Dhruv dug the heels of his palm in his eyes to stop the burning. If he cried, he knew that he would not stop. It would all pour out, grief, anger, malice, greed. Everything that he had buried would pour out and he wouldn't be able to stop it.
The doctors had told them that Dhristhi had lost her baby. She was in her early stages. His eyes burned and his ears rang from that moment. He had blood on his hands, it's stench was unbearable, his mother's, his sister's blood stained him. He was disgusted by himself.
"It's all your fault! You bastard! You son of a whore! You should've never entered our lives again!" His father had grabbed his collar, shaking him and yet he felt nothing.
It was Khushi who got in between and pried his father say from him. "Don't! Don't! It's not his fault!"
"You're right! It's your fault! You whore!" His father slapped her and he saw her stumble. "You're the reason why my daughter's life is ruined, her wedding is off!"
That was when his dam broke! He lunged for his father and punched him. "HOW FUCKING DARE YOU! HOW! FUCKING! DARE! YOU!" He kicked him between each until the man was on the ground. Khushi was the one dragging him off. She wrapped her arms around him waist stopped him and he couldn't find the strength to push her off.
He stood panting and watched his father sit upright. His lip was busted open. "Mom died because of you! She killed herself because you hit her, your own wife! So how fucking dare you hit my wife?!" He wiped his mouth from the drool that dripped on the corner of his lips.
Dhruv grabbed her wrist and brought her to the forefront, "As if all that you did to her wasn't enough! I am paying for your sins! I always do! So how fucking dare you, Dhariya Kapadia! I wish it was you who died instead of mom! I wish!"
***
Khushi sat in the hotel room beside Dhruv. Her cheek smarted but yet the only thing that pained her was her chest. Dhruv had a faraway look his eyes and it seemed too dangerous to leave him alone.
She pressed the cotton swab to the cut on his temple and he looked at her with cold eyes.
"Khushi, why don't you fuck off?" He said emotionlessly, brushing her hand off.
It stung but she continued, she understood that the day had gotten from bad to worse and he was hurting inside, hence he was lashing out at her.
She cupped his jaw and he tried to shift his face but she held strong.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...." Her voice tore and her heart broke for him.
He looked at her like he was annoyed and he smiled, not his usual boyish smile but one which was full of hardness.
"Sorry for what? For betraying me? For killing me? Oh wait!" Then Kushi saw him stand up and throw his head back in laughter.
"Right. Nothing happened. Right? Yet, you lied to me for months." His laughter died down.
"It's true, that nothing happened but I was ready to. I was in a very bad place and I -"
"I don't care." He clapped his hands together and joined them together. "I don't care. I wish I gave a fuck about you right now but I don't." He said and she closed her eyes, and swallowed the lump in her throat.
"You're hurting and I know you don't mean that."
"No. Fuck you. I mean it! You think I'm this nice person. I'm not! Which is probably why you decided to skip your way to someone else!" He walked to her and bent down to meet her eyes.
"You're a nice person. You're just hurting."
He snorted bitterly. "I wish! I wish I was. But you're wrong again, sweetheart." He tilted her chin with his curled finger. She held his hand and he snatched it away, "Don't touch me!"
Her heart, she thought she had lost it, but it was very much beating in her chest, her heart sank.
"Don't you get it? Everything I touch, everything I love, dies. But you, my smart girl, my intelligent girl, you escaped. And what a fantastic excuse! Bravo!" He mock clapped.
"I didn't lie. Emotionally cheating is cheating too. I went into that hotel with full intent of sleeping with that guy and I couldn't open the door. I remembered you and I realised how horribly selfish I am."
"Wow, you didn't even enter the room. That's just hilarious. And you cursed me with thinking that you had, went in, let another man touch you. Do you-" He yelled and she flinched and he stopped.
"But you...Do you know how many nights I've lain awake because every time I closed my eyes, I could see someone else touching you?"
"That's what I am saying, Dhruv. It doesn't matter, I was going to do it!"
"BUT YOU DIDN'T! You didn't! You just made me think so because you wanted an excuse to end this marriage!"
She said nothing because it was true.
"And here, I thought like a fool that our marriage was perfect while you were unhappy with me."
Another half truth. She could say nothing.
He laughed again like a mad man. "Why didn't you tell me?!"
"How could I?" She swallowed the lump in her throat. "How could I?! When everywhere I went people told me how lucky was I to marry you? How could I when our marriage begun with lies? You married me for pity. You took care of my mom for years! I didn't even have time to visit her but you did, you visited her every Thursday until we had to pull the plug. You were so nice all the time!"
"You paid for my education. You paid for everything! How could I tell you? How unimportant and small I felt? I couldn't even tell you no for sex. I would not be in the mood yet I pushed myself through it because how else could I pay you back?"
He cringed at that. But he said nothing.
"I gave away and away until there was nothing left of me. Your kindness was suffocating. I couldn't be angry at the nicest husband on the planet. How could I?"
"I thought you loved me." He said in the faintest voice. I love you still. I love you forever. She thought.
"And, you loved me more. You loved me better. Another debt of yours on me."
She watched tears roll down his cheek and then he gasped painfully and he crumbled to his knees and wailed loudly. He wept like a child and she held him, her tears couldn't be held back too.
***
Dhruv felt lighter, like the smoke he blew out from the cigarette. He passed the cigarette stem towards her and she inhaled and blew out a puff of smoke.
"I didn't know you smoked." He croaked out. He hadn't cried that much in years. But it seemed like the control he had, burst out but now he was tired yet he felt catharsis.
"Med school stress."
He chuckled at that. Guilt picked at his chest. He had never known that she was unhappy. He was a bit angry at her but mostly at himself for being so blind.
"No matter what you think. I'm not nice." He stopped and took the cigarette from he and took a drag. "I'm not a good person. If I was, I wouldn't have asked you out to hurt your sister. I wouldn't have married you nor loved you. I held on because I'm not nice. I pretend to be nice."
He stared at the wallpaper on the wall opposite to him. "You know the last thing my mom said to me? She told me to be a good person and never become like my dad. And I realised today, how similiar I am to him. I pretend to be nice and kind while I shove all of this anger away. If I was really nice, I would be a stranger to anger. But I'm not." He clenched his jaw as he felt anger sweeping over him again.
He remembered the days he held his mom as she cried on his shoulder after her father had hit her. He would smile and soothe her. But in his heart, he was mad at her. He thought her weak and he wanted her to stop. Sometimes he even wished to escape, which was why he had come to that New Year's party with Viren years ago.
His mom called him and he remembered what she had said, till today, "I cannot, it's too difficult. Remember Dhruv, be a good person, don't become like you father."
The door bell rang and they both snapped their head towards it. He walked towards the door and opened it and he was surprised that it was police.
"Mr. Dhruv Kapadia, you have to come with us to the police station."
"Why? There's an arrest warrant out for you. For kidnapping a child."
"What? What child?" Khushi came to his side.
"The child you have. Rian?"
"What? No no."
"Mr. Dhruv you father has been in the force, I don't need to tell you that if you resist arrest, you'll make it worse."
"Alright, I'll come."
"I'm going to call dee." Khushi said taking out her phone.
***
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