When words escape your mouth in the heat of the moment, regrets always come back to bite you.
That was the aftermath of my argument with the grand duke. Regrets splashed over me like cold water, and I realised the graveness of my mistake.
So when I returned to Lady Camellia's chambers, my eyes were so close to crying a night's worth.
Her ladyship frowned. "You look sullen. Did your conversation with the grand duke not go well?"
I bit my lower lip to hold back my tears.
"That is not the face of a maiden who happily gave her yes to a marriage proposal." Lady Camellia crossed her arms. "What happened, Isabelle?"
"Well, that's..." My voice cracked. "I refused."
Her brows lifted in surprise. For a moment, she was rendered speechless, but then the villainess tilted her head in amusement before speaking.
"I know you probably have your own reasons, but to think that a maid would refuse a grand duke..." She smirked. "The public will go feral over this."
Tears streamed down on my cheeks. "You should be comforting me at a time like this, my lady."
"Come here, then." Lady Camellia lightly tapped her lap. "I shall lend you my thick thighs to cry on. Would that be enough?" She offered cold comfort.
Despite her sarcasm, I walked up to her anyway.
My legs weakened and I buried my face on her lap, like a child in need of consolation from her mother. Luckily, she didn't demur at my gesture.
"I even wished him good luck with his proposal, yet this is what happens..." The villainess clicked her tongue. "Why did you refuse to get married?"
I couldn't answer. Now that I think about it, even Lady Camellia doesn't know that I've already died once and only came back to life as another extra.
I angered her with all that talk about trust before, when I also hid that from her... What a hypocrite.
This must be my own punishment.
"Nevermind. It seems you aren't in the right state of mind to answer my questions." Her ladyship blew a sigh. "Now, cry to your heart's content."
With that, I broke down into tears. My heart was torn asunder when I recalled our hurtful exchange. Alistair was absolutely right.
I spoke selfishly, like I would lose all my dignity if I were to marry him. Yet Grand Duke Averill was prepared to abandon everything for me -- his honour, prestige, and the purity of his bloodline.
I should have told him the truth, that this world was a novel and each of us has a role to fulfill.
That he was an important character, that I was an extra fated to die soon, that I was terrified of the storyline. But would he have believed me if I did?
"My lady... I didn't mean to hurt him."
"I know." Once again, she sighed.
I burst into sobs. "I truly love him!"
"I know," Lady Camellia gently patted the small of my back. "And I'm sure His Grace knows that too."
I made no effort to compose myself. The villainess constantly had a disapproving look on her face while I was crying like a baby, but she also kept caressing my back as an effort to comfort me.
"What did I tell you?" Lady Camellia frowned then shook her head. "In this world where our fates are decided by the novel, to love is foolish, Isabelle."
Her words gripped my heart and squeezed it.
"The more you yearn, the more you hurt..." For a moment, she had a pained expression. "And the more you hurt, the more you break. It is simply a neverending cycle that is meant to tire you of life."
I looked up to her, my whole face still wet with tears. "Then what do you suggest I do, my lady?"
Her eyebrows met. "Forget about him."
"That's impossible." I buried my face on her lap helplessly. "I've already had a taste of the forbidden fruit. There's no turning back."
"Then you can only live through that pain." Her ladyship told me bluntly. "We are not the same. Unlike you, I am extremely selfish and I dislike pain, so I abandoned any fantasy about love."
Such strong words were to be expected from a villainess, but when I saw the sad look on her face, I realised that she didn't choose this unforgiving path without paying dearly for it.
I couldn't even imagine what she had to abandon and what she had to sacrifice, in order to survive the plot of this novel. Today, she still stands as a winner after managing to stay alive... but Lady Ruth Alessia di Camellia wasn't happy at all.
At some point, she must've loved someone, too.
And her ladyship also had her heart broken like this when she realised that they can't be together.
"Have you finally calmed down, Isabelle?"
"Yeah," I sniffed. "Thank you, my lady."
She scoffed. "I barely did anything."
"You did lend me your thick thighs to cry on."
"Ah," She smirked. "Yes. I'm wet thanks to you."
Oh, gosh. Here we go again with the dirty jokes.
I got back on my feet and kept my distance from Lady Camellia, afraid she might turn her teasing from verbal to physical. Her jests are too much.
She's too beautiful to refuse. Hell, even if my heart was already taken by a man, I'm not confident that I can resist the temptation. Milfs for the win, heh.
"By the way, our beloved heroine invited me for tea as a token of gratitude for lending her a dress."
My lips parted. "J-Just the two of you?"
"Uh-huh." She grinned triumphantly.
I bit my nails. "Did you accept her invitation?"
"Of course. Wasn't that my goal all this time, to befriend her and avoid raising my death flag?"
I screamed out of nowhere, which startled her.
"No! I'm against this, my lady!" I angrily marched towards her and lashed out. "Over my dead body!"
She was weirded out by my outburst. "W-Why are you getting angry all of the sudden? Calm down."
"I told you, that girl is dangerous!" I pulled my hair in frustration. "Didn't I say that she attacked me that night? Don't you believe me, my lady?!"
"Look, it's not that I don't believe you." She averted her gaze from me, scratching her cheek. "But it's hard to take your words seriously when Ingrid trembles like a newborn every time we meet."
"She's just acting!" I insisted. "It's the devil!"
"Heh, again with that nonsense." Lady Camellia massaged her temples. "She's the protagonist, Isabelle. Who are you calling a devil?"
"But it's true! She said her name was Lilith!"
"Enough!" This time, the villainess stared daggers at me. "Aren't you aware that speaking that name might cost your life? That's taboo in the empire!"
I was disheartened. "I know, but..."
"Isabelle," She frowned. "If you're so worried about me, then just stay with me during our teatime. That solves the issue, doesn't it?"
In the end, I couldn't dissuade Lady Camellia from meeting the heroine. Whether Ingrid was truly the devil or not, my lady wasn't the type to back down from a challenge. She was dauntless in nature.
That night, I was also informed that Grand Duke Averill has left the palace and departed to join the frontline in the north. The fact that he didn't reconcile with me before leaving had me broken, but I understood where he was coming from.
Still, I wish Alistair came to see me.
Because, unbeknownst to both of us, that would be the last time he would ever see myself alive.
---
The next day, Lady Camellia and I got ready for the teatime that the heroine prepared for her.
Rather than dreading the meeting, I was actually distracted. I couldn't sleep a wink knowing that Alistair left without even bidding me farewell.
He must've been so angry and upset with me.
Anyway, Lady Camellia looked stunning in her white dress, which emphasized the curves of her body. She wore minimal accessories and had her hair down, giving her a simple yet elegant look.
Her eyes burned fearlessly. "Let's go, Isabelle."
I followed after her absentmindedly.
When we arrived at the room where Ingrid had the tea prepared, she wasn't there. The table was already set up, the tea and delicacies were served, but the receiving host was nowhere to be found.
"Hah," Lady Camellia scoffed in disbelief. "That wench must think so little of me if she's making me wait like this. She's quite bold, I give her that."
"Or just plain shameless." I whispered.
The villainess smirked. "I second that, my dear."
For the meantime, her ladyship took a seat and patiently waited for the heroine. Perhaps she noticed my unusual silence, since Lady Camellia kept throwing curious looks on my direction.
After a while, she heaved out a deep sigh.
"How far would you go for His Grace, Isabelle?"
"I'm sorry?" I blinked twice. "What do you mean?"
Lady Camellia carefully took a sip from her tea. There was a strange expression on her face, like she was weighing some things on her mind.
"The north is currently a battlefield. Even as we speak, the grand duke is on his way to the place that could be very well his final resting place."
My heart clenched at her ladyship's words.
"Even so, would you be willing to go there in order to see him, Isabelle?" She smiled to me.
Her question made me feel emotional.
"Of course," My lips dithered. "I would if I could. Not even a war can stop me from seeing him."
"I thought so." Lady Camellia paused. "However, what if... you had to choose between me and him?
Her query caught me off guard. For a moment, we were both engulfed in an uncomfortable silence.
Fearing the lady might misunderstand my lack of answer, I desperately tried to come up with a response. But to my surprise, my lady suddenly laughed at my panicked countenance.
Lady Camellia waved her hand. "I was kidding."
"M-My lady!" I breathed a sigh of relief.
"I'm sure you're well aware that I take enjoyment from causing people discomfort. My apologies."
The villainess lifted her gaze to me then smiled.
"Go to the north. I prepared a horse and asked a trusted knight of mine to take you there." Lady Camellia looked rather sentimental. "You are my friend. I do not want you to regret anything."
The corners of my eye were filled with tears.
"M-My lady, how could I possibly leave you..."
"You dummy," She chuckled arrogantly. "Who do you think are you talking to? I am Ruth Alessia di Camellia, the one and only villainess. No one can touch me, not even the devil you are so afraid of."
Tears streamed down on my cheeks.
"Go," Lady Camellia looked away and hid her face from me, but her hands were visibly trembling.
"My lady..." I bowed to her. "Thank you."
When she uttered no response, I gathered all my resolve and turned my back from her. Just when I was about to leave the room, the heroine appeared by the doorway, causing me to halt.
"You sure took your sweet time." Lady Camellia remarked. She glanced over me then nodded one last time before returning her eyes to the heroine.
I didn't want to leave her alone with Ingrid, but I also wanted to respect her wishes. Lady Camellia even prepared for my departure. If she says she'll be okay, then I should trust her. She's my master.
With a heavy heart, I left the the two of them in the room. I could still hear them talk, but I opted not to listen since I might lose the heart to leave.
"Oh? Have you finally made a decision, Ruth?"
Their voices died down as I walked away.
"Yes. It's time to kill the butterfly, Lilith."
---