" Do you guys like it?" I played with my hair as I stood in front of my bathroom mirror.
My phone was positioned in front of me, allowing the girls to take in my new look. I'd only had it for about a week so far. At first I had mixed emotions and then it grew on me. Short hair made me look more mature and felt like a weight off of my shoulders.
I did miss my long hair, but the short hair embodied a new me.
" It looks great!" Lizzy exclaims.
" You look like a young milf," Jora shoves a handful of honey roasted peanuts into her mouth, nodding her head in approval. Given that Jora had an obsession with milfs, I was taking that as a high compliment,
" Looks better than Jora's Anastasia Steele bangs," Skylar says. " That's for sure." No less than a second after she spoke, did a pillow fly across Jora's screen and fly into Skylar's screen, hitting her in the face.
" Oops," Jora smiled sweetly as Skukar glared at her.
" Sleep with one eye open, bitch," Skylar threatened.
I inhaled deeply, wishing to be with my friends and not a thousand miles away from them. It sucked to leave them and I know that some of them were upset with me for leaving, but they knew that I had to go for my own sanity.
"I love it!" Ayanna smiles, distracting me from the play fighting going on between Jora and Skylar in the background. " It's like a brand new you."
One step closer towards the new me.
" Yeah," I sighed as I pulled up one of two dress options for the charity event. " We shall test that new me theory tonight."
" Oh boy," Ayanna straightened up. " Is she going to be there?"
I shrugged my shoulders as I stepped out of the frame and slipped into the black option. The dress was a delicate sheer fabric, but not too sheer where it would be distasteful to wear. The dress was detailed with ruffles going down the dress.
I pursed my lips as I stared at the dress in the mirror. It fit perfectly but...
" It's too casual," Sade read my mind. " It's giving vacation in the Bahamas. Not spending money in a ballroom surrounded by the filthy rich and privileged who are not so secretly having a pissing contest with each other."
She did have a point. " Maybe I'll save it for Taiwan," I decided, leaving the frame once more to try on my second option.
It was a simpler black dress with a square neckline and a tasteful tiny cutout just over my chest.The dress fit my shape nicely and wouldn't make me look like I was my father's mistress and his daughter instead. You'd be surprised at how many people thought that I was the former.
Disgusting old bastards.
I zipped up the back with trouble and straightened the dress before stepping back into the frame. I did a three-sixty spin for the girls to see and give their input on.
" That looks amazing on you," Elizabeth says.
Sade nods her head in approval. " I love that."
I squinted my eyes at her box. " Usually when you love something," I address Sade, " that means that you are plotting to steal it."
Sade rolls her eyes. " How am I to steal a dress that's a thousand miles away, Rhegan."
Ayanna snorts as she makes herself comfortable on the couch now that Skylar and Jora are done horsing around. " If there's a will, there's a way with you, Sade," she backs me up.
" She'd probably contact your coming staff to FedEx express ship it to her." Audrey's comment has me ending over cackling while Sade sits unamused, adding more to the laughter.
" I'm glad that y'all find that funny because now she's given me ideas," Sade crosses her arms, trying to crack a smile.
" You should wear that one," Jora says after she's calmed down. " I like it and you wouldn't have to do much with your hair either. Just add some cute earrings and bracelets," her inner fashionista comes out as she helps to style me for the night.
Somehow I ended up in my closet holding up two shoe choices that she's narrowed down for me.
" Try one of each on."
I pulled on a brand new Versace heel, the pointy platform pumps that I nearly died over while stress shopping. They almost made me forget why I was compulsively shopping to take my mind off of things when I saw them.
The other option was a pair of Miu Miu slingback
pumps with a kitten heel.
They were elegant and would probably be more comfortable than the Versace pumps for sure.
" The Miu Miu's look better," Ayanna adds in her input. " It kind of gives off an old money vibe."
Miu Miu's it is, I decide.
Grabbing my phone, I walked back into my bathroom and changed, leaving the outfit for tonight hanging on the back of my door. I would decide later what to do with my hair and makeup, for now, I would nap.
" Alright babes," I sighed, longing to be with them as I exited my bathroom and walked across the cold marble floor of my bedroom. " I love you guys but I must mentally prepare myself in case I have to serve a mean bowl of bitchiness and sprinkled with a little bit of the harsh truth tonight."
The girls all had mixed emotions on their faces, knowing that the chances of me running into my mother tonight was the opposite of slim to none.
" She deserves double the helping of whatever you give her," Ayanna states, smiling softly in support. " I love you. Call me when you get home."
" I love you too, Yaya," I smile, kissing my best friend so much more than ever.
The rest of the girls echoed my sentiments before the call ended. I collapsed onto my mattress and as soon as my head hit my pillow, I was out like a light.
I dreamt of strong, muscular arms wrapped around my torso, big hands holding my breast for comfort like they always did. In my dream I was happy and in love and dreaming of what could have been.
Then I woke up and was reminded of what it was.
My fingers gripped my scalp as I sighed and checked the clock on my nightstand. " Oh shit!" I gasped as I looked at the time, nearly tumbling out of my bed as I raced for the bathroom.
I was going to be late.
_______________________
Father time seemed to be on my side as I stepped out of the town car and grabbed hold of my father's hand. "กระต่ายคืนนี้คุณดูสวยงาม," he compliments me as he takes my hand in his.
— You look beautiful tonight, bunny.
" Thank you," I leaned in, kissing his cheek before we walked up the steps of the hotel where the charity event was being hosted. " คุณดูมีเสน่ห์มาก."
— You look very charming.
After posing for some pictures and walking into the ballroom of the hotel, I broke away from my father and beelined it towards the bar. I wasn't in the mood for talking and socializing— honestly, I hadn't so much as touched a drink since Dominic's birthday.
But tonight, my gut feeling was telling me that I would need a drink or two...
or five.
Maybe a shot of hennessy too.
Instead, I aimed for a glass of Dom Perignon as I took a seat at the bar. Looking around the room I sighed as I brought my glass towards my lips, feeling boredom set in quickly. It was bad enough that I was already drowning in self-pity and heartbreak, now I had to do it while bored.
" Can I buy you a drink, beautiful?" I didn't bother looking up at the stranger standing next to me.
" Already have a drink," I deadpanned.
" Can I buy your next drink?" He asked. I caught a glimpse of his sleeve... and a wedding band on his finger.
The fucking dog.
" And then maybe we can get out of here."
I whipped my head towards him and failed to hide my grimace. He was good looking, no more than thirty, and had beautiful, clear blue eyes, and to top it all off, a charming smile. Of course he was your typical rich, two-timing dick.
I bet his wife was beautiful. They always were.
I smiled, bringing my champagne glass to my lips, letting him think that was going to be buying me drinks left and right and maybe it would end with me in his bed, but instead I was going to rip him into shreds.
" No," I said, trailing my finger down the material of his tux, gliding it over the back of his palm and tapping the gold band on his ring finger. " But a bit of advice for the next time you think about hitting on someone other than your wife, don't wear your ring or be so desperate when a lady is clearly unfazed by your mediocre game, or lack thereof."
I leaned forward and took his glass of whiskey out of his hands as he stared blankly at his wedding ring. " Thanks for the drink. You can go now," I dismissed him, stowing his glass of whiskey before turning away from him.
" Bitch," he muttered under his breath.
I snorted, I would rather be a bitch than a dirty mistress.
If anything, he was the bitch who didn't have the balls to insult me to my face, but had the balls to think that I would fall for the charming small and good looks. The audacity that some men had.
Men were pigs, dirty, filthy pigs.
Great, now that I was pathetic and almost two weeks post-break up, I had started to spiral down the I hate men path. Even though I didn't hate men, I hated men who broke up a perfectly happy couple. I hated men who didn't know how to be loyal and committed to their wife.
I hated stupid men.
Sadly, the world seemed to be ruled my stupid, stupid men.
Deciding not to drown myself in my thoughts, I looked around the room in search of my father. I did tell him that I would come to this event and instead I was sulking and loving him high and dry with people that he could hardly tolerate. I found him standing next to the table with little hors-d'oeuvre's, eyeing which one he was going to grab.
" Hello, daddy." My father jumps, clutching his chest as I accidentally startle him.
" Jesus, Rhegan," he sighs and turns back to his choices of mini dishes. " You and those quiet feet of yours always manage to give your old man an early on-set heart attack."
I wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed a cheek against his shoulder. " You are barely even forty. Don't start using the old man card now."
My father and I stood at the table a few seconds longer, him eventually scanning the table with a finger tapping the center of his chin— the man was indecisive as fuck.
If I got my running from my mother, I got my indecisiveness from my father. The man had to choose between two different ties tonight and couldn't decide which one matched his tux better... they were a shade apart in color.
" How's your night going so far?" I asked, making the decision easy on him and grabbing two of the spicy crab salad tapas.
He grabbed one from me with a grateful tug of his lips, "Same old. Same old," he grumbles, looking around his shoulders. " These people are boring. They talk about the same thing every event and, you know, I am tired of hearing Dylan McIntyre talk about his fucking Hampton house, as if we all don't have a Hampton house.
Ours was the best in my opinion. " That reminds me," I tap his shoulder. " I think the girls would love to go this summer."
My father nods as he takes another spicy crab tapa. " I'll put it in the planner for the staff. What about you? Are you enjoying yourself?"
I rolled my eyes as we both pivoted and faced the crowd. "Some asshole thought that it would be smart to hit on me and then call me a bitch after I called him out on being a two timing ass wipe. He literally had the audacity to ask me to leave with him while having his wedding band on, daddy."
My father— he was always on for gossip. Maybe it was because I told him everything and he got used to me gossiping with Ayanna, but he was such a girl dad.
That also probably meant that he was behind that parents group chat that they all thought we were so oblivious too. I thought that it was cute though— all of our parents became close friends through us.
" These men have no respect for themselves or their families," my father shook his head, not surprised but disgusted. " No shame."
" At all," I agreed as we took a sip of our drinks.
My father and I stood and scanned the crowd... well... judged the crowd and talked shit in Thai. Moments like these were fun and took my mind off how shitty my life turned in just a span of a few days.
Shitty was a bit of a stretch— it could be worse.
" Taylor Clarke!" My father turned to greet the group of men that approached us. " I want to take a quick moment to introduce you to our newest exec over at Whitethrone Corp. He's going to be overseeing our projects."
Whitethrone Corp. has been badgering my father to do business deals for time now, but one look at their newest executive and that was going to go down hill.
" Oh daddy!" I chirped up, staring at the man from earlier, a smile on my face as he visibly gulped. " This is the man that I was telling you about earlier."
My dad side-eyes the blonde as I extended a hand in his direction. " The man from the bar," I lifted my brows, smiling sickly. " But excuse me, I think I need a refill so I'll leave you gentlemen to it."
With that, I lit the match and my quick escape to the bar with a little pep in my step. For the first time tonight, there was a genuine smile on my face. Was it fucked up that it came at the expense of possibly ruining someone's career? Yes.
Did I care? Not when that person was an asshole who had zero regard for who he was insulting. Technically he ruined his own career.
I approached the bar and called for the barkeep, pointing to my glass for another glass. He quickly came over and switched out my glass, this time adding a strawberry to the rim.
" Thank you," I said, fishing for cash out of my purse and handing it to him.
He smiled and nodded his head appreciatively before going down to tend to other guests. I sipped on my champagne as I pulled up my phone and looked at today's game results— Dominic hadn't been playing well for the last two games and I couldn't help but feel guilty about it.
Just as I was about to check the score and stalk his stats, a familiar scent washed over me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw blonde hair, icy blues, and the lady that shattered my heart all those years ago.
No.
" Rhegan."
I froze. My whole demeanor froze over, turning just as icy as the fucking polar ice caps.
That voice that handed out promises like they were candy. That voice that lulled me to sleep every night up until it's shitty owner's betrayal. That voice that broke my heart and shredded it to pieces with iron sharp teeth.
Sade's famous words ran through my mind repeatedly like my favorite Jorja Smith song...
" If you ignore it, it'll go away." I could hear the words in the back of my head as I held on tightly to the steam of my champagne glass and shut my eyes tightly, praying that she would take my non-responsiveness as a hint.
" Rhegan." It wasn't going away.
She wasn't going away.
Rolling my shoulders back and inhaling deeply, I put on my best face that read boredom and disdain for the money hungry bitch in front of me.
" What?" There was enough bite in my tone that she stumbled back a few steps from the impact of it.
"Come here to make more empty promises and then leave again?" A brow lifted as I drained my champagne, slamming the glass on the counter so hard that it breaks.
Shit.
Leila jumps from the sound of glass shattering. "Rhegan, I did what I had to do to make a name for myself."
An obnoxious laugh erupts from the deepest depths of my throat. " I'm sorry," I held my stomach from laughing too hard. " What gave you the impression that I want to listen to your pathetic excuse of leaving your husband and seven year old child behind."
She wanted to make a name for herself, yet she was still using my father's name. What a fucking joke.
She was a fucking joke.
" Explain to me Leila," I tapped my chin as if I were trying to piece a puzzle together in my mind. " How does one make a name for themselves, using the name of their husb- I'm sorry, ex husband's , last name? Can you explain that to me?"
Leila's eyes switched back and forth at the few people who had the guts to pay attention to this conversation. "I-I"
" I what?" I stepped closer, intimidating her to the point where she retreats another step back, getting locked in between me and a barstool.
" I am a cunt for leaving my husband and daughter behind? And for what? A company that nearly went bankrupt twice before I got my shit together."I finished her sentence.
"I agree, Leila," I smile insincerely, "You are a cunt."
Leila recoils, her bottom lip trembling and I fed off of that.
It made me feel better. It encouraged me to rip into her if it meant that she could feel the sliver of hurt that I've felt for years. I wanted her to hurt like she hurt me.
And if I had to result to being an evil bitch, then so fucking be it.
" You should be ashamed for making false promises to a seven year old girl knowing that you would never fall through with them."
Hurt flashes in her eyes and a sprinkle of satisfaction plops in to my stomach like a rock hitting the bottom of a wishing well.
Too bad my wish for this bitch to disappear hasn't come true yet.
" Rhegan. I was going to come back. Ti-"
" Shut up!" I demand, holding up a palm.
"Your voice makes nails dragging down a chalkboard sound angelic right now. The fact that you have the fucking gull to stand in front of me, breathing my fucking air, wasting my time and for what? To lie to my face again?"
"What do you want?" I spit out the words, my patience trickling out of me.
Leila swallows, gripping her clutch tightly in her hands. "Forgiveness."
And for the second time tonight, I laugh in her face at her expense." Well aren't you just a fucking comedian tonight."
My face falls, going neutral once more to mask the hurt that still haunts me because of her." You don't deserve my forgiveness. You don't deserve my hurt. You don't deserve to look at me after what you did."
I looked her dead in the eyes, seeing them water up with tears and the hurt sink in as my words strike her right where I want." But what you do deserve is my fucking hatred. I have plenty of that inside of me for you and you only. And trust me when I say that I don't give two shits about apologies or lies about wanting to be a family again."
" You walked out on your family so therefore you have no family. You are dead to me and you are dead to my father. Leave us alone. I don't want to get anymore disrespectful then I already have."
Grabbing her champagne glass, I downed that too." And this little interaction right here, this was me being nice to you for his sake." I leaned forward, whispering into her ear, inhaling her scent.
She smelled the same and that enraged me even more.
"The next time you approach me you're going to wish that you would've swallowed instead."
Leila gasped as I grinned. " What a lovely chat. Let's never do it again, K!"
" Rhegan, please," she cried softly, her brows dipping as she steps towards me, catching me off gaurd.
She reaches for me, her warm and gentle hands hold my face... just like they had moments before she left me standing in front of the doorway in tears.
" I am so sorry. I am so sorry." Tears fell down her face that hasn't aged a day.
" I-I want to fix this," she sniffles, caressing my face as she steps closer. "Please let me fix this."
My eyes burn and the tickling in my ears grows more prominent as I hold back my tears. I tried to hold them back. She didn't deserve to see me cry. She didn't deserve my tears.
" You are my baby," she whispered softly, planting her forehead against mine and I-I didn't move. " I love you and there is not a second of every waking minute that I don't regret what I did. I'm so sorry, baby girl."
Closing my eyes, I bask in the feeling of her touch one last time as I choke back on a sob. I shake my head, the tiny sliver of me that craved my mother's affection slipped back into the shadows where it belongs.
" You can't fix something that's broken," I inhaled her scent one last time. " You broke me."
I gripped her hands and pulled them away from my face, shaking my head. This was all too much. Too much. Too fast.
" And the one person who was slowly healing me, I let go, because of the impact that your actions left on me," my voice cracks and I hate myself for allowing her to know that. I hate myself for being vulnerable with her.
I hate myself. I hate her.
" I can never forgive you."
________________
The next morning I woke up with a splitting headache.
I cried myself to sleep last night for a multitude of reasons and the only solution that I had to fix it, was fucking therapy. So here I sat on Dr. Green's couch after practically demanding that she see me.
" Your shoes are cute," I break the silence, complimenting her black knee highs that were hidden under her floor length denim skirt.
" Thanks," she kicks up a heel, admiring them. " I thrifted them a while ago."
And she thrifts... What didn't she do?
" How are you, Rhegan?" She shifted her attention to me, clicking that damn pen.
" Well," I sighed and slouched into my seat. " I saw my mother last night."
Dr. Green hums, scribbling whatever thoughts pop into her brain. Sometimes I wondered if she was actually writing down her thoughts or was she doodling aliens and dandelions galore. I would never know.
" And how did that go?"
I scratched the back of my neck, squinting my eyes as I looked upwards at the ceiling. " I called her a cunt a few times, told her that I hated her, and would never forgive her. The usual."
Dr.Green blinked rapidly, a beat of silence followed. " This is a usual conversation between the two of you?"
My lips pursed as I hummed, cocking my head to the side. " Well considering the last proper conversation that I had with her resulted in her leaving and me and my father, I would say no."
Dr. Green simply nodded and wrote on that damn notepad. I struggled to fight the urge to snatch it from her hands and read every judgmental thought that she has written about me. No one could convince me otherwise that therapists didn't secretly judge their patients.
This is why therapy was a bad idea.
Then why are we sitting in this room, again? Because if I didn't talk to someone about my encounter with the egg donor from hell, then I was going to mentally decompose.
And that would not be a good thing for anyone within a hundred mile radius.
" Sooo," Dr. Green flickered her eyes towards mine, a hint of disappointment in her gaze. " You didn't reconcile with her."
I huffed, my cheeks puffing out as the air deflated from my mouth. " No, Dr. Green," I crossed my arms and stared blankly at her. " Mind you, this is the first time that I have come face to face with that witch in years and the first thing that I am supposed to do is extend an olive branch?"
I shook my head. " No, she was going to hear every vile and evil thought that has entered my mind from the moment that I realized my words could cut just as deep as a sword."
Dr. Green observes me for a moment as I catch my breath. " Have you ever thought that maybe you should talk to her, get all of this hurt out of your system in order to move on from it? I know that it's going to be hard and that you clearly don't want to do it, but you can't ignore this pain."
" It has been affecting you for years and essentially affects your relationship, and from what I've gathered from our last two meetings, it's that it takes you a while to open up," she looks down at her notepad that clearly wasn't filled with doodles and aliens like I thought.
" So, I have a solution," she smiles and places her elbows on her kneecaps, placing her chin in her open palms.
Jeez. Did I even want to know?
" Do you want to know what it is?" She asked, batting her lashes.
" No," I deadpanned.
" Well, congratulations because you are gonna find out anyways," she stands up and walks towards her desk with a little skip of excitement.
This lady really took joy in fixing people's lives.
" The next session that we have together will be joint session..." she types away on her keyboard, her eyes shifting towards me with a mischievous glint.
" With your mother."
Like hell it was!
Rhegan, her mom, and therapy is a recipe for disaster.
Also, having a bad case of imposter syndrome when it comes to my writing lately— I literally can't.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!!!
Rhegan's fit