Hello my dudes it is I
I meant to publish a chapter about the concerts I went to like 2 weeks ago around that time, but then I went on a family trip, and honestly didn't feel like writing stuff down. Or, I guess, typing them on my phone/computer. First world problems.
Anyways, I decided to combine the concert rants with an update on things I have been enjoying lately and some genera life updates :) Here comes the rambling!
PARAMORE CONCERT
y'all I died. My little emo child dreams were made.
I think my love for Paramore manifested in middle school along with the rest of my interest in alternative/pop-punk/pop rock music (aside from Fall Out Boy & Green Day, which have been a staple in my life for as long as I can remember, because if u were old enough in 2005 to have formed conscious memories and lived in the US, chances were u heard Wake Me Up When September Ends/Boulevard of Broken Dreams on the radio ALL THE TIME, along with Sugar, We're Going Down Swinging). Wow I did not expect that to turn into a GD/FOB love note but here we are —
The point is, I have a long history of loving Paramore that is over a decade in the making and have always admired Hayley Williams for her energy and spunk. Like, all of the photos/videos I had seen of her on stage encapsulate how she puts her all into every performance. I love artists who truly perform at concerts and Hayley DELIVERED. I love how she dances like nobody is watching and she is just so amazing. MY MOTHER <33333
Excuse my shitty picture but THAT'S HAYLEY WILLIAMS RIGHT THERE !!! WHAT THE FUCK !!! Religious experience.
I honestly wasn't a huge fan of their opening acts — there were two — and found myself kinda ... just ... waiting for them to be over. The purpose of an opening act is for an artist to shine and get the audience hyped up for the main act and I have never seen a mosh pit less hype. Everyone was truly just standing there, especially for the first opener, whose backup dancers looked like they were in BDSM outfits??
Truly... something. That was for sure.
I leave you with some quotes from Hayley that I wrote in my notes app:
"aw shucks"
"give it up for zachyyy!!!! he wants pizza so bad"
"well, shit!"
"my taste is impeccable"
"and i'm hayley, baby, miss williams as you might say"
"i try not to get political onstage but they give me a microphone and i get angry, so..."
Also the guy in front of me pointed at them onstage and screamed "THIS IS ART!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? LOOK AT THAT!!" and I have never related to a stranger so much.
ERAS TOUR
?!!!??!!!!! STILL SCREAMING ABOUT THIS.
These were the most expensive concert tickets I have ever bought, but I would honestly sell my soul to see Taylor so. Oh well. WORTH IT.
Some of you may remember from past chapters that Taylor's Fearless Tour was my first ever concert. I LOVED Taylor, and still do. Seeing her then and being able to be a part of something as huge as the Eras Tour over a decade later is surreal. And also bittersweet because my mom took me to that concert when I was younger, and I know she would've loved this one as well. Like, I KNOW she would have worn a whole costume.
This is my makeup and hair (with my cousin's roommate's extremely chunky cat staring at me in the background):
My hair was pulled back in pigtails in a half-up style to keep it out of my face (which was a good idea because I was SWEATIN')
I literally have never seen so many people in one space at a single time. Our venue was not only sold out, but it's also literally right next to our Major League Baseball stadium downtown, so it was PACKED. We arrived right when the doors opened at 4:30 and as it drew closer to the time the openers would come out, the arena was so packed that I started feeling very overstimulated and my anxiety was flaring up so I went and sat at my seat while my cousins, who I was with, continued walking around.
We got Gracie Abrahms and girl in red !!! I haven't listened to Gracie's music but she was super cute and I enjoyed her set. girl in red was AMAZINGGGG and I'm so mad that I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of her set but I was literally going to pee my pants. I jammed out to Serotonin while standing in the line that had 49292 people in it
Once again, Taylor PERFORMED !!! IT WAS A S H O W !!!! IT WAS PHENOMENAL !!! I truly have no idea how she does that for 3 hours almost every night. Girl I start sounding like Scuttle from The Little Mermaid after 30 minutes of singing in my car. HOW.
I absolutely loved the stage design and how she had LITERAL SETS ????!!!!!??!!! Cries. AND this is totally gonna reveal where I live but idc I'm still screaming about it OUR SURPRISE SONGS WERE HAUNTED AND I ALMOST DO ???!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME !!!!!! Speak Now is my favorite Taylor Album of all time; I hold it near and dear to my heart and was heartbroken that only one song from it was on the setlist, so hearing Haunted made me BAWL. I took a video of her announcing it and when she went, "This song is called Haunted" I literally erupted into the most ... inhumane, ungodly screech ever. It sounded like my soul was trying to crawl out of my mouth. I think I blacked out.
I was totally expecting Back to December because that's the Taylor Lautner song and he's from my state (and his family still lives here), so I was TRULY shocked when she said Haunted. I don't think I'll ever be over that.
Of course I BAWLED again during Marjorie. For personal reasons that song hits HARD. It reminds me of my mom and it was hurting me extra deep because of the fact that I longed for her to be there with me at the concert like she was the last time I saw Taylor. To be honest, I usually skip the song because it makes me too upset, so being forced to listen and wallow in my grief was rough. (I also can't listen to Soon You'll Get Better for the same reason)
I lost my voice after the concert from excessively losing my mind LMFAO. Here are pics
BOOKS I'VE BEEN LOVING!
My goal for the year is to read 50 books! It's actually been my dream goal for the past like 7 years, but I haven't been able to reach it, so now I'm DETERMINED. I got close last year with 42, and I'm already at 34, so I know I can do it!
(If you have a Goodreads account, you can check out my progress & reviews! My username is astoundings, or there's a link to my profile in the carrd in my bio. I still have yet to write reviews for some of the most recent books I've finished, but I'll get those up early this week.)
I wanted to share some of the books I've loved recently so I can put you all on my bullshit <3
CIRCE
by madeline miller
( read 30 — 31 may )
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Circe — named so because of her gold-brown eyes and sharp, brittle cry — is the least-loved child of her parents. One of hundreds of nymphs born to Helios, not even her Titan father's influence can make other gods and goddesses respect her. She is always on the outside, searching for her place in a chaotic, cruel world.
The word "mortal" is tossed around like garbage among the Olympians and Titans. It is the most undesirable thing to become — a sack of flesh made of dust, and will become dust once again after they die, a concept foreign to those whom eons feel like a blink of the eye.
But Circe has always felt curious about humankind. As her story unfolds, she discovers herself while balancing dangerously on the line between her godly life and one shared with mortals. One cannot keep playing both sides for long without feeling immense heartbreak. So, eventually, she must choose which side she would rather be on for eternity.
MY THOUGHTS
I wish I could send a love letter to Madeline Miller so she knows how much I love her writing. Last year, she obliterated my heart with The Song of Achilles, so I knew this one would rip my heart out just the same. And it did. And I loved every second of it.
Miller has this whimsical, beautiful way of stringing words together to create sensational imagery and make the simplest things sound beautiful. Her characters are always so well-written and distinct. You don't always support the choices that her narrators make, and I love that. You ache and feel and laugh and cry with them. Her writing is so raw and gorgeous!
As a certified slut for Greek myths, I love how she writes about them and doesn't back away from reminding us how terrible the Olympians and Titans are. I like Hermes in Rick Riordan's books, but her version of him made me want to use my head to break a window.
Read this book !!! I DEVOURED it !!! It's so good !!!
TWs for this book: Murder, rape, misogyny, sexual assault, death, some gore, torture, sexual content
BOOK LOVERS
by emily henry
( read 13 — 14 june )
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Nora Stephens is not the most well-liked publishing agent in the world, but she is good at her job. She is unflinching in her words, impressively punctual, and will put her stiletto through the eye of anyone who deserves it. That's why she has earned the reputation of being a "shark".
She is the woman in the Hallmark movie who gets dumped so the guy can be with the wholesome, sweet girl who bakes homemade apple pies and runs an animal shelter or something. It's happened to her multiple times. In the novel of her life, she is the antagonist.
One of her clients has just written a bestselling novel that's on its way to being made into a movie. Nora's younger sister, Libby, convinces her to make the trip with her from bustling NYC to the small town where the novel takes place. Libby is armed with a checklist (Nora's weakness) and clever ideas of how to convince Nora that she is a heroine, not a villain.
But there's one problem — well, more like another problem to add onto the list, like how impossible it is to find a decent place to eat in the town — Nora runs smack-dab into her workplace enemy, Charlie Lastra, who she's had a sour relationship with ever since they met. And as small towns go, they keep bumping into each other.
It turns out it's very difficult to avoid your enemy in Sunshine Falls, North Carolina.
MY THOUGHTS
I will say this now: I have a certain set of criteria that a contemporary romance novel must have in order for me to enjoy it. One of the main things is that the story must not be 100% about the relationship between the heroine and hero. There's nothing I hate more than a book where all that happens is them interacting. I want to see personal character development, side characters I grow to love, and things that make the book one to remember.
Emily Henry always delivers on these aspects!!!!
I love how each of her heroines are different from the last. If you read one EH book, and then another, it's not like you're reading the same one back-to-back. I especially love how Nora isn't your "conventional" romance heroine — she's tough, she loves impractical shoes and isn't afraid to admit it, she's 5'11 and wears high heels like a boss bitch.
Nora and Charlie's dynamic is full of amazing banter and dialogue. I love how Henry writes her characters quipping back and forth! Their chemistry is electric and I LOVE it.
Nora and Libby made me so happy. Their relationship is central to the book — even moreso than Nora and Charlie's, in my opinion — and it's abundantly clear how much they care for each other, even though they have completely opposing personalities. This is what I mean when I enjoy romance books that aren't only about the romance; it's important for me to care about the other characters! And I DO!
Actual piece of dialogue from the book: "I once had a sex dream about the green M&M."
Nora Stephens I would pay you to step on the back of my hand with one of your impractical shoes.
TWs for this book: Cursing, parental death, misogyny, sexual content
THE 7 1/2 DEATHS OF EVELYN HARDCASTLE
by stuart turton
( read 22 — 23 june )
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Our narrator wakes up in a forest, covered in rain and mud, with no memory. The only thing he remembers is the name "Anna," and no sooner does that float through his brain when he hears a woman's scream, a gunshot, and then everything falling silent.
Dazed, he makes his way to the house on the property he's found himself on: Blackheath Manor, a humongous, sprawling estate in the middle of a celebration regarding Evelyn Hardcastle's return from Paris. It turns out that Blackheath somehow has more secrets than it has rooms. What the narrator first thinks is an accident that led to his memory loss is actually only the tip of the iceberg of a reality that threatens to upend the lives of everyone at the party.
At precisely eleven p.m. every single night, Evelyn Hardcastle will die. And each morning, the narrator will wake up in the body of a different guest. He must answer the question of who killed her before the end of the eighth day. If he doesn't, his memories will be wiped once again and he'll wake up in the forest, fated to repeat the process over and over until he does. All the while, he must avoid the person trying to kill each of his host bodies before he can solve the crime.
Each host allows him to delve deeper into more secrets than he could ever imagine, twisting the mystery into a complicated tangle with thousands of strings. Blackheath is a rotten place filled with rotten people. But if he doesn't figure out the puzzle, he is doomed to spend forever repeating the same endless loop.
MY THOUGHTS
I listened to this as an audiobook. It was 17 hours long. I literally couldn't stop listening. This book was AMAZING. I love mystery books, but lately the ones I've read have been predictable, so this was so refreshing.
I genuinely had no idea what was going to happen at any point in time. It was so exciting to anticipate one thing, then be turned in a completely different direction. The narrator's adventures were so interesting and I constantly found myself surprised.
The writing is fantastic! It's full of sensory words that really make you feel what's going on. Several scenes with super high stakes/high tension had me on the edge of my seat. At one point I just dissociated and sat there on my bed with my eyes unfocused, listening to the audiobook, and watching the events play out in my head like a movie.
I truly hope Truton writes more books like this because this was SOOO GOOODDDD. Now I know why it took 2 months for my library loan to come in. WORTH IT.
TWs for this book: Murder (obviously), death, suicide, suicide attempts, torture, violence, rape, sexual assault, infidelity, alcoholism, cursing
MUSIC I'VE BEEN JAMMING TO
Recently I've been trying to listen to some albums from my favorite artists all the way through. I know the song orders are chosen for a reason, and you often miss something if you don't listen to the whole thing or do it on shuffle, so that is why Florence + the Machine is my most listened to artist from last week (I listened to all of her albums LMFAO). It's been a fun journey!
Here are some albums I have been having on repeat:
Tell Me I'm Alive — All Time Low
So Much (For) Stardust — Fall Out Boy
After Laughter — Paramore
4TH WALL — Ruel
The Show — Niall Horan
Memento Mori — Depeche Mode
Lungs — Florence + The Machine
Wiped Out! — The Neighbourhood
five seconds flat — Lizzy McAlpine
<<<<33333 music
It's embarrassing how much of my Spotify Wrapped is gonna be just ... rain sounds or white noise. Like, I have the Airbuds Widget on my phone which allows you to see what your friends are listening to at that moment on Spotify/Apple Music and it also gives you weekly recaps... and this was mine when I was on vacation last week:
I was sleeping on a pull-out couch so I had to constantly drown out everyone's noise if I wanted to sleep,,, hence me listening to the White Noise Spotify playlist every night ,,, and thus,,, this,,,, embarrassing.
LIFE UPDATES
Now that I'm back from vacation and I have a few family things settled, I'm hoping to swing back into writing this week! I'm going to attempt to write some of MG and see if I can sit my ass down in my chair and make myself finish chapter 41. Vera and Dominic deserve better than me neglecting them.
I also picked up Yellowface by R.F. Kuang and I am SO excited to read it!!! I had a self-imposed book buy ban in an attempt to read all of the books I already own and haven't read yet first, but I was so excited for this release that I just couldn't wait. It's going to be my next read! I'm so excited to hate a main character on purpose and cheer for her downfall.
Also !!!! It's my birthday on Friday !!!!! YIPPEEEEE !!! The restaurant I wanted to go to for dinner is CLOSED that day and I'm very upset because I wanted rigatoni and a cannoli >:( So now I have to figure out somewhere else to eat. My dad asked what I wanted and I said bookshelves because mine no longer fit in that cube thing that I've shown on my bookshelf tours. If I end up getting them, or if I eventually buy them myself, I'll definitely do another bookshelf tour since it's been a while and I've gotten rid of a LOT of books in addition to getting new ones :)
Here is a photo of Peaches
OH also, a while ago, I used Midjourney AI to create some of my OCs. These were the results:
Ontari in her games:
Her outfit is giving Star Wars more than The Hunger Games but oh well LMFAO.
Rory:
IT'S GIVING PIXAR I LOVE IT
Ceres:
I LOVE MY SOLSTICE <<3333
Lena with weird fingers:
Literally every version it gave me had weird fingers so just pretend that they're normal.
Vera:
I asked it to give her ghostly powers and it just ... ignored that aspect completely.
Laura:
Why does she apparently have hands on the INSIDE of her jacket AND on the outside? I guess we'll never know.
Anyways that's pretty much all of the updates I wanted to share, and thank you for reading! I hope you have all been well!!