Emery Rose
I'm going to murder him.
For the past two hours, my thumbs had become marathon runners, sprinting across the keyboard to send a flurry of texts into the void. The silence that greeted me was a cruel reminder that Justin had chosen not to answer. Once again.
With a huff of annoyance, I glared at my phone, half expecting it to miraculously yield a reply from my stupid boyfriend that seemed to be lost in a black hole of unanswered text messages. But as I toggled the screen on and off, the empty inbox stared back at me mockingly, offering no solace or explanation for Justin's absence.
Resolute in my decision, I set a countdown in my mind—if he didn't respond within the next five minutes, I would follow through on my threat to replace his picture on my lock screen with that of my faithful orange cat, Joey.
I bet Joey wouldn't leave me hanging like this.
As I stood outside the cafeteria waiting for Justin to pick me up as he promised, my body shivered when a cold breeze hits me and I immediately pulled the sleeves of my pink jacket down to my hands, seeking a little bit of warmth.
I leaned against the wall with my gazed upwards, my eyes looking at the sky. The weather, which had been radiant just an hour ago, had taken a sharp turn. Dark clouds gathered overhead, casting shadows on the once sunny streets.
With a tired yawn escaping my lips, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief that my shift at Ella's place had finally come to an end. Don't get me wrong, I truly adored working there—the hustle and bustle of the café, the satisfaction of serving delicious food, and the interactions with friendly customers all brought me joy. But there were moments when the entitled attitudes of certain patrons tested my patience and resilience, leaving me exhausted both mentally and physically.
I almost threw a plate at a Karen that yelled at me because her milkshake was too cold for her sensitive teeth.
Despite the Karens, there was a certain satisfaction in serving up a perfect cup of coffee and the steady flow of regular customers often brightened the long hours on my feet. However, today had been particularly draining, and I was yearning for the comfort of my home, take a shower and get ready to go out with Justin who I love dearly...
But with every passing minute, my love for Justin transforms into an overwhelming urge to grab him by the throat and kill him for his silence.
There was still no sign of him and my mind started to imagined all the possibilities why he isn't answering: Did he fell asleep after his football practice? Had he lost his phone? Was he abducted by aliens? Or worse, did he forgot about me and is out with his friends?
Deep down, I knew it was because he was with his teammates. I knew his patterns, the way he got swept up in the moment, forgetting about the plans we had made.
Justin has a tendency to choose his teammates over me, leaving me feeling unimportant and leading us into an argument. It's like I become invisible in his mind whenever his friends were around..
I understand that he has a life outside of our romance, but there's moments I feel neglected and lonely in the relationship. Justin would occasionally disappeared, not answering his phone for hours, or he would make plans with me and then cancel last minute to hang out with his friends...
He promised he wouldn't leave me hanging n this particular day.
I was anticipating this date for weeks now, excited to go on this beautiful Italian restaurant where he asked me to be his girlfriend 6 months ago. I can still remember how nervous he was that night, his eyes filled with hope and love... I just couldn't understand this shift on Justin's behavior.
Once a loving and caring boyfriend, seemingly head over heels for me, he had transformed into a real-life magician, disappearing when I least expected it.
Reflecting on the situation, I questioned whether my expectations were too high.
Being new to the experience of being someone's girlfriend, I was cautious not to come across as possessive... But I couldn't believe he would leave me hanging like this. Again.
He wouldn't. Not today... right?
Lost in my thoughts, I was jolted back to reality by a sudden hand on my shoulder. A high-pitched squeal escaped my lips as my heart raced in my chest. Instinct took over, and without a second thought, I swung my fist in defense, connecting solidly with the arm of the person behind me.
"Ouch!"
My eyes widened in horror when I realized I just punched my coworker, Olivia, who had just finished her work shift.
"Oh, my god! I'm sorry! I thought you were a murderer" I quickly said, my voice with genuine concern as I gets closer to my coworker who's still recovering from the sudden attack.
It wouldn't be the first time. At least this time I didn't punched her on the nose.
It isn't that I'm an aggressive person by nature -I think- but I get easily startled, causing my arms to swing in defense and hitting those around me. Olivia should know better than to sneak up on me.
Olivia also goes to the same school as me. Despite working together for 7 months now, we have never strike up a conversation at school. We crossed path occasionally, exchanging a friendly wave and a polite smile, but that was it.
It was like we were strangers at school hours when we actually have endless conversations at the cafeteria, and these informal exchanges often earned us disapproving glances from our grumpy boss.
Olivia chuckled through the pain, clutching her arm. "You watch too many crime shows," she teased, pausing before adding, "Damn, that was quite a punch. You're getting better."
"Are you oka- wait, really?" My smile widened, a burst of unexpected pride welling up.
Late-night shifts meant I often walked home alone, making me feel uneasy. Concerned for my safety, I started searching some self defense videos on YouTube and learning various moves that could help me protect myself just in case a serial killer gets any ideas. Seems like they're paying off...
If I cut my hair, I could easily become the less hot, but certainly less deceased, version of Black Widow.
"What are you still doing here? Wasn't your boyfriend going to pick you up?" Olivia asked, scrunching her brows as she keeps rubbing her arm.
I dropped my smile, hesitating for a moment, unsure what to say. Olivia wasn't shy to voiced her disapproval whenever she heard the name Justin Thompson, letting me know she wasn't a fan of him.
I mentally scolded myself for constantly sharing my relationship problems with Olivia. Because of that, Olivia couldn't seemed to stand him.
Now that I think about it, Olivia isn't a fan of Justin Bieber and Justin Timberlake... maybe Olivia doesn't like any guy named Justin.
Or any guy that starts with the letter J.
Or any guy in general.
I didn't want to give her another reason to dislike my boyfriend, so I decided to lie to not make him look bad.
"Oh, um, he is. He just texted me he was on his way" my lips twisted into a grimace disguised as a smile.
Olivia's brown eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms, like a mom that's trying to figure out what her child is hiding.
Clearly skeptical, she asked "Oh, yeah? Let me see the text"
Shit.
I could feel my heart racing "No," I blurted out, trying to maintain a facade of calm.
"Come on, let me see," Olivia pressed, a hint of amusement playing at the corners of her lips.
I struggled to come up with an excuse, my mind scrambling for a plausible explanation. "I don't want to" I repeated, my voice wavering slightly.
"Why not?" Olivia's lips twitched
I felt a wave of panic wash over me. "Um, I because can't" I stammered "Because he... um..." Quick. Say anything "he also sent... porn?"
Anything but that, you idiot.
Olivia blinks, her mind processing what I just blurted out. A beat of stunned silence followed before Olivia burst into laughter, unable to contain herself. I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment
Yeah, I don't think she believes me.
"My goodness, you're a terrible liar" she says, and I can't help but sheepishly nod in agreement.
I know. I don't know why I even try. My lies are as convincing as a unicorn wearing a tutu.
As her laughter subsided, her expression softened, her eyes filled with genuine concern. "So, what's the real story? He stood you up, huh?" she asked gently, her tone filled with understanding.
Yes.
"No! He's probably... stuck in traffic or something" my words tumbled out. It was evident that I was not convinced on what my mouth was saying.
Olivia raised an eyebrow. "He stood you up," she stated matter-of-factly
With a swift motion, she reached into her purple purse and pulls out her car keys "look, I'm not going to say how much of a jerk he is because I know you don't like to hear the truth"
"Thank you" I reply, appreciating Olivia's attempt at sparing my feelings. Then, a moment of realization hits me "Wait, what"
Olivia ignores me "but are you going to stay here or do you want me to give you a ride home? You know I don't mind"
I lift my hand to my chest and my fingers started fidgeting with the pendant of my necklace as my eyes flicked back to my phone one last time. I swiped away my Instagram notifications, scanning for any sign of a message or missed called from Justin.
Still nothing.
The flicker of hope fades away, and a pang of disappointed surged through my chest when I finally accepted the reality that my boyfriend stood me up once again.
I released a sigh, finally putting my phone back into my purse, looking up at Olivia who was patiently waiting for me to decide what to do. I'm grateful that Olivia was always ready to lend a helping hand, offering a ride time after time. But amidst the gratitude, I also carry a sense of embarrassment and guilt about constantly relying on Olivia.
And not only on Olivia, but my parents, my boyfriend and my friends. I know I truly need a car for myself. I had grown tired of feeling like a burden, of having to rely on others for something as basic as getting from point A to point B. But the mere thought of getting behind the wheel filled me with an overwhelming sense of anxiety. I just couldn't do it.
With a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes, I shook my head no. "I think I'll stay here. I'm sure he's coming," I lied, the words feeling like a betrayal even as they left my lips.
Olivia's eyes softened, a hint of concern crossing her face, but she respected my decision. "Alrighty then, text me when you get home," she said, offering me a comforting hug before heading to her car.
I watched her drive off, a soft sigh escaping my lips as I checked my phone for what felt like the umpteenth time. No missed calls, no texts – just silence.
Pressing my lips together in a feeble attempt to keep the tears at bay, I started the long walk home, the weight of my reliance on others heavy on my shoulders.