Intro:
This is detailed feedback for the 1st place winner of the Eclipse Awards Jungkook category, crimsonbrine. Truth In A Masquerade is an incredible story that hooked me from the very first word (not exaggerating). Featuring strong characters, an interesting world, and a captivating writing style, Truth In A Masquerade is one of my favorite stories I've ever read on Wattpad.
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Detailed Review
What Worked:
It would be a crime (haha... get it? Cause, y'know, court- sorry) to start this list with anything other than the characters. I am a character writer and reader; I enjoy characters above all else. I can forgive every other aspect of a story if the characters are good. The characters here are incredible, with our two leads, Jungkook and Iseul, having depth and distinct personalities. Their dynamic is realistic and makes me love them together. I said it in my initial judge review, but I'll say it here too: Jimin is Jimin so he's an automatic 10/10.
I also enjoy the way the characters are physically written. I don't mean their appearances, as much as I enjoy those too, I mean the way they carry themselves. Sometimes things as simple as a character's posture can tell you more than 100 words ever can. The characters have complex minds and actions that make them more engaging. For example, I loved how Jungkook had a little uwu moment over Iseul's laugh. It's like an upgraded version of baby Jungkook seeing Namjoon's thighs, and I adore it. I adore the way Jungkook carries himself, and his wits make him a likable character.
Beyond that, they're also relatable. They have struggles that define them. They have negative traits that balance them out and never make them feel bland. There's more to them than the surface, and I appreciate how the author took the time to flesh them out both through the dialogue and through their physical actions. The author does a great job mixing physicality with the spoken dialogue, which makes the story more engaging.
I'm still in shock that this author was worried about pacing. For example, the first chapter was fast but sharp. Right when we started moving too fast, the author pulled back and gave us a chance to process what had just happened. We get all this dialogue, then the text pulls back right before it becomes too much, giving us an insight to how the room feels. It gives us time to process the dialogue we just read. The author masterfully weaves the story together by giving us a lot, but never too much. The text always pulls back before it becomes overwhelming or too much, which makes the story feel more tense (in a good way) while also ensuring no one will ever get bored or overstimulated.
This is totally random, but I have read this story three times. Once for the Eclipse Awards, once to go leave comments, and once for this review. All three times, in the first chapter, I read Haut Monde as Haunt Mode. It gives me a laugh every time because my brain just doesn't want to brain. I don't know why I felt like bringing this up, but I just thought the author might get a kick out of the ✨Haunt Mode✨ my brain keeps seeing.
Editor Raven here: I read Haut Monde as Haunt Mode again while editing this chapter 💀💀💀
Back to regularly scheduled programming.
The worldbuilding is another subject worthy of praise. There wasn't a single thing I was confused about, and I love how immersive the world feels. The environments are described with unique word choice that makes me feel like I'm in the room with the characters. The author uses the five senses to describe the world, which is rare. I don't see many authors who incorporate the five senses into their description, and I wish more authors would because it's so detailed and vivid.
Another thing I want to talk about is tense. I do a lot of judging. I judge for a few awards outside of my own, which means I'm judging anywhere from 15-30 stories a week. The two most common errors are dialogue tags and tense issues. Those two issues are in almost every story, and I'm not exaggerating. I don't think I've ever given anyone a perfect grammar score out of all the stories I've judged, and 95% of the time it's because an author does those two things wrong while the rest is great.
I'm happy to report this author has consistent tense, which means no tense issues!!! I didn't spot any tense issues where the tense incorrectly flip flopped between past and present tense. It was consistent. Along with that, the creative side of the story was consistent. I didn't notice any OOC moments or plot holes.
This whole section is getting very long, even by detailed review standards, so even though I can say more, let's narrow it down to the last two things.
For starters, the plot is great. Like the worldbuilding, the plot is clear and easy to follow while also adding intrigue where it is needed. The plot is tense and unpredictable, using a familiar genre to tell an interesting story elevated by the relatable and likable characters.
Also, the cover is so pretty. Normally I don't make many comments about a book's cover cause, y'know, don't judge a book by its cover, but I have to comment here. What is it with BTS fanfic writers and having BANGING covers??? This cover goes so hard, I love the font, I love the pictures, I love the aesthetics, and I love the text placement. Everything about it is so captivating.
Okok I know I said only two more things but I lied, I have a third thing real fast: your prologue is incredibly engaging. The very first word of the story hooks the reader in. You have a great hook that will keep readers engaged.
OKAY I'M DONE NOW I SWEAR-
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What Didn't Work:
My main suggestion is something I pointed out in my Eclipse Awards review: dialogue tags. As I mentioned earlier, it's easily the most common error I see. Like, the most common. If tense issues are in every two stories, dialogue tag issues are in every story. It's beyond rare for me to see authors do dialogue tags correctly. I believe I have seen three authors do them correctly out of the 80+ stories I have judged so far.
In the most recent chapter of Truth In A Masquerade, the tags are much better, but the punctuation and capitalization are off.
From the most recent chapter:
"Yeah, just trying to get over the last hearing." He said with a...
It should be:
"Yeah, just trying to get over the last hearing," he said with a...
The line before it is:
"Drowning in alcohol tonight, are we?" She asked.
It should be:
"Drowning in alcohol tonight, are we?" she asked.
Dialogue tags, unless they are a proper noun, always need to be lowercase. He said, she said, they said, etc. are all lowercase. Only proper nouns get capitalization.
A common case I see are authors who actually do the said part right, but the asked is almost always wrong. For example:
"Hey," he said. (Correct)
But they'll do this:
"Are you okay?" He asked. (Incorrect)
Even if the dialogue ends in something other than a comma, if you are using a tag, it must be lowercase (unless it is a proper noun).
The tag is a continuation of the sentence; it is not a new sentence, therefore it needs to be lowercase. If you're using a dialogue tag, the sentence cannot end with a period.
I actually have an example of the author doing a dialogue tag right. From chapter one:
"Correction," Iseul retorted, "you don't even know if she killed him."
That's correct. Comma is there, Iseul is capitalized cause names are proper nouns, the tag is in past tense like the rest of the story, and the continuation of the dialogue is formatted correctly. Author also does another correct tag in chapter seven, "No, keep up the drinks," Jungkook said. That's correct as well.
Lastly, I'll state it here again, but I'm pretty sure the author doesn't do it anymore (I didn't see it in the most recent chapter). In the beginning of the story, the author sometimes put the dialogue tag below the dialogue.
From chapter 1:
"No."
She said.
The tag should be next to the dialogue. "No," she said.
But again, I didn't see it in the most recent chapter, so I'm not going to linger on it.
I know this section looks like a lot, but I'm an over explainer. All of that explanation just for one suggestion 💀 I need help.
Yeah, that's literally my only suggestion, everything else grammatically and creatively is great.
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Summary:
- Engaging, thought-provoking characters
- Good pacing
- ✨Haunt Mode✨
- The worldbuilding is clear and intriguing
- Unique sentence structure and word choice
- Consistent tense
- Awesome cover
- Great hook
- Some dialogue tag issues
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Overall:
Truth In A Masquerade is an incredibly engaging story from the very first word. I was truly blown away by this narrative and the way the author writes. The writing style and characters are my two favorite things about it. I'm always busy with judging and my job, but I know I'll do everything I can to make time to read this story's future updates. I can't wait to see more from this author as they are so talented, I could see them actually publishing a book one day. I mean, heck, if they turn this story into an original I can see it getting picked up by a publisher. I work with many publishers for my job, and let me tell you, this story has what they're looking for: a great hook, chapters that aren't too long, good pacing, steaminess and intensity, and genre fic.
I hope this author keeps writing and publishes new stories soon, they have a bright future and deserve all the love and support in the world. Please go support this author and read this story! Even if you aren't into BTS, you can still enjoy this story and all the complexities of it!
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Thank you guys for your patience. Summer is the busiest time at work, especially July. Summer blockbusters exist in the book world too, so writers are in high demand. I just signed a contract with a publisher a couple days ago and got invites from four more, on top of my full-time job and side gigs with other clients. Life is beyond hectic right now and although I am grateful for my position, it definitely does make me too busy at times.
So yes, I will be doing more reviews soon. I'm picking up where I left off and I will be publishing more reviews for everyone, including the winners of the Taehyung and ships categories in the Eclipse Awards. For now, I'm going to prioritize the people who signed up for reviews since it's been a while since I've looked at the list.
Thank you again for your understanding. I'll be publishing more reviews today!