Cool droplets of water, like little beads of dew hanging onto blades of grass on a misty morning, cling to my lashes as I stand before the bathroom mirror. My face is a picture of shock, the colour seeming to drain from it as I stare back at my reflection. My eyes are wide, larger than usual, and appear almost haunted. I look as though I've just seen a ghost, and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as my mind races to make sense of everything.
A sudden image of Jaeyun pops into my head, and it's like a switch has been flipped, illuminating the darkest corners of my mind. In my mind's eye, he stands before me in all his angelic beauty, his eyes locking with mine in an intense gaze. The way he said my name, in a breathless whisper, was enough to make all the butterflies in the world migrate to my stomach, fluttering nervously as if on air currents.
But as quickly as the butterflies arrive, they explode in a cacophony of wings and confusion, accompanied by a horrific realisation. I had said the wrong name back to him. Jaeyun's name had slipped out of my lips instead of Sunghoon's.
I splash more water onto my face without any concern about whether or not my white shirt gets soaked. All I can think about is erasing the image of Jaeyun from my mind. His face, like an exquisite work of art, is embedded in my memory, and it feels like nothing can erase it. I turn off the tap, a sense of trepidation fills the air, and my gaze meets that of my reflection in the mirror.
I use the sleeves of my blazer to gently pat away any remaining droplets of water on my face. I think of Sunghoon and how his presence alone effortlessly uplifts my mood, stirring a warmth in my chest that radiates out to every fibre of my being.
Memories flood my mind, memories of quiet moments shared with Sunghoon. I think of how he can make me laugh with ease and how he never fails to make my heart skip a beat, even when doing something as small as holding my hand. My thoughts drift towards the beginning of our relationship, where we exchanged cute and playful gifts and secret messages to one another.
However, despite all of that, I find my thoughts circling back towards Jaeyun.
Instinctively, my fingers rise to softly graze my lips, reliving the momentary bliss that the vision kiss had brought upon me. The memory engulfs me in a bittersweet wave, and for a fleeting second, I am transported to a place where his lips are still pressed against mine. But as quickly as the thought of his lips pressing against mine crosses my mind, a sharp pang of pain grips my heart with an iron grip, choking me mercilessly.
Breathless and dizzy, I crouch down to my knees, my hand reaching for the sink to steady myself. My other hand clutches at my chest, as if in an attempt to stop the unforgiving rhythm of my beating heart. My hands tremble, and my throat feels like it's closing up. Every breath is a struggle, and this pain ... this pain consumes me. It's as if the weight of the world is bearing down on me, and I can't escape from it.
I close my eyes tightly, trying to regain my composure, but the agony I'm going through is akin to the feeling of slowly dying.
What's happening to me?