ALISTAIR KIRSTEN DE AVERILL
"Your Grace, have you ever been in love?"
My eyes darted on Louie, who was already intoxicated after downing a few shots.
He was shameless in nature, but it seemed like the alcohol thickened his face even more for him to be asking something personal. What a nosy fellow.
"No." I answered nonchalantly.
"That won't do, Your Grace." He draped his arm over my shoulder, momentarily forgetting about our social status. "When we return to the capital, ask for Princess Odette's hand in marriage."
I frowned. "Why should I?"
"Because she's the princess! Who else would suit an illustrious man like you?! If I had at least one of your balls, I would bed every woman in the empire all night!" My personal knight sulked.
My face crumpled. Louie, you piece of shit...
I ordered one of the knights to take him back to his room. He kept making a fuss about how he was so terrified during the war, not necessarily because he might die, but because he might die a virgin. He tried hard to stay alive just to get laid.
Love, he says. What nonsense.
It's not like I have never thought of it before. I, for one, was raised in a warm ducal household in the faded north. My parents were mutually in love.
Growing up with an affectionate father and a kind mother, I also learned how to love and to be loved.
However, for someone like me who was born with a huge responsibility on his shoulders, love is both a risk and a weak spot. That's what it meant to be the only heir of a ducal family.
"Love, huh?" I smiled to myself. "How foolish."
That's how I thought my whole life.
Until I met her, that is.
"Greetings, Grand Duke Averill." Edward, the head butler of the palace, welcomed. "I'm relieved that you've arrived safely at the palace, Your Grace."
"It's been a while, Edward." A small smile crossed my lips. "You shouldn't have went out of your way to greet me like this. I know everyone is busy with the banquet's preparations."
"Nonsense. The Averill duchy is the shield that protects the empire." The head butler bowed and placed a hand on his chest. "Such courtesy is only right and necessary."
I gently patted Edward on the shoulder.
Suddenly, a certain lady caught my eye. Her blonde hair protruded among the servants, earning my irk. It's a colour I heavily dislike.
"As per my usual request, please refrain from sending me maids with blonde hair." I stated while eyeing the maid who had her gaze down.
"Understood, Your Grace." Edward assented.
As I walked past the blonde servant, a part of my heart ached in recollection. That girl was blonde.
Callista was blonde, too.
She was a child that I briefly met in the past, someone who changed my life with a mere fleeting encounter during my childhood.
I dislike blonde hair because of her, and she is also the cause of my nightmares about fire every night.
How infuriating, Callie. You are no longer in this world, yet you have so much control in my life.
---
I had no plans to stay in the palace for too long. The capital was too strenuous for me, and I was more used to the peace and quiet of the north.
I only came here to report our victory to the emperor. The Averill duchy and its knights successfully defended the north, thus I was regarded as a war hero by the empire.
"Is there anything you would like, Alistair?"
The emperor emanated a regal presence as I knelt before his throne. It seems that even old age could not take away his fearsome aura as a strong ruler.
"Seeing His Majesty in good health is enough."
"There is no need to be modest. You deserve to be rewarded, my child." He chuckled heartily. "How about taking the princess as your very own wife?"
I flinched. "Your Majesty, that's..."
"Hmm. Is my daughter not good enough?"
"How dare I have such disrespectful thoughts?" I smiled sheepishly. "I simply think that marriage is too early for this foolish subject, Your Majesty."
The emperor exploded into laughter upon noticing my panic. "It seems you aren't ready for love yet."
Instead of asking for marriage with the princess, I requested for food supplies to be sent to the north.
Our land was barren, so we had no means of procuring food should we have a shortage.
"Of course," His Majesty nodded. "I would never starve the people of Chioni. The empire is grateful for your protection and sacrifices, Grand Duke."
His words made me feel sentimental. The land of Chioni is my pride, and the people who follow me are my strength. I won't be here without them.
After meeting with the emperor, I took a stroll in various parts of the palace. When I happened to pass by the quarters for noble guests, I saw some servants frolicking outside a certain chamber.
I frowned. "What is this commotion all about?"
"M-My lord, there's a maid screaming inside but the viscount isn't opening the door." One of them stammered in explanation.
True enough, the sounds coming from the room was quite alarming. Aside from the screams, there was banging against the wall and glass shattering.
I unsheathed my sword. "Stand back."
Without hesitation, I whacked the door open with my own blade. Upon entering the room, I instantly recognised the man as Viscount Silvia. He was a man surrounded with problematic rumours.
"Heh. A mere viscount dares to act as if he owns the servants in this palace?" Beside him was the blonde maid that I saw when I first arrived. "Quite some nerve you've got there, Viscount Silvia."
I eyed the blonde lady. Her head was bleeding.
One of the servants tended to her.
"G-Grand Duke Averill!" The viscount exclaimed.
I frowned. "What on earth is this behaviour?"
"That maid was rude to me first!"
"Oh?" I innocently tilted my head. "Shall we hear the maid's account, then? She's injured."
"Belle, tell the Grand Duke what happened." The blue-haired servant urged. So her name's Belle.
The blonde lady swallowed hard. "He touched me without my consent. I rejected his advances and told him that being a viscount doesn't give him any right to touch the maids inappropriately."
The other servant gasped in horror. "B-Belle!"
"I admit that I may have spoken out of line, but he's been pestering the maids lately and causing them much discomfort." She bravely spoke despite trembling. "Someone had to tell him so I did."
"This bitch-!" The viscount was about to hit her again but I immediately stopped him. This arse...
"Viscount, would you please shut up? I'm already annoyed as it is." I glared at him before returning my gaze to the maid. "You there. Raise your head."
When she lifted her gaze to me, I was at a loss of words. For a moment, I was deluded into thinking Callista survived, and she was right in front of me.
My mouth froze. "You..."
---
She was the splitting image of Callista.
At first, that was the reason I was drawn to her. I was agitated by her existence as she reminded me of a person who defined my failure in the past.
But she was more endearing than I thought.
"I'm not the type of woman who's easily swayed by sweet talk." She bravely looked at me. "So no matter how hard you try to coax me to spread my legs for you, it's not gonna work, Your Grace."
My eyes blinked consecutive times.
After a long silence, I couldn't help but smile.
"Isabelle," I chuckled heartily. "What makes you think that I want to get in between your legs?"
She kept mum, but stared daggers at me.
"Well, I admit I may have thought about being in between your lips at least once." I confessed in a respectful tone. "Your legs, however, whether you believe me or not... I haven't thought that far ahead. I'm a gentleman, not some wild animal."
Her face reddened in embarrassment.
"Still, now that you've given me an idea, it's quite enticing." I gave her a suggestive smile.
"Whether it's my mouth or legs, it doesn't matter." She frowned. "You'll never get in between any of them, because your charm doesn't work on me."
"Yet." I added. "It is not working yet."
She looked away in discomfort. "Tch!"
"Now you're even clicking your tongue on me." Her boldness made me laugh. "Whatever shall I do with you, my gutsy and daring maid, Isabelle?"
I thought I knew what love was, but I was wrong.
I did not recognise this feeling, as if my heart was constantly hammered every time I saw her face.
The more I got to know her, the more I succumbed to this unfamiliar emotion. My heart lost to her.
The way she bravely looked me in the eye without flinching turned my curiosity into amusement, and amusement shifted into longing and lust.
"Isabelle..." I breathed her name in the quiet of the night, drunk from the heat of my own pleasure.
I never thought I'd be a man blinded by desire.
I often touched myself while thinking of her, and with the same hands I prayed every night that she would be mine. I felt dirty, but I also felt happy.
I was ashamed of myself.
She did not know how much I craved for her. I did not want her to know as well. So I kept hidden the beast within me and walked with Isabelle at her own pace. I can even wait for her my whole life.
"I told you, didn't I? That I only claim willing lips."
But once you take a bite from the forbidden fruit, you never get over its taste. You yearn for it more.
"And if my lips are willing, Your Grace?"
I chuckled. "You mustn't jest like that."
"And if I'm serious?" Isabelle mused.
I was rendered speechless. The thought that she desired me as a man had my heart pounding.
"Your Grace," She shifted from her seat and leaned her face closer to me. "May I kiss you?"
I held my breath nervously.
"No," I said barely a whisper. "Don't do it. If you kiss me now, I would never be able to forget the feeling of my lips crashing into yours, Isabelle."
She tilted her head. "Is that a bad thing?"
"Yes," My face was stolid calm, but his breathing was unstable. "Because once I've had a taste of heaven, I would never be able to go back to hell."
"And what exactly is hell to you?"
I smiled. "A world without you, of course."
"Then don't go back, Your Grace."
The moment our lips touched, I knew. That even if I wanted to go back to the world where she did not exist, I would never be able to live there anymore.
It did not matter if the universe conspired against us. I was willing to take down anyone or anything that will be in our way. Yet again, she didn't know.
That love turned me into a monster.
"Will you marry me, Isabelle?"
That when I asked that question and she did not look happy, I immediately thought of chaining her just so she wouldn't run away from me.
"Is this some kind of joke, Your Grace?"
"What? No, not at all. I am serious, Isabelle."
"What do you mean marry?" She pulled away and stepped back. "The emperor wouldn't allow you to marry a commoner like myself."
"He'd allow it. His Majesty promised to grant one of my wishes if I successfully defend the north." I explained to her, my face taut with panic. "Once I return victoriously, I shall ask for his permission."
"Well, Your Grace... I hate to break it to you, but marriage doesn't end with simply saying I do."
Pain registered on my eyes. "Why are you being like this? I do not understand at all, Isabelle."
I tried to hold her in my arms once again, but she swatted my hand away and took more steps back.
"Of course you wouldn't understand." she said coldly. "You're a noble. No matter what you do, people won't criticize you. Even if you marry a lowly commoner, no one will blame you. They would simply think that you were bewitched."
Stop. I don't want to listen to this.
"On the contrary, if I marry a nobleman like you, I will forever be labeled as someone unsuitable for you. Even if you attach your name beside mine, they would still remember me as a lowly maid who somehow managed to seduce a grand duke."
My jaw clenched. "Why does that matter?"
"Because it does!" she snapped at me.
"Well, not in my book." I took a deep breath to compose myself. "I truly do not give a damn what they think. They are not the subject of my affection. You are the one I love! That is why I am asking you, Isabelle, if you wish to marry me!"
You wouldn't understand, Isabelle.
"I can't!" she sobbed. "I can't, Your Grace!"
"What do you mean you can't? If you do not want to marry me, then say no right to my face! I do not deserve such an ambiguous answer!" I demanded.
"I just can't!" she screamed to my face.
"Why?" My face softened. "Just why, Isabelle?"
You wouldn't understand how much I love you.
"You speak as if you'd live a life without dignity if you were to marry me." My voice trembled as I spoke sadly. "Yet here I was, thinking it would be my greatest pride to have you become my wife."
For the first time, I turned my back and walked away from her because I was terrified of the things that I might do. I did not wish to hurt her.
The more I held onto her, the more she slipped away from my fingers. I was afraid that she might be beginning to feel suffocated by my affection.
It's fine. I can simply go back after the war and ask her again. Perhaps we only need some time and space away from each other. I shall fix this later.
Or so, I ignorantly thought.
"Your Grace!" A familiar voice called out.
Louie, whom I had specifically left in the capital to guard Isabelle, suddenly appeared in the north.
As soon as he saw me, his face blanched.
If Louie came all the way here, then it must mean two things: one, that Isabelle was in a precipice where he couldn't save her. Two, that we do not have much time. I understood that immediately.
"Enlighten me on the way." My face darkened as I grabbed my horse and set out to leave for the capital, disregarding the battle taking place.
As we made our way to the capital, my personal knight explained the whole situation to me. It was frustrating to hear, especially when I was miles away from her, unable to do anything right now.
"The emperor has many eyes and ears all over the palace." I said through gritted teeth. "Surely, he is completely aware that Isabelle is my woman?"
"Perhaps..." Louie seemed conflicted. "His Majesty doesn't approve of your relationship, Your Grace?"
"Then he made a grave mistake," My voice was surprisingly calm. "Because if they touch even one strand of her hair, I will destroy this empire."
I never speak empty threats when it came to her.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have left her alone. At the very least, I should have properly bade goodbye before I left.
Unfortunately, it took us several days before we arrived at the capital, and when we did, we were seconds too late. She was already in the guillotine.
I saw her nape being chopped for the last three times until her head was finally decapitated.
I could not hear anything else other than my own heart, beating erratically from shock and anger.
"Isabelle..." I whispered her name to the wind.
My body subconsciously moved. I jostled through the throng of crowd cheering for her death. I was lost. I could not fathom why they were celebrating her death like that. Are these people truly the ones I have been risking my lives for in the battlefield?
"No," I muttered to myself as my knees collapsed on the ground. I picked up Isabelle's severed head.
"Your Grace!" Louie rushed towards my side.
"Isabelle?" I carefully embraced her decapitated head in my arms. "No. This must be a nightmare."
Should I kill all of them?
Before I knew it, I was screaming. I screamed with her severed head in my arms. The strings that kept me sane finally snapped. I see. I have gotten mad.
I thought I knew what love was, but I was wrong.
I thought it was the kind of thing that colours the whole world in bright hues, but then it turned into something monochrome the moment I lost her.
Even on days when you were infuriating, I loved you. Even on days when you were very difficult to love, I loved you anyway. And even on days when you abandoned me, I still loved you immensely.
Until the end, she did not know anything. She did not know that I could not live without her, otherwise she wouldn't have died like this.
Even with the passing of seasons, I stayed in that same wrinkle of time, scarred by her memory.
She was the spring that left me poisoned, unable to move forward to the warm and bright summer.
--END OF SEASON 1--
Poisoned Spring Arc