Cévon P.O.V
I pulled up to the store with Itrez in the front seat. He needed to grab some shit so I offered to take him since he was already at my place. I just wanted to get away for my he crib today. I've been inside for about 4 days now besides when I made a couple of moves for OG. I sighed as he got outta the car and walked up to the store.
I've been very agitated these past couple of days. After his birthday and is having sex that was the last time o talked to him. He's been calling me and texting me and even pulled out to my house, but I haven't responded. That comment he made really rubbed me the wrong way and I felt mad uncomfortable after. I just wanted to stay to my self, but I still needed to get money so that's the only Tim wi left the crib. I know it's wrong to ignore him because toy he average eye what he did wasn't that serious, but those words hit me differently. I felt weird already and just wanted to be up under him cause it was my first time and then he makes fun of me for it? I won't be clingy no more. Like why would you say that to me after my first time with you? I don't know why he would joke around like that. I know I duck with him, but he said it himself and it was my first time so of course I wanted to chill with him. He lowkey hurt my feelings.
Imma just stay to myself. It was a joke to him but not to me. I know how girls get when they get dick for the first time and Im not tryna be like that. I'm already getting fucked and now I'm about to become one of the most annoying people ever. The delusional clingers. When he said that it's like that high wore off and I really looked at what just happened.
I really let a grown ass man fuck me, stick his dick down my throat, eat my ass, and nut in me! Yet it was the best feeling ever being with him like that. I'm not saying that I regret him fucking me, it's just that everything smacked me at once when he said that and it made me feel a type of way.
I don't even know how to explain what I'm feeling right now, but I'm feeling it.
I have a boyfriend and we had sex. Like how is that real for me?
I can't lie and say I didn't miss him, but I felt weird about being around him or even talking to him right now. Maybe I wasn't ready, but wanted to be so I forced myself. Or maybe I was ready, but now I'm scared to face him. It's like that awkward morning after phase when you slept with a random person. Only difference is he's not a random, he's my boyfriend, and I love him. Just saying that shít doesn't even sound right any more.
I really don't think I'm gay. I only like him, but now I'm starting to feel weirded out by the way I act around him and how he just lets me do whatever I wanted to him. I'm not used to this shit at all. So yea I ran away. From the love, the intimacy, my feelings for him, everything. I see now this wasn't just me being mad about what he said to me, it's about the whole relationship. I'm overwhelmed and when he said that it's really like something clicked in me. I wanted to go back to how I was with females to not run them off. Play nonchalant and rude and send them about their day so they can't hurt you first.
He's not them though and I know that yet I still ran from everything. I really wanted to be up under him and in his face, but I don't wanna annoy him and I feel like a big part of that WAS because he fucked me like he said.
I'm battling my sexuality again and this time my mind is winning. I don't think imma win.
Damn, that shít lowkey really hurt my feelings.
My phone went off again making me decline it knowing it was him again.
From "Cordell,":
I'll leave you alone...
I'm sorry.
I felt my face get hot and a frog in my throat making me take a deep breath before looking at Itrez who was walking back to the car.
"Brother man you good? You been tripping these past few days and where brother man in law at?" He asked me as I shrugged.
"I think I wanna be single or something. I don't know if I can do the whole gay relationship shit. I feel weird," I told him honestly as I started driving back to my spot.
"Was the sex that bad?" He asked me as I shook my head.
"It was like...perfect," I told him as he looked at me confused.
"So the sex is perfect, he's a good looking dude, he seems real nice and shit, he makes you happy, you love the nigga and he loves you, yet you ghosting him? Care to go into detail? I know you not worried about how other people feel or are looking at you right?" He asked me as I nodded my head.
"I am the other people gang. He made a joke after we were done basically that made me feel a way and all these mixed feelings about everything came back. I don't know what to do. I really wanna see him, but at the same time I don't. I don't regret fucking him, but I just wish I could turn these thoughts off," I told him as he sighed.
"What are you feeling?" He asked me as I sighed.
"I'm feeling weird about myself like when I look at me I don't know who I am anymore. I've never been with no nigga or am doing of this shit, I've never been treating kind like that and sweet and been touched like that or anything. No intimacy shít at all so I guess after he made his comment I just ran for no fucking reason. I don't wanna be clingy or in his face like some nigga or dick obsessed fiend cause I'm not. He's better than me anyway though so it wouldn't be har-,"
"Nigga now be for real, if he showed up at yo house right now saying he was breaking up with you whatchu gone do?" He asked me as I sighed. "Think about it too, the nigga that damn near make you feel like living, the nigga you love and takes care of you, the one who made you feel like a different person in bed, the one who made yo face hurt from smiling...,"
"I would prolly cry," I told him seriously. "Like I can't lose another person I love like that," I told him without hesitating.
"So your problem is with yourself only right? You just internally battling shít? You not even mad at him for saying what he said right?" He questioned.
"I mean him saying it is what triggered me, but no I don't even think I'm honestly mad at him. It's me not him," I told him as he looked at me.
"Then why you taking it out on him?" He asked me making me grow quiet and pull into my drive way. "Look I gotta go take TaTa to the doctors ok? We finding out the gender and shit. Our picnic is in three days. I better see brother man in law there and y'all be acting gay as fuck with each other my nigga. Don't let yo insecurities and bad thoughts ruin this for you. He's good for you man. I've never seen you this happy. You deserve happiness too nigga. I'll be back later after the appointment cause I don't think you need to be alone right now going through all this. I love you Cévon. Real shit. See you,"
"I love you too," I replied as he hugged me before getting out and walking over to TaTa goofily. I can have that. Shit I did, but I allowed myself to push him away. Ruining shit.
Damn.
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I groaned holding my dick in my hand stroking it quickly as I stared cumming while jamming my fingers into me.
"Oh fuck. Shiiiit," I moaned loudly not stopping even after I came. I repeatedly fucked myself with my fingers thinking about Cordell doing it for me. I sighed as the hood feeling still fucking myself at a fast past hoping to get another nut. I kept going feeling myself clench around my fingers as a loud squelching noise sounded letting me know that I was...yaknow...creaming.
Who the fuck have I become?
"C-Cordell," I moaned as started beating my dick again closing my eyes in hope to picture him doing it for me. "Yesss nigga,"
I started cumming again quickly arching as it landed on my chest and stomach.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit," I gasped using both of my hands to to squeeze that nut out. Fuck I needed that shit.
I laid there for a second before getting up and cleaning myself off in my bathroom. Once I was done I got dressed and decided to lay on my couch and chill. I can't lie. I was kinda tired now.
I closed my eyes getting comfy and decided to take a little nap. Nothing too crazy...
...
I opened my eyes yawning looking around the room seeing that I was in an all grey room with black and white accessories. I sat up confused before rubbing my eyes and getting out of the bed. I stretched putting my feet into some slides and walked to the window looking out of the room. What the fuck is this? I gotta be dreaming.
I walked out of the room and made my way downstairs looking around at the different pictures and furniture and shít. Pictures of...Cordell and I? I saw a black silhouette standing out side of some glass doors standing on a deck with a beach and ocean in front of it. I slowly walked to the doors and opened them up hearing the guy laughing.
"Finally up huh?" I heard making me walk closer to it. The body started to fill out with color and features making me smile once I saw who it was.
"C-Cordell? Where are we? How did I get here and I thought you would be mad at me for ghosting you," I spoke as he shook his head.
"Are you feeling ok my baby? This is our house...you know our beach house that we bought years ago. And you're here because you live here with me. I'm not mad about that anymore since it was years ago and you haven't done it since. Besides how could I stay mad at my husband?" He spoke chuckling before kissing me.
"H-Husband?" I asked him shocked and confused. He looked down at my hand making me look down at it and go wide eyed. "When did we get married?"
"Maybe I should take you to the hospital Cev, we got married 2 years ago right here on our beach front. You don't remember? What's going on with you?" He asked me as I sighed sitting down in a chair.
"I really married you?" I asked him quietly as he nodded his head.
"Yes...I asked you and you immediately said yes and then we had our wedding here. Just us. You don't remember my baby? Did you hit yo head or something?" He asked me as I sighed looking up at him.
"I think I'm dreaming Cordell. I don't think this is real. Not saying I wouldn't ever marry you, it's just that I was just sleep on my couch and now I'm here with you and we're married. Like was that all a dream and this so real or...," I spoke rubbing my face making him walk over to me and squatted down in front of me.
"This so real baby. You know what else is real? You ghosting me for a fucking week like the dumb bitch you are,"he spoke with a smile making me look at him shocked. "I don't see how I ever loved you. No call no text no nothing. You know I hate you now right? Hoe I've always hated you! Always! You thought shít would be sweet once you hit me back up and I would forget. No fuck that and fuck you! You belong with yo brother,"
"B-But Cordell. I d-,"
"I-I-I, fuck you. I hope you rot in hell with yo brother," he spoke before turning around and then looking back at me before firing two shots into my chest making me drop and hold onto it as I cried while slowly dying.
"Never fuck with a King. I've been waiting to kill you," he spoke before getting on top of me choking me as I tried to breath.
"Please!" I yelled sitting up holding my throat and feeling around my chest as I looked around the room. I was sitting on my couch in my house and it was dark out now. I sighed breathing heavy before sitting back on my couch.
I can't call him now...he's already gonna be so mad at me what if he really does kill me? Why have a dream like that? It must be a sign or something. What is wrong with me? I miss that nigga so much yet now I'm actually scared to face him after ignoring him for 4 days. What the fuck am I going to do now?
I heard a knock on my front door making me grow quiet and slowly get up grabbing my strap that I had in my couch. I walked to the door and looked through the peephole seeing Nori standing there with a smile. I sighed before opening the door and letting her in.
"I have news Cev!" She yelled excitedly as I was still low key panicking from that fucked up ass dream.
"What?" I asked her sitting down making her look at me concerned.
"What's wrong?" She asked me as I shook my head.
"Nothing. I just had a bad dream. Wassup?" I asked her sitting back down on the couch looking at her.
"What was yo dream about?" She asked me as I shook my head.
"I don't wanna talk about it girl. Just tell me what you gotta tell bro," I spoke annoyed as she rolled her eyes mocking me. I don't feel like being pried today.
"Anyway...my girlfriend and I are moving to New York! She got a really good job there paying crazy ass money and she has to move so I'm going with my love!" She told me making me sigh.
"You leaving Nori?" I asked her as her smile left her face.
"Well yea Cev. I love her and I really wanna be in a different environment. I'm gonna come visit and shít all the time, but I really love her and she asked me to move in with her there and I said yes. I love her with all my heart and she's supposed to my wife one day. I can't let her leave me Cev. I love you and Itrez and I promise I'll come back whenever I can to visit or maybe you guys can come out there to visit," she told me as I dragged my hand down my face.
"Who am k supposed to vent to now and protect? How imma protect you if you not here Nori? You my little sister and I love you man. You can't break the trio," I spoke as she pouted.
"I'm not brother I promise you can still call me and imma always answer you. Just don't you forget about me cause I'm never gone for about you," she spoke making me nod my head.
"You really grew up on me man. You moving away and shit. How can I forget you? Don't you forget about me when you get around them New York niggas. When you leaving Nori," I spoke as she smiled at me.
"Before the year is over," she told me nervous as I sighed again.
"Fuck Nori. So I only got about two more months with you?" I asked her as she gave me a nervous smile.
"Don't think of it like that. Let's just make the most of it ok? We're gonna have our picnic in a few days and then we can hang out and shít before I go," she spoke making me nod my head. I guess.
Just another person leaving me, but if she's happy then that's all that matters honestly.
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Shorter chapter. Next one is coming soon😁