Five Days Later
June 22nd; 2023
Joe Alwyn's Point of View
I've started to bring some stuff with me to the studio so I have something to do besides scroll on my phone for two hours while I wait for Taylor to show up. Right now I'm reading a book because it makes me feel like I'm doing something productive with my life. Books also heavily influence my music so reading is a necessity. I had been working more on the song that I shared with Taylor but I desperately need her help as much as I hate admitting it. Taylor and I have two different goals. She needs an album and I need money. She can't do the album without me and I can't do it without her so somehow we are going to need to figure out how to work together. Especially with how little time we actually have. At this rate, we will never finish the album on time.
"Alwyn, how are you doing?" Taylor makes her grand entrance wearing a floral romper and heels. Black sunglasses again. I never know if they're a fashion statement or so people don't know she's high.
"Do you actually care?"
"Not really." She drops all her stuff on the floor and flings her sunglasses on the couch because screw being neat.
"Was starting to think you weren't going to show up."
"Back off. I caught a cold and I feel like shit. I'm only here because I have to be." It definitely isn't a cold. I don't know what she has but I don't think she's been sober long enough to know what it's like to be sick anymore. I decide to keep my distance, not wanting to catch whatever the hell she has.
"You're only here every day because you have to be."
"Touché."
"Are we actually going to do something today? Because I'm tired of coming here and wasting my time."
"Actually, I had a couple of ideas." She says shamefully. I'm not sure where the shame is coming from but I can hear it in her voice and the quietness in her cords.
"Taylor? Having an idea? Potentially sober?"
"I haven't had any oxy in a couple of days." She does a small sniffle before sneezing. It's extremely high-pitched.
"Oh my god that was adorable."
"Shut up! I have a cold." She reminds me then takes a tissue from her bag and wipes her nose.
"That sounds like a you problem."
Taylor groans as she rolls her eyes. "Well, I write about my personal life and nothing has happened to me recently besides taking a bunch of drugs. So, I'm thinking we write about fictional relationships and call the album Folklore."
I smile mostly in relief. "There's the musical genius I know!"
"You really like it? I mean, um, yeah. I know, I'm talented like that." She tries to recover but she made it clear she cares about what I think about her work.
"I love it but if we're going to work on the album, we need to establish some ground rules."
"What type of rules?"
"You need to stop getting high in the studio. Every time you get high we end up at a bar or some extravagant club. We don't do anything. I don't care what you do after the session but we need to get work done."
She knows I'm right but doesn't want to acknowledge it so she just stares off until the silence is unbearable. "Fine. No drugs in the studio. But that's a big sacrifice for me so if I'm giving up something I need you to give up something too."
"What is it?"
"Your prejudice. I need you to stop judging me. I'm tired of you making assumptions with your preconceived notions. You know nothing about me."
My silence is just as long as hers was. "Okay, but I want to learn about you then. If we're going to spend hours at a time with one another, I'd like to know you better. Because all I know is you're a cattish drug addict with a touch of alcoholism and has an obsession with cats."
She rolls her eyes audibly, trying her best. "Fine but I get to ask stuff about you too. So, what do you want to know?"
"What made you start the drugs?" It's a blunt question but I have to know.
"I don't-we talked about the drug thing. If you're going to ask questions, they have to be about me. Not the oxy."
Part of me knew she wouldn't answer it but I had to try. I'm not sure why she's so closed off about it. "Where did you grow up then?" I decide to ask a simple question to start. Hopefully, she'll open up more later.
"You can just Google that stuff you know."
"Fine. What have you been doing since the release of Lover? To my knowledge, it's the last album you put out."
"I mean, at first I was doing stuff like interviews and performances. Then oxy happened and I've just been slacking off since. So to answer your question, nothing." Taylor answers before going into a small coughing fit. "The piano, you're quite miraculous. I've never heard anything like it from a songwriter. Where did you learn to play like that?"
"My grandfather was a composer. My parents started to teach me piano the second I could sit up straight. I'm always told my talent is one of a kind. There's something special to it that can't be replicated. It's envied." Taylor gives me a look that tells me she's not satisfied with the answer. What does she want me to do, lie to her, and give her a better one? "Who were you dating when you made Lover? All of it is love songs. Who were you in love with?"
"Taylor Lautner. He was one of the only men I've dated who treated me well and I fucked it up. I really thought we were going to be together forever. Apparently, three years was the max." She rips out a piece of notebook paper and starts to fold a paper airplane. It's like she's trying to act like she doesn't care by doing something else.
"What about London Boy?"
"That's about an old friend and her husband. She cut me out of her life a couple years back. Speaking of marriage, why'd you cheat on your wife?" She takes the paper airplane and throws it across the studio. She's really shitty at making paper airplanes because it only goes about five feet.
"Can I have a different question?" I plead.
"No. I've been cheated on and kicked around by men enough to know they do it because of selfish reasons. If you're going to say I'm cattish, I want your explanation for why you cheated."
"It just wasn't working out and-and instead of telling her what I wanted..." I scratch the back of my head and start to shut down. I begin to try and deflect. Unfortunately, Taylor is much better at it.
"Try again."
"I'm not ready to talk about that one. It's really complicated. But I was an asshole and I shouldn't have done it. I regret it. Can we leave it at that?"
"Fine." She sighs with an eye roll.
"Why do you push people away?"
"Why are your questions so personal? Why can't they be like what's your favorite pizza topping?" She complains.
"You said I could Google those. Plus, I want to actually know you. So tell me, why do you do it?"
"I guess I push people away before they realize that I'm an awful person."
"So you're a self-fulfilling prophecy."
"A what?"
"A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that becomes true only because you believed it would. You believe everyone is going to leave you so anyone who comes into your life you automatically treat them like so. Behavior influences results and the person leaves." I explain. She doesn't like what I told her so she just moves on.
"Why aren't you scared of me?"
"Scared of you?"
"I get drunk, I do drugs. I do them right in front of your face and you don't flinch. You don't seem to care."
"I-I care. I just have other things on my mind. I'm honestly more focused on finishing the album than dealing with your drug issues. I knew I'd just have to get used to it." I look as she's making another paper airplane. "Let's stop with the questions now and start working. I think I've had enough."
She tosses the airplane which once again only makes it a few feet. "Me too." She gets up and walks over to the keyboard. "Your song, by the way, I know what's missing from it."
"What song?"
"You played it for me last week before we went to Lantern's Keep."
"You remember that?" I'm honestly quite impressed.
She rolls her eyes and begins to play. What she does is unexpected though. Poetry and pure beauty come from her lips. "I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending. You're not my homeland anymore so what am I defending now? You were my town. Now I'm in exile, seein' you out. I think I've seen this film before." She finishes off and looks up at me. "That's the first chorus."
"It's amazing..." For the first time, Taylor gave me hope that we would be able to finish this album.
"One more thing."
"What?"
"It's a duet. That's what your song is missing."
I smile and put my hand on hers. "Our song," I tell her. She smiles back but then retracts her hand and turns away.
"I know who I want to help produce this album but they'll never agree."
"Maybe if we write enough songs and get content they'll help out. Who do you want to produce it?" I ask.
"Aaron Dessner from The National. He's brilliant and I know he'll do amazing work." She explains to me.
"Let's just focus on writing the music for now." I don't know how in the hell we'll actually get him to agree. The reason they got me to agree was because I was unaware and there's no way in hell Aaron doesn't know what type of shit is happening here.
The rest of the day was spent working on the song. Maybe I don't regret coming to America as much as I thought I did. Seeing the master at work is incredible. I've never met a lyricist quite like her. To witness that type of work in front of me is something special. I just hate that it comes with a price. We finished the song's melody and lyrics by the end of the day. All that's missing is its production. Who knew that if stopped hating each other for five minutes, we could make a great team?
Both of us pack up our things and I notice a familiar person walk in the studio. "Babe!" Taylor's face instantly lights up and she wraps her arms around him. Tom picks her off the ground and they spin in a circle.
Tom sets her back on the ground and gives her a peck on the cheek. "I missed you."
"Did you get the stuff?"
"Anything for you my love." Tom pulls out a bag of oxy from his back pocket and Taylor rips it from his hand. She wasn't sober by choice. She was only sober because she was out of drugs. I watch as she pours three pills in her hand with a grin.
"Are you getting high?" I ask but it's a redundant question.
"The agreement was not getting high while working in the studio. You said you don't care what I do when we're done." I guess she's right but for some reason, I had built a false expectation. She snorted oxy off the table within the minute. It usually pisses me off but this time it didn't. This time it made my heart sink. She wipes her nose and sniffles for a minute. "Bye, Alwyn." She then simply left with Tom like nothing happened.
I leave the studio and start my walk back to my flat. I stop in place and sigh. I take my phone out of my pocket and call her. It immediately goes to voicemail which is to be expected. Who wants to talk to the man who cheated on you? I decide to leave a voicemail for her. "Hey Laura, it's Joe. I'm not calling to yell or take any more cats. I know it's been a long time since we've talked but I'd love to talk to you again. I hate how things ended. The worst part is I don't think I even said I was sorry. I'm just calling to tell you I'm sorry for being such an asshole. I hope you're happy and you're doing well because you deserve the best. Sorry for stealing Benji back like that by the way. Maybe we can share custody. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." I look at my phone and hang up. Part of me feels that I may regret that later but I had to say it.
I eventually arrive home where I'm greeted by Benjamin. I pick him up and hold him like he's a little baby. He meows softly and licks his nose. Today was the first day since I've been in America that I felt like things weren't going to burn in a fire. The first day I felt somewhat happy. Best of all I got to come home to Benji snuggles.
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Author's Note:
I GAVE SO MANY SIGNS
Next chapter is a little crazy hehe. That answers who Lover is abt tho :D
Strange Bedfellows: When two people completely different people form an unusual alliance.