Y/N's Perspective
There is something exhilarating pulling up to school with the King of Hawkins High sitting as the passenger in my car. However, that is the only exciting thing about dating Billy Hargrove. What used to be a fun and loving relationship has gone sour and now I flinch at every command he barks at me.
He has been extra tense leading up to this school week because he has a big basketball game this Friday and I know he is stressing out about it. Of course that means I get the brunt of it. That means more yelling and more physical abuse.
Billy steps out of the car and whips his head over in my direction. "Chrissy will tell me if you didn't go to cheer practice! Don't fucking skip again!"
I rolled my eyes so damn hard, they might have just fallen out of my head in that moment. Of course he is going to have Chrissy spying on me. I have a history of bailing on cheer practice because honestly, I fucking hate it. I mean a cheerleader? Come on. I used to spend my time after school playing DND with Dusty and his friends or learning the greatest guitar riffs on my Fender, so cheer is not really my thing.
"Seriously Billy! You are having people watch me now?! You know I am not the cheerleader type. I don't like it" I whine.
Billy steps closer to me, and I feel my body involuntarily flinch. It is just a natural instinct I have gotten used to at this point. It is always 50/50 with him, you never really know what you are going to get with him.
Even though he wasn't hurting me, my body still tenses up when he grabs my ass. It was not out of fear, but more out of disgust. I was never a fan of this type of PDA, but this brazen action is just how Billy shows affection.
"But you are such a sexy cheerleader" he smirks. "I love ripping that uniform off of you. Besides I only date cheerleaders, so if you want to stay together, you go to practice."
If he said this to me months ago when we first started dating, I would have just slapped him and walked away, but I put up with it now. I don't really know why I put up with it. Things are just different now. I am different now.
I notice people staring at us while Billy's grip gets tighter on my ass. All of these eyes on me is not something I am used to and it is not something I am a fan of. Before Billy, I liked being invisible. I could just live under the radar and not worry about people ever really looking at me. Now... well, I am dating royalty of Hawkins High.
I do not like seeing people whisper while Billy's hands stay firmly on me. I push him off of me quickly starting to get annoyed by him. "God you are such a dick! I will fucking go, but you're definitely not ripping off my uniform later!"
"That's what you say now babe, but you'll be begging for me later." Billy smacks my ass and runs off to the other basketball players.
I finally feel like I can breath again when he walks away. I let out a long sigh and rub the bridge of my nose questioning how I let it get this far. Why did I let things go so wrong?
I turn around to walk to class, but I am greeted by a sight that is almost as bad as Billy trying to get all sexy with me. My brother is standing with my former best friends Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley. They all just look at me wide eyed and mouth hanging open in shock.
Great. Just my luck.
"Good to know you ditched us for such a healthy and loving relationship" Steve says in his typical petty attitude.
Did I feel bad that I let my closet relationships die? Of course. I miss Steve and Robin everyday. I miss our stupid debates and the times Robin and I spent messing with Steve. He was so easy to fuck with because he is so damn gullible. I miss them every waking second.
Of course I feel a lot of guilt for ditching them. I had to though, if they saw how Billy treated me they would try to convince me to leave, and that is just not an option. Billy did not want me hanging around them, so I threw them out like stale leftovers. Despite how much it hurts not being close with them anymore, Steve's attitude really pisses me off. Obviously he is right, but I do not appreciate him being right.
"Fuck off Harrington! Why are you here anyway? Realized you peaked in high school and want to relive the glory days?"
Damn. Ok that was a bit harsh. I felt the pain of regret the moment I said it, but I said it, so now I just have to deal with the fact that I just majorly insulted my best friend.
Dustin steps forward, his face is all scrunched up like it always does when he gets mad. It is actually pretty adorable, but I know that face is going to be followed by a lecture.
"Y/n" he yells. "He gave me a ride to school, which you were supposed to do! You don't have to be so rude."
Ok now I am actually getting pissed. Why am I letting these people judge me? Why am I letting my LITTLE brother berate me like this? I am over this conversation. It is a broken record at this point.
I lean down and tussle Dustin's hair in my fingers. "But we pay so much for your little babysitter, might as well get good use out of him" I stand up straight again and look over at Steve. "Isn't that right mama Harrington?"
Everyone looks at me with utter disbelief. I don't think they are used to seeing this side of me and I am not used to it either, but this is me now I guess. I am the bad guy now, might as well embrace the reality of my new life.
Steve does not respond well to my question, and why would he? I know I wouldn't if someone said that to me. I know this is a touchy subject for him since he involuntarily became the babysitter of the younger ones when shit hit the fan with the Upside Down.
He throws his hands up in the air in frustration and dramatically throws himself in his car. He starts it and prepare to drive off, but stops and pauses for a brief moment.
His eyes come to me and in them all I can see is betrayal and pain. That is when the guilt hits me. I have hurt him.
"Well at least I am there for him! You just left us, you left your brother. I thought we were family. I was clearly wrong" Steve looks away from me and turns to Robin. "I'll come get you at the end of the day."
Steve car speeds out of the parking lot and I feel my heart break from his words. I know what I did was wrong, but hearing it out loud and hearing my friend say it to me makes it all the more painful for me. I am a terrible person.
I want to run away so Robin and Dustin do not see me break down in front of them, but Dustin stops me by stepping in front of me.
"God! What has happened to you? You have become a monster! Steve used to be your best friend."
The internal debate starts in my head. I want to fight back, but I do not have the energy to. There was no point in arguing either because Dustin is right. I have become a monster. I am a shell of the person I used to be and Billy's darkness is starting to take root in me. I don't have it in me to argue.
"Just get over it Dustin. I grew up, that's all. Look I don't have to explain myself to you. Just tell me how you're getting home today."
Dustin rolls his eyes at me, little punk, and looks around the parking lot for an answer to my question. Typically he could just get a ride from Steve, but his stupid little club is meeting tonight and Steve will be working. It would just be easier to take Dustin home myself, but Billy would never allow it.
Dustin turns back to me and raises his voice louder. "Well you don't have to worry about me, I'll get a ride from Eddie."
Now I know why he raised his voice. I look out of the corner of my eyes and see the last thing I wanted to see. As if my morning could not get worse, Eddie Munson is walking in my direction.
The biggest thorn in my side, the bane of my existence, the man who makes my skin fucking crawl, confidentially walks over. He has this stupid smirk on his handsome face! God I hate that damn smirk. The thing that pisses me off so much about him is that he knows he is hot! He knows that is is fucking gorgeous and that just makes me hate him more!
Eddie Munson has always been my type. I mean how could he not be? His style, his attitude, his eyes, his goddamn hair! God he is so aggravating being so damn handsome like that. The thing that makes it so much worse is that he just fucking hates me! Why?
Before him and Dustin became friends, we never paid any attention to each other. I was always a grade below him, so our paths never crossed. Now he is in his second round of being a senior and my brother's new idol, so I see him way more than I would like.
Either he looks right through me or he yells at me. He has never once acknowledged my existence in a kind manner! I do not know why he hates me so much, but his hatred for me has made me hate him. I cannot stand him! I despise him.
He stands by my brother's side and gives me the dirtiest look he could muster. If looks could kill, I would be long dead at this point. It is nothing new. Those warm big brown eyes fill with a fiery hatred every time they fall on me.
He throws his arm over Dustin's shoulder. "You know I got you shrimp!" His eyes skip over me and go right to Robin. "Oh thanks for those movie recommendations Buckley. My date loved them."
Date? Eddie had a date! Who the fuck would date Eddie?
Robin smiles at him. "I told you they would work. I'm glad you had a good date."
Oh my god! If I hear one more word about Eddie's date I am going to lose my mind! I do not care, so why are they standing around my car talking about it? It's not like I am jealous or anything, I just find it ridiculous that some poor girl would actually willingly put up with Eddie.
I actually find it quite funny that this guy actually had a date. He doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. He is just some nerdy metal head stoner! He couldn't properly romance a girl. I bet he struggled the whole time and fumbled with what to talk about with her.
The thought of him struggling on his date made me scoff out loud and that obviously pissed him off because his eyes immediately come to me and that disdain comes back in his eyes.
"And what the fuck is so funny for you Henderson? I didn't think you were even capable of smiling!"
I sarcastically smile at him. "Oh no, I definitely smile, especially at the idea of a girl actually wanting to spend time around a nerd like you! I just don't smile around you because you gross me out."
He walks up closer to me, his firm chest pressed against my shoulder. My entire body tenses up, but not the same kind of tension Billy causes. It is different. It is like a fire ignites in the pit of my stomach. I am not afraid, but I cannot place how I feel having him this close. I can feel my heart pounding against my chest and my breath growing more jagged.
He leans down and whispers in my ear. "You think I'm gross huh? I've seen you checking me out in gym class and my tattoos, but keep telling yourself that princess."
Feeling his warm breath on my neck causes goosebumps to form down my spine. I get a sudden rush of chills. Fuck I cannot let myself get turned on by that even though it obviously did, especially when he calls me princess. I know he does not mean in an endearing way in any form, but I cannot help but imagine him groaning that to me as he buries himself deep in me.
Shit! Snap out of it Y/n!
I feel the warmth of his body leave mine when a loud voice approaching us calls out. Shit! I know that voice. Billy saw that. Oh god please tell me he did not see that!
Next thing I know I feel a strong grip wrapped around my arm and pulls me away from Eddie. Billy gets in between Eddie and I and gets in his face.
"What the fuck is going on here?"
I am no longer just scared for myself anymore, I am actually worried about Eddie. Billy is a bit of a brain dead brute, so he tends to hit first and ask questions later. As much as I hate Eddie, I don't want him to get hit because of me. I need to diffuse this situation.
I put my hand on Billy's shoulder and try to pull him back from Eddie. "I was just making sure my brother had a ride home. It is nothing Billy. Let's just head to class."
Billy rips himself away from me and steps closer to Eddie. Great the battle of testosterone.
"Really? Nothing?" Billy asks with a sinister smile. "Then why is the freak standing so damn close to you."
Eddie matches Billy's expression. "Believe me Hargrove, if I wanted your girl, she'd be mine by now. I know your fragile ego can barely handle the idea of a threat, but I don't want her. I never will."
Ouch. Am I really that bad? Why wouldn't he ever want me and why does it bother me so much that he doesn't want me?
Billy starts to laugh like a damn maniac and a different kind of chill runs through my body now. It is an eerie chill. That fucking laugh is terrifying. Before I can even process how scary that laugh is, Billy pushes Eddie to the ground.
That is it! I have had it with him terrorizing my friends, my brother and his friends. I do not know why he has to be like this, but it is driving me insane!
A sudden urge of confidence comes over me and I pull Billy away from everyone and raise my voice at him. "You didn't have to do that Billy! What the fuck is wrong with you?"
His eyes darken in anger and I feel the insist twinge of regret when I see that look in his eyes. I am going to get it now.
He tightly grabs my wrist and pulls me down an empty hallway. He is holding my wrist so tight it feels like it is going to break underneath his fingers. Every time I try to pull away from him, his grip gets tighter. He is going to crush my wrist.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? I made you" he yells. "You were nothing before me! And if you fuck me over with that freak, I will make sure you are nothing again! Got it?"
Billy's grip loosens on my wrist and quickly pull it from him. I can see the bruise already starting to form. I rub it with my hand, hoping that will ease the throbbing pain. Of course it didn't work, but it was nice to feel my own gentle touch. It has been so long since I felt a soft loving touch.
I choke back tears and timidly answer him. "I didn't mean to upset you. I am really sorry."
Billy seems awfully satisfied with himself. His smug face turns away from me and he walks to his first class of the day. I just stand in place for a moment trying to come down from the fear of that interaction.
The first half of the day went by slowly. I went to class after class staring at the bruise growing around my wrist. All I could focus on in class was the throbbing pain.
I know what everyone is thinking at this moment, why do I put up with this? Well the answer is pretty simple for me. Billy said it himself, I was no one before him. He made me into someone. I should honestly thank him for giving me a chance at getting a real life. It may not be the ideal life, but it is a life nonetheless. I know in his own sick way, Billy does love me. I mean no one ever showed interest in me before, but Billy did. Billy is the only person who cares about me, so why would I leave that?
I leave my last class before lunch and notice how black and blue my wrist is turning. I don't want people to get the wrong idea, so I decide to go to the bathroom and cover it up with some concealer.
I pat the makeup into the bruise and look up at myself in the mirror. I closely observe the bright colored makeup on my face and the girly cheer uniform I am wearing. I don't recognize myself. I mean seriously, who is that?
That is when the numbness sets in. I mean truly numb. The pain in my wrist goes away and I feel my soul start to wither before my very eyes. I am the cold lifeless cheerleader now.
I snap out of my trance when I hear the bathroom door open and slightly turn my body so the person could not see what I was doing. I work on blending the concealer in quicker so I can just get the hell out of here.
"Hey Y/n" a familiar comforting voice speaks quietly.
I turn my head to see Max staring at me with sympathetic eyes. Great another friend that I just left behind here to make me feel guilty.
Out of all of the friendships I have let die, Max was one of the harder ones to let go of. I still see her all the time and that makes it so much harder. I have to fight the urge to throw my arms around her and hold her tightly whenever I am at her house. I always saw Max like a little sister and the late night talks and dishing about how dumb boys can be are memories that I hold close to my heart.
Max used to be the recipient of her step brother's brutish behavior, but since I came into the picture, he started leaving her alone and focused his anger on me. I honestly felt some relief about that because I was always protective over Max, and know that he stopped bothering her because he had me made it somewhat justifiable.
Even though she probably knows, I do not want Max to see what Billy did to me. I do not want her to feel guilty. I throw the makeup in my backup and pull down my sleeve before speaking to her. "Oh hey Max! I didn't know it was you."
Her eyes immediately go to my wrist and she lets out a deep sigh. "Look I know we aren't close anymore and this isn't my place, but why do you let him treat you like that? I saw what he did and you don't deserve that. Since you started dating him, you've became a shell of who you used to be."
There is so much I wanted to say back to that. There is so much in general I want to tell Max. I wish we were still close, but that is my fault. I let him treat me like this because I don't want him to treat her like this instead. She doesn't deserve that.
Of course I am a shell of who I used to be. Who I used to be died. I made a deal with the devil in disguise. I let myself fall for a great smile and a confident demeanor. But it doesn't matter anymore. It has gone too far to stop it. This is just my reality now.
All I can do it play dumb and hope she just accepts that I have accepted it.
"I don't know what you are talking about and obviously you don't know what you're talking about either. I'm perfectly fine. More than fine! I am so happy."
I am not getting any Oscars for that performance I just put on. Max is smart, I am only fooling myself at this point.
"Look at yourself when you say that! How am I supposed to believe that when you don't even believe it yourself? I've heard some of the things he has said to you. You need to know that he isn't the only one who loves you. Other people care about you, and how he treats you is not love."
Ok that one really hit deep. That was a bit too on the nose for my liking. It makes me cringe knowing that a fourteen year old is able to call me out like that with such ease.
The day is no where close to over and I am already drained from what has happened today. I cannot deal with this anymore. I need to get away from this.
I pick up my backpack and roll my eyes at her to dismiss her. I walk out of the bathroom ending our conversation.
I roam around the hallways before going to cafeteria, wanting to avoid more social interactions. Since I started Billy, I sit with the basketball team and cheerleaders at lunch and words cannot express how much I hate it. I mean the pointless conversations cause my mental sanity to dwindle each day.
If I hear one more conversation about the new lipstick colors or best defensive formation, I am going to pound my head into the table until I start to bleed. Honestly, that sounds more appealing to me. So, you can see why I was not in any rush to get to lunch.
I stand at the entrance to the cafeteria for a brief moment trying to mentally prepare myself for the torment I am about to go through.
It is as if the Lord himself wanted to give me a break today because my little brother calls out for me from his table. Oh thank god. I can have a buffer before I listen to complete idiocy for the next 45 minutes.
That relief immediately left and dread took over when I see Max talking to my brother. Little snitch!
I try to keep my eyes away from Eddie, but he is magnetizing. I have to just look at him and see those eyes again. His eyes are hypnotic. Those deep brown eyes are so beautiful and warm that I cannot resist them.
Of course I am not greeted with that warm look, and instead I see pure hatred in his eyes. God I hate that he hates me so much! Why does it bother me that he hates me so much? I hate him too. Right? Yeah, I am pretty sure I hate him.
I fake a smile and pull my hand on my brother's shoulder. "You called?"
"So I was just talking to Eddie and he can't give me a ride home. Cheer and Hellfire get out at the same time, so I was hoping you could give me a ride home. I would owe you a big favor!"
They must think I am dumb. I mean what are the odds that Max is at the table after the talk we just had and now Dustin magically needs a ride. They are trying to get me away from Billy. They have been doing this since we started dating, and at first I didn't understand why, but I definitely do now.
Part of me wants to get upset with them for trying to manipulate me like this, but I think it is sweet that they are trying to protect me. Plus, Eddie is expecting me to bitch at Dustin. He is expecting me to freak out, so why not confuse him a bit and show him that I am not as bad as he thinks I am.
I smile even wider knowing I am about to throw off Eddie. "Of course I will Dusty! You are my little brother. I cannot have you walking home late at night."
Eddie basically chokes on his food in a shocked reaction to my response. "What the fuck? Are you kidding me? Just like that you're going to do it? What happened to the wicked bitch of the west?"
Time to get a taste of your own medicine Munson!
I walk over to his side of the table and bend over slowly in front of him to whisper in his ear. "I'm only wicked where it matters Munson, but you could have guessed that" I purr.
He slowly turns to face me, blush growing across his cheeks. Once he is fully facing me, his eyes flicker from my lips back to my eyes. I have him right where I want him.
"What... what are you doing Y/n?"
"You think I've been checking you out in gym class, well I know you've been checking me out. Don't act like you don't like it" I smirk, lips close to his.
For a moment I think he is leaning into me, but again I have drastically misread his actions. He moves to pull himself out of his seat and steps back from me, almost like I repel him... like I disgust him. "Not working on me Y/n. I'd have to not hate you to even consider that. So are you getting your brother or what?"
I walk back over to Dustin and try to hide my obvious disappointment that Eddie does not want to be near me. "Obviously I will take you home Dustin. I'm not as evil as your fucking nerd leader thinks I am. I'll just tell Billy to get a ride from Jason."
Clearly I struck a nerve with Eddie because he walks back over to me and has a shit eating grin plastered across his lips. Those soft plump lips that any girl would be so lucky to feel kissing down her body. Not me of course. I mean why would I ever want that?
He steps closer to me, our bodies so close to each other. I can feel his warmth radiate to me. "Just calling it how I see it princess. You're just as bad as those jocks over there and we don't want you here."
I try to act like his words did not just shatter me. I cannot let him see that he has hurt me. I turn away from him, preparing myself to walk away from him, but I immediately turn back to him wide eyed scared of what is standing behind me. Eddie does not see the fear on my face because he notices the same thing I did too. Billy is walking towards us.
Once Billy gets next to me, his voice comes off angry and harsh. "Babe! What did I tell you about hanging around the freaks?"
I don't know why, but I got defensive. I do not like it when Billy calls them that. They are not freaks. I may be mean to Eddie, but I would never call him a freak because he isn't one. Sure he's dorky, a dick, dramatic, and obnoxious, but he is not a freak.
I don't know what came over me. I felt protective over Eddie and his little band of idiots in that instant. "Billy relax! I was just talking to my brother. He needs a ride home so you will have to catch a ride with Jason. But do not call them freaks! That's my brother and his friends. You don't have to be so rude."
Billy stripped away my defiant streak quickly because he does not like when I go against him. I rarely go against him anymore, so when I do it makes him irrationally angry. He becomes that brain dead brute in an instant when I am defiant towards him.
Billy quickly grabs the same wrist he hurt earlier this morning and squeezes it tightly. I did not want to show weakness, but he already hurt it enough this morning and the added pressure was not making it feel any better. I let out an involuntary wince from the pain as he yells at me creating a scene.
"You will not talk to me like that in front of these losers!"
Some of the boys from the Hellfire table stand up and hold their arms out trying to calm Billy down. Yeah right, like that will work.
Dustin comes over to Billy's side and tries to calm him down. "Hey man. We are sorry, we did not mean to cause any trouble."
Of course I appreciate my brother trying to protect me, but not when it comes to Billy Hargrove. The last thing I want is Billy to hurt my little brother and that is exactly what start to see happening.
Billy slowly turns his head to Dustin, giving him a crazy look. I have to protect my brother so I try to yank my wrist my Billy to bring his attention back to me. Even though it fucking kills to move my wrist in his grip, it worked and Billy turned his attention back to me.
His grip gets tighter and I groan in agony at the strong pressure crushing me.
The pain immediately leaves my mind when the most shocking thing happens. I mean more shocking than a different dimension full of monster existing right underneath our feet.
Eddie walks over and tries to get in between Billy and I. He keeps his voice low, but it is harsh. "You're going to let her go right now man! You don't touch a woman like that!"
I am shocked! What the hell is happening? Is Eddie Munson protecting me? I must have passed out from the agonizing pain and I am dreaming because there is no way in hell Eddie Munson would ever defend me!
I think Billy is just as surprised as I am because his eyes get wide, but not out of anger. He throws my hand down and turns to Eddie before walking away. "Stay away from her freak!"
I watch Billy walk away amazed that Eddie stepping in actually made him let go instead of making him angrier. Once Billy is out of sight, that is when I start to feel all eyes on me.
I turn back to the Hellfire table and see everyone sitting there staring at me, but all I could focus on was Eddie. He was back in his seat eating his lunch like nothing even happened. His eyes stay on the food in front of him and never come up to look at me.
I feel the tears starting to sting as they swell in my eyes. The last thing I want to do is cry in front of my brother and Eddie. I cannot let them see me break. With no desire to stay here longer and continue to be judged, I run out of the cafeteria to find some place to be alone.
All I can think about as I run away from the judgement of others is Eddie. How could I hate him after that?