7 Year Suicide
Let us begin the venture into my mind with a quick gaze at my perception and inadequacies as a child
When I was 7 years old I attempted suicide for the first time in my life. The thing that drove me to that point was how much pressure I was under to succeed in school when working with a mental disability. My memory wasn't very good and my cognition along with my ability to learn was much slower than my peers.
So one day when I was in the kitchen working through a packet of homework, I believe our teacher sent home something like a twenty-page assignment we were required to complete over Christmas break. I was working on the packet and I became so overwhelmed that after spending maybe an hour or more on one of the pages I hit my breaking point. I was angry at how difficult it was and the unreal expectations placed on me, so I stopped working and in a state of frustration I began to cry. There was no adult figure to console me or stop me from engaging in the next action I would take.
I stood up from the kitchen table and went into the drawer that my parents kept all of the knives in. Me being seven I hadn't been taught yet that if you want to kill yourself you need to slit your wrists or better yet up your forearm. I instead grabbed the biggest knife in the drawer, I held the point to my forehead with the intention to drive it into my head, hitting my brain and thus end my life and suffering all at once. As I placed it to my forehead and the point made an indention I for some reason stopped myself, put the knife back in the drawer, and then continued about my day. I never told my parents what I did or how I felt because my father was absent and my mother hated me so much she wouldn't have cared