SAM POV÷
After that visit to her house and that kiss, I found that trying to resist mon was a waste of time.
I wanted her ... No, I needed to be close to that girl.
I used to have sex with other girls, but every time I was with one of them, I found myself comparing those girls with Mon.
Obviously, I still wanted mon at that time, and I was not going to get rid of that desire by trying to avoid her, so I decided at that time to allow my desires to lead me, and that was the stupidest thing I ever did in my life.
I found myself kissing her wherever I saw her and no one around, she obviously wanted the same thing as me so I thought maybe she wanted what I wanted and there's nothing wrong with having some fun together.
It didn't stop with kisses, we were having sex, it went on like this for weeks and we had sex at least twice every week and of course we always met at my house, our relationship was random and just to satisfy our desires, she was a girl without previous sexual experiences and I knew that she was enjoying sex, but I was enjoying making her get her pleasure, certainly nothing of the rules changed, I only touch her but she can't touch me or hug me, because I thought that would make me override my desire for her in a way quickly.
I know ... you think I'm a psycho, and to be honest with you, I think so too.
Every time she tried to ask about the type of our relationship or the reason for those rules that I used to impose when we were together, I kept silent because I did not have an answer, she would ask about what I did not know the answer to.
Was I seeing other girls than me?
yeah, we were barely having sex twice a week and sometimes once for that mon wasn't enough, also I was hoping to find a new obsession.
I wasn't comfortable with the idea that I couldn't be with a girl or have sex with someone without thinking about her.
We went on like this for weeks, going out together, kissing, having sex and enjoying our time as if there was no tomorrow, but the day came when she called and told me that we had to talk about something important, as I remember, at that time we were preparing for final exams.
that day I was very angry because I had an argument with my mother, who was despising me and seeing everything I do wrong, as usual, my father tried to defend me and he ended in a big mess, there was a big problem between my parents because of me so that day was already bad and annoying, when Mon called me and asked to meet, i tried to postpone our meeting, but she was adamant So I had no choice then but to go meet her
I went to her house to pick her up and we went to the place she told me about, all the way we were silent, i was angry and thinking about what happened earlier, mon was nervous.
a quiet ride, a quiet dinner, you can say it was that calm before the storm.
" so, what What do you want to talk about, tiny?, But first why didn't you eat anything but a few bites?"
I said that after she finished my meal while mon barely touched her food.
"I don't have an appetite also I asked you to meet to talk about something important."
mon said nervously.
"okay!, then let's talk"
"i think, The time has come to know what kind of relationship we have"
mon said that tensely and directly while looking at me questioningly waiting for my reaction, I was surprised even though I expected it to happen but not so fast, I mean at that time I still wanted that pleasure that I feel with her.
"is this the necessary thing that you want to talk about?!"
I said that after Moments of silence, i was trying to hide my surprise and anger
" yes, this is the necessary thing, I do not know about you, but for me ... it is necessary."
she said that with excitement and tension,
"and why is it necessary now?!"
I said that while trying to stay calm, but I was really upset about everything and her question made me feel even more angry.
" ok, maybe because of what is happening It doesn't make sense, we've been meeting for months and without defining the meaning of what we're doing and at the same time there are still rumors about you dating several girls, and I'm one of them!"
she said that while trying to control her nerves.
"Mon, did you drink something?, why are you talking like you're surprised?! you're going out with me, for sure there will be rumors about you, and also why do you charge me as if I'm your girlfriend?"
i said that angrily and with sharp looks.
" well, I'm sorry for holding you accountable, but I thought I had the right to ask you since we have been having sex for months!."
she said that with angry because it's obvious thwt she was losing control of myself.
" Wait a moment ... What happened was with your full desire and I never forced you to do anything. Our relationship was based on mutual benefit. I never promised you anything, Therefore, you have no right to hold me accountable or ask me about anything."
I said that nervously with sharp looks as i looked at me directly.
she was shocked, she didn't know what to reply to her, She was looking at me with a look that I did not understand at the time, as if she was trying to comprehend what I said.
"I never thought of exploiting you or hurting you, and I never will. The development that took place in our relationship was out of control, but in the end, we both benefited. We both have fun without having obligations, I can date whoever I want and you can do the same, and you are not like the others, if you were, I wouldn't be talking to you now, we are still friends after months and everything is fine between us,Correct me if I was wrong."
I said after a moment of silence, I knew that she was hurt by my reaction, it was clear that she was shocked or disappointed, so I was trying to explain or argue with her in a nicer way...i don't know but I wanted to end it peacefully.
She was staying silent and what she said made it worse, she bent her head and started avoiding looking at me.
" do you think I'm with you just for fun?"
she said that after silence.
"everyone is looking for fun without obligations"
I said that without thinking
"you are wrong, only you want that"
she said that while she was trying to prevent her tears, after she said that, it looked like she was getting ready to leave, I don't know why, but when she said that in that tone, I felt angry, as if she had insulted me.
" what do you mean?"
" I have to go"
she said that and left the table after she paid the bill.
she ignored my question, ignored my presence and left
" stop ... when I tell you stop you have to stop"
i said that and pulled her from my arms after i followed her Outside.
"I just want to go"
she said that and withdrew her hand from my hand and she was about to go.
" you will not go before we finish our conversation, what is wrong with you? what did you mean by what you said?"
i said that nervously and seriously while looking at her waiting for her answer.
"I'm not with you because I'm looking for pleasure as you think but because I love you, I was constantly asking you about the kind of relationship we had every time we were together because I needed an answer that would let me know what to do"
she said that after a lot of pressure from me, i was staring at her trying to say something.
" Don't listen to those silly thoughts in your mind, you will only hurt yourself, You're having fun with me nothing more, don't misunderstand yourself, do not convince yourself of such thoughts."
i said that after being silent for a moment, i was trying to processing what she had said and calm myself down because i was angry and annoyed but i was trying to be kind as possible but my words made her feel worse, she was angry.
" do you want to tell me how I feel?
you have the right to reject my feelings, but you don't have the right to doubt it"
she said that angrily while her tears began to fall on her cheeks,
" well, given that I am the eldest, I have the right to advise you, especially since you are a teenager and you have no one to advise you, so ..."
"stop, I don't need your advice, I know very well how to take care of myself, ke..."
"keep your voice down, I'm still trying to be understanding and nice to you, I'm trying to help you"
i said as i gritted my teeth angrily.
"then thank you I don't need your help, just let me go"
she said That while she was trying to control herself and avoid looking into my eyes, she didn't want me to notice her weakness and her tears.
"You cannot fall in love with anyone who treats you kindly. I know that you had a bad and lonely childhood that made you a vulnerable, but if you remain like this, you will not survive mon, your life will be full of hardships and breakdowns."
i said that because I was feeling so guilty seeing her in that state so I told her the advice I wanted to give her every time I saw her, I was trying to be nice but everything that came out of my mouth was hurting her more and making her angrier.
she was looking at me And she was barely holding back her tears
" I met who were nicer than you, but I loved you, and thank you for the advice"
she said that and turned her back to go
"wait, I will drive you home"
i said that while i was following her With slow steps
"no need thank you"
she said that without turning And she continued on her way, ignoring me, i was calling her and telling her to obey me and get in my car to take her home
but she took a taxi and went.
I was angry that night, everything was bad and wrong, I went to the beach to calm myself down because it had become the place I sought to get rid of the noise of the world, but that place reminded me of her and made me feel more guilty.
that night I was lost, I didn't know what to do, I wanted to go to her house to make sure that she arrived safely, But I had no right to do so.
I was playing with the girl and I had no desire to commit to a relationship with her.
that night I decided to stay away from her to give her a chance to forget and heal.
In the end, she was still a beautiful teenage girl. She will certainly find someone who deserves her and makes her forget all the difficulties and problems she went through during her life, including me.
It was easy for a girl like her to get over ... that's what I thought...
.
.
.
.
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After what happened that night we never spoke, I never saw her even when we started the final exams, after the exams ended I knew that she was doing her exams which means she was going to university though I couldn't even catch a glimpse of her, it was obvious that she was avoiding seeing me and don't blame her for doing that.
Summer vacation passed quickly, I spent most of my time traveling, meeting new people, having fun, living my life by my rules like there is no tomorrow, I didn't come back to Thailand until the last week of summer vacation, you could tell I was running away from my family issues and random relationships problems.
If you're wondering if I thought about her during those months, I'll be honest with you and say -yes-.
I used to remember her every time I saw a beach, I thought of her or even compared her to every girl I met, it used to bother me but somehow I was trying to forget her.
I was sure that what I was feeling about her was not love, but a sexual desire that was hard to get over because Mon was not an ordinary girl, she was special, beautiful, smart, but she was easily breakable, she was very fragile.
I'm not going to lie to you, I was worried about her and excited to see her back to the way she was, a cheerful girl with a warm aura around her, I was excited to see her after all that summer break but when the academic year started Mon didn't show up and she didn't come to university because I never saw her.
More than two weeks have passed and she is still not present at the university, that made me feel worried about her, I tried to ignore my worry but I couldn't, so I tried to call her but I was surprised when I found that her phone number is no longer available, which means that she no longer uses it, I had no other choice but to ask her friends.
And that's what I did, I know her friends, I used to see her hanging out with that 2 girls all the time.
I stood in the parking lot and started looking around until I could catch a glimpse of them, I want to them and told them I wanted to talk to them about something and invite them to go somewhere, one of the girls was angry, I assure you, she was ready to kill me.
"Hello, I'm Sam, I know you don't know me, but there's something important I want to talk about with you.
Can we go somewhere quiet?"
I said that while looking at them, they seemed to know what I wanted to talk about, is it possible that Mon told them about us?!
"Hi, I'm Emily and this is Rose. Actually, we know you. You're famous. Also, I follow yo...."
One of thegirls said that and she looked like a gossip maniac, but before she could finish what she was saying, the girl named Rose interrupted her.
"We are in a hurry and we have a date with some friends already,can you say whatever you want here?"
the girl named Rose said that, she was rude and annoyed me but at that moment I tried to control my nerves, it was clear that she hated me for some reason but I needed an answer to my questions and I had no other way.
"What happened with Mon?"
I said it directly while looking at that girl Rose because it was clear that she hated me because she knew everything between me and Mon so there was no need to turn around.
"She's gone, and we have to thank you for that"
that girl Rosie said that while looking hateful and angry and then left before I could say anything, her answer left me surprised trying to understand what she said.
The other girl, Emily, was watching what was happening silently and tensely. She was trying to catch up with her friend, but before she went, i grabbed her hand and prevented her from leaving. The answer of the girl, Rose, had more than one meaning, and I was praying that the meaning of what she said would not be...
"What does she mean she is gone? what happened with Mon?
you will not go before you tell me everything"
I said that while holding Emily's hand to prevent her from leaving, I wanted a clear answer because my mind began to compose stories that make me worry more.
"I have to go, I'll tell you everything later"
Emily said that and sh tried to leave, but again, i prevented her from leaving.
I opened my car door and told her to get into the car. She was hesitant, but she did.
"Is Mon alive?"
I said right after we sat in the car. I was worried and praying for an answer that would reassure me.
"Yes she is alive, but she is not here anymore, she and her father left for Canada months ago"
Emily said that and she looked at me confused and surprised, I believe it was clear that I was worried.
"and why did they go there?"
"Mon told us that they were going because her father wanted to take care of her uncle who was suffering from cancer because he was alone and had no one to take care of him"
Emily said that and I looked at her waiting nervously for the rest of the story.
"And how is her uncle now?"
"He died, but Mon and her father seem to have decided to settle in Canada, that's what I understood from Rose"
What Emily said made me feel bad and annoyed, apparently Mon had been through a lot, but I was glad that at least she was alive.
"And how is she doing"
I said after a few moments of silence
"I don't know, I don't talk to her, Rose rarely gets to talk to her through her father, after she went to Canada, she did not communicate with any of her friends here."
"Thank you, do you want me to drive you somewhere?"
I said that after a few moments of silence. What Emily said meant that Mon was hurt by what happened more than I thought, Something I never wanted to happen.
"No, thank you. I'll take a taxi. Emily said that and she went"
I sat in the car for a few minutes, absorbing what I knew.
In the end, I decided to accept that Mon chapter was over unfortunately with bad ending for Mon, but there was no way to change what happened in the past and moving forward was the last option.
yeah... i was feel guilty and upset, this wasn't the ending I expected, I thought we'd stop seeing each other when we stopped enjoying each other, a proper breakup for a relationship based on mutual benefit ... but things went in wrong directions ...