We went to my parent's BBQ last weekend. Which means it's been a week since I've last seen the guys. We've all been pretty busy and with my new role here in the company, I've been needing some time to adjust and come to terms with all of the changes.
Everyone was overjoyed when I told them the news though!
"I actually have some pretty exciting news...'' My parents, the triplets, Aunt Claire and my three 'friends' are getting to know each other by the fire Dad set up since the sun started setting.
What better time than now to tell them? Everyone else is getting tired anyways, so I don't think they'll pay too much attention. I'm not too fond of the whole "all eyes on me" thing.
"What's that, Son?" He gestures to the seat between himself and Mom and I gladly sidle up next to him.
I inhale the smokey air for a second before releasing it at the same time as I say my next sentence: "Starlaxy is officially hiring me as one of their models,"
The silence is blocked by the crackling sounds of the fire swaying in every direction with the breeze. I take in the confused faces of the triplets, the smile on Aunt Claire's soft features, the wide eyes of the people who I've become particularly close with this past year and the tears in Moms eyes as her hand wraps around my shoulders.
"That's..." Dad trails off. His head turns away from me once I manage to free my neck from Mom's grasp.
"Dad?" I tap his shoulder with my index finger. "Are you cryi-"
"No!" He sniffles and a smile tugs on my lips. "Something got in my eye..." he faces me again moments later and I choose to tease his red eyes later. "Congratulations, Noah," he gives me one of his Dad hugs and I melt into it.
"Thank you..." we stay like this for a while, simply enjoying being here.
The sounds of our family's giggling and chatter around us soothes me even further. This reminds me of my childhood every year. This get-together has been a thing since before I was even born and no matter what kind of year we've had, being here together is like putting up a protective wall between us and the real world.
It's always just us and the fire in this backyard.
Everything else disappears.
"There's actually more..." I whisper, and he pulls back with shaky eyes.
"More?!" Asher exclaims and I see his cheeks adorn a pinkish glow. I laugh a bit and simply nod in their directions.
"Yes, do you know about the annual Spring Festival?" Everyone's quick to nod and even the triplets scream their excitement as Aunt Claire takes them to the main city every year to attend. "Guess who was asked to be the closing model on the runway?"
Gasps sound around the fire and I feel heat rise to my own cheeks from the attention. I start fiddling with the hem of my shirt the longer the silence prolongs until arms fling themselves around my upper body.
At first, I relax thinking it's my Dad again, but I tense as soon as I realize it's actually Julian. The shock soon wears off and my arms surround him in an equally tight embrace. The fragrance of his rose scented shampoo hits me and the heat soon becomes too much in this situation. Thankfully, he either senses it or is oblivious to it, but he pulls back with a wide grin.
"Congratulations, this is so exciting!"
"We'll all be there to cheer you on!" Asher says, and my heart fills with love and warmth. I look around once more, noting all of the smiles and joy now fuelling the fire and the excitement of what's to come brings a never ending smile to my own face.
Scrolling through my comment section has quickly become one of my favorite things to do during my free time. However, it's also the most nerve wracking thing as not everyone is always so... kind. Well, there's that and the fact that some boundaries simply do not exist on the internet, which I've come to terms with.
Some things do still take me by surprise though...
'Still such a huge fan! Hope to run into you again soon xoxo Charlie!'
I always try to like and even respond to as many people as possible at least once a day, but just this once I think I'm allowed to ignore his comment. Again.
This past week he's been flooding my comment section, DMs and taking part in my Q&As on my story. I feel bad for doing this just because he's dating my exes, but our entire interaction was just off-putting to me and it kind of makes me uncomfortable even thinking about running into him again...
So, for both our sakes, I won't entertain the idea of us meeting again at all. Maybe he'll get the hint someday.
He most certainly did not get the hint!
My eyes take in the scene before me and my fingers move on autopilot to shut the elevator doors again. The person next to me must think I'm crazy, but...
"What's he doing here?!" I whisper-yell to Jas on the phone. She was the only other person who saw our previous and only conversation take place, so she'll understand my hesitancy to speak to him again.
"Who's he?" The sounds of the coffee machine whirring in the background nearly block out her voice.
"Charlie, my exes new boyfriend!"
I hear something clatter and it's followed by an abundant amount of muttered apologies, "Ruby, I'll be back in a sec-" a door opens and closes and I let myself take a breather, "where is he?"
"He's by the front doors, I went to go pick something up at the front desk and there he was sitting on one of the chairs..."
"What do you think he wants?"
I shrug, "your guess is as good as mine..." The elevator dings, letting me know that I'm back on my floor. In my haste to get back to my desk, I bump into someone. A certain someone I could really go without seeing right about now.
"Watch it, Noah!" She yells, flipping her pink ponytail in my face as she walks past me. "What's the rush anyways?" She asks as she presses the down button.
"None of your business, sorry for bumping into you..." I walk off and stop myself from rolling my eyes at her. "I can't just go down there Jas, at least not without a plan..."
"Just call down to the reception desk and ask them to not let him in, security will hand handle things from there if he doesn't comply, you know that,"
Her reasonable way of processing things is exactly why I call her when I'm stressing about something, "you're right, I'll do that as soon as I get some tea..."
A peachy pink manicured hand grasps my shoulder, knocking me straight off my chair in an instant. "Noah, someone's here for you!"
I spin around so fast, "Cadence, you startled-" Immediately the air leaves my lungs at the guy standing excitedly beside her. I can't believe I forgot to call Sam! "Charlie?!"
"Hey, I've been calling for you, Silly, but reception says you're not answering the phone,"
"I overheard him asking Sam for you, so I decided to help speed up the process," she stalks off after hitting her shoulder with mine once I manage to get back on my feet. Of course she would pull something like this.
We're not supposed to let anyone up like this, especially without asking, and yet, here we are. I could report her for this...
"Hi, Charlie..." I rub at my neck, already exhausted from the day and it's not even 11.
He grabs his phone and starts taking a bunch of pictures. I go to stop him, but somebody already beats me to it. "Excuse me, we would ask you to refrain from taking excessive pictures like that,"
Thank goodness for Jack.
"Right, sorry Sir," he smiles up at Jack with probably feign innocence. I shake off my thoughts, reminding myself to be kind. Just because he's with my exes, whom I hold no feelings for anymore other than the feelings of slight annoyance towards them, doesn't mean he should be treated any differently. I need to get off my high horse.
"It's okay, Jack, thank you," he takes his heart-shaped glasses off and winks at me before slinging his blue scarf over his shoulder as he walks away. "What are you doing here, Charlie?"
"I wanted to see you again and you haven't responded to me at all!" He whines.
"Right, things have been pretty busy around here..." I look over at Lucy and she's thankfully quick to read the situation.
"Noah, Sarah wants to see you, want me to show your friend the way out?" She hooks her arm around mine, silently evaluating Charlie for a moment while he's distracted by the things scattered on my desk.
"That'd be great, thanks," I walk off and make my way to Sarah's office, with no intention of actually seeing her, whilst listening to as much of their conversation as humanely possible.
"Come, the door's this way..."
That was more than a little strange and that can never happen again.
"If he ever shows up anywhere near you again, call one of us," Sebastian's tone leaves absolutely no room for any argument.
"I don't want to bother any-"
"Call one of us," he clears his throat and looks over to Asher who's standing behind the counter with an expression I never even pictured on him before. He looks furious. "Please..."
I lean back in the chair, absentmindedly watching Jas clean the machines. "Alright, okay, thank you," my heart skipping a beat at their obvious concern shall remain my little secret.
It's odd. Being so cared for like this.
Sure, Tyler really did love me and vice versa. We cared for one another deeply. Having three people at once do the same and on a rather intense level is still mind boggling to say the least. In a good way, of course.
You know what they say: "You never forget your first love."
I'm beginning to think that they weren't lying. You don't forget it. You do get over it, though, and that's something I haven't heard anyone tell me. I went through a phase where I worried if I would forever be stuck in this loophole of missing him. Missing what we used to have. What we used to be. What we used to want.
I was quick to realize that it wouldn't last forever. Even before I met these three amazing men, I got back on my feet quicker than I thought. I refused to stay stuck on something I couldn't change. I refused to drown in my own sorrows while they thrived in their new relationship.
I suppose I should be thanking them for fueling my determination as much as they did. The images of them living the life I imagined with Tyler for so long always made me mad enough to keep going. To keep pushing more than I have ever done before.
The familiar quietness of the evening falls down on us. The creaking and moaning of the machines being washed is the only sound echoing about for a moment.
The sun sets as Jas plays her favorite "closing up" album and it creates the perfect atmosphere for some much needed unwinding after a long day.
My eyes start roaming around as they usually do while my fingers tap along my thighs. The whirring sounds cease and the birds tweeting their goodnight melodies take over, coaxing me to close my eyes to tune into their songs. Right as I start leaning my head back, my droopy eyes stray to the men in front of me who are all staring back at me.
Their expressions stay neutral and content. Our breathing remain even and the world around us quickly disappears as taupe, blue and hazel mix together into this perfect concoction that pulls me in so deep I nearly forgot my own name.
Falling in love is as scary as it is exciting. Especially when I know what it feels like already and how that ended.
But, just like how I felt a year ago, I refuse to let the past stop me from living my best life now.
"When are you going to ask me on a date?"
No more hiding, no more thinking, no more hesitation. I don't want to regret a single moment of this. Facing this head on is what I need to do. They did their part, they confessed and have been more than open with their feelings towards me.
They're waiting for me and I'm done keeping them waiting.
"Do you want us to ask you out on a date?"
"Yes."
Sebastian's arched brow almost knocks my serious expression clean off my face, but I stay committed. They need to understand I want this. Even one display of wavering and they won't make a move.
The three of them share a brief look and Asher breaks into his signature smile before jumping up from his seat and running to the back room. "Where's he going?"
"You'll see," Julian responds, his hand running through his golden locks before resting right beside my own, which has balled into a fist at one point. I didn't even notice.
The door swings open, revealing the gorgeous brunet holding an envelope in his hand. "This is for you," he says as he runs up to me and swings the letter around before placing it gently in front of me on the table.
"Date Night #1?" I read out loud. He nods excitedly and plops down in the seat beside me.
I quickly open it and a paper filled with date ideas of all kinds reveals itself. "We're not too sure where you stand when it comes to ideal dates,"
"And we figured you wouldn't want to be put on the spot if we simply asked you where you wanted to go on our first date," the dark-haired man continues while wrapping an arm behind the blond.
"Plus, it wouldn't be very romantic to just plainly ask you like that either," Julian finishes.
"Pick one on that list and that's what we'll do!" Asher's head lays atop of my shoulder while I read through all of the ideas. From the looks of it, they all did this together since there are clearly three different hand writings on it. That alone brings a smile to my face and a light flutter through my heart.
They're so perfect...
In the end, out of all 15 ideas, each with their own detailed descriptions of how the night would go, I chose number eight.
We set our date time for next weekend, meaning I'm back at work pretending I'm not utterly and completely losing it on the inside. Julian did stop by to bring me some lunch he made since it's his day off today and to say I'm excited would be a huge understatement.
"I promise not to let you down!" I turn at the sound of Cadence's high-pitched voice buttering up Sarah once again. Lucy stops right next to me with a pile of clothes in her arms, which I plan to question her about as soon as we finish watching the scene before us.
"What do you think that's all about?" She whispers.
I simply shrug back, not sure what to say, and eye Cadence coming in our direction now. "Looks like you have a new addition to your team," she stops right in front of us, our feet could touch if she takes half a step more towards us. My expression screams my confusion loud and clear and she more than readily responds with an unusually cheery tone, "I'll be on the runway too!" She exclaims and skips off as if nothing just happened.
"Is she serious?!" My furious best friend asks and I honestly have nothing to say.
If they let her join the models then what can I even say on the matter? It's not my place to complain... At least not to the higher-ups, I'll complain to Lucy all I want.
"I guess so..." I watch her retreat around the corner before putting my full attention on Lucy, "forget about her, this is an opportunity we'll never forget, so let's enjoy every second of it," I grab some of the clothes off her arm and she leads the way to the elevators.
"Oh yeah, these are some of the outfits that didn't get the go-ahead for this year's show," I nearly drop the items at her words.
"I'm sorry, did you say 'didn't'?" These clothes are absolutely stunning and I would gladly wear them any day. What kind of clothes will we be wearing if these didn't make the cut?!
"I know right," she turns to me with a suspicious looking grin, "so, tell me all about your date this weekend!"
"Well, we're going to..."
Sexuality.
A thing so broad and so beautiful, yet, so hidden and kept secret for most, as is their right, of course. For me, personally, I don't label myself at all. It just works for me and I wouldn't even know where to start when it comes to questioning who I'm attracted to and why I'm attracted to them.
If I like them, I like them. That's all there is to it.
However, I don't scream that out for the world to hear either. As open as I like to be in my personal life, I don't advocate about it nor talk about it much either on the internet. Not for any particular reason other than it's personal for me. I'm just as secretive as many others are when it comes to voicing out my thoughts to the internet.
As it turns out, I may have not been secretive enough.
I've been sitting here for the past hour reading through these posts one page in particular seems keen on posting about me. They're not just talking about me nor uploading random pictures of me, like most fan pages have been doing lately, they're going on and on about revealing my sexuality.
I don't know where or how it started, but I've noticed and reported them weeks ago. They've only gotten more bold since then though...
It's gotten highly concerning ever since they posted a picture of me at the café with the guys the other day. The day we were talking about our date. They captured the moment Asher's handing me the envelope.
Of course, an official announcement of respecting their models' privacy has gone out and the person's original account has been blocked after that statement from Jennifer herself, but it's not enough as they keep coming back.
'Leave him alone!'
'Everyone report this page please'
'Protect our Noah at all costs'
'He better not be another gay..."
'I actually liked him, can't believe he might be one of them'
The comments are very mixed, but for the most part they're supportive. I keep reading through them, which is probably detrimental to my mental health, but I can't help it.
Alexis did warn me that being in the "spotlight" would mean having my privacy stripped from me. To be honest, I'm just thankful I'm in the right mindset to deal with this. Had it been a few weeks earlier or way before that, I probably would be beyond panicking right now.
Whoever this person is will be dealt with, I'm sure of it. For now, I'll have to talk to the guys and warn them about what being around me might mean for them.
If I weren't in the right headspace, I would be feeling very naked. Having one's privacy breached the way it's being right now is not a fun feeling. I can put up a front all I'd like, but this is scary. This picture is horrifying. They took a moment of my personal life and my friends' personal life and uploaded it for anyone to look at with no remorse for how that would make us feel.
As of right now, it's nothing that could really harm any of us as. However, if this continues, it's only a matter of time before they manage to catch something conclusive.
I wouldn't hide that part of me if it were to come out, but it'd still be cruel if it were to come to that.
As many upsides the world of social media has, it also has its many downsides.
No matter what, though, I'll make sure to protect my friends with all I've got.
^^ As promised, a double update! Yes, the drama is underway- ^^