3-8-23
"what're you gonna tell them when they ask about these," Eddie asked, a blush creeping to his face, pointing at the scratches on Bucks back.
"i'll tell them that i had the best sex ever, with the best person ever," Buck teased, picking Eddie up and setting him on the counter of the bathroom.
Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck, "it's you're first day back, how do you feel?" Eddie smiled.
"nervous," Buck replied as he threw his shirt on. Buck hasn't felt like himself since the accident. in reality, he wanted to die.
and if he's being honest, he wasn't ready to go back to work. but hopefully it could help it. seeing his family.
Eddie, Julia, and Chris were the only ones keeping him alive at the moment.
"not about the job, but the bruises are still there and my arm, i just don't want people being cautious around me," Buck continued, carding his fingers threw Eddie's hair.
"they're gonna be Buck, they love you and seeing you in that hospital bed, again, hurt them," Eddie whispered softly, putting his hand on Bucks face.
"i don't feel very loved bye them still," Evan told Eddie truthfully, who only sighed.
"don't- don't say that. you know they love you," Eddie spoke sternly. "you're such an important person, we love you so much," Eddie smiled, kissing Evans lips.
"let's take our kids to school," Eddie whispered, hopping off the counter. Buck nodded.
our kids.
**
"Welcome home, Buckaroo," Hen and Chim smiled as Buck walked into the firehouse doors with Eddie.
Buck smiled, "it's good to be back," he said as he walked to the locker rooms with them.
Hen was already changed so she joined Cap upstairs to help with breakfast.
Buck carefully took his shirt off, leaving his bruises, scabbed cuts, and the scratches on his back very visible.
"woah buddy, who were you with last night," Chim teased.
Buck only laughed and Eddie blushed, but quickly looked away before Chimney saw.
Buck pulled his firehouse t shirt on along with his button up shirt.
Once he was finished getting dressed, he walked upstairs and joined the others at the table, he took his seat next to Eddie.
he didn't feel like eating, he kinda just picked through his food.
"Buck, you good," Chim asked putting his hand on Bucks shoulder as he was about to take his seat next to him.
and suddenly he was Back at Taylor's apartment, her father was pinning Buck down by his shoulders, forcing himself inside him.
Buck immediately started to panic, jerking away from Chimney and almost falling out of his chair.
thankfully, Eddie had been their to catch him.
"hey mi querido, it's okay, it's just Chim," Eddie whispered softly as he saw the tears enter Bucks eyes. Buck stood up, taking a step back from the table.
"Buck, everything okay," Bobby raised an eyebrow.
"i'm fine, i just—i just need to you use the restroom," Buck replied, walking away to the bathroom.
he took his shirt off, wetting a rag that was underneath the sink.
he scrubbed his skin from his neck all the way down to the waist band of his pants. he scrubbed it raw.
he felt dirty, completely disregarding the shower he had this morning.
he could feel Johns hands on him.
"did i do something.." Chim questioned himself as he sat down. Eddie shook his head no as he looked at Bobby.
"i'll go talk to him," Bobby said, setting his fork down.
Eddie shook his head, "let me,"
"Evan, my love," Eddie said, opening the bathroom door.
"Evan, if you scrub anymore you're skins gonna bleed," Eddie said softly, crossing his arms over his chest.
Buck slammed the rag on the bathroom counter.
you deserved it
you shouldn't have cheated on her
the little voice in his head spoke.
"shut up, just shut up!" he shouted as tears fell down his face.
just be a god damn man
cry baby
man whore
go fuck you're therapist again
Buck scratched all over his skin, looking for the hands he could feel on him but they weren't there. he started bleeding, scratching the scabs from previous cuts.
"just get out," he started gripping at his hair as he put his back to the wall. Eddie walked over to him.
not even Abby could love you
she left you
you're parents don't even love you, what makes you think Eddie will?
just kill yourself
"just shut up!" he screamed sliding down the wall, Eddie grabbed him and sat on the bathroom floor.
Buck attached him self to Eddie, sobbing into his chest due to the position they were laying in.
"Evan, baby, what's going on," Eddie whispered, rubbing Bucks head.
"i want it to stop," Evan cried, gripping Eddie's shirt tighter.
"what to stop," Eddie asked softly.
"every fucking thing. the world. life," Buck continued to cry.
"i'm not good enough, Eddie, i just wanna die," Buck whimpered out.
Eddie's heart shattered and he hugged Buck, tight.
"don't— don't say that, Evan. you're more than enough. i love you so— so fucking much," Eddie said sternly, kissing Bucks head.
Buck shook his head no at Eddie's words.
"I'm the luckiest person in the world, to be able to call you my best friend. you're the most amazing person to exist, Evan," Eddie told the crying man.
Buck just continued to cry, "let it out baby, i'm here," Eddie murmured.
"i love you," Buck whispered.
"will you explain to me why you started scratching yourself and scrubbing your skin raw, mi querido," Eddie asked softly.
"i-i can feel his hands on my skin, fuck, my skins not even mine anymore. he took the rest of my life away. i'll never be myself again and now i have to go out their and pretend everything's normal," Buck said in between cries.
Eddie sat Buck up, immediately putting a hand on his face, "you'll always be, Buck. no one expect you to act like everything's normal, Evan,"
"you're right they just don't know the full story," Buck said.
Eddie sighed, "there's no need for them too,"
Buck nodded.
"how come you have no problem with me touching you," he asked softly.
Buck shrugged, "i feel safe with you," he smiled.
Eddie smiled, wrapping his arms around Buck, dragging his hand up and down the scratches he made a Bucks back last night. Buck shuttered at the touch.
he felt so safe in Eddie's arms. like nothing bad could happen.
after Eddie calmed Buck down and Buck put his shirt back on, he looked at Eddie.
his eyes still bloodshot and his knows still red.
"i don't think i'm ready to be back, Eddie," He said softly as Eddie wrapped his arm in a bandage.
"it's up to you, Evan. Bobby will understand if you don't wanna stay," Eddie smiled softly.
"i don't wanna be alone though," Buck said quietly, his face becoming hot.
he was a grown man, he should be able to be alone.
"he'll understand if i leave too," Eddie put his hand on his face.
"Eddie you have bills to pay, a child to feed. i cant ask you to do that," Buck argued Eddie's words.
Eddie smiled, "there's no place in the world i would rather be, then next to you,"
Buck only blushed and nodded. Eddie gave him a quick, but passionate kiss on the lips.
They walked out of the bathroom 30 minutes after Buck went in.
Bobby walked over to him, "if you're not ready to be back, Buck, you can go home," he smiled at the boy who was like his son.
Buck let out a breath of relief.
"Eddie why don't you go with him? i'm putting you both on paid leave for the next week, Buck needs to heal more and he needs his best friend their with him," Bobby told the two, who only nodded.
Without saying bye to their team, they changed, they grabbed their things and headed home. the whole car ride was silent.
Eddie wanted to ask Buck a certain question but he didn't think it was the right time and Buck could feel it.
"if you have something to say, say it," Evan said softly as they stopped at a red light.
Eddie chuckled and nodded, still not saying anything. he pulled into his driveway just a minute later.
Buck groaned as they walked inside and sat on the couch, still silent.
"move in with me,"