A/N - back again 😛
~~~
"Morning Zane", I turned upon hearing Xavier's voice, he was always the first one up in the mornings, a smile on his face every day without fail.
Considering what Alexander had said to me yesterday, all of their smiles could've been fake for all I knew.
"Good morning", I returned his smile and gestured to the cereal boxes on the table, "sleep well?".
"Eh", he lifted a shoulder, opening the milk, "what happened with Xan yesterday? He won't tell me".
"He had another fight", was all I said for a moment, stirring my coffee, "some...things were said in the car, we'll sort it out".
"What kinda things?", he asked with a frown, " bad things?".
You're worse than him.
All I see when I look at you is him.
"Nothing we can't resolve today", I gave him a small smile and he nodded, "are you ready for school?".
"Who's ever ready for school?", he scoffed, "I hate it there". That was the first I was hearing.
"Elaborate", I took a seat beside him at the table and sipped my coffee, watching him shovel a heap of cereal into his mouth, "it's not going anywhere". He chuckled, chewing a little quicker before swallowing and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"I mean, I like hanging out with my friends- I like lunchtime", he propped his chin on one hand, "but class is hard".
"With your concentration?", I asked and he nodded in reply, putting his spoon down.
"I try in class- my teachers like me, I think I'm their favourite", he beamed, "I have Jake, Asher and Parker sometimes, but people look at me weird when I interrupt or move around".
"And that is completely out of your control", I ran a hand through his hair and grimaced, "you really need to cut down on this gel".
"Like I said, the girls love it", part of me doubted that, "anyway, I'm doing okay in class, it just makes my head hurt".
"Do you want me to speak to your teacher? See if there's anything else that might help?", I offered and he thought for a moment, shovelling more cereal into his mouth and humming.
"I think I'm okay", he shook his head, "pretty sure we have a parent-teacher conference soon anyway".
"I look forward to it", I muttered, peering over my shoulder when footsteps filled the air; Alexander entered the room in black jeans and a black t-shirt. I focused back on my coffee wordlessly while he took a seat at the head of the table, as far away from me as possible; he didn't even have school today yet he was up and dressed.
"I thought you got suspended", Xavier asked his twin, if he sensed the tension in the air he was doing a great job at ignoring it, "I'd still be asleep".
"Well I'm not", he grumbled, "pass the milk".
"Please", Xavier rolled his eyes, sliding it across the table and turning back to me, "I have hockey practice after school, Jake's dad is taking us...can you pick me up please?".
"Of course, what time?", I asked, gulping back at least half of my coffee just as Chase entered the room, "buenas mañanas".
"Good morning", he replied, disappearing into the pantry, "I'm picking up Rory, you want a ride Xav?".
"Sure, when are you leaving?", he asked, I glanced at Alexander who was just swirling his cereal around, head bowed and hand squeezing his spoon.
"Twenty minutes?", Chase shrugged, placing two cinnamon rolls on a plate and sitting at the table, "you look tired".
"I'm always tired", I muttered, "Xavier, when does hockey end?".
"Oh right, six", he picked up his now empty bowl and brought it up to his lips, slurping all of the milk back as we watched him in disgust, "what?". He moved towards the dishwasher and I rolled my eyes, finishing the rest of my coffee and looking at Alexander again, I'd have to have a serious conversation with him today while the others were at school, Prescott at work.
"It's too early for this shit", Caleb all but dragged himself into the kitchen, shirtless, looking like he'd just been dragged through a ditch.
"You look like shit", Chase told him without even turning around, the eighteen year old slapped our brother on the head and he groaned, "ow".
"You're going blonde again Cub", Xavier pointed out and Caleb huffed, ruffling his already dishevelled hair, "I'm going to get my bag". He scurried off, bumping into Prescott who was rolling up the sleeves of his sweater.
"He'll always be the only one with energy at this hour", he chuckled, "I'm out of here, I've got a lotta orders".
"Bring us back a cake?", Caleb asked with a grin, "preferably chocolate- no peanuts, maybe some-,".
"I'm sure you can read and follow a simple recipe Cub", Prescott snorted and Caleb's mouth snapped shut, obviously taking it as a jab, "I didn't mean it like-,".
"I'm going to get ready", he announced, not sticking around any longer. Prescott huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose and grabbing his car keys from the counter, bidding us a farewell before disappearing out of the front door.
He didn't even have anything for breakfast.
"You're quiet", Chase said to Alexander, he was sitting there chewing his now soggy cereal slowly, "you okay after yesterday?".
"Fine", he mumbled, keeping his gaze fixed downwards. Chase hummed, making eye contact with me and narrowing his eyes, I just cocked my head towards the doorway and he nodded, leaving the room swiftly.
"I want a word once everyone else has gone", I announced and he dragged his gaze up to meet mine, "I've called Wren, I'll be dropping you to see her at eleven". He didn't say anything, just focused back on his food as a painful silence filled the room.
I didn't know how to help him.
And it was killing me.
"I'm-,", he went to speak the second Xavier entered the room again, dropping his rucksack and duffel bag onto the floor with a sigh.
"Can we get pancakes later?", he asked hopefully, opening the fridge and grabbing a small bottle of orange juice.
"After hockey", I agreed, "have a good day, hm?". He nodded, putting his drink down and moving across the room, wrapping his arms around Alexander briefly from behind.
"Have a good day Xan", he smiled, "later Zane". I couldn't help but smile at their brief interaction; Xavier would always be his twin's biggest supporter- always.
~
"I'm sorry", that wasn't the first time Alexander had uttered those two words to me in the past twelve hours or so, but I had a feeling he wasn't going to stop apologising anytime soon. I squeezed the wheel, focusing on the roads and being unable to look at him as of now, even though his guilt was literally radiating off of his body.
"I know", I said, keeping my gaze fixed firmly ahead, ever since he had said those things to me however, it felt like something had changed- I didn't know what, but everything felt different.
And I hated it.
"I didn't mean it, please tell me you know I didn't mean it", he practically begged, "I didn't even think it, it just slipped out- I don't know how to explain it, I'm sorry". Knowing he was getting worked up over an apology now too did nothing but hit me right in the chest, he really was struggling, and I felt like I could do nothing about it.
"I know you didn't mean it", I prayed so anyway, "don't get yourself worked up over it, hm? It's okay".
"It's not okay", I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye as he gripped his hair in his fists, "I'm doing everything wrong, and I'm trying not to, but it's not working".
"You're trying, that's all I'll ever ask of you", I swallowed thickly, trying to suppress the emotion threatening to overflow, "and I think what happened yesterday was eye opening, in a good way".
"What was good about it?", he frowned, shoulders slumping when I pulled up outside of the building where he was due to have his therapy session in fifteen minutes, "you finally figured out I'm a mess?".
"You're not a mess, you're hurting and you need help", I shut off the engine and turned to him, squeezing his shoulder, "I'm going to have a meeting with Wren, a meeting with your teachers at school, see what we can put in place to help you out, yeah?". He wiped his eyes, refusing to look at me, but giving a firm nod nonetheless.
"Yeah", he whispered, "I bet you wish Mama took me instead huh?".
It felt like someone had ripped my heart out and crushed it when he asked me that; the fact these boys felt so lowly of themselves never failed to hurt me.
"Never", I promised, "don't think that for a second. Ever".
"You're not coming in?", he asked, peering over at the building and sighing, I hated that this had been his reality for around five years now.
"Not unless you want me to", I tapped the wheel, "I know there are going to be times when you don't need me by your side, and if you feel more comfortable confiding in Wren without me there, then I'm more than okay with that".
"Okay", he said quietly, his blue eyes finally meeting mine. I just looked at him for a moment; the boy who had the ability to love with his entire being yet be so angry at the world at the same time, the boy who was one of the reasons I was still here.
"You know I love you right?", I made sure he knew it, "every part of you- the good parts, the not-so-fun parts, nothing you could do or say to me will ever change that, okay?".
"Yeah", he nodded, shifting in his seat, "I uh, I'm...I should probably get in there". I watched him put his walls back up as he unbuckled his seatbelt, opening his door and sticking one leg out.
"Call me when you're done hm?", I gave him a weak smile, "I'll be here". He nodded again, climbing out and running a hand through his hair; I nearly missed the quiet 'thank you' that came from him before he closed the door and headed inside.
I needed a fucking coffee.
~
"Isn't this a surprise!", I couldn't help but chuckle the second I was pulled into Delilah's embrace, I didn't come here nearly as much as I should've, "what brings you here honey?".
"How long have you got?", I tried to joke but only received a wince in return as we pulled apart, tough crowd.
"I'll make you a coffee", thank fuck for that. We entered the kitchen where Reed was sitting at the table at his laptop, papers surrounding him.
I didn't know what he did for work exactly, I knew it was to do with law though- probably explained the size of their house.
"Zane, long time no see", he tore his gaze away from the screen and smiled, "you look like you've seen better days".
At least he wasn't a liar.
"Reed!", Delilah hissed, glaring at her husband who surrendered, "take a seat honey, ignore him".
"It's fine, he's right", I chuckled, lowering myself onto a stool at the kitchen island, "it's been an...interesting twenty-four hours".
"Well, we're all ears", she smiled encouragingly, retrieving a mug from the cupboard, "boys okay?".
"Same old", I shrugged, "it's Alexander and Caleb I'm worried about". Delilah nodded, her back facing me for a moment while she made my coffee, then came over and stood opposite me, placing the drink down and giving me her undivided attention.
"Xander- that temper of his?", Reed asked from behind and I hummed, "how bad?".
"He had a fight in school yesterday, his tenth in three weeks...he's suspended, they wanna expel him", I revealed and Delilah frowned.
"Surely they can't do that, it's not his fault", she looked from me to her husband, "where is he now?".
"He's at therapy, I booked him an appointment as soon as we got home yesterday, we-,", I paused, raking a hand through my hair, "there was a bit of a...heated conversation in the car".
"How heated are we talking?", Reed asked and I winced, taking a sip of my coffee, "that bad?".
"He told me that I'm doing a worse job at taking care of them than he was, and whenever he looks at me all he sees is him", I cleared my throat, trying to conceal how much the words had hurt me, "and that I'm just like him- worse actually, oh- and that he hates me". Silence filled the air for a moment and I winced, taking another sip of my drink, watching Delilah school her shocked expression in an instant.
"You know he speaks out of nothing but anger sometimes honey", she reached out and squeezed my hand, "he didn't mean that".
"I know, but that didn't mean it didn't fucking kill me to hear", I sighed, resting my chin on my hand, "does it make me a bad person for ignoring him for the rest of the night last night?".
"Not at all kid", Reed said and I looked at him over my shoulder, "you're human, and hearing that come from the boy you've raised for almost his entire life, of course it's gonna hurt".
"He's right", Delilah nodded, "don't invalidate your feelings at the expense of someone else". I stayed quiet, just letting that sit with me for a second, if there was anyone who had helped to slowly teach me that my feelings mattered too, it was these two.
"He needs help, and I don't know how to give it to him", I sighed, scratching my neck, "I feel useless, all of the time".
"And that comes along with being a parent kid, trust me", Reed replied, closing his laptop and seemingly fully joining into the conversation now, "how many times do you think we've looked at Theo, watched him experience all sorts of shit, and not know how to help him?".
"And what did you do?", I asked, glancing between the pair of them in the hopes of receiving an answer here.
"There's not always a definitive answer honey", Delilah gave me a small smile, "but we listened to him for starters, he knows himself better than we know him..and I'd assume Xander does too".
"If Theo told us he didn't wanna speak for the whole day, we wouldn't force him...because it's tiring, if Xander came to you and said he was angry and wanted to be left alone, you'd respect that because he's reaching out to you", Reed explained and I nodded slowly, grateful for some wisdom from people who were actual parents- even though I might as well class myself as one at this point, "we'll never know first hand what Theo goes through, and you'll never know first hand what Xander's going through, that's just how it is".
"So make do with what I've got?", I concluded, "listen to him?".
"Always", he nodded, I perked up when Delilah squeezed my hand again.
"And Caleb?", where to fucking start?
"He's up and down...one minute I think he's coping, and the next? He's crashing on my floor refusing to go anywhere near his bedroom", I sipped my drink again with shaky hands, whether it was because of anxiety or sugar levels I wasn't sure, "he's been in therapy since last July, I think it's helping, but he's all over the place".
"Theo slept on the couch downstairs for two weeks after it happened- they had sleepovers in his room constantly, he said it was too much", Delilah nodded understandingly, "he tells us he's fine, a few hours later I can hear him crying in his room".
"They're grieving, you've gotta remember there's not a time limit on grief", I knew that all too well, "they're bound to spiral, they're bound to be okay one minute and breaking down the next, they're bound to self destruct- it's natural".
"They were a trio for ten years", I muttered, watching Delilah wipe a stray tear, "they're adapting to it just being the two of them".
"Exactly", Reed agreed, "they were stuck to that boy like glue, they're gonna hurt, we just have to be there for them, even if-,". He was cut off by the sound of the front door opening- what on earth?
"Speak of the devils and they shall appear", Delilah sighed, moving towards the doorway and shaking her head, "what do you think you're doing?".
There was no way.
"You said they were working!", the distinctive voice of my eighteen year old brother filled the house and I groaned, looking back at Reed who just chuckled and rose to his feet.
"They were!", Theo hissed back, "uh, hey Ma, Dad". I stood, moving to the doorway and watching both of their faces fall, I couldn't help but be amused at the sight before me.
"What are you doing here?", the inaccuracy of Caleb's pointed finger in my general direction made me narrow my eyes.
"Are you two drunk?", I dared ask, watching Delilah step forwards and tap her son on the cheek to which he laughed.
"Drunk?", Caleb placed a hand on his chest and held onto Theo's arm, "they think we're drunk, Teddy".
"Maybe you're the- the drunk ones", Reed rolled his eyes, moving towards his son and cupping his chin in his hand, I did the same to Caleb and groaned.
"You reek of vodka", I commented and he laughed, holding onto my shoulder and squeezing it.
"It's a new cologne", he told me and I hummed, "parfum de la vodka".
Give me strength.
"You ditched school", I told him and he waved a hand, ruffling Theo's hair.
"We didn't even go", he confessed, I rolled my eyes and tried to hide my smirk, I was meant to be mad at him, "it was Teddy's idea!".
"You're a- a- uh, you're- a-,", Caleb patted his best friend's cheek despite his obvious frustration, a grin spreading across his face.
"A great person? Your bestest friend ever? I'm flattered", he gushed and Reed laughed loudly, "your son loves me". He whispered that last bit loud enough for us all to hear, I steadied him when he stumbled and looked at Delilah and Reed apologetically.
"I'm sure he does honey", Delilah chuckled, "you need water, both of you".
"We don't have- have- have swimming uh, trunks", Theo frowned and I couldn't help but laugh then, the pair of them were something else.
"You never fail to amuse me kid", Reed guided his son towards the kitchen while I did the same with my brother, grateful for the slightly comical turn my day had taken. I'd deal with the consequences later.
~
"What's he doing here?", Alexander climbed into the backseat, closing the door and buckling his seatbelt, "is he drunk?".
"I'm as sober as a skunk", I rolled my eyes at Caleb who was beside me, I'd managed to get him into the car- then quizzed him on where his car was. He'd parked it back at home while I was gone and not driven under the influence, thankfully.
"How was your session with Wren?", I asked my fourteen year old brother, deciding not to comment on his red eyes and slightly puffy cheeks.
"Good", he nodded, fiddling with his fingers, "got a lot off of my chest".
"I'm glad", I smiled, starting the engine and beginning to drive, "I can't believe you Caleb".
"You can't believe I'm letting loose?", he gasped, "take a leave out of my tree Zane, jeez".
"I don't think that's the phrase", Alexander scrunched up his face and I snorted, today feeling like a fever dream.
"Maybe you're not the phrase", he scoffed and I frowned, "I miss Chase, he's ditched me for Rory, Zane".
"I'm sure he can take some time out of his schedule for you", I bit back a grin, wishing I was recording him right now.
"I feel neglected", he sighed, gazing out of the window, "you won't neglect me, right Xan-Xan?".
"Call me that again and I'll beat the shit out of you", ah the joyous sound of threats yet again, "please sleep or something".
"Sleep is for the weak", he claimed, drumming on the dashboard, "the night is young!".
I was gonna go grey at twenty three, it was official.
~~~
A/N - Caleb >>>
Reed and Delilah >>>
We've gained 10k reads on Isabella in 4 days WHAT🧍🏾♀️
I have Extra scenes on the go and hopefully another chapter asap❤️