Brutal Bonding by pinkenme
Whole Pakcage Deal
First of all,I have to say...I loved the fact that you ended the blurb with a question "What lengths will it take for their brutal bond to break?" It's extremely well thought out because the title is literally Brutal Bonding which is short, intriguing and matches with the blurb that gives us a lot of information as to why you chose that title. So great job with that! Moreover, I found the lengthy blurb perfect and suitable for this thriller. I always find the short and direct ones more exciting because it gives us less details and more questions. But, you managed to keep it direct without leaving a lot of details and only describing the background of Wren Mayfield and the conflict that's going to move the plot forward. I'm already intrigued by the plot itself because it's original. Based on how you wrote the blurb I'm sure this will become a great book when completed.
As I read the prologue, I liked how you kept it short but I would like to see a little bit of changes regarding the opening scene. You opened the scene with the sentence, "A competitive swimmer was found dead in a pool of water." Now, I think that is not enough of a good sentence to create this long - lasting impact on readers. We only know that the swimmer is competitive but I don't see how that can impact the story, how he is related to others in the book or even why he matters. However, the sentence after that that you wrote was, "Warner Hartfelt's death was well - deserved." Now, I believe that is a good opening. It gives us a name of the person as well as that the narrator thinks his death was "well - deserved" which gives the readers to question why as well as how it led to the narrator to feel that way.
This is just an example of how I would write the opening:
Warner Hartfelt's death was well - reserved.
He was a competitive swimmer found dead in a pool of water and yet it wasn't an act of revenge that led to his demise.
It was karma....
In my opinion, this is a much better and efficient way to write it and with just a switch of the order of a couple of sentences you'll have a perfect start. Otherwise, the prologue was nicely written.
After reading chapter 1 and 2 I gotta say I'm impressed. The way you write your characters is amazing. Each of them have their own personality and I find it mindblowing how you managed to describe each one so well in just 2 chapters.
Wren's personality can open a door to good character development too. From what I can see, Wren thinks her legacy defines her and if written right, as the book progresses, we can see her change and think of herself as her own person with her own qualities that aren't absorbed in her legacy. I find the Hartfelt brothers so mysterious especially after reading the prologue and already love them. It really leaves readers wondering where it all went wrong.
Your descriptions and quotes, and generally everything so far in this book is planned out perfectly which is a good base for starting this book strong. The plot in itself is fabolous and because of your writing style, which I love, I'm giving you an offer to do read for a read - if you would like! Just keep writing and it will only get better, I can't wait to see where your story goes❤️