River.
I slept like shit last night.
So desperate for an ounce of relief or an answer from God I found Liza for help, a woman who believed in herbal alternatives to cure a persistent dose of insomnia. She'd given me lavender tea with a drop of melatonin. A cure she swore by but instead of being out in five minutes I tossed and turned all night while the sound of rain pelting my window laughed at my restlessness.
I was too worried about Dean to get any sleep and I feared I'd be deprived if he didn't answer me soon. They touched down in Colorado around eight and while I sent him a few texts wishing him good luck this morning he didn't answer any of them.
I tried not to worry or take offense. Going back to the place that nearly ruined him would make anyone go silent. That coupled with the fact that he wanted nothing to do with his father's company—he was probably halfway through a pack of cigarettes by now. A habit I hoped I could get him to break before it killed him.
I rolled over in bed and grabbed my phone to check my messages. There was still nothing from Dean, but I had a few pictures from Nate's mom of the baby and I made sure to heart every last one. She was perfect and every time I saw her she seemed to get bigger and bigger. She'd been asking when I was going to visit them again for the past few days now and while I wanted to see her and the baby I didn't want to see Nate. Things were going well and I knew in my heart his compliance meant he was planning something much bigger but for now, I was enjoying the silence. I'd deal with my punishment after the fact.
"River?" My mother gently knocked on my door before pushing it open. I shoved my phone under my pillow and pretended that I'd just woken up. "Yes, Mom?" I asked her. Sometimes I looked just like her and other days I looked just like my father. Today I looked just like her and it made me sick to my stomach. My mother was beautiful but that beauty was skin-deep. Inside she was ugly, flawed, and I wanted to look nothing like her.
"I got you a pack of those sodas you seem to like. Your father he—he's not in the best of moods this morning so I advise you to stay in your room or stay away from the house for a few hours maybe even all day. Perhaps a trip to the church would be good?" I heard footsteps behind her and she quietly closed the door before my father could make it up the steps. I heard the lock click and I sat up on my bed.
"Is everything alright?" She was making me anxious and I already felt like I was going to be sick.
"Do not question me. Get bathed, get dressed, and leave. I fear you staying might not even be an option." I wanted to roll my eyes, "Fine I'll go to the church. It's been a while since I've seen pastor Lowel anyways."
I swore she almost smiled, "good choice. He'll be in his study for a time. I suggest you leave quickly." She snuck out of my room after that and I wasted no time ripping my clothes off to take a quick shower. I could hear him just behind the tile. Tearing through his study like he'd lost something. I'd only seen him like that once before and because it happened to be one of the scariest moments of my life I got out of the shower five minutes later, put on any clothes I could find, and drove down to the church without a word to my mother.
Sometimes I wondered what a day in her life felt like. If she felt like she was walking on eggshells whenever she was alone with him. I knew what it felt like to be so afraid of him you didn't want to breathe and that's when the guilt settled in. She couldn't run and while most days neither could I today she decided to save me from the mess they both created. I just hoped she wasn't counting on me to save her first.
"River? I wasn't expecting you today." Pastor Lowel stood from the front pew and took in my appearance. My hair was soaking wet and my clothes didn't match but I was out of that house and that was all that mattered.
"Is it alright if I hang out with you today? Just for a little bit. I can help clean or wipe down the windows. Anything to make myself useful." I played with the sleeve of my jacket and grimaced. I was going to regret this outfit later. It was freezing outside.
"You can sit and have a rest, the place is pretty spruced up today. Is everything alright? You look pale and you're—"
"Soaking wet, I know. You wouldn't happen to have a towel around here or something? One that doesn't reek of mildew preferably?" He laughed, "I'm afraid not. Come and sit down, you look a few seconds away from passing out."
I felt like it too.
I followed him up to the front bench and sat down slowly. The piano looked different. The instrument hadn't changed since I was a little girl but today it was shiny. This piano was brand new. "What happened to the old one?" I nodded my head toward the strange instrument and pastor Lowel sighed.
"I'm afraid that's your father's doing. I've never seen a man so angry before. It took reinforcements to calm him down," Pastor Lowel cringed at the memory and I felt my airways start to restrict.
"Why did they rush down here? Seems pretty serious if he went and destroyed his favorite piano." It was my favorite piano too but I was used to him taking things I loved away from me.
"Are you sure you—"
"Yes," I interrupted him. "I could use a little blind trust right about now."
He smiled apprehensively, "It seems like something went wrong with your father's accounts at the bank. He's lost a large sum of money that cannot be accounted for and he thinks—"
"He thinks Henry stole his money?" Pastor Lowel nodded slowly. "I tried to tell him that there may have been a mistake. I don't believe he would steal but you know how your father can be. He's not convinced," and he never would be. Not until Henry paid with blood. His entire family's blood.
"Does Henry know about this?" He would've kept it from Dean if he had but I was more worried about him than I was for his brother. Dean could handle himself and if it ever came down to it, he would fight like hell against my father. Henry on the other hand avoided all conflict and would easily wave a white flag in a fight than go against a larger—supported opponent but maybe I was wrong.
Maybe Henry had the same bloodthirsty recessive gene Dean carried. Instead of brandishing his ferocity like a badge he chose to lock it away because it reminded him of the parts he hated about himself. The very same parts he hated in Dean.
Maybe having the last name Ridden was a curse. A curse for violence and for the Ridden boys the first drop of blood spilled was a fulfilled prophecy. There was no way to really know Henry Ridden and as curious as I was, I didn't want this situation to be the one that brought that side out of him. I didn't want him to be just another crack in the glass.
"I'm not sure. As you know him and Dean left for Colorado. Your father went and checked his accounts with someone else by the name of uh—" He kissed his teeth, "Winslow Tally."
"He just got a job at the bank, didn't he? I overhead Clive's wife talking about him after church one day." She wasn't too pleased with him either. Too much stuttering she said, and he had a terrible shake of the hand. Nerves she called it, but she didn't like people being nervous around her or her husband's money.
"Yes, fresh out of college. He didn't stay in Meadowview though. Came back after his studies to help his parents."
I sighed, "As most kids usually do around here." The front doors to the church opened and a young couple stood waiting at the front step with warm smiles on their faces.
"A marriage blessing," Pastor Lowel waved to the couple and I stood up.
"Thank you for letting me sit with you and thanks for being honest with me."
"Of course, River. You call if you need something, alright?"
I smiled and headed down the stairs, "sure."
♱
My mother wanted me out of the house for the rest of the day. She left a strawberry soda on the porch and a bag with my clothes in it for me to grab when I got back from the library. Part of me wanted to go inside and face the monster we both seemed to be running from but instead, I grabbed my bag and the soda and threw them into my car. On a normal day I might've been able to face him but finding out about his money and the bank, it was best not to push him. He never directed his anger towards my mother so I wasn't scared for her safety. For the first time though, she seemed terrified for mine.
My phone vibrated in the back pocket of my jeans and I pulled it out before climbing into my car. It was Dean, and I sighed a breath of relief before answering. "I was starting to get worried, is everything alright?" I rushed out before he could even get a word in.
He exhaled and chuckled lowly, "I'm sorry Henry and I have been in meetings all day. They took my fucking phone. Are you good? Did you get to my house?"
"Not yet, I'm on my way there now. Why did you have to give up your phone?" I didn't suspect Dean to be on his best behavior just because he was at his father's company. If they asked him to turn in his phone—
"Some bullshit security reason. Henry basically rolled over and let them scratch his fucking stomach."
"Well, are you done for the day? I was hoping we could talk while I'm held up in your room."
I couldn't see it, but I knew he was smiling and so was I. "I'll call you a bit later when I'm done. Text me if something comes up alright?"
"I will, bye-bye."
I started my car and listened to the sound of it hum for a minute or so. She'd been doing better ever since Dean got his hands on her and I couldn't have been more thankful. My car was the only source of freedom I had before I met Dean. To feel that slowly slipping from me was horrifying.
"Deep breaths River, there's nothing scary in the woods," I said to myself as I parked my car near the back trail leading up to Dean's house. It was completely deserted which meant no one would ever know I was here and no one would ever know I was here. I've trekked through the woods by the creek hundreds of times but there was something off about the strip of forest leading to the Ridden manor. A cemetery wasn't too far but I'd gotten used to the stench of unfulfilled dreams and broken promises. What permeated through those woods wasn't something to mourn, it was something to fear.
But it was probably all just in my head.
I used the key Dean gave me and twisted the back door open. There was no one downstairs besides Noir and I smiled at her before locking the door. "What are you doing down here all by yourself hm?" She purred and rolled over on her toy before pawing at her nose.
"Abigail? It's me!" I set my bag on the floor and picked up the cat. I searched the bottom level for a bit before deciding to call out for their father instead. "Mr. Ridden?"
A floorboard creaked behind me and a hand brushed against my shoulder, "River?"
"Shit," Noir jumped out of my hands and hid behind the wall. "Abigail, my gosh. You scared me." I put a hand over my heart and held my breath. She looked just as shocked as I was because her mouth flew open and her brows creased.
"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to sneak up on you." She looked at my bag by the kitchen table and pouted. "Are you staying the night?"
"I didn't plan on it but my mom wants me out of the house and for once I agree with her. I'll just go put my bag in Dean's room and I'll be back if you wanted to like hang out or something?" I didn't spend much time with Abigail but I was interested in picking her brain a bit more. She'd obviously been around longer than Dean and Henry so she knew more about the Ridden's and what the rest of Tobias' extended family were like.
Dean never talked about them and I assumed it was for good reason but if I was going to put this whole curse thing to rest I needed to know everything. Starting with what happened to Abigail's family after she entered the Ridden paradox. I knew they wanted nothing to do with her but that was about it. She chose love over family and I wanted to know if she ever regretted it. It was lonely in this big house and with a husband that couldn't touch daylight well, I imagined she felt cursed by the same affliction.
"My husband and I are painting downstairs in the basement. You're welcome to join us if you'd like?" Her face lit up and I smiled.
"Oh then enjoy your time together. I'll just be upstairs with Noir."
"Nonsense," she protested, "Tobias would love to have you and we have an extra canvas. He's quite the tutor, or at least he thinks he is."
I smiled, "aren't you the artist in the family?"
She snorted, "Don't tell him that."
And while I loved seeing Abigail so warm and joyful I knew how important spending time with her was to Tobias so I thanked her for the invitation and declined again.
"Alright then, if you change your mind you know where to find us. There's some food in the fridge if you're hungry and if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask." She waved goodbye to Noir before disappearing down a long corridor.
"Well, Noe looks like it's just me and you." I tilted my head, "do you know how to climb the steps yet?"
She meowed, "That's what I thought. Come on pretty girl."
I brought her up to Dean's room and instinctively locked the door behind me. Falling back on his bed, I closed my eyes and felt the comforter between my fingers. His bed was still warm somehow, despite the terrible chill in his room. I looked over and rolled my eyes at the open window. "Weird," Dean hardly remembered to open up his windows when he smoked but he always made sure to close them. I brushed it off as a slip-up but still, something seemed off.
The window wasn't open when he packed and left for Chicago.
I looked over at my phone ready to try Dean again when it lit up, "I was just about to call you," I smiled and rolled over in his bed.
"How are things?" He answered back. "Fine. Your parents are in the basement painting. I'm in your room, hey, did you leave a window in your room open?"
He hummed for a second, "I don't think so. I didn't smoke before I left, why?"
"No reason, your mom or something probably came into your room to get Noir."
"I just called to say goodnight, I have to be up at six tomorrow," he groaned.
I yawned and looked at the clock, "Yeah, I'll probably go to sleep soon too. Call me in the morning?"
"First thing, Goodnight."
I buried my head in his pillow and struggled to hold back a smile. Love. The idea of it seemed laughable. It seemed to always laugh at me too. It taunted me, dangled the feeling in my face, and just when I felt safe enough to touch it it vanished. I could feel it sprouting now. In the deep, dark pits of my belly grasping at walls to make sure it would stick.
"Goodnight Noir," I yawned and felt around for the light switch.
♱
I woke up at about three with a dry mouth and a pounding headache. The room was pitch black so I felt around the wall to turn the light back on. My eyes burned and I rubbed them until I could see clearly. "Noir?" I called out to her but she didn't answer. I looked around the room, under the bed and in the bathroom but she was nowhere to be found.
"Hm," I grabbed the door handle and looked out of it. I knew I had closed and locked the door before I went to sleep so how—"Noir?" I called her name again. When I didn't hear a sound I ventured out into the hallway, checking tiny nooks to make sure she didn't squeeze herself into one.
As I went down the stairs I found myself in the same position I had been in when Beckhan ambushed me after Nate's party. Fear encompassed me and it was the worst kind. The kind of fear that took me by surprise. That made the hair stand up on the back of my neck and my eyes blurry. Noir wasn't downstairs either. The only sound on the bottom floor was a wind chime slowly knocking against itself. The curtain on his backdoor rocked back and forth and I slowly approached the handle to close it.
"Breathe River," I mumbled to myself. Abigail probably had Noir and her and Tobias went out for a late-night walk like they usually did. There was nothing to worry about, and when that didn't work I reached for my phone but only found an empty pocket.
"I must've left it upstairs," I cursed and turned around to get it but something stopped me. An arm wrapped around my throat and I tried to grab it but the grip was too tight and the other person was too strong.
"Make a sound, and I'll break your fucking neck."
• Cry Me A River •
:)