In The Sunset Where We Met.
Chapter 21: In My Little Mind. Overwhelming Sincerity.
29/08/22
Winning an award on her own and stepping into the scenario without her three sisters' presence was just so weird.
And she doesn't mean it in a bad way, it was just weird. It felt weird to be nominated alone, it felt weird not having shared the nerves and being the only one anxious, it felt weird going up the stage alone, it felt weird having to do the speech, and it felt weird having to thank them.
It's not that she hasn't thought about that before but just now she realizes that they didn't usually congratulate each other. Because they were a team. It was the four of them carrying a flag in their representation that sometimes thinking that they were four different individuals seemed a somewhat distant thought.
Happiness and gratitude for her loved ones blossomed once again in her heart, just like it always did since she chose this path. The ones who were there from the beginning, the ones who joined in the way, and the ones who she will meet in the future. All those people were in her head at the moment, every one of them who trusted her and supported her through thick and thin, in the storms and in the rainbow that later came.
But there was also another feeling making its appearance, and when she realized what it was, she was surprised by not having noticed it before.
Pride.
Pride for herself...
Anyone would say that for a girl like her, someone who always knew what she wanted in life and who believed in herself to make all those dreams come true, feeling proud would be something easy. Something usual.
And yes, she was proud of everything she has overcome. But feeling proud for being a solo artist would never cross her mind before.
Becoming part of the band, she was willing to leave her whole heart there, and the thought of being a singer and performer by herself slowly faded away in her mind as the years went on.
When the opportunity arrived at her, saying "Okay, cool. It'll be fun, I can do it" felt right. Her nerves didn't shoot up to a level counterproductive to her performance despite there being a little tickle nagging about there. But she could not completely ignore that old internal desire that was reborn little by little when, what she once imagined impossible, was taking place before her eyes.
The words that a knower stranger told her in distant reality, in one of their so many nights together, echoed at the back of her mind:
"The fact that you didn't write a song doesn't mean you're untalented, or fake, that you don't put your whole efforts there, and that the song doesn't belong to you. Trust me, there's nothing wrong about it."
She didn't expect to feel this way but she was proud of herself. Of her achievements and the hard work she put into it. And nobody could take that out of her.
01/09/22
Tokyo, Japan.
"Do you barely know who you're meeting?"
The black-haired unnie looked around, silently avoiding the question for a minute.
"Mhmm... No?" She frowned down Lisa's accusing look. "Not at all! Don't look at me that way!"
"I didn't say anything."
"You did internally. Listen, memorizing Japanese names isn't the easiest thing."
Jisoo picked up a Kitty sock that had been left on the floor for some strange reason, before laying face down on the bed.
"Oh, my God, I love this bed more than everything else in my life."
Lisa laughed.
"Yeah... I feel you, unnie," she agreed, heading to her bathroom to brush her teeth. "Such a pity that we can't stay a whole lifetime in them."
"I was okay until you remembered me that."
Tragic life.
Honestly, everything they wanted to do now was lay in their beds and sleep forever as much as they could. The VMAs had taken their all energy, not even counting the flights, and their previous rehearsals for the tour. They had stopped for now, but once they put a foot in Korea, they'll begin again.
"Do you care if I sleep here?"
She looked at her unnie with surprise. Jisoo was asking her for real to sleep together?
"Are you okay, unnie?" She even touched her forehead to check it out. "You don't have a fever."
"I don't really have time to bicker back at you, nor energy, nor desire. Ugh, just let me sleep here! I am too tired to stand up."
And all of that, she murmured it with her eyes closed.
"Okay, okay, relax! I get it," she laughed, putting the lights off and kicking the slippers away to join the bed too. It was big enough for them to don't be uncomfortable.
It was no secret Jisoo liked her own space.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. Have a goodnight."
"You too..."
The bedroom was filled in silence and closing her eyes above the pillow was like a blessing for Lisa. It felt like the most beautiful thing in the world, and she assured that she would fall into a deep coma if it wasn't because the elder's voice kept her awake.
"Lisa?"
"Yeah?"
She heard the girl stir a little, but she really didn't think she had made much of an effort. Jisoo was too tired to think about anything other than rest.
"I am very proud of you... For the award, and for deciding to trust in yourself even when there were doubts everywhere... I am very happy that the world got to see your shine."
Her heart fluttered at the words coming from one of the most important people in her life. Words could never put how grateful she had always been that Jisoo joined her path.
"Thank you, unnie... You will make me cry!"
"Nah~ Don't waste energy on that, please."
"You're right, let's sleep better."
"Uhum, tomorrow is a long and tiring day. Another one."
"What day is today even? I'm lost."
"Uh...," Jisoo put to work her only brain cells left, even when it was late and their shift was already over. "August thirty-one? Oh, wait, it's past midnight, so it's September first. Now, if you don't care, I'll close my eyes and sleep. Goodnight, Lalisa."
She laughed for the last time, aware that whatever she said after that wouldn't be heard.
"Goodnight, Jisoo-nie."
The dimly lit room was plunged into silence as a sigh came from the lips of the now black-haired girl. A thoughtful expression reflects on her face while she lays her head on the pillow. However, her eyes remained open as her mind fell into today's date. That shared day months ago felt like yesterday... and now it was his turn.
Her eyelids slowly descended, and her mind was immersed in memories. Even when Japan was covered in humidity by the hot weather, those memories brought her back in time, making her whole body feel the warmth and beauty of the past spring in the sunset where they met.
Her eyes widened, and her brows raised in surprise when he appeared again in front of her.
What...? Really?
She felt her cheeks heating up, looking at him dumbfounded. Did he really?
He was smiling happily, but the part that got her so surprised and that was blowing her mind off was the fact that he had a yellow cake in his head, with a birthday candy in the middle.
"You-"
"Happy twenty-fifth birthday, Lili."
It was his time now.
"Happy twenty-fifth birthday, John."
And her mind finally shut down, escaping to that reality where she always felt the fullest.
South Korea.
"Hey, Jungkook-ah, I'm sorry I didn't take my things!"
A laugh escaped the mouth of the younger boy. Sincerely, he expected him to come back.
"Okay!"
"Masks are important these days!"
"Masks? Yeah..."
"And my hat, I need to wear a mask and a hat since I'm a celebrity."
"That's right..."
...
"Hey! Don't come out, go inside, Happy birthday!"
"Thank you, thank you."
"Go inside! Happy birthday, Jungkook!"
"Okaaay, thank you..."
"Jungkook, be a pro when doing vlive."
"OKay, bye!"
"I love you!"
"I love you too, hyung."
Sincere giggles came out of his mouth as he observes the weird way his hyung decorated his birthday cake. The smile on his face not wanting to fade.
Jin came today.
And he wasn't the only one. Aside from the one hundred calls coming from friends, and his members, Hoseok and Jimin visited him earlier too. Something about his day having been filled with good wishes coming from the important people in his life had maintained him with a sincere smile and with gratitude exploding inside his chest. He felt loved. His birthday was just another day of his life, but the fact that others greeted him in such a way showed him how important he was to others.
And all of that culminated in a visit from their eldest hyung, that noisy guy who would always stand out among them. He didn't know if he does it on purpose or not, but Jin little seemed to care how others would see him. He also didn't know if he was conscious of how much his soul shines, of how much he makes others laugh, no matter what kind of situation they were in. But the truth was that Jungkook was and he will always be deeply thankful for that. For over ten years, he has been there. Joking. About himself, about them, about life. It didn't matter how, Jin always managed to take a smile out of him.
And behind all of that, behind all the silly no sense fights and endless bickering each other that ended up in both cackling until choking, there was a person who loved him and who would always be there for him.
Suddenly, in the loneliness of his apartment, with the vlive turned off, the sudden silence began to feel gloomy compared to what a livid day he'd had.
Reality hit.
He would leave.
All of them would leave.
"Changes don't have to be a bad thing. If things wouldn't change, life wouldn't move and we'd always stay the same. Isn't that what we said? Life goes on...,"
Nam Joon's once-said words echoed his mind, and a tear escaped his right eye at the same time.
Changes.
A simple word... Yet it could mean so much.
He doesn't remember when it was that time stopped, and there are moments when he doesn't even remember how it all started. The classes he took when he was just a teenager felt so so far away.
And somewhere..., in the middle of that way, he got lost.
He got lost because since the beginning he didn't know what he got into. Following the path for which your heart beats is something so pure as a child, but reality hits hard when one day you just wake up and you realize you're not that child anymore. Not externally. You don't do what you love because your soul demands it but because life does.
The innocence is gone, your surroundings change, your mind and body do too. You're not a kid anymore because while you were forgetting you were one, the world kept turning and you couldn't see it.
And one day you just wake up, you look back, and ask what was that happened along this time. Was I there? Was I there for real or was it just... a dream?
Where have I been but not there?
Time goes on, life goes on... But accepting it isn't something calming to the heart.
Nostalgia could hit harder than you think.
The world kept turning, people kept walking... And right now, he feels like the only one left behind.
In the middle of doing nothing, just lying on a sofa watching TV, the mail under his door caught his eye, probably because the TV show was already kind of boring, and it's not like every day an almost golden envelope arrives to you.
It looks like Willy Wonka's golden ticket.
He ignored that thought, already having a hunch about who might really be coming. He knew a person who had those unusual details in mind. Always.
"Ahh, let's see!" he sat down crossed-legged, and Bam, as always when he did this, approached him to sniff around too. "It's not for you, my friend."
But it is for me.
Dear birthday boy, hi!
Today I have so many wishes for you...
I'd wish you nothing but happiness. Whatever happiness is for you, I hope you have it.
And I am repeating my words all over again. I'm sorry, I'm not good with them.
But I'm good at giving presents!
But for that to happen I should see you, don't you think?
Are you busy?
I hope you aren't.
Because I'm down... Hurry up!
-With love, Lisa.
"What?"
To his side, Bam barked as if he knew what was happening. He didn't answer, it's not his fault the dog doesn't know human language.
"She's crazy, right? She must be."
And without thinking about it too much, he told himself it would be time to leave the lazy life aside (not like he had any other option, she was taking him out basically).
"Down like what though? In the entrance? With this weather?" He murmured, putting on a pair of shoes as well as the biggest hoddie he could find. He was in a hurry just thinking that the girl could be getting cold.
Bam made a proper doggy sound, turning his head to the side as his owner watched his reflection in the mirror, combing the strands of his hair under his woolen cap.
"Okay, I think that's fine...," he backed down nodding towards his reflex with approvement. A quick glance was thrown at Bam before he open the door, with his phone, and his car key in hand. "I'll be right back...," he frowned. "Or not..."
Bam tilted his head once more. Jungkook sighed and strode over to crouch down level with the not-so-little dog of his.
"You just go sleep. Have fun, alright?" He kissed the top of his head, ruffling his hair. "Daddy has to go see a friend. A beautiful friend."
At the entrance to the building, the girl was waiting patiently, leaning against the wall. Her foot made soft movements on the tile, her gaze lost there, and her hands were hidden inside the large jacket.
At this time, there was hardly anyone around. The building, by itself, was already quite private, and with just a few lights on, it made her feel small for a moment. In the midst of such silence, the hasty footsteps approaching made her take her eyes off the ground. She turned to the side just as the tall, black-robed figure peered out.
A smile broke into her face, of those that reached the corners of her face and her eyes. She looked with amusement at how Jungkook searched for her to no avail.
"To your right, silly!"
He turned his body around, a lock of his still-growing hair falling in the vision of his eyes.
For some reason, his gaze took some time in finding her, but when he did, a small smile was put on his face too.
It's been some time...
Lisa patiently observed how he approached with vague steps until being in front of her.
"You're here," his sweet voice murmured.
She felt losing herself in the familiarity of hearing him. It was a month with almost no contact and just some vague texts here and there.
"Yes, I am..."
He lowered his gaze, looking somehow nervous as his hands reached into the pockets of his hoodie. She frowned but nonetheless, the smile and the happiness of seeing him after so long did not fade.
"Was this the wrong time to come?"
He raised up his head in a fast movement, his eyebrows raised up yet he maintained the silence for a short time.
"No... No, no, not at all. I'm happy of seeing you."
Was he?
He seemed happy to see her... yeah, he did. But something was missing in him.
Something she couldn't see was happening.
"Can I give you a hug then?"
His eyes looked at hers again and she felt like this time was for real. He tilted his head to the side and looked at her with a surprising fragility in what his lip was caught in his teeth as a surrender gesture.
He nodded, almost pleadingly.
And that was everything she needed to gently approach and hug him, wrapping his neck with her arms and letting him feel the warmth only she could bring him.
She felt moved when he didn't respond at the beginning, but after a few seconds, his arms tightly surrounded her waist. A sigh left his mouth, his body seemed to relax, and her shoulders were soon burdened by the weight of his head.
Thoughts that she's been having in mind lately aboard her suddenly. Something about the intensity she's been living this last month made her overwhelmed. The comfort in his arms made her step ground once again, and remember that little big thing she had outside the cameras.
It's been only a month yet she now realizes and understands how much she was needing him.
And judging from the way he was letting himself be with her, he did too.
She caressed his back and his neck, a part of her knew he needed it, and left a loving kiss on his shoulder before breaking apart to see his face.
The guy seemed reluctant to let go though, his body went stiff when she tried to, however, he still pulled apart not looking the happiest. His hands stayed on her waist and Lisa chuckled, still with a hand on his neck and the other one sliding toward his cheek.
"Better?"
Jungkook closed his eyes, leaning on the touch of the girl's warm hand on his skin.
"There's no thing to be better about," he opened his eyes. "But thank you."
"You can play the denial card," assured him by hanging from his neck until their noses collided. He looked at her through his eyelashes. "But..."
"But?"
She raised his hand, touching the side of his eyes.
"They look sad," her eyes pierced his. "Jungkook, are you okay?"
A simple question that unleashed so many emotions.
What even was being okay?
So many times that he thought he was fine, and others when he thought he wasn't. And still, right now, he didn't feel in any of those ways. It's not that he was not okay, or that he was... But that he sometimes felt like he just wasn't anywhere in particular.
In front of that girl who, not even trying, one day broke the monotony he was living in.
The world was beautiful..., but it became even more beautiful with someone beside to appreciate it.
Because they see it from the same perspective. In that cinema, they share the same seat.
He wanted to break down in tears at that moment.
Her warm smile that gives him all the trust to do it.
However, it wasn't that what he did.
Instead, he just swallowed everything he was feeling and smiled at her through the overwhelming emotions eating him the night of September 02.
"I am okay... I just missed you."
Lisa observed him quietly for long seconds before finally nodding.
"I missed you too."
His arms pulled her back in another hug.
"You did?"
"And you have no idea how much," she with the sincerity in her heart admitted.
A sincerity that was missing from him..., and he hoped she wouldn't realize.
But she knew better.
You can't share your heart, and expose your vulnerability like they've been doing and not spot when feelings stop being sincere.
But could come later, because now, they only knew how much they needed each other.
AHHHH, BUENAS ❤️
it hasn't been that long this time, right? ;)
I actually have been planning updating this whole week but turns out I HAVE A LIFE (I never thought that possible) annndddd I have to leave writing in the last of my to-do list. I updated Last Fantasy though, but that's because that story flows like water. I feel like I don't even need to try to write that, and instead, to write this I have to do re-search and I am a little more perfectionist too. hihi.
AND! this chapter was supposed to be longer... I wanted to include more things but I had two options: Keep writing and enlarging the delay or split it and try to bring the new chapter soon.
I feel like I didn't want to bombard you all with so many information in just one chapter so I decided to split it in two, but I still have work to do in the other part.
I liked this one so much, and I like the next one even more (I think). But I'll shut my mouth rn because I can't keep myself away from the spoiler. LOL
One more thing, what I said in the last update about the 10 chapters left it's just an understimating. I don't really know how many chapters are left, I just know we're getting closer to the ending :)
As always, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the love. For fucking real, thank you for supporting this ❤️
And I hope you're having a good day!!!! I hope you dream on Liskook tonight. Lol.
(I don't promise but I'll try to bring you the next chapter very soon!)
GOODNIGHT ❤️ (don't blame me, it's 11:00 pm in Argentina) 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
V.