had absolutely nothin' to do with you," he told her, hoping she believed him. "Had to happen for the Sons and Mayans to be good again. Your name never came up, I swear."
"Yeah, sure," she murmured. She swallowed hard, pulling away from him as she messed with the keys in her hand. Her dark eyes swept over the party for a moment. "I can't...I gotta go."
For some reason, he didn't want her to go. She didn't seem to be in the right headspace to drive. "Don't. Just stay for a little. Breathe."
She took the keys back from him, shaking her head slowly. "I'm not gonna stay here for this...celebration," she stated on a sneer.
He wished he could read her mind. Wished he understood why she was having such a strong reaction to Esai's death. The asshole had been like a curse to her for years. He'd treated her like shit, smacked her around, shot up her home, killed her ex...the list of his transgressions was long and bloody. Why was she so upset he was dead? It didn't make sense. "He hurt you, Angel. Hurt your family. You don't got to worry about him ever again."
Her eyes widened in shock. "You think I wanted this? Are you kidding me, Juice?"
He was aware that people had stopped to watch them. Angela's ties to the Mayans were no secret, and her reaction was definitely not reflecting well on her. If the wrong people heard, it was going to make people question her loyalty to the club, to him. "No, but I just thought...I thought you didn't have feelings for him anymore," he answered honestly. "That you didn't care."
He regretted those words the instant he said them. Her eyes went dark, her whole body tensed. "Feelings for him? Fuck you, Juice," she seethed, fists clenched. "I have known E since I was in third grade! And yes, he was a crazy, stupid asshole, but I'd never wish death upon anyone, especially someone I knew so well. What kind of person do you think I am?"
Juice hadn't thought of it that way. His one track mind only thought of any possible romantic feelings she may have had left over for the Mayan. He'd forgotten they'd literally grown up together. That he'd been in her life since she was a kid. It made sense now for her to be so upset. "Shit, Angel, I didn't think..."
"No, you didn't." She opened the door to her car, sitting down in the driver's seat. He tried to stop her by holding her door open, and she glared at him, fire in her eyes. "Let go."
His own anger flared just slightly; she'd fought for their relationship once before, why wouldn't she do it now? "No. Don't run out on me. Talk to me," he insisted, stubbornly.
Angela looked behind him at the sweetbutts, club members, and hang-arounds all watching them. "I'm not runnin'. You want to talk? We can do it in private. Not puttin' on a show tonight," she shot back, tugging on the door to get him to let go.
He didn't really give a shit who saw. The fact she didn't want to fight it out right then and there felt all kinds of wrong. It was the kind of shit she'd pull with Raj, and he didn't appreciate it one bit. "Fine! Go then!" he exclaimed, slamming the door closed in a move he wasn't proud of. She looked surprised by the move for a millisecond before she started the car and pulled out of the compound, speeding away without once looking back.
He stared after her taillights, anger lingering in his system. He didn't understand where she was coming from. He couldn't. That Mayan had treated her like dirt, hit her just the night before, yet here she was, defending him, mourning his death. It didn't make any sense. He stalked towards his bike, telling people to move out of his way as he swung his leg over it and put his helmet on. The engine roared to life in the most familiar way, drowning out his thoughts as he chased after her.
~'~'~'~
Angela paced the living room, her mind reeling. Esai was dead. Raj was dead. Esai, Raj, Esai, Raj. The names played on repeat in her head, every so often punctuated by a name she absolutely didn't want to exist in that group: Juice. They were dead. Juice was alive, but what if something happened to him? What if she caused his death like Raj's and Esai's? She wouldn't be able to live with herself. Nausea turned her stomach as she realized what she had to do. She had to let him go. He wasn't safe with her. Every man she loved ended up dead. She was cursed in the worst way possible, and there was no way she was going to be responsible for Juice's death. She couldn't lose him like that.
She heard the key in the lock, heard the door open, and felt Juice's presence before she saw him. Inhaling deeply, she tried to find the strength to say what she had to before turning around to face him. Juice's light eyes roamed over her for a minute, and the hard, angry look on his face softened into worry. God, she must look a mess for him to look at her like that. "I think...I think we should end things," she blurted out before she lost her nerve.
Confusion took over his facial features, though she could see the hurt in his eyes. "What?"
A lump formed in her throat, and she swallowed hard, wishing it away. She had to stay strong, or he would never take her seriously. "I think we should end things between us," she elaborated, though she heard the way her voice shook. "I'm...I'm a curse, Juice. Esai, Raj...every guy I've loved is dead. And I can't...I can't lose you. And I- I'd rather have you as a friend than dead."
Juice frowned, shaking his head slowly. "You're not a curse," he told her, reaching for a hand. She pulled away from him, taking a step back. She'd lose her resolve if he touched her. "Raj, the Mayan, neither of 'em were your fault, Angel."
She shook her head again; she didn't believe him. This was all on her. "They were! How can you not see that? There's only one thing that connects the two of them! Me! Me, Juice! And now we're...and you...what if you're next? I can't lose you! I won't!"
"Stop!" he interjected, setting his hand on her shoulder. When she didn't pull away, he slid it up her neck, his thumb brushing over the underside of her jaw gently. His touch soothed the roaring in her head. Leaning forward, he tapped his forehead to hers, and a wave of calm rushed over her as she looked into his chestnut eyes. "I love you, Angel. You want to end things? I'll let you go, but I don't think that's something you really want. Do you?"
She couldn't lie to him. Not with his face so close that his breath mingling with hers. He encompassed her. Everything she could see, feel, smell was him. No, she absolutely didn't want to end things with him. She never wanted to let him go. "I can't lose you."
"You won't. Not ever."
She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. "You can't know that."
"I know I'll never leave you," he stated, both thumbs stroking over her jaw now. "They will have to drag me away from you, kicking and screaming. Fingernail marks on the ground."
Angela fought a smile; she couldn't help herself, the mental image was ridiculous. "Goof," she said on a sniffle as she pulled away.
The corner of his mouth turned up in a triumphant smirk, and he doubled down. "I'm not kiddin', Angel. I'm takin' people down with me," he said, curling his lip just a little in the cutest way as he imitated grabbing people and pulling them down with a little growl. He grabbed her hips, pulling her into him and capturing her lips in a sweet kiss. "Nothing's gonna take me away from you."
She smiled just a little, tugging on the front of his cut. "Hope not." Slipping her arms around his waist, she leaned into his chest, letting out a shaky breath. "I love you."
He moved his arms around her, cupping the back of her head with his hand. "Love you too," he replied, his short nails scratching at her scalp. His lips brushed against her temple as he murmured, "Please don't try to break up with me again."
The worry in his voice was laced with self-doubt. She'd hurt him by trying to end things, and he still was feeling a little insecure about it. "Didn't really want to in the first place," she replied, tilting her head back slightly. "I don't wanna curse you, though."
"If you're a curse, then you're the best curse there is 'cause all you've done is make my life infinitely better ever since that first night in New York."
She rolled her eyes at him, though the warmth of his words surrounded her like the coziest blanket. "Goof," she repeated, kissing his nose. She sighed heavily, leaning into his chest. There was still a tightness in her chest, a dull ache she couldn't quite shake. She needed...something. "Want to go for a drive?"
"Drive or ride?" he asked, pulling away a little. At her eyebrow raise, he smirked. "The bike, baby. I mean, if you wanted to we could...but I got the sense you don't...did I miss the signal?"
"No," she told him with a smile. "A ride sounds good. On the bike. For now."
He took her hand, and before she knew it they were on his Harley and on the road. She clung to him tightly, enjoying the feel of his warm leather against her cheek. The cool air against her cheeks and the roar of the wind in her ears was heavenly. She finally felt like she could breathe. She wasn't sure where he was going, but it seemed like he was doing more than just riding around. The bike started to climb slightly and then slowed before coming to a stop. She relaxed her hold, leaning back as she took in the wooded spot. He'd brought her here before when they'd gone on a ride.
She got off the bike, meandering towards the edge to take in the view. Inhaling deeply, she let the smell of eucalyptus from the trees relax her. Turning around, she found Juice sitting on the ground, watching her in silent worry. The same way he had that day on the beach after she'd found out Esai had killed Raj. She walked back to him, and he reached a hand up to her, pulling her down to sit between his legs.
She relaxed back into him, closing her eyes for a minute until he started shifting a bit behind her as if he was looking for something in his pocket. Leaning forward, she realized what it was when she heard the clicking sound of his lighter. "You're not going to set my hair on fire, are you?"
"Not on purpose," he replied from around the joint in his mouth.
Once it was lit, she leaned back into his chest again. She breathed in the earthy smell, finding it strangely comforting. It brought back so many good memories. Most of them were with Juice, but she couldn't help but let her mind wander towards the few she had with Esai as well. She stared at the view for a long moment before tilting her head back. "If I ask what happened to Esai, would you tell me?"
Juice let out the smoke in one long exhale, handing the joint to her. He nodded a bit before clearing his throat. "I um... 'm not gonna go through the specifics of the deal, but there was a deal, and for peace, Marcus greenlit Esai."
She shook her head slowly; the words sounded all wrong. Marcus offered up his own son to be killed to form some kind of peace with the Sons. What the fuck was wrong with him? He was his son! His only son! How could he do that? "Holy shit," she murmured, feeling tears prick the corner of her eyes. "He really fucked up this time, didn't he?"
"Yeah," he replied, his voice rough from the weed. "Botched a hit on the club's president and a club associate."
Angela swallowed hard, shaking her head again. "That is insane," she stated, still struggling to really understand it. "Hap asked to do it, didn't he?"
"Well, it had to be someone from another charter, so..."
"He volunteered," she breathed. Happy had been threatening Esai's life for years. She could only imagine all of the sick ways he'd fantasized about killing him, and he only knew half of what Esai had done. "How'd he do it?"
Juice grimaced, and she had a feeling the response was not going to be as simple as a gunshot wound. "Don't think you really want to know," he hedged before taking a long toke.
She turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. "Juice, how'd he do it?"
He turned his head, blowing out the smoke away from her face. "Icepick to the neck or head or somethin'," he said on an exhale.
Angela stared at him in disbelief. She'd heard all of the creative waves Happy had killed people, but icepick was a new one. "Seriously?"
To his credit, Juice didn't look at all amused or pleased by the description. He handed her the little joint on a frown. "Yeah. If it helps, it sounds like it was quick and painless."
She wasn't sure if that helped...or if it was true. "He's insane," she stated, taking a pull from the joint. She held the smoke in her lungs, trying to picture it. Happy somehow sneaking up behind Esai to get him with an icepick of all things. Where the fuck had Happy even gotten an icepick from? She hated that it was Happy that did it. Hated that it meant there was a wedge now driven between her and the Mayans. No way would Dia or Marcus ever want to speak with her again because of what her cousin had done. Hap was her blood, and he'd murdered the President's son. There was no way they'd ever want to talk to her again whether the Sons and Mayans were at peace or not. She stared back out at the view, feeling a new kind of frustration. She wanted to call Dia to express her condolences, help with the funeral...something, anything. But she couldn't. There was no way she could help the small family that had given her so much love and support when she was a teenager. "This is so fucked up."
Juice was quiet for a long beat before he said, "I dunno what to do here, Angel. Dunno what to say. The Mayan was a dick, 'n' 'm not sorry he's gone. He hurt you so many times, but you...you're sad, and I hate you being sad. So I don't really know what to do."
God, she loved him. Loved how he was always so patient with her even when she didn't deserve it. "I don't either. 'm just overwhelmed," she explained on a tired sigh. She was sad about Esai's death, but now that she had time to let it sink in, there was another emotion clawing its way in, muddying the waters, and it came tinged with guilt...relief. It was like this dark cloud had gone away, and she could finally breathe a little easier, stop looking over her shoulder, stop worrying about him orchestrating some crazy scheme to get her back by hurting Juice. How could she be relieved that someone she'd once loved was dead? What kind of a person did that make her?
"Talk to me, Ruiz," he murmured, sliding his arms around her waist, his chin on her shoulder.
She hesitated, unsure how to tell him without sounding like a total monster. Putting the joint to her lips, she used the action of smoking to buy her more time to sort out her thoughts. "I um...I have this strange feeling of...relief," she admitted, exhaling slowly. "I'm sad about...everything, but there's this weird sense of relief too. He's never gonna show up at my work or do something crazy to try to hurt you to get to me. He's gone. There's no more threat. And I'm sad about him dying, but I'm also...relieved which makes me feel guilty as fuck. And then I'm still worried about that stupid curse thing because Raj is dead and Esai's dead, and what if you're next? All of this shit is swirling around in my head making me crazy."
Juice lifted his head from her shoulder, his warm lips pressing against her temple. "This is...an insane situation. 's not like there's a textbook way to deal with it. It's crazy, but the way you're feelin's not," he explained, his breath warm against her cheek. He took the joint from her, taking a toke and letting out the smoke smoothly. "Got every right to feel relieved after all the shit he did to you, baby. 's not like you killed him. He fucked up. It's his fault. Raj was his fault too. And now, he can't hurt you anymore, which is good. You should be relieved."
Angela exhaled, closing her eyes and leaning back into him. He was right; all of this was Esai's fault. He'd fucked up before he'd even gone to the funeral home that night. Raj's death had been his fault too. The idea of it calmed her. Made it easier to breathe. Esai's death was his own fault, not hers. Raj's death was Esai's fault, not hers. "You think?"
"I know," he replied, his hand sliding under her shirt, fingers stroking over the tattoo on her side. He nuzzled his nose against her face softly. "You're not the bad guy here, baby. It's him. Don't beat yourself up over somethin' that's got nothin' to do with you. Asshole made his choice. Alvarez made his choice. You didn't play a part in any of it."
She smiled weakly, breathing a little easier with his words. Stubbing out the joint, she turned around slowly to face him, moving her feet to either side of his hips. His eyes scanned over her face, worry still creasing his brow. She leaned in, tapping her forehead to his twice. That got the smallest smile from him. "You're my best friend. You know that?" she asked, scraping her finger nails down the nape of his neck. He nodded slowly, their foreheads still pressed together so her head moved with his. "And I love you. So much. Did you know that?"
That earned her a smile and another nod as he tilted his to catch her lips in a kiss. The world melted away as his lips met hers, soft at first, moving with hers in the perfect way they always did. His tongue slid into her mouth, and she met it with her own, enjoying the comforting taste of him. He didn't need to tell her he loved her, she could feel it emanating from his kiss, his touch. His kiss was like a balm, banishing whatever curse she'd felt hanging on her shoulders. She was free of it. Por vida. (For life)
~'~'~'~
I know this chapter is a bit all over the place, but right now, life is a bit all over the place for me😅
Please let me know what you think!!
🖤