Sorry, my babes, that updating took so long now! Buuut we worked hard so I can update more often again! I changed the cover, as you can see 😂 hope you like it as much as I do. After seeing this pic in my Overdrive album I just had to 😂
Anyway, enjoy the chapter.
Love you 🖤
~*~
Part 36: Secrets
"Make sure he gets enough rest!" Magnus says as he and Alec stand in front of the portal again. "The potion is strong, he might sleep a while!"
Exhausted from the events of the past two hours, Anya nods. Alec gives her one last compassionate smile before they step through the portal and the purple cloud disappears.
Anya looks down at Kyun's body. Is he able to get cold?
Without wasting another thought on this, she pulls the blood-soaked sheets away from underneath him and covers his half-naked body. Shaking, she stares at her arms and fingers. They're sticky with his blood and hers. She managed to wash off most of it while cleaning Kyun's chest but it still looks like a damn nightmare. But she's too weak to get up. She'll take care of this and the dirty sheets in the morning...
Still dizzy from the blood loss, she lays down next to Kyun and stares at his face. His beautiful, flawless face.
She's never seen him with his eyes closed. Has never seen him resting or sleeping. He looks so peaceful.
For a long moment, she thinks about everything that happened, and suddenly tears fill her eyes. Sobbing, she lets her hand glide over Kyun's cheek.
Despite knowing how creepy and inappropriate it is, she moves closer, wraps her arm carefully around his body, buries her face in his neck and cries against his skin.
"I was so scared for you. Don't do this to me ever again!" she weeps. "I... I know I have to live without you at some point. And I can manage that. But I can't stand the thought of you dying, you mean too much to me..."
He doesn't answer. Of course he doesn't. Anya only has the guts to say these words because she knows he can't hear them.
God, almost losing him made her so much more aware of how fucked she is. She's so deeply in love with him.
This will be her downfall, she knows this. Still, there's something inside of her that doesn't care. This part pushes away all the fear and devastation and only leaves space for the pure and deep feelings she has for this demon.
For a long time, she lays like this, her fingers tangled up in his hair as she inhales his scent and tries to calm her breathing.
Eventually, her tiredness overwhelms and before she even has the chance to crawl off of him, she drifts into sleep.
Kyun's eyes fly wide open and a sharp gasp escapes his throat. He tries to move his aching body, groans with every shift, the echo of the pain reverberating in his body.
He moves his tongue to moisten his dry mouth when he suddenly tastes the unmistakable flavor of Anya's blood on his tongue.
Within seconds last night's memories crash down on him.
His head snaps to the side and he finds Anya laying on his shoulder, her eyes closed, her neck and arm covered in dried maroon blood.
Kyun's pulse quickens and he shifts his body as panic spreads in his gut. But when he sees the movement of her shoulder in unison with her soft breaths, he releases a long, shaky exhale.
"Oh, thank god!" he breathes and lets his thumb glide over her cheek. Seeing her right now, seeing she's okay, is such a relief.
His eyes observe her soft, peaceful features as his hand slips from her cheek over her shoulder and down her arm. Carefully, he lifts her wrist from his chest and turns it.
Just like his body, her hand is still sticky from his blood... or probably hers. He gulps heavily when he spots the deep cut she gave herself to heal him. But even worse are the marks he left. Eight small dots around the cut where his teeth sank into her skin, when he was about to lose control, so aroused, so dazed from the taste of her blood. Marks he never meant to leave on her body—at least not like this.
The demon can't believe Anya did this. He could've easily killed her with his bloodlust, but she didn't care. She should've just let him die a miserable death but instead, she saved his life.
What the hell does she even see in him that makes her think risking her life to save his is worth it?
"You're so dumb, babygirl!" he whispers, his tone full of desperation as he leads her wrist to his lips and kisses her wounds tenderly, licks them softly, in the hope that another hit of his venom will make them disappear faster.
He stops, her wrist still in his hand, and turns his head again. Gulping, his eyes retrace the contours of her face, wander over the long lashes, the mole underneath her eye, the high cheekbones, and the full lips.
Anya looks so...
Beautiful.
The moment this thought crosses his mind, he drops her wrist on his chest and a sickening feeling rushes through his body.
Fuck!
Why is this the first word he thinks of? Is it because his human common sense tells him that she is? Or can he actually...see it?
What the fuck is happening to him?
Ever since that sunset in San Francisco, things feel different. So strange yet so familiar. Like reliving a memory after smelling a certain scent. Too indistinct to put together the pieces but clear enough for a few fragments to build up inside his mind.
This scares him more than he wants to admit. Tonight's events showed him why he should never have such a close relationship with his clients. Not only did he get distracted keeping Anya alive, he also put both of them in danger by doing so.
Kyun knows he has to get up, he has to leave her—for good if possible—just to make sure she's safe. But the urge to lay here next to her is so much stronger. He almost gets pulled by her, like gravity.
He wants to have a few more minutes, just a little more time to make sure she's safe before he leaves—and stays away for as long as possible.
His eyes fall back on her face and he watches her, his mouth dry. His bones are aching from the way he tenses his body to keep himself from touching her, pulling her closer, to keep himself from doing things she didn't consent to. He can't let his demonic self take over control again.
There are so many things on his mind, so many things he wants her to know but can't say. He's stuck in a loop, an endless spiral of thoughts, each one more confusing than the last.
But in the end, he knows, none of this matters anyway. Not the hows or the whys. All that matters is keeping her safe. And she's safest when she knows as little as possible.
For hours he watches her, listens to her soft breaths, and grins at her murmurs in her sleep.
Anya does that a lot. She actually has a tendency to call his name in her sleep. God, what a giant pain in his ass she's been over the past ten years. So often he got interrupted at deals or important meetings because she was calling his name without even knowing it. And his demonic self had no other choice but to appear. Most of the time he made sure to be invisible to her then; he didn't want to scare her in case she woke up.
And eventually, it became fun instead of a nuisance when she called him without meaning to. He actually found himself looking forward to it—despite how annoying it was. When she called, he always tried to disappear again quickly, resisting the urge to watch her sleep. His common sense, even after years of literal hell, is still there and he knows, even without Magnus teaching him, that watching people sleep is inappropriate and creepy.
But there were times he couldn't help it. Then he stood here at this very bed he's laying in now and watched Anya breathe. He could tell, even in her sleep, that her mouth was more used to fake smiles than true ones. He wondered if she called his name, making him appear, for him to see how lonely she was. How much she regretted her decision. But Kyun wasn't able to to pity her. And even if he could've felt all these things, it wasn't within his power to void the contract. So he gave her time instead.
Seeing her almost every night during those ten years deepened their relationship, whether he liked it or not. This sudden urge to protect her threw him off guard at first—he'd never cared about any of his clients like that. His protective instinct has only gotten worse over the past nine months and he would be lying if he said this didn't worry him. A relationship between humans and demons, no matter how innocent it seems, means danger. Tonight was the perfect proof of that.
Kyun knows that her weird habit of calling his name in her sleep is the reason he's still alive. But he can't help but think about what would've happened to Anya if they'd followed him, if they'd hurt her.
The demon has a lot of regrets in his life, but he refuses to add hurting her to his long list of sins.
Anya's body flinches awake. Her breath trembles from the nightmare she just had. Before any of her senses have the chance to begin working properly, she feels a touch on her cheek.
"Hush, babygirl! It was just a dream!"
When her eyes finally adjust to the darkness in her room, she notices that she's lying face to face with Kyun, his crimson eyes resting softly on hers.
"Kyun!" she breathes and lifts her head. "Are you alright?"
The demon returns her gaze for a long moment, then he nods. "Yeah!"
Abruptly, he sits up and turns his back on her and Anya rubs her heavy eyes.
"Where are you going?"
"I have to leave, babygirl..." His voice is low and raspy. He takes his blood-soaked shirt from the end of the bed and puts it on. She's not surprised at his behavior. It would've actually surprised her more if he would've ended up resting all day. Still, she doesn't like it.
"Kyun..." She sighs. "Don't you think you should get some rest?"
"I don't need rest!" he says and gets up. "Look, I'm fine!"
Indeed, his wounds have almost disappeared; only the remains of the blood Anya and Magnus weren't able to wash off properly leave any proof of what happened.
"Stop!" she cries when he starts to button up his shirt and she realizes that he's really planning to leave. "Are you for real? Where are you going?"
The demon tilts his head, smirking. "Take a shower and work? Don't worry about me!"
"Who did this to you?"
This question was burning in her head for the past hours and she just had to ask! If he wants to leave, fine, but she wants answers first.
Kyun grabs his jacket. "That's none of your business, babygirl!"
"Oh yes it is!" Startled, she kneels on the mattress. "When you show up here bleeding to death in the middle of the night it becomes my damn business!"
Kyun avoids her eyes. "Don't make a big deal out of it!" he mumbles.
Anya can't believe he said this. Again she feels tears filling her eyes. She's still so shocked about these events and almost losing him and so frustrated about his poor attempt to play it down now.
"A big deal?" she breathes. "Kyun, you almost died!"
The demon scoffs. "Please!"
Her jaw drops and she feels the heat spreading in her guts. She hates that he's treating her like a child. Like some random person he has to hide stuff from. A deep groan escapes her throat.
The moment this desperate sound fills the room, Kyun finally looks at her again. His eyes turn soft and she thinks she might even see a little worry in them.
Sighing, he takes a step closer and leans down to her on the mattress.
"I am alive because of you!" he whispers close to her face. "Thank you!"
His hand wraps around her throat gently, pulling her closer. Then he kisses her lips firmly. Without another word, he lets go of her and leaves.
"Wait!" She jumps out of bed and follows him out of the room. "Kyun, please—"
"Not now, babygirl, okay?" He glances over his shoulder at her.
What the fuck is going on here? What is he hiding?
"Changkyun..." she whines, unable to form a sentence or a question or a plea.
"Goodbye!"
With this word he disappears.
Sick with rage and confusion, she stares at the spot where he just stood, trying to understand. She's still so weak and tired that she has trouble keeping herself on her feet.
"Chang—" She stops herself.
Again, his other client crosses her mind. That other girl. Anya doesn't wanna call him against his will, doesn't want him to talk about her doomed soul with others the same way as he talks about this girl's soul with Anya.
He almost lost his life. And he isn't like her, who seeks shelter in the arms of someone else. He has his own ways of dealing with this. And she should respect that.
Maybe he just needs time...and a shower. He might come back to her!
But, asks a small but irrepressible voice inside her, what if he doesn't?
Gasping, Anya stands in the hot shower and watches the water, colored in a tender rose-tone from her swirling blood, run into the drain. She's so weak she doesn't even have the strength to cry. Even though she'd love to have any kind of outlet for the stress and the sheer desperation in her.
She's so worried. For months now Kyun has been her safe space, her shelter, her home. The one she goes to when she needs to feel safe. Anya hates that she can't be that person for him, that he'd rather run away from her than to her when things get out of control.
Control...
She wonders why he so vehemently refused to take her blood, why he was fighting her so much. Is this the reason he disappeared? Because he hates that she gave him her blood even though it saved his life?
Why is he leaving her in the dark?
This is so unfair.
After her shower, she changes the sheets. She has to wash them herself; she doesn't want Sylvia to see all the blood. Even though Anya knows her housekeeper never asks questions, it would scare her to death and she can't even blame her.
Again and again while she changes them she stops and listens. Every single sound, every crack makes her heart throb just like it did on that night nine months ago when her time was up. The only difference now is that she wants nothing more than to see Kyun's face and he just won't show up.
And there's something inside of her that tells her that she probably won't see him in the next few days. There was something in his eyes. So much regret. Does he regret taking her blood? Does he regret losing control?
Does he regret...her?
And if he does, what is he going to do about it?
As the sun rises, Anya crawls back into bed, buries herself under her sheets, and falls back to sleep.
She sleeps for a long time.
So long.
Until the sound of the doorbell rips her out of her rest. Her eyes shoot open and she listens. Again the bell rings. Shortly after this a soft knock on the door makes her hold her breath.
"Gorgeous, it's me!" Joo's voice echoes through the door. "Are you there?"
Fuck!
She stumbles out of bed, yanks on her robe, and runs to the door. It seems like Joo was just about to knock another time because his jaw drops, surprised at the abrupt disappearance of the door.
The sunlight outside the door makes her squint her eyes shut. With the blackout blinds in her bedroom, it's nighttime 24/7.
"Holy!" he gasps. "Are you okay?"
She really doesn't wanna know what she looks like right now. "Yeah, I'm... I'm okay..." she lies. "What-what are you doing here?"
The words came out harsher than she meant them to and they seem to make Joo nervous. "I'm so sorry! I was just... I mean, I tried to reach you, we were supposed to meet today at my studio and then you didn't answer your phone and after your breakdown last night I was—"
"Fuck, I'm sorry!" she interrupts him. She completely forgot about him. "I just had... I had a rough night. And I didn't check my phone..."
They look at each other. Then he smiles softly. "Okay...I just wanted to check. Sorry for disturbing you! Just call me when you...wanna meet again!"
He's just about to turn and leave when she grabs his arm.
"Please don't go!" she hears herself saying. She's just so desperate for someone, anyone, to hold her. Joo stops and looks at her, his brows furrowed.
Without another word, she takes a step closer, buries her face in his shoulder and wraps her arms around him. For a moment, she feels his body tensing under her touch, but then he returns the hug tightly. The moment he does so, she begins to weep.
"It's okay, gorgeous!" he whispers into her ear and lets his hand run over her back. "I can stay if you want me to..."
Joo stays. He stays the rest of the day and the whole night. He doesn't pressure Anya to talk, he's just there, giving her the comfort she's yearning so much for. He lets her cry without asking questions. And she feels so safe to do so. He doesn't judge her, doesn't look at her as if she's lost her mind.
Even when she has the guts to admit that this is about Changkyun—the dude that has been so disrespectful toward Joo—he doesn't instantly talk her out of him. Instead, he listens, tries to help her find reasons for his behavior and what he, as a guy, thinks Kyun's hiding could mean.
Of course they come to no actual solution, but talking about it definitely helps. Even though Anya has to conceal a lot of information.
Late in the evening Joo leaves after offering to pick her up the next day to keep on working in his studio. She's grateful for him and his distraction.
But the second she's alone, she feels hopelessness sinking her heart again.