"Me and the long distance travelling won't work long term." Zuri says, going through her clothes.
"There's not much of a distance and it better than fih work in town. Squaddy and Balla go deh search far and wide fih yuh." I reminded her, slapping her hand away from the small revealing blouse she took up.
"A suh hot yuh slap Kyng?" She hisses, rubbing the area.
"Yes. Now yuh cyaw wear dat cause a mostly men working up there and the next thing tu, the owners can pop up and it will look inappropriate as well as unprofessional."
I took up the t-shirts that she put aside, paring it with some loose fitted pants.
"Jus dat?" She frowned.
"Yes." I laughed. "Suh yuh prefer fih clean toilet inna belly skin?"
"Please nuh remind mih a wah mih go deh do. If yuh neva nod mih wouldn't tek the wuk enuh." She rolled her eyes so I sat on the bed looking at her getting miserable. "Thru mih wah help yuh enuh."
"Fih wah?"
"Everything yuh duh fih me and mummy." She answered and I rolled my eyes. "Mussi think seh she nuh tell mih bout how yuh build dis fih har and move cause yuh want har fih comfortable. Mih know dat likkle board house naw comfortable fih long."
"Zuri, mih..."
"Mih nuh wah hear nothing. A you build the house, shop and buy the land uppa hills. Mih know a nuh likkle money dat and your saving done cause mih can seet pah yuh." She gestured at my body and I hissed.
"Talk bout sum'm else."
Mih nuh ready fih have that conversation right now cause Kyng can fawud at anytime.
Him went next door fih play football wid the boys him age and today him seh him go call him fada suh him always give me an update on how it guh.
"Who yuh think mih look like Kai-à?" She poked my forehead.
"Stop dat."
"Mih naw play, Kai." She glares at me. "Wahm'n tu yuh?"
"A did likkle depression but mih naw..."
"Thank God yuh admit it." She sighs. "Mih vex seh yuh naw talk tu mih bout certain things again. Neva know a suh wih live."
"Mih cyaw burden yuh wid mih problems." I shrugged, knowing she won't let it go.
"Now ya chat shit." She hissed.
"Mih look like battyhole?" I blurted and she laughed.
"Nuh yet." I ignored her comment and she playfully pushes me. "Yuh naw tell mih wahm'n?"
"A nuff things, Cuz." I sigh. "But a nuh dih worst."
She took a seat next to me. "Tell mih them."
"Mih lazy." I smiled and she glared at me. "A dih truth, Zuzu."
"Nuh call mih dat." She hissed, definitely remembering the name her Babylon ex used to call har.
"Sorry. Mih mean seh mih depression nuh really caused by procrastinating. A from mih have Kyng it's a different feeling weh naw lef."
"Oh, it normal." She started. "Yuh just need therapy that's why yuh fih chat tu mih."
"Yuh nuh need fih worry bout mih."
"Nuh worry bout dat. A mih wah put yuh pah mih head cause a did my job fih mek mih madda comfortable suh mih go help you and mih self, watch. Mih muss buk a rich man." She promised.
"Words have power." I reminded.
"Then mih a manifest all the good stuff, lord Jesus." She preached. "I need a good man wid a nice pocket and a extra large bank account. I need him to be masculine as you know my type. Tall, dark skinned, muscular and packed."
I laughed at her humor.
"He will be handsome. He will know how at treat his woman which is me. He will have his eyes on only me but not in a crazy way. I want him to be a family man. Someone for me. Someone who is a bigger upgrade than Kawayne and Balvin. I want him to worship and love my little slim body. To love, care, provide, protect and hand feed me grapes that he should be able to afford because I can't waste my money on it."
I laughed for the better as she even closed her eyes as if saying a prayer.
"I need him to act, or be rather, an ideal male who dominates in and outside the bedroom. A man who will hand me money or gifts without me having to ask or that the day being special. Let him send me thousands upon thousands if not just jamaican currency but foreign. I need to provide for my family and that includes my big cousin. She needs to know how to be spoiled, how I'm use to, send someone her way lord. To get her out of the house and to seek adventures. Let us have our dreams and sweet desires."
She went on and on and I listened until she was done.
"-Amen." She finishes.
"Amen." I said when she glares at me.
"Yuh neva done tell mih the sum'n enuh." She realizes, just as I've expected. She never forgets.
"As mih a seh, a just during and after the pregnancy. Mih neva expect it fih last this long but truthfully, mih glad how mih spend the money mih tek from Denison. Mih have a house, business a mek likkle money fih put inna Kyng account and fih provide him wid a good education." I started.
"Still, mih really wah tek care a mih self but eh feeling just have me inna wah box and to how mih comfortable inna it sometimes, me know it nuh healthy."
"Me go help tek yuh outta it." Zuti promises. "Wah yuh biggest issue?"
"Mih body." I laughed a bit but she didn't.
"Yuh did sexy enuh. Memba Kayrachilani?" She asked and I nod. "A you mek mih did a question wih history enuh, though yuh did have more weight than har but the sexy body did lock wid the two a unuh."
When attending Anchovy High, I was introduced to another half Indian girl whom many people though we were related. I wasn't always this skinny as the baby weight had blessed me in a few area then. Now, I lacked that look but it was the least of my worries.
"All yuh have right now is the batty and mih know it fully up a stretched marks."
"So?" I smiled.
"Yuh need yuh weight back fih dis summer."
"Two months till then." I laughed. "Mih fih eat dung aunty business till then?"
"Mih go fix yuh business, just wait. Tell mih wah else."
We went on talking and if it was someone else then I wouldn't be revealing such things to them.
I've known pregnancy to be one of the worst things a woman can suffer from.
Around the time that I was at the hospital going through the hourly process of nature taking its course. I had met two women who ended up dying during child's birth and the third birthed the baby but there were complications so the child died.
As the youngest there and the discrimination of being a teen mom. I prayed so hard that I promised God that if he delivered my baby how he delivered the people out of Egypt, that I will let my son know and believe in him throughout his life. I made history that day, as Kyng was born healthy with no complications expect for having me like meat as the doctor sliced through me to get him out.
Eight pounds eleven ounces and the biggest to be born that week.
It was after birth when I started having back pains along my spine and had to lay for hours. I could barely sit or stand for long two hours the longest. An loosing so much blood daily had me weak. My sweet mentality was slowly fading and with the motherly instincts in, I wanted to do so much but couldn't.
Pregnancy ruined a lot.
The constant vomiting now has me needing dental care for a few teeth.
A nutritionist to help with my weight and appetite.
My hair wasn't the same after and I damaged it worst by having it bleached so much that I felt like doing a big chop to it sometime soon.
My skin needed care and so for my acne and excess stretched marks.
Lastly were my nails, that I needed manicure and pedicure scheduled.
I also needed money for myself and as a female, I needed more than my little board house.
I need stability. A better home with more privacy for myself. Kyng should not know when I'm on my period as it gets messy at times since we share a bed. It gets me so stressed every month.
I need to go back to school as I longed for a stable job or I might even seek a better culinary business than the little cook shop thats an income for both aunty and myself.
I really don't want to go in my son's savings since I want him to have the best in life, so I need to seek my own.
Zuri's right, I needed the help and I've accepted it.
We were watching television, an intresting series on her Netflix account and that's when I heard a familiar crying.
Before I could move to get up, Kyng ran in with tears streaming down his face.
"Baby..."
"You said he wanted me!" He screamed, pointing at me.
Zuri got up and looked at him as if he was crazy for shouting but this is the first time that he did, so I feared the worst. This was serious.
"Who?" I asked, then quickly realized. "Yuh fada?"
"I called and daddy told me I was bothering him. He said he doesn't care about me and that's why he never called. He said I'm the reason you left him and that he hates me as you hate him." He cried, throwing the tablet to the ground and hugs himself.
I went to hug him but he pushes me off.
"Thiele..." I frowned, suprised by his action. Rubbing along my lower right ribcage where he pushes me. The pain bring me back memories of him inside me and kicking.
"You said I look like daddy so you hate me too!" He shouts.
"No Thiele! You and yuh fada a two different people. Ya mih baby and mih love yuh even more than mih self. More than life itself." I said as I've always told him.
"You're lying! He said he was pretending so you could be too."
"Thiele, mih naw tell nuh lie. Mek wih siddung and talk..." I pointed to the couch and he shook his head. "Nuh be like this now, Kyng. Ya break mih heart."
"Just leave me alone!" He yelled and instead of feeling angry, my barrier of emotions fell just as my tears did.
"That yuh want?" I asked and he nods without a thought. He too looked surprised by his response but I saw how worried he was as he watched me wipe my tears from my cheeks. "Yuh have yuh wish."
"Kyng, just talk tu yuh mada. Yuh know deep down shi wouldn't lie tu yuh and always have the right answers..." Zuri informed him but I shook my head at her.
"Him will learn soon. Mih soon come, Cuz." I took up my phone and walked out.
Passing Kyng without glance or another word.
I walked straight to the main road, going along the sidewalk until I got further down to the beach. The journey I should've taken by transport but I was so deep in thoughts that I didn't realize I was even walking in the scorching hot sun.
I crossed the road to get to the small private beach and sat along the stone wall looking down as the small waves splashes against it repeatedly.
This was the distraction I needed.
"This is the place Gio!" Some gasped behind me.
I thought I would be alone here for a while but I guessed wrong.