The next morning, I dressed and headed to the cafeteria for an orange before executing my plan to utilize the swimming pool. I wanted to try something new today, determined to broaden my horizons. There was a whole compound to explore, and that was the plan. I had a little over a week left here, and I was going to make the best of the situation.
Last night had been a dangerously fun experience, but there was a set line that Alex was required to keep his tight ass behind. He couldn’t keep dancing around me with his comments and little touches here and there. It was inappropriate, and it was making me feel guilty toward Tyler. I didn’t want to be that woman who entertained someone else because the attention was fun and exciting, regardless of whether there was a magnet pull suggesting it was more than that.
He would have to learn to keep his massive hands to himself and bite his tongue. Especially his tongue because flaunting it was a distraction—even if it was used to only wet his lips. I wouldn't let him do anything but behave. If it was possible, I needed to avoid him altogether.
I was just about to exit my room when a hard knock rang out, startling me.
It cracked open. “Are you decent?” Ian’s voice demanded in a flat tone.
“Y-yes,” I stammered, abruptly cautious of his pissed-off tone.
“What were you doing out that late?” he started, immediately coming for my throat.
I cocked my hip and placed my hand there, refusing to bow to his intimidation. “Damn, you need to go get laid. Do you want me to call Raigen for you? Seriously, you need to calm down with all-”
“Careful, Melie,” he warned with a stern expression at the mention of his mate.
“Don’t threaten me, Ian, because you don’t scare me. And to answer your question, brother, I’m an adult and can do whatever I want.”
“The fact that you use that as an excuse is proof that you're not mature enough to be in a room alone with a grown man and not understand the repercussions.”
“What?” I laughed humorlessly. “You invited me there, remember? Where loads of werewolf men reside? Not to mention, you left me there when you were done, so don’t run your lips dry scorning me. I didn’t do anything wrong. I asked him to leave me alone.”
“You did?” He appeared shocked by that fact.
“I did. Not that I believe he freaking heard me. I mean, he is a wolf, and we all know how hard of hearing they are. Damn jerks. All of you are a bunch of cocky morons. Why are you yelling at me anyway? I’m a kid, remember? Go fume at the grown ass man.”
“Trust me—he’s next on the list. I won’t allow you to reap a dishonorable reputation, Melanie. If you’re interested in Alex, then fucking fine, but don’t broadcast the shit to the world with images of you both canoodling in my game room. Leave that shit for the bedroom.”
Wait! What? Did he just encourage me to have sex? With his pack member?
Instead of questioning him about that, I mocked him. “Canoodling? Really? Nice vocabulary, bro.”
“You heard what I said,” he warned.
“Yeah, I heard you, but I'm confused. Are you mad that I was hanging out with Alex or that I'm too young to?”
“I thought you weren’t interested?” he pressed, dissecting my words. “Didn’t you just say you told him to leave you alone? You don’t sound like a girl seeking space,” he accused.
“That’s not the point,” I retorted. “How can you treat me like a child but in the next sentence sound so nonchalant about me messing around with a werewolf? How does that make sense? Especially one that you don’t particularly like?”
He appeared flustered. He opened his mouth to speak but snapped it shut, like he was struggling to find words.
“What, Ian? Nothing to say? Because you know, I'm freaking right! I get that you want to be a big brother and protect me, but I am capable of making the right decisions. I know right from wrong, and I know how I feel. I don’t require assistance in any area. Beside making my own damn money,” I added, lost in my own rant. “Which is the first thing on my list to change after this stupid grounding bullshit is over.”
He paused on that note. “You wanna be independent? You think you're ready for adulthood?”
“I know I am.”
“Fine. You want a job? Be at the administrative office at nine a.m. tomorrow, ready for an interview.”
I froze. “What? For real?”
“Why not? I’m tired of hearing you bitch about being an adult, and if money is the only thing restricting you from your parents, then let’s fix that.”
“A job on the compound? Away from Cincinnati?”
“Do you want the interview or not?” he demanded, frustrated.
“Y-yes,” I quickly replied without thinking.
“Tomorrow at nine,” he repeated, leaving my room with the sound of the door slamming.
Did that really just happen? Did I have a job?
Oh my goodness! I was gonna make my own money! I was gonna be capable of taking care of myself without my parents' support and opinions!
It was like a dream coming true!
Overwhelmed with the possibility of my dreams becoming reality, I wanted to share the news with someone—NO!
Guilt tightened my chest for thinking of him at all, let alone before Nic or even Tyler. There wasn’t much of an explanation for it other than Alex being more a part of my life lately than anyone else, including Ian.
I ignored those facts and the emotions they stirred and instead concentrated on my new offer of employment and what that entailed. Like the temporariness of the job while I stayed here, and if that could easily switch to being permanent if I liked it?
But that thought only reeled in a whole other set of discouraging concerns. Like not returning home but remaining here. Could I leave all my friends and parents and the only life I knew?
Come to think of it, was I truly ready to be an adult? To make decisions that affected my entire life and could alter it drastically?
Oh man. I was feeling less optimistic about the idea the deeper I analyzed it. Perhaps I got ahead of myself without grasping the full aspect of things?
Just like a kid would, I cursed.
This was too much! A break was required from overthinking before it resulted in a panic attack. Because that would, of course, occur if I continued to dwell on my life’s ambitions. No clear perspective would be gained, and the complex situation was more than I was accustomed to.
I decided to go eat lunch and maybe hit up the library again. But while ambling to the cafeteria, my thoughts still lingered on the interview tomorrow. The pressure to succeed caused anxiety and stress. It didn’t help matters when I entered the hall, nearly coming to a halt when my vision was filled with the sight of Alex sitting with his back to me and a chatty but pretty redhead across from him.
Obviously, she was a werewolf. Her tanned complexion was covered in too much makeup for a simple lunch, and her attire was a skin-tight, deep V-neck shirt that accentuated her larger breasts. I loathed the way she leaned across the table toward Alex.
Was that his mate? I recalled his claim of not having one, but that woman was something to him. She had to be with her ear-to-ear grin and flirtatious demeanor.
My jaw clenched at the distaste I felt for her and all the ways she excelled compared to me.
Why did you care? I snapped at myself mentally.
Acting on impulse, I placed as much space between me and that table as possible by cutting right and following the front wall to the other corner of the room, then to the back until I reached the buffet. For what, I didn’t know because the hearty appetite I once had drastically diminished, taken over by nausea. Still, it was too late to turn and leave without it being questionably obvious.
My fingers shook, reaching for a to-go bowl, then I poured a few spoonfuls of soup into it and sealed a lid on top. I snatched up a pre-wrapped ham and cheese sandwich and used every ounce of self-control I possessed to keep my eyes on the task at hand.
The feel of his eyes on me was electrifying, or was that in my head? I didn’t want to be erased that easily from his radar by the redhead. I wanted to be his distraction, I realized. But if she was his mate, then what was the point of wishful thinking? The fact that I was a mess at the sight of him with another woman was a clear indication I had somewhere started to hope for something that would never be mine anyway.
It made me sick and pathetic. A feeble-minded human to believe even a friendship with Alex was possible, and now with that realization, it was clear I couldn’t trust myself. Or him, for that matter. He had to be screwing with my head. Or had I done it to myself by trusting that every secret, innocent, and deliberate touch was more? I was foolish because that had to be it. All of it had been a fragment of my imagination.
He was supposed to be someone I was avoiding and not want, I mentally snapped to put some perspective to my unjustified emotions.
I kept my eyes down after gathering my food but couldn't help granting myself a brief glance of curiosity. To both my delight and dismay, his eyes were on me, our gazes locking. His calculating stare, I knew, was dissecting my every move and emotion, but I valiantly hardened my heart until I was no longer in his sight and soon out the door.
The cold air hit me with a welcome blast of refreshing relief. Strangely, I hadn’t been aware of the increased tension surrounding me at the sight of him sitting with another woman until I’d been released from the torture of it. I could have snapped his neck with anger and hers with envy. He had been touching me less than twelve hours ago in the early hours of the morning, and now he was having lunch with another woman?
Sure, it could have easily been an innocent interaction, but the way that woman was leaning toward him, smiling like she was his secret at night, caused a rise in jealousy I’d never experienced before. The emotions were incomprehensible, but I tried to swallow them with rational facts.
He didn’t belong to me in any way. He didn’t owe me anything. I wasn’t even interested in him. It didn’t matter how he entertained himself in his free time, just like my affairs were none of his business. I had told him he had to stop with his clever antics toward me anyway, and perhaps that was what he was doing? Maybe he took the hint and moved on with the closest hoe bag he could find.
You don’t even know her, I defended. What right did I have to call someone a name while ignorant of her real one? That was childish and not a good start to being an adult, I reminded myself.
I walked to the library in a daze of thoughts, fighting back and forth with logic. I stayed far away from the romantic novels my hands normally reached for because they were just a reminder of what a crappy girlfriend I was.
I didn’t need another reason to loathe myself either.
Absently, I chewed my food while reading a book I couldn't recall any part of. I tried to focus over and over, many times, attempting to rest my brain. To concentrate, but all I could see was Alex tucking red hair behind the pretty woman’s ear. It made me sick and irritated me more than I liked to admit.
I slammed the book shut, groaning in frustration. I yanked my phone out to text my best friend, but it wasn’t likely she was off work yet.
How in five days did a complete stranger claim the ability to claw under my skin and stay there without actually physically doing so?
Or a better question: how did I allow it to happen?
To hell with this…
I needed to get out of here. Away from all the suffocating chaos, constricting me in a tiny box that was a werewolf compound.
But how was I going to get away? There were cameras everywhere, not to mention the patrols the guards went on every hour. Well, if there was no way to escape, then I could at least go for a walk to have a change of scenery. Days of being cooped up in a prison were enough to spin my mental health into a disoriented depression.
An opportunity to drain Alex from my system was desperately needed.
While cleaning up my mess, I conjured up a plan to evade anyone who would stop me from exploring the forest. Sure, there were probably a few unsafe risks involved, but I loved hiking and was capable of navigating alone for some peace and quiet. At this point, I had no choice but to engage in some meditation before I lost my sanity to the crappy day.
I started at the garden, winding my way through the path until I presumed I was deep enough that no one would notice when I broke through the tree line and headed off. My feet worked west from the garden at a steady pace to ensure an escape from anyone on the compound. There was no beaten trail to follow, but with each step away from the compound, I felt liberated. The weight of others' expectations and my delusional views levitated from me, like the trees were a magnet for stress instead of carbon dioxide, and instead of releasing air, it was freedom.
There was no destination in mind and no duration of time for the trip, but that didn’t matter. As long as every few minutes I marked a trail by breaking a few sticks on the thinner trees, I was confident my steps could be retraced. I’d done it many times before and wasn’t worried.
Being surrounded by nature was the best way to dissect pessimistic thoughts and anxiety. It was an excellent and effective destresser. The brain was forced to concentrate on the physicality of things like terrain. Or where the next safe step should be placed, which path was more open, and how to maneuver around obstacles. While simultaneously the brain was mentally capable of wandering into the depths of reasoning and the emotions locked within it.
That’s what occurred every time I worked my muscles, and I welcome it more now than ever. It decompressed my fast-revolving life in no time at all. It was easy and satisfying. Cleansing. The earthy smells, tranquil sounds, and sacred bright light of the day were Mother Nature’s way of curing a hostile day. To slow down the self-loathing, triggers, and unruly doubt.
Of course, the purpose of anything is results, so my thinking revolved around consequences. Like accepting Ian’s offer and how that would affect my friendships, relationship, and other plans for the future. Each one was a significant penetration in my life that would have an enormous impact or be greatly affected by anything I decided. There was still plenty of time to contemplate, but my brother's job offer felt more like a locked door finally opening. It was an opportunity to gain independence and experience. It felt like a push in the right direction, or at least a starting line.
I was trying to only consider the job in intervals and not as a full unit, but the more I considered making the change permanent, the more it felt like a strategic plan was already weaving in my head. Certain discussions with my parents, best friend, and boyfriend were already developing on how I would explain my motives for not returning to Cininnati.
I rationalized with the fact that the details behind the job were still undisclosed and I could possibly end up loathing it, so there was no need to ponder deeper. But that didn’t stop me because it was a job. It was a gateway to making money in an already-known environment that I was growing accustomed to the longer I was surrounded by it.
A job was a great assertion to clear my reputation at home. A show of accountability and responsibility that faintly existed in my parents eyes. They would witness me applying effort and skill to life and hopefully be proud. But was any of that possible if I returned home, where everyone’s mindset was molded on pinching my abilities, enabling my intuition, and influencing my life the way they claimed fit?
The thought of being home was a bright light I could see illuminating brilliantly as the duration of my punishment dissolved day by day, but what existed there that shined on me? What drove me to thrive for something? If, at the end of this lesson, I had in fact learned nothing at all, what was the point of it? To go home and fall back into a meaningless routine?
Losing my footing on a tree trunk brought me out of my head, and my hands flung aimlessly through the cool air as my eyes rapidly calculated a faithful escape from landing painfully on the ground. Instead, I jumped back off the log onto the firm forest floor.
It was then, while catching my breath, that I observed the sun’s dipping as it was on the verge of disappearing from the sky. I checked the time on my phone, noting that it was just past four o’clock. In the middle of December, that meant there was only about an hour or so left of daylight, and that was not good for me.
Shit! Maybe if I walked fast, I would beat the darkness?
Only the next curse that plagued my life was my scattered brain, incapable of finding any of my tracking marks. My cell phone had zero service, and it was unclear how far I had traveled from the compound. Plus, I hadn't seen a guard on patrol the entire time I was out here.
How damn far did I adventure from civilization? Or the hope of getting back tonight?
You dumbass, I scorned.
What if you ran into rogues?
Fuck that, Melie! Stop being negative and get fucking moving!
I kept my phone in hand, hopeful for a signal, but the further my feet carried me, the lower the sun sank. Finally, admitting to being in trouble, I tried not to panic, but it was getting too dark and I was losing hope. Soon the ability to see would be compromised, likely halting all steps and increasing my chance to freeze to death.
And when night did come, I used the flashlight on my phone, thinking surely there had to be a clearing coming up. But instead, I found myself fumbling around even with the phone light.
There was no moon tonight, and as I checked to be certain, I stumbled over a rock, falling with a painful yelp. My phone was flung a few feet from me, but I didn't need it to see when I felt the radiating pain in my hand. I hissed as warm blood spewed from the wound. It didn’t feel like a deep laceration, but I still pressed my palm against my jeans to help stop the bleeding.
I awkwardly stood to my feet and shimmied my shoes across the ground, carefully ensuring nothing else was in the way of me reaching my phone. The light confirmed the cut didn’t require immediate attention while my brain wrestled with the idea of staying put in that spot.
What if I was only reeling deeper into the forest and farther from the compound and the hope of being found? Maybe it was better not to increase the risk of more injuries? Technically, the temperature wasn’t below freezing, so maybe that was a good indication that I wouldn’t die of hypothermia?
Yet, planted up against a tree trunk, chills worked tumors through my body. I knew shivering was the body’s coping mechanism to stay warm, but with the chattering of my teeth, I grew wary.
“D-dam-mit,” I cursed, shuddering.
I would never hear the end of this one from Ian. That’s if I didn’t die first. He probably didn’t even know I was gone. No one likely did. I was stuck out here, not even capable of moving to increase blood flow and support a healthy temperature.
Well, I wanted a distraction from my life, and if this wasn’t one, then I would never get one.
I would likely be killed by a bear or something, I thought.
However, that caused me to panic. What if there were bears in these trees? Coyotes or foxes?
My body shivered uncontrollably, so in an attempt to keep warm, I tucked my mouth in my coat and breathed hard.
An incalculable amount of time passed before I felt myself growing groggy. My mind wanted to sleep, while my body craved relief from the bitter cold. I couldn’t really help the second part, but slumber was difficult to fight when I was so exhausted. All I wanted to do was escape the torture I put myself through.
Maybe everyone was right to assume I was immature. What did I really know anyway? I was a teenage woman, fresh out of high school,with no talents or lifelong plans to be successful. No wonder my parents sent me off. They didn’t want to deal with me either.
Well, pretty soon no one would have to if I didn’t survive through the night out here…
❖ ❖ ❖
Incredible heat skimmed across my freezing skin, pulling a groan from me. I felt the slow pace of my heart in my chest and the fatigue in my body and mind. I was so cold, I could feel the creeping numbness threatening to take me over. I clung to the part of my brain that was warm. There was something so hot against me that it was beautiful. It was healing and satisfying. It dragged me away from the numbness.
The warmth touched my face. There was an ache in my bones from the bitter chill that hurt and prevented me from moving.
“Shit, you’re fucking freezing,” I heard an angry voice murmur.
Tell me about it, I wanted to respond but didn’t possess the energy.
“Melanie?” There was a pause before the heat seemed to envelope my whole body. “Dammit…I got you, baby.”
Warmth surrounded me, and for a long time, things remained hazy and quiet until the voices started.
“Melanie! Oh fuck, let me have her.”
Ian?
“Is she okay?”
Alpha?
“She’s breathing, but she still feels too cold.”
Alex?
Something wasn’t right, I mentally noted. Was I dreaming?
“Give her to me.”
“Beta, respectfully, back off.”
“That’s my fucking sister, Alex! Now I gave you an order. Hand her to me.
There was a slight shuffle, causing me to groan.
“She’s my fucking mate, so again, respectfully back off,” Alex fumed angrily before a rocking motion started.
“Beta,” Alpha commanded in a distant voice, before something slammed, cutting off the cursing words of my brother.
There was a moment of silence, or maybe I lost consciousness again, but the next voice I heard was unfamiliar.
“Lay her here.”
The warmth disappeared, pulling another grunt from me while something firm appeared at my back.
“There are robes in the closet,” the female voice said.
Someone was touching me. Their fingers were warm, but not nearly as hot as before.
“She’s still a few degrees from normal. Did you find her?”
There was no answer, but Ian’s more calm voice asked, “How is she?”
“Cold, Beta. Her temperature needs to be regulated first to restore normal blood pressure. Only then can I get conclusive results for all her vitals. The fastest and safest way to do that is for someone to lay with her.”
I tried to move but was denied. I tried to speak, but there was no sound.
The hot heat returned, curving over my entire body perfectly. I rested, humming contently.
“Would a blanket help?” Ian asked.
“Yes, please,” the female voice agreed.
Okay, now this was more like it.
“What is that for?” Alex questioned. His voice was closer than the others.
“It's an IV to help with any dehydration.”
There was a slow beeping noise that drowned out anything else.