ELIZA
Elijah had forced me to return home once it hit nine, I'm sure he would have done the same to Ezra, but Ezra had left the moment I had come, and I hadn't seen him since. I was too emotionally exhausted to be looking for him, so I let him have his time alone.
In all honesty, my mind was radio silent, the events that had progressed today had played on repeat from the moment I entered the hospital.
Where did it all start crumbling?
Perhaps the strong foundation i had built was all just an illusion my mind was feeding into me. A fake safety net so I don't dwell too much on what's wrong with my life. I seemed to be good at avoiding,
I approach the front steps, my hand in Jaspers palms and there was a calm silence between us.
"Zayn." My voice did not waver, and look back at the steps and notice his bag on the ground, he's been here for a while, "What are you doing here?"
His lips part, and I could feel the clogs turning in his mind, "You left so quickly, I just wanted to see if you're alright."
His words make me halt. Was he toying with my emotions? One moment he cares for me, the next he calls me an idiot for trusting, and now? Now, he's here to check up on me.
I realise instantly that he was a horrible liar. He was saying something different to what his mind was thinking. He was sat here, outside of my house for hours, when there was no guarantee that I would even come back home.
For someone who doesn't care, he sure was worried about me.
"I'm fine." I give a short reply.
He nods slowly, and begins his descent down the stairs.
Ego is a funny thing, we give it so much value in our lives, when it is the reason for the most of our heartaches. It's the biggest buildup to a great downfall.
Do I feed into it?
Just as he walks past me and Jasper, I speak up, "Jasper is about to leave, why don't you leave with him?"
I can feel Japser's hard gaze on me as Zayn stiffens before me.
I am aware of the atmosphere I create, something thick and heavy, and a tense silence to fill the gap between the two.
I feel Jaspers hand tighten around my wrist, a warning telling me to stop whatever I was planning.
I look to meet Jasper's eyes, "Do you mind giving him a ride? He must be tired from waiting."
Jasper's reply is hard, "I do mind."
"Well can you suck it up for a few minutes and drop him home, it's late."
In turn Jasper simply stared at me, there's a viscous glint in his eyes, one I haven't seen in a while.
"It's fine, I've go-" Jasper begins, before I cut him off.
"No, it's not fine, you guys are brothers, blood or not. This- This shouldn't be how you treat each.other. There's not enough time in the world for that."
Zayn speaks up,"Look, I don't know what your trying to achieve here, but your saviour complex won't change anything between me and him. Whats happened between us won't change, and no bullshit apology will ever make up for it."
"Zayn I'm doing this because I care for the both of you, I really do. I know I don't need to explain the feeling of loosing someone to either of you, becasue you know it very well. Why would you choose to loose the family you have when what you have is so little?"
It angers me how easily they shun each other, how easy it is for them to pretend the other doesn't exist. Even though they know each others pain the best.
"My dad is dead, and my mum is in hospital after a heart attack, it took me this long to realise how important people are in your life, family or not. And if you guys are alright with throwing that away because of the rift you father created, and you won't even try to make amends, then you two do not deserve each other."
I release the hand that was in Jaspers clasp, and move back to to door, "You decide if you want to keep it loose what you have."
Jasper hold my gaze, I can tell he's not too happy with where I've taken this, but I know he knows there is reason to my words. Which is why he decided to keep quiet.
He gives me one more meaningful look, one I am not able to interpret, before he moves forwards and walks past Zayn.
Before he opens his car door, he speaks up, "If you want to leave with me, get it now, because I'm going home."
Content fills my lungs, and I release the breath I have been holding. Jasper was changing. His stubborn and cold mind was slowly melting away, and he was finally becoming the real him.
I give him a small smile, as I watch the two of them climb into his car.
-
Closing the door behind me I notice the eerie silence the house carried. The blind were still open, although it was dark, and no lights were on.
I frown as I run upstairs, I assumed Ezra had come home considering he wasn't present at the hospital. This feeling was all too familiar, the dark hallways, the eerie silence the house held and the feeling of dread sinking in my stomach.
It was like the night I found Ezra lying unconscious on the bathroom floor.
My heart picks up and my breath becomes more shallow, and once again for the millionth time today, my head plays the familiar beat of pain. I force myself to stand deathly still in front of the bathroom door, my hand hovering just a few millimetres above the handle. My chest caves in and out.
I wish my life could return to normality. To before my dad's death, when everything bad could be chased away by my parents. Because now, there was no-one for me, no-one to comfort me and tell me that if I open this door, there will only be a toilet, a bathtub and a sink, nothing more.
And certainly not the sickly pale body of my brother, my twin, decorated and adorned with many puncture wounds on his arms.
I feel a weight bearing down on me as my breath becomes heavier, and my mind hollow.
Would it be better if I avoided this altogether? I could feign ignorance and walk straight to my room. But the thought he mere anxiety eating away at me makes more nauseous.
Before I could make a decision, The handle of the door turns downs and it is yanked backwards, revealing Ezra. His hair was wet, and there was a towel hanging around his neck. A look of confusion washes his face as he watches me regain my breath.
I look away, whilst taking a few steps back, I didn't think I could make eye contact with him after all the thoughts that had sprinted through my mind.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I instantly the lack of energy in his voice, there was something sad to his tone. Almost like he didn't want to speak to me, like he too was drained.
"Eliza."
I look up, despite the thumping in my chest. His eyes are red and the skin around is puffy.
"What's going on?" His eyes search my own for answers, but my expression is left blank.
"Nothing," I shake my head, taking a heavy breath in, " Wanna tell me what's going on with you?"
His pupils contract, and his head shifts to the left, "Nothing."
-
I return to school despite the events that had occurred in the past few days, I wasn't feeling better, but my mum was, and that's all that matters.
She had been discharged and all I was going to do was put on a smile and act as though I hadn't almost thought about relapsing into my old self. At least that way I can fool myself and the others around me.
I roll the carpet beneath my feet, waiting for Jasper in the same room we made out in just a few weeks ago. My fingers play with the cotton in my pockets, feeling the old material as they run around in circles.
I hadn't really talked to him since that night I forced him to go home with Jasper. I had messaged him a few times, but they were never returned. All I could think about was how I had messed up my relationship with him by forcing something on him that he clearly did not want. And talking to him was not an option either, he never came to school yesterday and I was too preoccupied with my mum and work during to weekend to visit him.
I only knew he as going to be here today was because he had told me this morning during break to meet here. I just pray he doesn't break up with me.
The only thought that slightly calms my racing heart was how calm Zayn had been, despite his confession of hatred. Surely Jasper wouldn't leave me because of this.
The door opens, and I glance up, watching as he draws near to me. My hands clench around the gloves in my pocket, hoping they provide some sort of power to keep me standing. My head is bent downwards, I wasn't sure if I could meet his eyes, not the they were filled with tears.
Within less than a second, an arm wraps around my head and another around my back, brining my head closer to the sound of another beat. His chest was warm, and this hug felt safe. Like nothing could tear him away from me or separate us from each other.
I feel the slow drop of my tears, trailing down my cheeks and off my chin. Then another, and another. They keep falling until I can't hold them back any further, and the cries escape from my lips.
I will never take for granted the feeling of being able to rely on someone.
"Hey, it's ok." He whispers, his hand slowly rubbing my back as I continue to weep, "I'm here."
His whispers travel through me and the feeling of dread vanishes.
A few long moments pass before I am able to push myself away from him slightly, and regain composure.
"What happened Ellie?" He asks, his hands loosely placed on my shoulders, he peers down, hoping to catch a glimpse of my emotions.
I clear my throat, and swallow the lump, "Nothing, I've just been overwhelmed recently."
He sighs and nods his head, "Do you want to talk about it?"
I shake my head, and let a beat pass before I ask him the question that was waiting to leap out of me, "Are you not mad at me?"
"Mad at you?" He asks, the sound of his voice perplexed, "For what?"
"I thought you were mad because I made you talk to Zayn the other day. I think I overstepped my boundaries, I'm so sorry."
He grabs my head one more time, and pulls me in, wrapping both arms around my neck, "I could never be mad at you Ellie, in fact I am so glad you made me do that last week, I realised a few things I wouldn't have know if you hadn't forced us."
"The why didn't you message me back?" I ask, dragging my head up, "I kept waiting."
He bites the inside of is cheeks as he remains silent, the furrow of his eyebrows tell me that he's having an internal battle with himself, what was he hiding from me?
"Actually, I-" He looks away, "My dad sent some of his men after me that day."
Instantly I panic, the last time this happened, he came to my house with multiple bruises. My eyes travel across his face and down his body, and he shifts his stance.
"I'm not hurt, don't worry. But, he's ordered for me to return to America."
My head snaps back up, "What?" I whisper in disbelief, "What do you mean?"
"He wants me back now."
My head falls forwards slightly, "Are you... going?"
"No." He replies firmly, "I've got one reason to stay and none to leave."
"But he's your fa-"
"You matter more to me. I can't just leave you here."
__ __ __
Hey guys,
It's been a while! 😅
I hope all of you readers are doing well!
I've started university! So I've just been overwhelmed with work, and I assume it will be like that for a while. I am trying my best to fit writing the rest of this story around my schedule, and now that I have properly settled in I hope I make more frequent updates.
No promises though ;)
Anyway I hope you have enjoyed this chapter!
Lots of Love,
Elle x