"Ugh! Stress! It's been two weeks since the school year started but I'm already stress!"
Aya started to rant again when our last class finally over.I'm already first year law student.My father wanted me to take a law so that our family will have a lawyer for business.
Hindi na ako nakipag-argue pa because he will still forced me to go in law school even though it's against on my will. Also, hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang gusto kong kuhanin kung sakali.
I don't know my passion, my skills tho I can do anything.I'm good with everything that's why it's hard to know something I want to be.
Well, why am I still thinking about this tho? It's really good for me rin to not know what I want to be because I know, I will never get that and it will just hurt me in the end.
"....especially Attorney. Xynir! She always called me for recitation! Like, I am the only student she has in her class!"she rant again while frowning."She even have the rights to humiliate me in front of our block mates?! The audacity!?"
I chuckled because Miss.Xynir scolded her when she gave a false statement."She was just correcting you because your answer was wrong."
"No! She's doing this on purpose.I know it."she stopped walking and pulled my shoulder to make me looked at her serious face."Look, Ana was wrong, too earlier but what did she do?"
I frowned."She gave her grade—"
"Exactly! But, when it comes to me? She kept asking me a question! " she looks annoyed kaya hindi ko maiwasang matawa."Don't laugh at me! I'm stating the facts here that even about the solar system, she will ask about that!"
"But she didn't."I smiled as I pulled away from her grasp."Let's go, Aya."
We started to walked again but she's still ranting about Attorney. Xynir.This is our routine everytime we have a class on her.
Well, she's right naman and I noticed that, too.Noong una, we thought it was just a normal recitation but noong katagalan we noticed that there's something's wrong.Hindi naman ganito 'yung ibang professor namin even Miss.Xynir, hindi ganito ang trato niya sa ibang studyante.
Well, if Attorney. Xynir treated them like this ay baka kiligin pa sila.She's just one of the hot and young professor here in the university. Most of the students and professors adores her.
Paano ko nalaman? She has a fanpage on Facebook na mayroong thousands of members.We also saw how some her co-workers tried to flirt her but she ignored it.
Why? Because she is already married.
The reason din why Aya hates her because she's already married na raw but yet, she's still going out with her co-workers na guy.
I don't get her.May kasama naman silang iba kapag lumalabas pero pinagpipilitan pa rin niyang date raw 'yon.
"She's really annoying! I really hate her!"my friend Aya, still not over with that attorney."I want to punch her face! What a fucker—"
"Cursing is not allowed here, Miss.Dela vega."
We both stunned when we heard that cold voice behind us.We still here inside of the university.
I mentally slapped my forehead because I know that voice!
God, we're doomed.
Si Aya rin ang unang natauhan at kaagad na gumuhit 'yung inis sa mukha niya bago humarap sa taong nasa likuran namin.
I sighed heavily as I turned around.There's a war will be happen again for sure.
"Would you please mind your own business?"Aya said, annoyed.
Attorney. Xynir remained her emotionless face."I want to remind you that I'm your professor, Miss."
"We're not in the class."Aya crossed her arms at maattitude na tinignan si Attorney."And besides, I'm already fed up with your game!"
"But this is what you want."
My brows furrowed in confusion as I looked at them.What are they talking about? Aya glared at her but the attorney remained her rest face.
"This is not what I meant! You're making things difficult!"
"You want the student-professor relationship, right? I'm just giving that to you."
"Uh, wait."I stopped Aya when she was about to rebat again.She glared at me that's why I couldn't help but to gulp."Uh, I think I should go.You guys can talk privately.."
"No.We will leave together."madiing saad ni Aya at tatalikod na sana when Attorney suddenly held her arm."Let me go!"
"We're not done talking, Phraya."she pulled Aya closer to her."We will talk now."
"But—"
"No buts."
I blinked multiple times when they started to walked away and leave me here dumbfounded.What the hell is happening right now? Aya looks flushed when Attorney. Xynir called her whole name.
There's really something going on between them! It's not about recitation anymore, they're arguing about something!
"Hey, my love..."
I got back on my senses when someone suddenly held my hand causing me to stopped from walking.
Now ko lang na-realize that I'm already outside of the university.
"James.."I called his name as a small smile drawn on my lips."What are you doing here?"
James Hicesky.He's my boyfriend for two months.He courted and chased me for two years.
The first time I met him was when we had a business meeting. After our business meeting ended and handed it to my sister, I was shock when he suddenly called me after few days.
At first, I found it weird because that's my personal number.Only my friends and family know that but, he just said that he has ways.
Doon na rin nagsimula na mag-usap, lumabas, hanggang sa umabot sa ligawan at sagutin ko siya.I didn't know what to do at first because that was my first time.I always rejected every guy who wanted to ask me out before.
But he's so understanding and took everything slowly.He said that it's my first time so, he was being gentle on me.
So, I can't blamed myself from falling with this man.
Tho, I was still wondering why I let him to come in my life.Is that because, I'm comfortable with him? Or because I feel lonely and just wanted to lean on someone?
I was lost these past few years because of what happened.When they chose to left me alone, to suffer alone, to fight alone.I really need someone I can lean on that time until James came up in my life.He didn't give up on me when I rejected him multiple times until I didn't realize that I started to open up myself for him.
I let him to come inside my life, let him to know everything about my past, my dramas about life, those things I went through.And he didn't even complain or judge me and instead, he embrace all those things wholeheartedly.
That was the time I realized that I was already in love with this person.
"Hey, are you okay?"he asked when I was just staring at his pretty face."Any problem? Hm?"
"You're so gorgeous."I seriously said to make him chuckled.
He really has this aura to make him look friendly and kind.His face is angelic and has a body to die for.
That's why I don't understand why all of the people e ako ang pinili niya.He can pull anyone he wanted. He's rich, kind, handsome, so perfect for me.
He's so good para mapunta sa akin.
He held both of my cheeks as he stared at me deeply.I really love his touch, so warm.
"I thought, there's something's wrong."he said, still smiling."Have you already eaten? We can grab a food."
"Wait, I'm still asking you about what are you doing here?"I pouted when he pinched my right cheeks."Ouch! It hurts.."
He just chuckled."I went here because I want to be with you, Eva.You know, I always missed you."
My face flushed when he winked at me.He also can give me a different emotions na sa kaniya ko lang naramdaman.Those butterflies on my stomach every time he did this on me.
"Stop giving me a punch lines."I averted my gaze when he grinned."Let's go! I'm hungry."
"Ah-hah! Let's go, my love."he held my hand as he guided me towards his sports car.
That night, we went on the fancy restaurant as we talked about life.He told everything about what's happening in his life.He's already working as a business man.
He can settled with someone na but he said that he can wait for me to graduate.He doesn't have to do that but he still insisted to marry me after my graduation.
Well, I want to marry him too so, I let him to decide although, my original plan is to enjoy my life after graduation but... I don't want him to wait any longer.
I don't want to lost him.I can do anything for him to stay by my side.
As the time passed by, I got busier than usual. We have a lot of readings and cases that I have to finish.To the point I forgot to eat and sleep sometimes.
"Hey, sweety." James' whispered on my ear as he wrapped his arms around my body."That's enough.Time to eat."
"Later."I said as I wrote something on the paper."Let me go.It's hard to write when you're hugging me."
I was sitting on my swivel chair and he was just hugging my body from behind.
"You don't want me to hug you anymore?"there's a sadness on his tone."You're always busy.."
"What are you talking about? Of course, I love it but—"
"Then, put your pen down and come with me.I missed you so bad, baby."
I sighed when he planted a small kisses on my neck.I have to finish these readings because for sure, gigisain nanaman kami tomorrow.
"James, stop it.I'm studying."I tried to avoid his kisses but his grips tightened as he sucked my neck."I said, stop!"
I started to feel annoyed when he didn't stop and just continued kissing my neck.I don't have a choice but kumawala at itulak siya palayo sa akin.
"What's your problem?!"he shouted, annoyed nang makalayo ako sa kaniya.
I stood up and glared at him."I already said stop because I'm studying but, you're not listening!"
"Studying again."he clicked his tongue in annoyance."You don't even have a time for me."
"God, we already talked about this, James."I said calmly."I gave my whole time every sunday, right? Isn't enough for you?"
"It is but there's something else I want from you.."his face became soft."I always understand you, Eva but, I have needs and desire that you can't fulfill and give to your boyfriend."
I scoffed in disbelief when I got his point.
Here we are again.
"Is it about sex again?"I shook my head in disbelief when he became silent."I already told you that I'm not ready—"
"But I want you! Why can't you give that?"he massaged his temple as he sighed heavily."Be honest, do you love me?"
"Of course, I do."I held his cheek as I stared him sincerely."I do love you, James."
"Then, give me what I want."he seriously said as he stared at me deeply."If you really love me, you'd give what I need."
Napaawang 'yung labi ko at hindi makapaniwalang tumitig sa kaniya.
"Are you for real?"I put my hands down as I stepped back."I.. Uh, I don't want to do it with you if it's against on my will."
"You will like it, trust me."he held my hand as he smiled at me softly."I'll take you in heaven."
I shut my eyes off when he's started to kissed my neck again.I put my hands on his shoulder when he pinned me against the wall.
"James.."I groaned in hurt when he bit my neck roughly."W-Wait.."
I tried to push him when he started to caress my left thigh.He kissed my lips to shut me up when I was about to protests. I don't have a choice but to kissed him back.
He smiled because of that.
"James..wait.."I pushed him lightly when I felt his hand inside of my shirt."Stop... Wait—stop it—"
"Bullshit!"he finally let me go when I pushed him so hard."What the fuck is wrong with you!?"
I bit my lower lip because he looked mad."I-I.. I can't.."
"Fuck your reason! All you have to do is let me and just moan in pleasure! Why can't you do that!?"he was gritting his teeth as he kicked my chair."You're getting on my nerves. If you don't want to do it then, fine!"
I got alarmed when he turned around.I tried to stop him from leaving but he just pushed me so hard causing me to sit on the floor.
I groaned mentally because I can feel the pain on my hips.I turned my gaze on him when he suddenly stop.
I thought he'd help me but he just shook his head as he leave me alone on my unit.I bit my lower lip as I started to tear up when I felt a pang on my heart.
He left even though he knows I'm in pain.
I wiped my tears as I tried to stand up.It really hurts dumagdag pa 'yung sakit na nararamdaman ko dahil sa pag-iwan niya sa akin.
Although, I can't blame him because it's my fault why he's behaving like that in the first place.
If I just give what he wants then, maybe we're still okay.
I tried to contact him but he's not answering my phone calls even the messages. I decided to gave him a time to think because I know, he's still mad at me.
But one week has passed and I was still not get any messages from him.When my last class is finally over, I immediately stand up and walked towards the door.
"H—Eva!"Aya called me but I just waved my hand and started to walked again.
James was on my mind now.I need to see him.I'm also worried because what if there's something happened on him?
I immediately went on his penthouse while still calling his number.When I was already in front of his door, I immediately knocked it.Hindi niya binigay sa akin ang password ng kaniyang penthouse.He said that it's his personal space and I respect that.
My brows furrowed when I didn't receive any response from him neither answering my calls.
I was about to knock again when the door suddenly opened.
Kaagad bumungad sa akin ang hubo't hubad na katawan ni James na tanging boxer lang ang suot.His hair was messy at medyo pawisan din siya.There's a sweat on his forehead and his chest na medyo may pula-pula pa sa bandang gitna.
Kaagad namang gumuhit 'yung gulat sa mukha niya at mukhang hindi niya ako inaasahang pupunta rito.
"Uh."he looks tensed. "W-What are you doing here?"
I stand properly."I just want to—"
"What took you so long—oh, hi!"
I was stunned when a beautiful woman suddenly came up and wrapped her hands around James' arms afterwards.She's smiling so widely while looking at me.
Habang ako ay napatitig ng matagal sa mga kamay na nakapulupot sa braso ni James. Natauhan lang ako nang tanggalin ni James ang pagkakahawak sa kaniya nong babae.
"Don't mind her, Eva.She loves to flirt around."James said as he stepped in just to held my chin causing me to looked at his angelic face.He smiled the moment our eyes met."I was aking you, what are you doing here?"
"Who is she?"I asked instead, ignoring his question."What is she doing here on your unit with y-your.. With wearing your c-clothes."
I bit my lower lip when my voice broke.Lumambot naman 'yung mukha niya at pagkatapos ay inutusan niya 'yung babae na umalis na, na kaagad naman niyang sinunod nang tignan siya ni James ng matagal.
He looked at me again when the woman finally leave us alone.
"It's not what you think it is, hm? I can't do that to you."he caressed my cheeks as he smiled softly."She's my friend from USA and also my business partner.We were just talking when suddenly the rains poured and we got caught.She got wets that's why I asked her to come on my penthouse to change her dress using mine."
"R-Really?"I shut my eyes off when he wiped the tears on my eyes."You're not lying, right?"
"Why would I do that? I can't cheat.I am so in love with you, Eva.You're the only person I want."he pinched my cheeks as he chuckled."Now, let's dropped that topic. I want to know, why are you here?"
I slowly encircled my arms around his waist as I pouted."I want to say sorry about last time."
"Uh, I already forgive you."he smiled sadly."I understand if you don't trust and love me that much—"
"What are you talking about? I love and I trust you so much, James."I leaned my head against on his chest."You're the only person I treasured the most, James."
He hugged me back as he kissed my temple."I know, I'm sorry..."
I shut my eyes off as I let myself to drown on the warmth of his body against mine.I'm really comfortable with him.He's my rest buddy..
But now... I formed my hand into fist because I could smell the scent of that woman on James' body.
Oh, god.. I should trust him...
Or should I?
After that day, napansin kong may nagbago sa pakikitungo sa akin ni James.He was always busy.We barely meet because he was always in meeting or out of town.
Hindi na rin niya ako hinahatid-sundo katulad ng ginagawa niya dati.Minsan na lang din kami lumabas para mamasyal at kumain sa labas.
Tho, I understand him dahil pati ako ay busy din sa studies.We have different lives and priorities but sometimes, I couldn't help myself na magtampo sa kaniya.
Because I know, may nagbago sa relasyon namin.
"Are you going somewhere?"Aya asked me as we walked in the hallway.
I looked at her as a sweet smile drawn on my lips."I'm going to James' penthouse.Today is our anniversary."
These past few months din ay palaging ako ang nag-eeffort tuwing monthsarry namin.Sometimes, he forgot our monthsarry so, I had to remind him.
He's busy, that's why.
Ilang beses niya rin akong hindi sinipot whenever we had a date but I understood him.He reasoned, he has a meeting and that's okay.
I don't want to control him.Matagal niya akong inintindi kaya ganoon din ang gagawin ko sa kaniya.
I was humming a song while walking towards his unit.I also bought his favorite cake and wine.I smiled as I stopped from walking when I already in front of his door.
Today I decided to give myself to him.
Baka roon ay bumalik ang dating kami.Bumalik si James.
I was about to knocked when I noticed the door was slightly opened.My brows furrowed as I pushed the door para mabuksan ito ng tuloyan.
Kunot noong naglakad ako papasok pero napatigil din nang makita ang mga nakakalat na damit sa sahig.I bit my lower lip as I started to feel nervous.
I immediately shook my head to shove those thoughts on my head.Hindi niya magagawa 'yon
Napatigil ako nang makarinig ng mga mahihinang daing.I looked at the James' room where the groaned came from.
My hands were trembling as I walked towards the door.
No... He can't do that thing.He promised.I should trust him.
As my heavy breathe, I pushed the door to opened it na kaagad ko ring pinagsisihan.
My mouth dropped as my tears started to flow down.Parang dinudurog ang puso ko sa mga nakikita.
It seems like... They're enjoying their moment.
They were... Having sex.
Hindi ko rin namalayan na nabitawan ko na pala ang mga dala dahilan para bumagsak iyon sa sahig.Kaagad naman silang natigilan at gulat na lumingon sa gawi ko.
"E-Eva.."James called my name at kaagad na humiwalay sa babaeng kanina lang ay pinapaligaya niya."Eva, my love.."
"W-What..."I don't know what to say.I can't move.I was just watching them to put their dresses on.
When James already put his pajama, he immediately walked towards my way pero hindi pa niya ako nahahawakan ay kaagad nang tumama ang palad ko sa mukha niya.
They were both looked shock but I don't care.My emotion started to eat me up.I could feel the range, pain, disgust on my whole being.
So, this is the reason why he's acting cold? Is that because he was... He was cheating on me.
"H-How could you..."my lips were trembling in so muck shock.I stepped back when he was about to hold me."Don't you ever touch me again! You cheater!"
His face softened."Eva, let me explain—"
"Explain? For what?"I chuckled bitterly."You cheated.You fuck other woman—"
"I only did that because you can't give what I need!"he reasoned."I have needs and desire, Eva but you can't fulfill that!"
"So, that was my fault now?"I gasped in disbelief."That was your choice, James! To cheat on me, to betrayed me!"
"Do you think I could do that if you just give what I want?!"he covered his face in frustration and there's a sadness on his tone."I love you so damn much, Eva, but you gave me a reason to do this to you! You made me feel like I'm not worthy of trust..."
I stepped back as I shook my head in disbelief. Paano niya nagagawang sisihin ako sa kasalanang nagawa niya?
"How could you..."I couldn't find my words.I froze on my spot when he put his hands down and looked at me with his tired eyes."You—T-That wasn't my fault—"
"All of this was your fault, Eva."he stared at me with disappointment."I'm not even surprised why everyone you love leaves you. It's tiring to understand and love you, Eva."
I lost it.
I was stunned as the past came back in my mind. How Zoe left without saying goodbye, how Talia died that I blamed myself for a long time because I chose work over them.
Maybe... Maybe It's really tiring and difficult to understand and love me so all the people I love, leave me.
Also, the reason why James did this to me because it's my fault.
Nagkulang ako.
"We should end this."nabalik ako sa reyalidad nang magsalita ulit siya."This relationship won't work anymore."
I open my mouth to say something pero walang salitang lumalabas.Patuloy pa rin ang sakit na dumadaloy sa buong pagkatao ko habang nakatingin sa taong akala ko ay hindi ako sasaktan.
To the person who built me in the times when I was broken...
Pero ganoon lang din niya ako kadaling sinira.
He hurt and destroyed me so perfectly.