Oh gosh. Kill me now.
My head hurts so much.
Am I dead?
Can sunlight disappear already?
This bed is so warm though.
I slowly open my eyes adjusting to the morning sun. It's so bright in here.
I know I'm not in Daisy's home right now and I probably lost my virginity to some stranger, but I'm too weak to scream or concentrate.
I sit up and look around and my first thought is: white.
Everything, from the walls to the bed sheets: white.
Not to talk of the massive floor windows which allows sunlight that's too much for comfort seep through.
The person who owns this house must be crazy rich and crazy obsessed with sunlight.
I look around and see a glass of water and a pain reliever of some sort.
Is it advisable I take this?
I don't even know whose house this is or how I got here.
Whatever, I'm having a migraine here.
I take the pill and swallow taking a sip of water with it.
I want to lie down back because honestly everything about this room is heaven but the owner could be a really old creepy white man for all I know. Or woman. What is wrong with me? Why did I first think of man?
The room door opens,
Or it could be Lucas'. I should have guessed.
Lucas walks in and walks around the room as if looking for something before he turns his attention to me.
How does someone look so good in the morning? It's almost illegal. I probably look like a train wreck compared to him.
I hate that he looks good. I hate that I think he looks good. I was fine before he came along.
And that hair, I want to pull it.
Ugh
"You're awake. How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, just a headache.”
I’m dying but OK.
He walks closer to the bed.
What is he doing?
Move away.
Don't come any closer.
I withdraw.
He raises an eyebrow before stretching out a bottle of orange juice to me.
Was he holding that before?
"You used the pill, right? Here take this. It's dangerous using pills on an empty stomach"
I scoff inwardly.
You're the one to talk.
Muttering a 'thank you', I collect the bottle and pop open the lid before taking a sip.
I sigh and look up at him.
Of course he looks better close up.
"You don't remember anything from the party, do you?"
Oh right, party. I went partying last night. I remember parts, mostly dancing but nothing that actually makes sense and just thinking of it is making me want to hit my head on something for relieve.
I'm never drinking again.
I shake my head muttering 'no'
"Please tell me I didn't do anything stupid."
He stares at me intently with those stupidly awfully beautiful eyes of his.
Ugh.
"Define stupid"
Ok so I did do something stupid.
I remember...giggling, like a lot.
I do not giggle.
I pull on my hair and ask the question I've been avoiding,
"Did I- d-did we?"
He smirks, "necrophilia isn't in my thing"
I roll my eyes. I see someone watched fifty shades. Cringe ass movie.
He smiles a small smile.
I sigh again. I've been doing that a lot lately.
"I'm sorry. You didn't sign up for my bullshit. You probably have better things to do"
"It's fine."
I turn my gaze to him and maintain eye contact with him.
His eyes are really brown right now.
"I'll prepare something for you to eat",
I stand immediately from the bed almost falling because of the headache. I’m never drinking again. He doesn't have to do that.
"No honestly I'll just go. I've wasted too much of your time",
"It's ok. I want to"
"But-"
"I insist"
His meals are delicious anyways. I'm never admitting that though.
That's when I see it, his eyes trailing down my...
I look down to my legs to see it exposed.
What the fuck?
"Holy shit," I grab the blanket and clutch it around me.
I also notice that I'm in a T-shirt. His T-shirt. I feel like a victorian era virgin right now.
"Dude, why am I- why did you undress me?
Where are my clothes?" I glare at him which for some reason makes him smile. Weirdo.
"You threw up and your clothes was covered in vomit."
"Oh"
I guess that makes sense.
"Well could get me sweatpants or something?"
He folds his arms his muscles flexing.
"Why? I like what I see"
This bitch.
"Lucas get me sweatpants you fucker", I glare at him.
"Has anyone told you how cute you look when you're upset?"
"Lucas!!!"
"Fine. Fine. Calm your tits", he chuckles.
He walks towards the adjacent room which I assume is the closet.
This dude is rich. Of course he is.
He returns with a sweatpants and hands it to me.
"You can use the bathroom in there. I left out a spare toothbrush. Your clothes are also in there. I already laundered them"
Of course he did.
"Thank you", I mutter.
He hums.
Then he does the unexpected (not really), he removes his T-shirt and holy fuck.
He's so tight and toned and smooth and so lick able.
Where did that thought come from? It's true though. He's fit like someone who pay close attention to their body.
"You've got a drool", I look up as he points to a side of his mouth, "right here"
I touch the same place by my mouth to find it without drool.
Then realization hits me.
He's teasing me.
"Fucker"
He smirks before walking out the door.
I put on the sweatpants which are a little bigger on me. Ugh.
My worry right now isn't that I'm feeling some things for Lucas that scares the buttons out of me.
My worry is that he saw my scars.
***
I exit the bathroom after brushing my teeth. I'm desperately in need of a bath but I'd rather take one at Daisy's. I don't want to smell like Lucas. That's too couple-y and too messed up for me.
So Lucas really likes the colour white. Everything in here is white. And it's not just white, it's WHITE.
I'm tempted to walk into his closet just see if everything in there is also white but that would be so extra creepy.
Daisy once mentioned that Lucas' has some specificities and I'm experiencing it in real time.
My head doesn't ache much anymore and I'm so hungry and will eat any food right now.
I exit his room and try to find my way to his kitchen.
His place is really nice. Seeing it in broad daylight makes me appreciate even better.
I want bang my head against a wall and maybe I'll return back to normal and not give a shit about Lucas.
I notice a picture of the twins and smile.
I actually like those bundles of joy. And no, it's not because of Lucas. Where are they anyway?
But most importantly, where did Lucas sleep last night?
If I discover that he slept beside me, it's on mother freaking sight.
As I proceed looking for the kitchen, I notice a room which I assume is his library.
He once told me he's got tons of books in there.
This is my chance.
But going in without his permission.
Go in
Don't go in.
Go in.
Don't go in.
Fuck it, I'm going in.
I push the door open and just as I guessed; it's his library.
I walk in further and holy fuck; he does have many books in here.
I move to the book shelves. It’s like heaven in here.
Oh it's arranged in alphabetical order. Who would have thought?
Most books are in first editions.
Gods, he must have spent crazy money buying them.
Bet he barely felt it in his rich ass back account.
There's a desk in there that holds some books and his gadgets.
His computer is switched on and there seem to be some writings on the screen.
Oh so he writes too?
Of course he does. He reads a lot.
But then I read a lot and I still can't write shit.
I start to walk towards the laptop but stop.
This is creepy and straight up stupid.
This is invasion of privacy.
When I was younger, I used to do this thing a lot. You know not minding my business. I was such an annoying child. At least I was happy.
Fuck it, I'm in here already. I resume my walking and sit by the computer. I notice a picture of Lucas with the twins. The twins appear to be younger here. It's so cute.
Who's the mother though?
I wonder who she is.
Maybe he'll tell me one day. Maybe.
I turn my attention to the computer.
Holy shit, it's a chapter of 'Starlight' from Haru, my favorite author.
Just like his other books, this one is also a masterpiece. Lucas has massive taste.
Wait, hold on, this chapter isn't supposed to be out until Wednesday and I didn't hear about any early access or some sort.
Wait, hold up.
A loud ring sounds causing me to jump a little. Holy fuck, my fucking heart.
Phew it's just a text.
You are so going to going to get sued for invasion of privacy Victor
I can't help but read the text.
I've at least broken 7 British rules. Might as well enjoy them.
'Your letter has been approved, Haru .I hope to work with you again'
Wait hold up. Hold the fucking shit up.
I hit my head repeatedly; literally hit my head repeatedly on his desk. Once I'm done, I realize it's such a bad idea.
The world isn't allowed to be this small.
Lucas isn't supposed to be Haru, the author.
I should have seen it.
His middle name is Haru for goodness sake.
But that don't mean shit.
It could have been a coincidence.
Why is everyone I like always related to him?
Gina, Mark, Haru, the twins, Daisy.
Wait he got introduced to me through Daisy.
That's beside the point.
Out of every Haru in this whole universe, he just had to be the writer.
Next thing I'll find out that he's secretly Corpse Husband or some anonymous streamer cause the way he's moving.
"What are you doing?"
I jump at the unexpected intrusion.
I turn to see him standing there.
I'm so mad at him. Or am I?
He ruined my love for Haru.
I can't love Haru because Haru is Lucas and I hate Lucas.
This shit's messed up.
I stand and search for my words.
What can I say?
He continues to stare at me.
"Victor"
"You're Haru the writer, aren't you?"
I look him in the eyes.
If he's shocked, he doesn't give anything away.
How does he do that?
He shrugs and walks past me to switch off his computer.
This bitch.
He turns to face me,
"You shouldn't do that, you know? It's rude to snoop."
"Why didn't you tell me?" We had this conversation about Haru a while ago and he just stared at me while I proclaimed my love for Haru. All I did that day was boost his ego.
"Let's just go eat." He totally ignores my question and I'm pissed, irrationally so.
"No thanks I'm going home"
He turns, "what?"
"I'm going home. Thanks for last night. I'll owe you one. I'm sorry to bother you"
I start to walk past him but he blocks my way.
"Get out of my way."
He doesn't. I move to take another direction. He blocks that too.
"What's your problem?"
"I think your anger is quite misdirected. I should be mad at you. You invaded my privacy."
"Well, you made a fool out of me."
"So did you!" His statement caught my next words short.
"What does that even mean?" I ask instead.
"Last night. You were all over Zac. Frankly, it was very embarrassing."
And just like that, events of last night come pouring in. I remember kissing Zac, like a lot. Oh God. But hold on, what does he mean by embarrassing?
"I can kiss whoever I want. You're not the boss of me."
"For someone who's still confused about his sexuality, you sure do love kissing men."
The moment Lucas says that, I can see that he regrets it because that's a low blow, even for him.
"I'm sorry for that comment, genuinely but I'm not sorry about anything else."
I let out an exhausted exhale. What am I doing with him?
"I'm gonna go."
"You should."
"Don't call me."
"I don't even have your cell number," he says rolling his eyes.
I realize I've been very creepy when it comes to him because I didn't ask him for his number which I have, I copied it from Daisy's wall.
"Well I'm leaving now."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Our gazes clash and it's burning. I don't know who moves first, maybe both of us but we're kissing and we're really going at it and I can't breathe and I don't ever want to breathe. He pushes me to the nearest hard surface and he's not holding back. He thrusts his tongue in my mouth and he thrusts his hips to meet mine. The intensity of us meeting that way for the first time shocks me that I let out a moan I never thought I could make.
He pulls his body impossibly close to mine and I love every wicked friction of it. My hands are pulling off the t shirt he has on and his hands are pulling off mine and we're skin to skin and it's everything.
He pulls his mouth off mine and trails kisses down my neck. If I wasn't so turned on and certain that the only sounds I'm capable of making are moans and whimpers, I would have laughed because the man is ravaging my neck, in spite of his mysophobia when I haven't showered. I know I don't smell the most pleasant. What we're doing is also very gay, like gay as hell and I'm going to come. Holy shit, I'm about to orgasm.
Before that can happen, I gently pull him away from him as I try to get my body and breathing to cooperate with me. He faces me then and he's so attractive that I almost say fuck it, 'let's continue to make it and I'll cum embarrassingly in your sweatpants'
After a few seconds of silence with nothing but our pants reducing, he says,
"Is this a gay freak out?"
Is it?
"No. I need a shower."
It's not exactly what I want to say but it's what I say.
"Same."
My stomach takes that moment to growl and it's not attractive.
"Uh, I might also be hungry."
"Go take a shower. You can use the one in my room. I'll use the guestrooms'"
So there's a guest room all along.
I ignore the coil of disappointment that's threatening to form. I mean it's not like I thought he would say we should take one together, right? Right?
We stand there for a few more seconds. We're not even looking at each other nor are we touching, not really.
"Okay, I'll go take that shower now," I break it by saying.
"I'll...go too."
We separate then. My hands are clammy, my head is in cloud nine, I'm more confused than ever but the only thing at the back of my mind is that I want to kiss again and again and again.
I'm...screwed.
xoxo,
H❤️