Year: 2007
Ronnie's POV:
"So, he just ended it over the phone?" my best friend, Abby, asked. I quickly called her after my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone.
I never considered myself a girl who desperately needed a boy in her life. When I met Asher, I didn't even think about dating. I simply saw him as a really close friend.
We met in biology class, through a mutual friend. I remember the day so clearly.
Three Months Ago
"Alright class!" our biology teacher announced. "We're going to start a new lab today! So, I need you guys to get into groups of three."
My usual lab partner, Eli, turned around to face me since I sat behind him. "Partners?"
"As usual!" I smiled. I knew of Eli before this class, but I hadn't spoken to him until we realized we were in the same class. We weren't really friends outside of the class, but it was nice to have someone to be with during class. Since Joel and I took different levels of science, it was comforting to have someone to turn to.
"We need a third partner though," I said. As if on cue, someone's voice entered the conversation.
"Hey Eli!" a voice spoke. I faced the person the voice belonged to. Asher. My smile dropped.
I didn't really know Asher, but I knew Eli was on the cross-country team with him. I was worried that Asher would make Eli pick between us, and I'm not so sure if Eli would choose to partner with me.
"Hey Asher," he responded.
"Wanna be in my group?" he asked the grand question. I bit my lip as I patiently waited to hear his decision.
"Well, that's up to Ronnie. I'm already partnered with her. You have to ask her if you want to be in our group." I felt a sense of relief, but also a small amount of happiness, that someone would choose me over someone else.
Asher turned towards me. "Hey. Is that okay with you?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Thanks," he said, sitting in the empty chair next to me. "My name's Asher."
"Ronnie."
"Nice to meet you, Ronnie. Wait, aren't you in one of my other classes?"
"Yeah, I'm in your P.E. class," I responded. His question surprised me, I thought I was mostly invisible to my classmates when I'm not with Joel.
"Oh, cool, cool! How do you feel about the upcoming swimming unit?"
"It's okay, I guess. Not a big fan of swimming."
"Wow, interesting. I don't think I've ever met someone who doesn't like swimming."
"Well, there's a first time for everything," I smiled. Our teacher began to speak again, stopping our conversation. But that definitely wouldn't be the last time Asher spoke to me.
A Few Days Later
The bell rang and I made it just in time for class. I had just come from Pre-Calculus, a classroom that found itself across the school. I'm not sure how they expect me to be able to pass across the school in under five minutes without running.
I sat down in my seat, finding myself next to Asher. He had convinced the teacher to let us switch seats for the new semester, and he had chosen to switch to the seat next to me.
"Woah, you're out of breath," Asher observed.
"Pre-Calculus," I gasped out.
"Ahh. That's a far walk."
"Yeah," I caught my breath. I looked in front of me, noticing Eli's seat was empty.
"Hey, where's Eli?" I asked, hoping he was just late. He was my only comfort in this class.
"Oh. He's going to be out for a few days. He got injured during a meet for cross-country."
Great.
"But it's alright. You can talk to me," Asher continued. I smiled nervously at his comment, not knowing what exactly to think.
The class continued, and we ended up just taking notes for the whole period.
"This is so boring," Asher whispered as I wrote down my notes.
I looked at my watch. "We still have 30 minutes," I sadly noted.
"It's alright, it's alright. We can do this," he smiled at me.
During those 30 minutes, Asher began making jokes and constantly whispering to me to make time pass. We also had small conversations between notes, and we bonded.
Out of nowhere in our conversation, the bell rang.
"Already?" Asher asked out of surprise.
I looked at my watch. Sure enough, 30 minutes passed in what felt like 5 minutes.
"Huh. Talking with you made this the fastest class I've ever had." He smiled at me.
"I guess so," I said, smiling back at him.
We became closer and closer as time went on. We started talking more to each other during our classes, and we exchanged phone numbers.
Then, one December night, he asked the question.
"Hey, Ronnie."
"Hey Asher, what's up?"
"So, I've been thinking about this for a while. I really like you. And I would like to take you out."
Despite not desperately wanting a boyfriend, I would lie if I said I wasn't happy. I definitely developed feelings as our friendship progressed.
And so, I said yes. We became boyfriend and girlfriend. Although I really liked him, I can't say I was happy. Even though I really, really liked him, he seemed to affect my mental health in a negative way.
I still remember that night.
I was lying on my bed, calling Asher. He had become frustrated at me that I was too busy to make any plans between us. We were about two months into our relationship.
"Asher, I told you. I said we had to make more plans last month because this month I'm becoming busier." I joined my school's music club, as well as the choir, and we were set to have many performances around town. My usual weekends with Asher have been replaced by performances and events to support the school.
"But we need to see each other. We're not meeting enough."
"We can make plans for next month, but I already told you, my choir has a lot of planned performances and events that I can't skip. I was understanding when you were busy with track and cross-country."
"Don't make this my fault! Our relationship isn't going well. And I believe spending time with each other would fix that. But I guess you don't understand," he said, as he hung up.
I stared at the blank phone screen until I started crying out of frustration. "Where did I go wrong?" I asked myself. I was supportive when his schedule was busy,
I lay back on my bed, cuddling into my blanket. I let the tears fall out of my eyes, as I wondered if I was still happy to be with Asher. Lately, our relationship has felt more like a chore than a source of happiness.
Unexpectedly, Joel walked in and started talking. "Hey Ronnie, do you happen to have a spare calculator? Mine died while I was doing today's assignment and I-" He stopped as he noticed I was crying.
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" he asked, as he knelt down next to my bed. He wiped my tears with his thumb as he started rubbing my back in circles in comfort.
"No-Nothing," I whimpered.
"That was very convincing, mate. I'm serious Ronnie, you can tell me anything. I'm here for you. What's wrong? What happened?"
"Asher happened." I sat up, and I stared into Joel's eyes. I saw the sympathy, and also the hurt, probably from seeing me in such a state.
"What did he do?" he asked, as he sat down on the bed right beside me.
"Lately, it hasn't been so great. He's getting mad at me that I'm busier and have no time to spend with him. Our schedules seem to always miss each other."
"Well, have you told him that you would be busy? Or is this something that happened out of the blue?"
"I told him. But he doesn't care! He just keeps saying that I don't understand and that our relationship isn't going well." Tears began to form in my eyes. I slammed myself back down onto my bed out of frustration, so that I was now lying down. "I know it's not going the best, and I'm trying to do everything right. But somehow that's still not enough. I was always understanding when Asher was busy with sports and running, but now that I'm busy, he's just mad." I started sobbing. "It's all my fault. I should just fit him into my schedule since he's a priority-"
"Hey, hey," Joel interrupted me. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this! When he was busy, did he make time for you, and overworked himself to put you in his schedule? Or did you understand, and let him have space while he was being overwhelmed?"
I looked down sadly. "I gave him space."
"Right. So why can't he do the same for you? You have to tell him, Ronnie. If he can't give you the same respect you give him, I'm sorry Ronnie, but he's not the one you deserve. You need someone who lets you be yourself, without you constantly worrying about pleasing them."
"I know Joel. I'm just so exhausted. I haven't been able to sleep well in days."
"You haven't been eating well either."
"What?"
"Luke and I noticed. You've been skipping meals, Ronnie. Even at school."
"I'm just not hungry."
"Yeah. Because of him Ronnie. You're so stressed about keeping your relationship, you're forgetting to take care of yourself."
"I'm sorry Joel," I continued to cry. "I'm really so-"
"Stop apologizing, alright? C'mon, lie down next to me, try to get some sleep."
"Now?"
"You said you haven't been sleeping well, right?" he looked at me with a sad smile. "So maybe you just need to feel more at ease than you feel when you are by yourself."
"But what about your math homework?"
"I can do it on the bus Ronnie. It's not as important as you, alright?"
I felt a small sense of happiness with his words. "Okay." I lay down on his chest, as he covered us with a nearby blanket.
"Thank you, Joel."
"Of course, Ronnie. I love you."
"I love you too."
And that was the best sleep I've had in weeks.
Back to the Present
So, I took Joel's advice and decided to bring the matter up to Asher.
But Asher had other plans.
"Hey, can we talk?" a text message from Asher wrote.
I responded. "Yeah, I want to talk too. Is now good?"
"Sure."
As if on cue, I see Asher's contact light up on my screen. I accepted and said our usual greetings. But before I could discuss anything with him, Asher took the lead in the conversation.
"Look Ronnie, I've been thinking to myself for a while, and I think-" he paused as if he forgot what to say. "I think we're better off as friends."
He waited for me to say something, but I was quite out of shock. I could barely move, much less speak.
"I think we just want two different things, and that we're not right for each other. I think it's best for us if we just stay as friends." He paused, looking at me through his phone. "Do you want to say anything?" he asked, hoping I would get angry, sad, anything to make him feel better.
"I have nothing to say to you."
"Okay then. Goodbye Ronnie," he said, as he hung up.
I lay back down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. After a few minutes, I decided to call Abby.
She picked up instantly, and I wiped my tears as I told her everything. She was understanding and helped me calm down.
"Hey, Ronnie. I know what you're going through," I heard Abby's voice through the phone. She wasn't wrong. A couple of months ago her boyfriend broke up with her out of nowhere. Like me, she wanted to do everything right. but still, that wasn't enough. "I'm here for you if you need anything."
"Thanks, Abby. But I think now I'm just going to go to sleep."
"Okay. But if you can't sleep, text me right away, alright."
I gave her a small smile. "Alright, Abby. Thank you."
"Anytime. Goodnight, Ronnie," she said, as she hung up. I tried falling asleep, but I couldn't. I was so tired. feeling so numb, yet I had all these emotions inside that I couldn't seem to comprehend. Anger, sadness, confusion.
So, I texted both of my brothers, asking them if they can come to my room because I needed to talk to someone. And in less than two minutes, they were already there, waiting for me to tell them what was going on.
I told them everything, from the breakup to my not being able to sleep.
"I'm so sorry Ronnie," Luke started after a long silence. He took me into his arms and hugged me. His arms were filled with comfort only my brothers could provide.
"Me too. But if I'm being honest, you don't deserve a guy like him. You deserve someone who knows how much you're worth," Joel said.
"Thanks, guys. I know he wasn't the best. But now I feel like I can barely breathe, there's just so much going through my mind and I don't know how to make all of it stop."
"You just have a lot on your mind right now," Luke said.
"You're overwhelmed, Ronnie. You didn't expect this to happen so soon," Joel added.
"Yeah, I guess," I said, wiping the tears from my eyes.
"You know what would make you feel a lot better?" Luke asked.
"What?" I asked.
"If you wrote a song," Luke suggested.
Joel responded, "No, Luke, I don't think she wants to write a whole song when this is so fresh for he-"
"Actually Joel, I think that's a great idea. It'll let me kind of work through all the emotions I'm feeling."
Luke smiled at Joel. "Alright Ronnie," Joel said. "I'll help you do whatever you want."
"Me too."
And that night, I wrote my very first song that I was willing to share with the world. It got very late, so I sent Luke and Joel to bed around midnight, so they wouldn't be tired the next day, even though it was the weekend.
But I stayed up the whole night finishing my song. When I was done, I was able to go to sleep with a smile on my face.
I met Joel and Luke the next day in the living room. "Hey, guys."
"Hey, sis. Feeling better?" Joel asked.
"Yes. Much better."
"Did you finish the song?" Luke asked.
"Yeah, do you want to hear it?"
"Yes!" Luke and Joel answered.
"Okay, okay!" I giggled. I grabbed the nearby guitar and started plucking a tune.
"What's it called Ronnie?" Luke asked.
"Fifteen."
And I started strumming my guitar, and let the music flow out of me.
You take a deep breath, and you walk through the doors
It's the mornin' of your very first day
You say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while
Try and stay out of everybody's way
It's your freshman year, and you're gonna be here
For the next four years in this town
Hopin' one of those senior boys will wink at you and say
"You know, I haven't seen you around before"
'Cause when you're 15 and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're 15, feelin' like there's nothin' to figure out
Well, count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know who you're gonna be at 15
You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail
And soon enough, you're best friends
Laughin' at the other girls who think they're so cool
We'll be outta here as soon as we can
And then you're on your very first date and he's got a car
And you're feelin' like flyin'
And your mama's waitin' up and you're thinkin' he's the one
And you're dancin' 'round your room when the night ends
When the night ends
'Cause when you're 15 and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're 15 and your first kiss
Makes your head spin 'round, well
In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team
I didn't know it at 15
When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now
Back then, I swore I was gonna marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine
And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind
And we both cried
'Cause when you're 15 and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're 15, don't forget to look before you fall
But I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didn't know who I was supposed to be at 15
La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la
La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la
La-la-la, la-la-la
Your very first day
Take a deep breath, girl
Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors