◖𓈈﹗ ﹙ chapter thirty ﹚
❛ ▬▬ just in bello . . . ❜
November 14, 1990
A thunderous storm raged on in the long night of Massachusetts, Cambridge. The rain pelted the rooftops, assaulting the cold solitude with loud and shrill sounds that startled more than one person. The wind roamed around, shaking the branches of the trees and the frail sheds, already having knocked down a few tiles and broken one of Mrs. Maud's yellow-tinted porcelain flowerpots in the garden. The shadows of the deep night wandered until they projected themselves onto the window of a little five-year-old girl who had just woken up because of the storm.
Her tiny body began to sink into the silence of her room, lost in the gloomiest darkness of her drenched quarters, barely illuminated by the moonlight that filtered through the folds of the curtain. The girl's muscles froze one after another, every inch of her skin contracted, pressing itself against the mattress, hiding from the storm and the shadows. She was terrified. A powerful whitish light blinked at the window, casting new silhouettes that, to the eyes of a child, called forth the monsters that Sam Winchester had told her so much about. And a few seconds later, the sound of thunder jolted every sense of the girl, who hid beneath the sheets with her heart pounding and tears welling up on her rosy cheek. Paralyzed with fear, the rain and wind beat against her mind, projecting vivid images of past nightmares—the monster coming out of the closet or the one lurking under the bed. Lilith had left them candies to eat before she devoured them, but at that moment, it seemed like the stupidest idea.
She wanted her mommy.
She wanted to scream her name, but she couldn't.
"Mummy," she murmured with a sighing voice, broken and trembling, her face flushed with the heat brought by the anguish of darkness. She wanted to shout, to call out in tears for her mother to come and rescue her, but her attempt was obstructed by the fear that the monsters would hear her and drag her out of her bed.
She clung to her Simba plush toy, crying in silence. The knuckles of her small hands began to turn an ugly shade of white, and along with her fingers, the force with which she clutched the blankets was causing her pain. Nevertheless, the girl remained trapped in the grip of the storm, the scratches on her window, the rain trickling down her head, and the lightning bruising her ears. It only took a few minutes for her silent sobbing to drown her nose in mucus, leaving her with no choice but to breathe through her mouth. Where was her mommy? Suddenly, she heard a door opening. Was it the bathroom door? The closet door? Which door?
"Lilith, are you still asleep?" recognized the voice of the preteen.
"Dean!" she whimpered louder than the storm, still hidden under the sheets.
The lights came on. The first thing she saw was the smiling Disney princesses on her bedsheets.
"Hey, kid," Dean pulled her out of hiding without considering that it was her little fortress. "Did you get scared?"
Lilith burst into such loud and hysterical crying that it would wake up all the neighbors and prompt them to call the police. Heavy tears soaked a large part of the sheets and the plush toy's head. Mucus ran from her nose and descended into her mouth, her pearl blonde hair sticking to her face, and her forehead covered in red dots from the strain of prolonged weeping. The level of fear was such that the preteen didn't know what to do.
"Mommy!" the little girl shouted as loudly as her voice allowed. "Mommy!" She choked on her words and, as a result, started crying even harder. "Mommy, I need you!"
"Calm down, you'll wake up Sammy. Your mom went out. She called just now to check on you because storms scare you. She said she's on her way," Dean reassured her.
"My mommy left?" The girl wiped her uncontrollable tears with the sleeve of her cloud-patterned pajamas and tried to calm down as Dean had asked. "Can you tell her to hurry?" She sniffled, and when she blinked, more tears fell.
"What's going on?" A groggy Sam entered the room with disheveled hair and half-closed eyes. He yawned. "Why are you crying, Lilith?" he asked, approaching the edge of the bed.
The eldest Winchester and caretaker of the children ran his hands over his face, clearing his thoughts in search of the patience he usually lacked around the girl. At such a young age, he could tell that Dean treated her differently than her brother, and it didn't necessarily mean sweetness. Her mom had told her that people had difficulties understanding others and not to expect them to know exactly how she felt, like mom did. Lilith seemed to have forgotten that.
"I want my mommy," she said with a lump in her throat. "I'm scared."
"Scared of what?" Sam asked, more understanding now.
"The darkness... the monsters... the storm..."
"There are no monsters here," Dean declared, just like their father did when he put an end to Sam's pleas to stay a few more days at their house. The girl leaned back and grabbed her stuffed animal. "I'm sorry," Dean said, changing his tone. "It's just a storm."
"But it was dark."
"It's okay, Lilith," Sam comforted her, taking her hand. The poor boy could barely keep his eyes open, but there he was with his scared friend. "Everyone is afraid of the dark. It's ugly."
"Alright," Dean glanced between the two children, pondering what to do. He always said he was too old to be a babysitter. His mission was alongside his father, between weapons and blood. "Sammy, go back to bed. I can take care of the girl."
"No," Sam yawned, shaking his head. "I'm staying awake until Regina arrives." Sam spoke like a hero, one who fought against tiredness with noble words and attempts. Lilith found it endearing. "You don't have to be afraid of the monsters, Lilith. I know how to fight, and Dean has killed many, he's like a real Batman."
"Come on, Sammy, to bed," Dean encouraged him with a small smile peeking through his lips. The younger brother finally gave in and returned to his room, dragging his feet. Lilith lowered her head and wiped her nose again. She missed her mommy. "How about I put on one of your movies in the living room while we wait for Regina to come back?" Dean suggested.
Another thunder shook her body.
"That sounds good," she said timidly.
Lilith didn't forget her stuffed animal. She followed Dean down the hallway, traversing the storm that howled at the windows and the new flowers her mom had planted in the backyard. She wondered if they would survive. When they reached the stairs, fear of the darkness returned. There was darkness downstairs. No way, she cried out in a guttural complaint, seeking Dean's attention. When she had it, she raised her arms, asking to be carried. The protest lasted only a few seconds. That's how she felt better.
"You sit here," Dean placed the girl on the couch after holding her in his arms. He turned on all the lights in the living room, as well as in the dining room and kitchen, with the frightened girl hiding her face in his neck. "Let's see what I can put on for you."
She still had traces of crying, and her head was still red. She looked toward the door with sad eyes, reminding herself that Mommy would arrive soon. Why did she have to leave? The storm showed no signs of stopping; it felt like the end of the world. The preteen took out the box of children's movies, labeled "Movies for Lilith," and sat on the floor in front of the VHS player, searching through the films.
"Do you want a Disney movie? How about this one? Barbie and the Rockers," he said, sounding as silly as possible. Dean was like that with everything he liked. "Barbie surely knows how to rock." He put the movie in the player, hoping it would distract her from the storm, but Lilith still kept looking at the door, on the verge of crying. "Look, fireworks and sparkles! Isn't that what girls like?"
A louder lightning than all the previous ones echoed through the house.
"Can you call her and tell her to hurry?" he said.
"She's probably close, watch the movie and the wait will go by quickly," she replied. She didn't want to watch the movie; she wanted her mom. "Hey... Did you know I can open the candy drawer?"
"It's locked, you can't open it. Mom has the key in her purse."
"Yes, but I can open it with a lockpick. If you promise to stop crying and watch the movie, I'll bring you a chocolate. Deal?"
Lilith nodded, pulling her hair away from her face and taking a deep breath to loosen the knot in her throat. She was still breathing irregularly. Dean got to work, and in a few minutes, he returned from the kitchen with a chocolate bar. It made her happier and helped distract her. The taste of chocolate filled her taste buds, reminding her of candy Fridays and family trips to fairs with her grandparents. The memory calmed the girl after Barbie and The Rockers' song ended. Dean leaned back, looking at the clock on the wall: 10:40 PM. He sighed, settling into the sofa. Lilith felt bad for him. The brothers' father went on hunting trips that lasted weeks, with no communication and a upbringing that kept them on the edge of life and death. She couldn't imagine how awful it would be to be away from mom for days when she already missed her after just one hour. It terrified her more than the darkness and the monsters.
"Here," Lilith broke half of the chocolate bar and offered it to him. Maybe it would make him feel better about his dad.
"Thanks."
Halfway through the movie, yellow lights reflected in the living room windows, illuminating the raindrops. A car parked outside. Lilith jumped off the sofa, holding onto the backrest, and turned her cerulean, childlike eyes towards the door. Her heart raced, urging her legs to jump impatiently until mom walked through the door, undoing all the progress Dean had made to calm her. The girl burst into tears, just as she had in her room.
"I'm here, my love," Regina said, taking her daughter in her arms. "Well, well," she consoled her, stroking her hair and speaking in a magical, motherly tone, like the sweetest melody on the planet. "Were you scared, my darling? It's just a storm, a strong one, but it's only water and thunder."
Lilith pulled away from her mom's neck to see her face. She had her lips painted in a soft pink that accentuated her crystal-clear, beautiful blue eyes. Her lashes were full, and her hair flowed in artificial waves. She was wearing a shiny blouse, a tight leather skirt, and high-heeled shoes she was playing with. She looked very pretty, but that didn't stop Lilith from crying.
"She was fine a moment ago; I managed to make her stop crying," Dean said, surprised by what he was witnessing.
"She's a sensitive girl," Regina justified, still comforting Lilith. "Thank you for taking care of her, Dean."
"It's alright," he sighed tiredly. "I'm going to bed; my dad is supposed to come in the morning."
"You can't cry every time you miss me. Although I would love to be with you all day, you're going to start kindergarten, and you'll have to learn not to be with me, my love."
"But I want to be with you! Are you going to leave me alone with kids who aren't Sam?"
Mom laughed.
"I'll never leave you alone, you're my baby, you'll always be my baby, even when you turn twenty-one and become a grown woman, you'll still be my little one. You don't have to cry because I'm not here, cry as much as you want if you're scared, but don't cry because Mommy isn't here, I'm always in your heart. Okay?" Mom held her tighter, positioning her to face her, and smiled tenderly. She tickled her under the armpits with her index finger. "Let me see your smile. Wow, the tooth fairy took so many teeth. Your new fangs are growing... and you've been eating chocolate too. Where did you get chocolate from?" Lilith raised her arms, pretending not to know, she wouldn't rat out Dean. "Do you want to sleep with me? Just tonight, it was hard to make you sleep in your own room."
"I love you, Mommy," Lilith said, leaning on her shoulder, hugging her tightly so she wouldn't leave again, as they climbed the stairs. The storm splattered large gusts of wind and continued to shake the leaves of the trees, lightning streaked across the sky in a concert of lights and thunder, but Lilith was no longer afraid, not even of the darkness in the hallway. She was with her mother, cradled in her arms, the safest place. Nothing could harm her with her mother protecting her.
"I love you more."
• • ⛧ • •
Present.
Sam and Lilith were having a heated conversation over the phone.
"I have to tell him, Lilith! You don't know what it's like traveling with him, living together every day, twenty-four hours a day for months, and him not giving a damn about being saved. Dean has been acting like it's no big deal: drinking since two in the afternoon and looking for a girl who won't ask so many questions about his life. You know why? Because he's realizing that he's leaving nothing behind but his poor, stupid brother! I know he's grown fond of you more than ever these past few years, damn it, more than in his entire life, and I know, believe me, you've gotten into his head... Damn it... he has a fantasy about you, I was in his head (it's a long story, maybe I'll tell you another day)... What I'm trying to say is that Dean, for the first time since he made the deal, wants to be saved. For the first time, Lilith. I have to tell him about this plan, our plan. I have a photocopy of everything we've done, I'll show it to him and convince him to accept this method. I can persuade him and it will give him hope, trust me."
"Sam, I want Dean to have hope too, and god knows how much I wish it would work, that we already have a complete plan that will work perfectly, but it's not like that. Sam, we don't have anything concrete yet and time is slipping away from us. It's not easy with all the obstacles and demons trying to prevent it. I love Dean so much, much more than in previous years and... damn it, I noticed that he's been acting as if nothing matters, as if he's accepting his fate and I can't even imagine what it's been like for you, really Sam. We need to rethink the plasmapheresis and the spell we're going to perform, and I have to be honest and logical, Sam, we don't know if Dean will be able to handle it. They'll torture him. They'll go after him and make him suffer, they know he's the key to everything. I can't bear the thought of seeing Dean in pain, I can't... and I can't bear the thought of losing him either. Do you understand? Please, Sam, let's think carefully about this. We need to be sure. I don't want to give him false hope, only to see him crushed in the end."
The silence on the other end of the line was palpable, and Lilith's heart sank as she waited for Sam's response. The weight of their decisions and the uncertain future loomed over them, leaving them both feeling helpless and desperate for a solution.
"Sam, I also want Dean to have hope, and God knows how much I wish it would work, that we already have a foolproof plan, but it's not the case. Sam, we still don't have anything concrete, and time is slipping away from us. It's not easy with all the obstacles and demons trying to stop us. I care about Dean so much, much more than in previous years, and... damn it, I noticed that he was acting like nothing was happening, like he accepted his fate, and I can't imagine what it has been like for you, really, Sam. We need to think through the plasmapheresis and the spell we're going to perform, and I have to be honest and logical, Sam, we don't know if Dean will be able to handle it. They're going to torture him until he begs to die, they'll ask him to do horrible things that are making me cry just imagining them. We're on the right path, the closest we've ever been..."
Suddenly, their conversation was interrupted by a door opening and closing forcefully on the other end of the line.
"Brother, you have to try this," Dean's voice made Lilith and, she was sure, Sam too, nervous. "What's going on? Who are you talking to?"
There was a deadly pause that kept her pacing back and forth in her room, waiting for Sam's decision. The unplanned discovery disrupted any of her attempts to convince Sam to wait a little longer before clarifying the plan; everything was now in the hands of the younger Winchester. She wished he would keep it to himself.
"Dean, we need to talk," Sam's sentence elicited a groan from Lilith.
"Sam, not yet," Dean tried one last time, although it would be useless.
"No, Lilith, I'm going to tell him."
"Tell me what?" Dean had already shifted his playful attitude to seriousness and suspicion. She could imagine him pushing away his food, losing his appetite as if it had fallen on a dirty floor. "Put it on speaker."
"Hello, Dean," she greeted, taking a seat in her desk chair. Maybe she should make herself a cup of chamomile tea because the boys were about to get her worked up.
"Hey, Lilith... So, what do you have to tell me?"
"It's about the deal," Sam began. She preferred it that way, actually; she would let him do most of the talking and only intervene when necessary. If there was anyone on Earth who could calm Dean's nerves, it was his younger brother, and he even had a chance of success. She sighed, looking at the clock on her nightstand. It was 7:30; her mom was preparing dinner, bowls of green curry Buddha while watching Jeopardy. She was surprisingly good at answering. She knew a lot, and when she didn't, she shouted at her asking if she knew.
"God," Dean huffed. "What about it?"
"Well... Lilith and I have been working on an option, well, Lilith has been working on it from the beginning, and I found out a few months ago. Um, take this."
"What is this?" he guessed that she handed him a copy of the project.
"In short, it's what we did. Lilith deserves a lot of credit."
"One moment," damn it, judging by the annoyed connotation tinged with mockery, the witch leaned back and rolled her eyes. They shouldn't have told him yet! He would be even angrier to know that they didn't have anything concrete, just (well-founded) theories, but only theories! "Did you write a damn book about it, Lilith? Did you write all this?" she heard him surprised at the end, incredulous, but in the most sincere way possible, exactly when he thanked her for almost spending a fortune to treat him with the best doctors after his stroke.
"Yes, I did," she admitted. "It helps to see things better, ideas flow..."
"Why are you telling me this now? Have you found a solution?" he calmed down a bit; at least his tone of voice didn't sound angry. It didn't seem like he had that hope Sam had proclaimed, but his reluctance to discuss the problem in public didn't bother him enough to escape the conversation. He was exhausted, and that moved her.
"Look," Sam chose not to answer, and it was a good decision; maybe after hearing everything, he wouldn't think about disappointment. "We know the deal can't be broken, and the demon who holds your contract doesn't just want your soul, he wants you dead, and if you try to stop it, the deal is off, and I die." With that explanation, Dean could easily enter Gryffindor. "Remember when Regina mentioned getting you out of Hell? We've made significant progress with that... Lilith?"
"Oh, you're throwing it to me now?" If Sam named her to explain the worst part, it meant that his puppy eyes and good intentions weren't working. She would like to see Dean's face, but not being in that motel room would make it harder to say things while looking into his eyes. "You said you were going to handle the talk."
"Just tell me, you're acting like children."
"It's not easy to say," the witch complained.
"We want you to become a demon," Sam blurted out.
The silence was expected, and it lasted so long that he thought they had been cut off.
"Are you kidding me?" Dean said, exhaling an ironic laugh. "Are you messing with me, right?"
"I know how it sounds, calm down," Sam rushed to say. Fantastic, he was reacting just as Lilith expected. She understood that what she was asking went against Dean's morality. After all, he was a damn hunter. He was raised hating demons, all the monsters that had taken away his normal life. It was because of them that they killed his mother. Of course, he wouldn't take it well. "Listen to me," Sam pleaded.
"No, damn it, you listen to me," the insults intensified the tense atmosphere, so much so that even Lilith, kilometers away, felt bad. "You want me to become one of them? There's no way. This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. What the hell is going through your minds to see this as a solution? I thought you wanted to get me out, not turn me into a soulless demon."
"That's the point!" Sam interjected, raising his voice not out of anger but as a plea. "The only way we know you can get out is as a demon, either through summoning or opening the door..."
"You've lost your minds! Both of you! What the hell, man?"
"Just let me explain, Dean! We just need you to become one so you can get out, and then we'll turn you back into a human here, just the way you are now. It's only your soul that's decaying, so to speak. What we need to do is purify it."
"And how exactly do you plan to do that?" Sam didn't respond immediately. "You don't know, do you? You have no fucking clue," he yelled, just like their father used to when he was angry. Lilith had seen him like that once, and he was the scariest person she had ever seen. "You know, this is insane."
"If we have an idea, we're not clueless," Lilith dared to intervene for the first time. "I've been thinking with my mentor about blood purification: you'll have demon blood. Remember the test I did on Sam, and his blood turned dark..."
"Don't say another word, Lilith," Dean interrupted her. "Liar. I thought we had trust by now," Lilith realized he had taken Sam's phone, his voice sounded clear and close, and she was hurt. "You simply forgot about that week, didn't you? You only care about your own feelings, you're selfish."
"So what?"
The call ended at that moment, on Dean's impulse.
"Screw you, Dean!" she shouted angrily, kicking the desk and letting out a sharp cry of pain. She was only wearing socks. "This is why I hate you even more, Winchester."
"Lilith! Dinner!"
Lilith couldn't enjoy her dinner as she normally did with her mother, watching a TV show that made them laugh or discussing news that had stirred American society, or simply talking about trivialities that became the most meaningful details in their mother-daughter relationship. But her mind was infected by Dean Winchester's reaction and the fight with Sam, showing how much they mattered to her. She understood that both brothers pushed the boundaries of conventional morality, or perhaps unconventional morality. Lilith was sure that most people, herself included, wouldn't have the courage and selfless respect for others to leave behind a life of comfort and dedicate themselves to hunting monsters for the protection of the ignorant in the supernatural world. It wasn't easy; it required genuine and pure nobility. Certainly, it wasn't the label of many hunters, and she was beginning to think that her idealization of the brothers wasn't so literal and was tainted with more honest motivations like grief and loneliness. In Dean's case, it was habit and not wanting to be alone in a world without his family. Who else did he have? Surely Bobby and Lilith, but it wasn't enough, it wasn't what he needed... Lilith had been through that.
She also knew that Dean's actions had to be more heroic, and they often turned out to be foolishly praised. That was her point of view. Lilith had done things that they wouldn't forgive. She had drunk Azazel's blood to gain powers and save her mom. For Lilith, the means didn't matter as long as she achieved what she wanted. But for the brothers, means did matter, and their plan asked too much from a soul as honorable as Dean's.
"What's wrong, baby? You've been quiet throughout dinner," her mom snapped her out of her thoughts.
"I think I messed up with Dean. He's really angry with me right now," she admitted, placing the spoon on the bowl with half of her green curry Buddha. She had no appetite. "And honestly, I'm really pissed off at him too."
"What happened?"
"Sam told him about our plan to save him, and he didn't like the idea of becoming a demon, of course."
"Oh," her mom's reaction made her snort. It was true, what was she thinking? Even her mom knew it was a bad idea. "Let him think about it. He's John's son, his initial reaction is never going to be good. They go crazy, as if it were the end of the world, until whiskey and a few hours of reflection alone calm them down. And who knows, maybe he'll have a different point of view."
"I don't think so," she sighed. "I hate him! I don't think I would be angry if I were in his place. In fact, I would see it as a solution and would have appreciated the time and effort. It's not that hard to realize I did it because I care... as a friend. I won't explain myself again; we're just friends."
"Just give him time, you'll see he'll end up apologizing," her mom squeezed her hand tenderly, comforting her. "Finish your meal."
Neither of the brothers called her in the following days, and the witch didn't dare to call them either. She wasn't ready to know the verdict. She hoped they would contact her when the news was to her liking. In any case, she continued working so that she would have made some progress by the time they called, and progress was being made.
She had been working alongside her mentor, Rowena, one of the brightest witches on the planet and probably one of the most powerful if not for some chains imposed on her due to disobedience and ambition—qualities that caught Lilith's attention. The copy of the project that Dean had was delving deep into an index of topics, starting with hell, demons, and the origin of evil (a necessary philosophical contribution for the part where Dean had to accept becoming a demon), and moving on to the technical aspects involving spells and experiments for curing demons throughout history. Many of them claimed to have succeeded, but the problem they faced was verifiability; they didn't have any filmed evidence to confirm it. Nevertheless, they approached a theory that they had already put into motion: as Sam had tried to explain, demon blood was once human, in an analogous sense, but it was becoming closer to being a fact. The soul rotted and transformed into a demon, acquiring powers as such, and by possessing a human, it was this blood that coursed through them. What they had to do was keep Dean in a vegetative state, and when he turned into a demon, they would possess his own body and apply the reversal, starting with purifying the blood, a sort of plasmapheresis. The purified blood was, in spiritual terms, blessed by a Father or free of sins. Lilith had ordered the soul-extracting syringe to be made, using her magic extractor as a base. Bobby would have it ready next week. She and Rowena had prepared the spells that would make the job easier, although they were ancient spells used to revive people, with disastrous results like resurrecting zombies or just leaving a lifeless body. The essential part lay in a fragment of a soul.
Around ten o'clock at night, she was getting ready to go to bed. She had brushed her teeth, washed her face with acne-fighting soap, and applied a series of oils and creams from her nightly routine. She went into her closet to look for her pajamas, and Prayer followed her like a chick following its mother. Lilith lifted him off the floor, squeezed him against her body, and kissed his face. Her cat allowed her to caress him, and she put him back on her bed. She didn't allow him into her closet because he tried to play with her clothes and ended up throwing everything on the floor and tearing some delicate fabrics. The long-haired black cat started purring and kneading one of Lilith's furry pillows while sucking on that specific fabric. It probably reminded him of his mom. Lilith was calm in her room, about to put on a pink pajama with hearts and stars when the demon Ruby appeared in the middle of the carpet, which had a devil's trap drawn underneath for safety.
"What the hell?" Lilith exclaimed, dropping the garment and activating her purple magic.
"Does it bother you to free me?" she said with a bad attitude. She was in a bad mood and expected to be freed? "I need your help, quickly."
Lilith hesitated for a second but used her magic to drag the carpet, and as soon as the demon was released, she grabbed her wrist and disappeared from her room.
"What?! " Lilith looked around: she was outside at night, in a parking lot filled with destroyed cars, some still burning. "Take me back to my house right now, or I'll fucking kill you. Take me back to my mom."
She was panicking, like an LSD trip gone wrong. Her saliva turned burning and acidic, and her heart suddenly raced. She had left her mom alone, who knows how many miles away in the middle of the night. No, please, not again. Lilith's eyes reflected the trauma that burned slowly within her. She hadn't buried it, and she would never bury it. Her crystalline blue eyes took on the dark color of the ocean.
"Let's go, quickly before they see us."
"No," Lilith confronted her, her expression turning destructive and serious, intimidating.
"Sam and Dean are going to die if you don't help me save them, now!" The demoness moved to the back of a police station. The witch stopped to look at the shadows of demons soaring through the sky, reminding her of the night she infiltrated the Salvatore mansion. Was Ruby being sincere? Sam trusted her, but she wasn't Sam. She was on Dean's side and hated the demoness. But what if the boys were in danger? And what about their mother? Her place was by her side. Damn it, damn it, damn it! She followed the demoness, keeping a low profile, but it was futile because they were spotted. Demons attacked Ruby directly, and she defended herself with mastery, fighting until she stabbed them with the demon-killing knife the brothers had told her about.
"Don't help me," Ruby said sarcastically, spitting out some brains that got into her mouth. Lilith had been standing there, doing nothing, hoping they would kill her. Drops of blood splattered on her clothes. "This might work," Ruby said, grabbing a stone from the ground and smashing it against the glass. Glass shards fell everywhere, both inside and outside. The demoness jumped through the window.
"You know," she shouted, "I could have opened the window without you having to break it. It was quite simple."
"Ugh, just come in, you stupid princess!" Lilith could imagine her rolling her eyes in agony. The feeling was mutual.
"Lilith, is that you?" Sam's voice came from inside. The boys! "Hurry, come in."
"And how will I do that without cutting a nerve in my leg, huh?" Effectiveness wasn't one of that demoness's strong suits. The witch used her magic to remove all the pieces of glass (with sharp edges ready to kill her) from the window sill. Once she was sure it was safe, she climbed up, using her arms for support. When she had a better position, she sat down and swung her legs to the other side. Sam helped her down, holding her thighs carefully. "What's going on?"
Sam and Dean weren't the only ones there. There was a police officer who looked at them the way a normal person would look at a ghost; they had probably just found out about demons. A young woman with a cross on her chest held onto it tightly when she saw Ruby. Talking about intelligent people. And lastly, the infamous FBI agent Henriksen, who had been after the brothers for a long time. Once, their mother expedited some paperwork to make the case less important, and the agent took it very personally. But the reading Lilith did described a great plot twist. Welcome to the supernatural world.
"What are you doing here? Ruby, take her back home!" Dean barely looked her in the eye. So, they were like that now? She thought he had at least gotten over his anger... Who was she fooling? Lilith was still angry too. However, that didn't prevent her from noticing that Dean had an injured left arm, with blood staining his jacket and dripping onto his jeans. He kept it folded close to his chest. "What happened?"
The witch approached and took his hands, touching them with her cold fingers, silently reciting a healing spell. It wouldn't do much; if she had known he was injured, she would have brought potions and creams that would have made him good as new in a matter of minutes. What she did would ease the pain and expedite the healing. If he had to fight, he would do it with more energy. When she finished, she said nothing and followed Ruby into the police station, along with the others.
"How many are outside?" Dean asked Ruby. Sam and Dean had fortified the police station against demons: windows and doors covered in salt, salt-filled guns in every corner, and devil's traps drawn under the entrances.
"About thirty... so far," Ruby replied.
"Oh, great," Dean said sarcastically. "Thirty killers on our tail. Who sent them?"
Ruby gave Sam an incredulous look. Everyone did the same afterward. Lilith stood next to him, and Lilith noticed how nervous he became in seconds, casting a terrifying glance at Dean and then at Lilith. Strange.
"You didn't tell Dean? Oh! I'm surprised," she seemed to enjoy the scene.
"Tell me what?" Dean asked.
"There's a new big fish, a true leader," she said, leaving everyone intrigued, especially the witch.
"Who is it?" Dean asked.
"Not him," she corrected him with a tone. "Her. The first demon, many consider her a mother. Weren't you named after her... Lilith?"
Oh, shit. Oh my God. Oh shit, oh my God! Lilith wanted to maintain a demeanor befitting the seriousness of the situation and the present context they were in. She struggled against the excitement of discovering that one of the women who had the most impact on the formation of her principles—not just feminist ones—but also the person she was today, was real, completely real. Since she was very young, she had read the mythology behind her name, the Lilith of the sacred and forbidden scriptures. Everything about her generated a captivating, enchanting, and hypnotic mystery for the witch. Whenever someone asked her which historical character she would like to have tea with, she would answer Lilith. The first human, the first demon. She wondered how much of the legend was true and how much was false, but what she was sure of was that this woman was the center, a queen, a leader... who wanted the Winchesters dead. Damn it! She had to behave and be more rational. Anyway, her excitement was noticed even by the woman with the cross.
"You knew about this?" the older brother asked Sam. After the disastrous reaction, Lilith hoped they wouldn't keep any more secrets. If they had kept this hidden while also keeping their relationship a secret, how hard was it for them to keep their mouths shut about the plan? "Damn it, Sam! Is there something else I should know?" he exclaimed in disappointment. "Why the hell didn't you tell me now?"
"I was going to, I just had to figure out how... and force you to keep the secret so this fangirl wouldn't find out."
"Oh, please!" Lilith interjected. "Can you blame me? My freaking name is Lilith! Of course, I'm going to fangirl a little... God..."
The conversation continued with Ruby discussing how they were going to be saved, including the long-term plan of killing every demon. Now Lilith understood why Ruby simply didn't teleport them away—they had to fight. Unfortunately, the brothers had lost the Colt, which upset Ruby.
"Fantastic, now I'll be the one who has to die for you. I know a spell that will vaporize every demon within a thousand kilometers, including myself. So, you lose sight of the Colt, and I'm the one who has to die. So, be more careful next time. How about that for a dying wish?" Ruby said. "I had a good plan, you know? I even brought your little witch here to make the fight easier. It was a done deal. But, you're going to be very useful to me. I need a virgin."
"I'm not a virgin," Lilith laughed.
"Nobody is a virgin," Dean retorted.
But Ruby knew who was. The girl with the cross, Nancy, was a virgin.
"No, it can't be. You're joking. You're..." Dean couldn't contain his astonishment; he needed someone to teach him a little respect and manners urgently. "Not even once, or... wow..."
"What? It's a choice, okay?"
"Not everyone has a sex addiction like you, idiot," Lilith attacked, pushing against the anger she had been carrying for days. "What's my part in the spell?"
"Yeah, this spell, what can I do?" Nancy mustered her courage, ready to do what was necessary. Very brave.
"Both of you can stay still while I rip your hearts out."
She must be joking, the witch burst into laughter, very genuine laughter.
"Are you crazy?" Dean exclaimed, throwing himself at Ruby and inadvertently placing himself in front of Lilith, like a barrier.
"I'm offering a solution."
"You're offering to kill them."
"And what do you think will happen to this girl when the demons come in? They know they can't escape, right? These demons are soldiers; they don't leave anyone alive, not even a witness. They'll chase her until they kill her, for fun, because they can. That's the reality. Do you want her to spend her whole life running? Like you? Hiding?"
None of the men bought what the demon was saying.
"Excuse me," Nancy tried to speak, but Ruby continued to express herself.
"They're all going to die; this is the only way for all of us to get out of here alive."
"Yeah, yeah, there's no way you're going to..."
"Could everyone please shut up?" Nancy shouted and got what she wanted—silence. "Will this save all the people out there?"
"It will expel the demons from their bodies, if their bodies are fine... Yes," Ruby answered.
"I'll do it," Nancy declared with her head held high, but her eyes welled up with pressure and sacrifice.
"Well, don't worry, you won't die because I won't give my heart for these people I don't know. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to participate in this way," the witch finally gave her point of view in the most brutal and honest way, taking everyone in the room by surprise, especially the brothers. "What? I'm not your heroic hunter, and you're living in a world of roses if you think most people would sacrifice their lives for people they don't care about. Although I'll grant you that dying for an ideal, Ruby, that's very human."
"All my friends are out there," Nancy spoke from her heart. Lilith was moved, but it wouldn't change her mind.
"And I'm delighted to help you save them in any other way that doesn't involve my death."
"I don't share her cold point of view, but she has a point. We don't sacrifice people. If we do, we're no better than them," the agent said. Their points were similar, one could say they were relatives, except Lilith took it personally.
Ruby and Nancy continued to argue about their plan, debating against Dean and the agent's ethics, while Lilith held her ground and Sam, almost curious, seemed to take the demon's side. It didn't sit well with his brother.
"We need to talk," Dean headed down the hallway, carrying the weight of the situation and the fact that his younger brother was losing his principles. "You too," he said to the witch.
Sam, Dean, and Lilith faced each other to discuss what they would do.
"Tell me you're not considering this. Are you going to stop the girl and rip her heart out?" Dean was angry and disappointed with his brother, not to extreme levels, but like an explosion that would detonate later.
"And we're talking about thirty people out there, Dean, innocent ones who will die alongside everyone here. Anyway, it doesn't matter, Lilith will never give up her life for someone she doesn't love, even if the fate of humanity depends on it."
"And now you want to portray me as a villain? I'm not going to die for this. Do you really expect me to?"
"No, nobody is going to die," it was refreshing to see Dean agreeing and not making a comment about her viewpoint, he would surely call her selfish, he had done so with something much milder before. "We're not going to throw away the rulebook and stop acting like humans. I won't let that demon kill a sweet and innocent girl who hasn't even had sex, and you," he pointed at her and for the first time since they arrived, he looked into her eyes, "I don't know, just be yourself," he sighed exasperatedly, "If this is how you win wars, I don't want to win."
"So what do we do then, Dean?"
"I have a plan. I'm not saying it's a good one or that it will work, but it's better than killing a virgin and Lilith."
"What's the plan?" the witch asked. She wanted to help and would do anything that didn't cross her limits.
"We open the doors, let them in, and fight. We have experience, and she's a witch, a powerful one at that. Didn't you go alone into a mansion full of monsters and demons to rescue your mom? You're still an idiot for not informing us and almost getting killed, but I don't think this is as serious. Right?"
Lilith nervously swallowed and nodded, lying, hiding what had really happened.
Dean's plan was clever. They split into three lines to fight the demons, lure them inside, and trap them there, then play the exorcism through the police station's speakers. Dean ordered her to stay with the agent, covering him due to her inexperience, while he diverted through other hallways and Sam waited for them in the center. Nancy and the officer would be outside, waiting for everyone to enter before sealing the doors with salt. The plan went into motion: Lilith's magic wasn't as strong as when she had the blood of the yellow-eyed demon in her, but she could easily handle four demons. Lilith threw them towards the center while Henriksen shot at them to make them angry and chase him inside. Once they reunited with Sam and Dean, the fight continued with Lilith in the center, waiting for Henriksen to project the exorcism. She could get rid of the demons, pushing them against the wall, and they tried to push her with their power, but they couldn't. Lilith resisted, a different version of the struggle happened with the brothers, who managed to capture them.
"Let them go!" Lilith ordered. The purple magic flowing from her fingers attacked the demon, pushing her back a few steps.
The demon grew furious, revealing her black eyes and raising her hand. Lilith was ready to counter. However, the agent fulfilled his mission. The exorcism expelled each demon from the bodies of the people, hoping that those demons wouldn't try again.
"Are you guys okay?" Lilith saw them slide down the wall and land in an awkward thud.
"Yeah, we're fine."
• • ⛧ • •
Once they were safely in the motel room where the brothers were staying, the young girl's body was overwhelmed by the nervousness and anxiety that had taken a backseat during the commotion at the police station. She was worried about her mom. She had left her alone, something she hadn't done since they reunited, and if she had to leave, she would leave her with someone she trusted—the brothers. Just them. She had a feeling that at any moment the others would take her away, and this time things would be different. While they unloaded some things from the trunk, Lilith snatched Sam's phone and dialed her mother's number.
"Come on, answer," she complained impatiently. She became a bundle of nerves. Her voice trembled, her nails dug into the palm of her hand, and she felt like her whole body was falling apart. It was past midnight, her mom should be asleep. "Mom?"
"Why the hell are you calling me, Lilith?" her mother sighed, sounding slightly annoyed. She had woken up in the middle of the night, disoriented, with pauses in her speech that indicated she was still connecting the dots. "Are you playing a prank on me?"
"Are you okay?"
"If this is some kind of joke, you're going to regret it."
"No, I... it's a long story. I'm not at home; I'm with Sam and Dean in Colorado. I'll be back home as soon as possible."
"What?" Her interaction with her mom was in line with someone who had been awakened in the middle of the night, disoriented, and still processing. "I don't understand, sweetheart. What's going on?"
"Sam and Dean were in trouble, and a demon, Ruby, the blonde bitch, took me out of my room and brought me to help them. Everything's fine now. It wasn't a big deal, but that bitch disappeared, and now I'm two thousand miles away. I just wanted to make sure you're okay, and I'll be calling you on my way back."
"Okay, don't worry about me. I'll be fine," her mother quickly reassured her. Sensing that her daughter was feeling vulnerable and on the verge of tears, she woke up completely and her words sounded more serious and gentle, just what Lilith needed. "I'll be safe, I promise. I'll stay awake until you arrive. I love you, my dear."
"Okay," Lilith nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. It was time to reassure herself and face her fears. It would be the last time. "I love you more."
As the boys finished bringing their things inside, Lilith sat on the edge of one of the beds, contemplating the fastest way to get home. She could buy a plane ticket in the morning; there wouldn't be any flights taking off at this hour. Damn Ruby, if anything happened to her mother because of her, Lilith would search for her all over the planet and torture her until she begged to be killed.
"Can I borrow your laptop?" she asked Sam, who nodded and took it out of one of his bags. "Thanks. Has Dean used it?"
"Yeah," he lamented. She knew what that meant: Dean had been visiting porn sites full of viruses and, the idiot that he was, he clicked on ads from girls who wanted to chat with him. What an idiot! "But I wiped it clean. I reset it and installed new, high-quality antivirus programs. Dorian helped me out and gave me some software."
"What?" Both Lilith and Dean exclaimed as he emerged from the bathroom, brushing his teeth. "Since when do you talk to him?" Lilith inquired. She would take Sam's word for it and enter her credit card information. She knew all the details by heart. She searched for flights today, in the morning, and would buy them online to ease her worries.
"Why do you talk to him?" Dean asked instead.
"What? He's cool. We exchanged numbers once, and it's not like we talk. Sometimes he calls me to ask about the little person he's in love with..."
Under different circumstances, Lilith would have grilled Sam for every last detail and forced him to say only nice things about her, but she was so focused on getting back home to her mother that her response was a guttural agreement. Her eyes traveled between the details on various flight portals, searching for the earliest direct flight without layovers.
"Oh, damn it! I don't have my passport," she tried not to panic. "Screw it all! I'll just use magic to sneak in." Despite that, her conscience, which sounded like her mother's voice, made her purchase the ticket. She would reserve her seat and contribute to the airlines' business. Lilith wasn't bad; she believed her actions were misunderstood. "Thanks, Sam."
Lilith stood up and without saying anything, she headed towards the door.
"Where are you going? It's almost two in the morning," Dean Winchester, of course, had a comment for everything. It would sound controlling from the outside, given the characteristics and context, but Lilith brushed it off with a roll of her eyes. Dean would never control her, and she hoped no one else would, especially not a stupid man.
"I'm going to take a dump in the middle of the road," she said without stopping, sounding so convincing that even she herself thought she might actually do it. It would be funny.
Sam no longer cared about what they were doing. The scenes involving Lilith and Dean generated an evident rejection in him—at first—and by this point, he was already exhausted, as if he knew something they didn't. He grabbed his pajama shirt and started getting dressed, being nothing more than a shadow of what was happening in front of him. His older brother had taken the Impala keys and pulled out a black hoodie that he promptly tossed at Lilith's face.
"What? Are you going to walk half a mile to get a cigarette in the middle of the night in this cold? You're only wearing a thin long-sleeved shirt and a skirt," he said, pointing out the obvious. "You'll die of hypothermia."
"All the rooms in my house have heating, it's a comfortable temperature inside, not cold," she defensively justified. "Do you have a hoodie?" She had rarely seen Dean wear anything other than flannel shirts and jeans in her life, to the point where the suit seemed more common. He put it on because he was right, she would freeze otherwise. It was way too big for her, covering her entire rear.
"I've been looking for someone like you," Sam's voice came from the other end of the room, higher-pitched and mocking, providing his interpretation for his brother. Sam burst into laughter as he entered the bathroom. Lilith, on the other hand, chose not to inquire about what was happening, judging by Dean's reaction. No one would tell her; it seemed to be a sibling secret.
"I'm going to kill you, Sam," yup, definitely something between siblings.
Lilith got into the Impala. Dean was right, she wanted a cigarette. She needed to clear her mind, and the taste of nicotine calmed her in moments of stress, unconsciously using it as a nervous placebo, much like a baby sucking their thumb. She tried not to let it exceed her everyday life, and Lilith succeeded. She only smoked at parties and when she felt overwhelmed by anguish. She planned to stay awake until it was time for her flight.
"Me," Dean started the engine and began driving down the deserted road. Lilith knew that driving calmed him, it was a healthier outlet. "I really appreciate what you did for me. You take things seriously when you want to."
"It's no secret that the two of you mean a lot to me. I would do crazy things for you that I wouldn't do for others."
"I know, I would do the same for you."
"You love me," Lilith joked, thinking they were on the same page. Lilith and Dean had been high, the effects were present when they listened to music and had sex, but that didn't mean they had forgotten what had happened. Dean had told her he loved her, of course, he said it while giving her the best sex of her life. She took it as a joke.
"About that," Dean gripped the steering wheel tightly. "I..." he chuckled. "We were... in that position..."
"You don't have to explain, Dean," Lilith said between laughs. "I understand. We were high, having sex by the window. It was fun, very exciting. Of course, something like that could slip out, like saying 'I love it' or 'I like it.' And let me tell you, your penis was so hard that day, I had never felt it that hard before," she continued laughing, but everything she said was true. "I understand."
Dean only chuckled a little while focusing more on the road than on her.
"So," the young woman digressed, fixing her cerulean blue eyes on the hunter's face, paying close attention to the small muscles in his cheek, chin, and the corner of his lips. That's how she would know if he wanted to talk. "...about my plan."
"Please, I don't want to fight now," Bingo, apart from the tone and words, he tensed his chin and leaned closer to the wheel. "Or talk about that."
"Alright, I won't pressure you. I just want you to know that I don't care what your answer is, I'm going to go through with this and do the necessary tests. Honestly, I don't think we can avoid you going to hell, but I'll do everything I can to bring you back. You don't deserve to be there, you've earned heaven," the hunter's lips curved in opposition. "Come on, Dean. What needs to happen for you to see that you're a great person? Today, you didn't want anyone to die in sacrifice, you found a way for all of us to survive. And you think you don't deserve heaven? Damn it, you better be joking. I, for example, would have a trial before entering, but you would just walk in saying, 'Excuse me, I'm here.' Come on, man, give yourself some credit and love yourself."
Lilith moved closer to him and planted a kiss on his cheek.
"Do you want me to say 'I love you'? Then we'll be even."
The hunter continued driving, hiding his feelings behind a glass shell. His body movements reduced to the relaxation of each muscle, a simple detail that made the witch smile. Dean chose not to use words or regain control of the situation with a joke about sentimentality, surprising her. She was expecting some ironic comment that perfectly conveyed what he truly felt.
"There," he said first, gesturing with his head towards the 24-hour gas station with its neon sign.
"Can you lend me some money?" she asked with a tender smile.
"Sure."
Lilith bought a pack of cigarettes, and as soon as she stepped outside the store, she lit one. It felt good for a moment, she knew it wasn't eternal. There were things she no longer wanted to endure, and she preferred to get lost in the distraction of a drug like tobacco rather than be attacked, like the unbearable anguish that gripped her chest with stabbing pains that felt like stakes driven into her heart. She was a fighter, but sometimes fighters had weaknesses. If someone took her mother away again, she would kill them all. The true Lilith would awaken.
She smoked alone for a while, beside the gas station, until she saw Dean step out of the Impala and lean against it. He took a flask out of his jacket and drank from it. Lilith silently approached and settled next to him.
"Cheers," she said, clinking her cigarette against the flask.
"It's impossible to prevent me from going to hell, but I do want to get out of there," he confessed, gazing straight ahead. She listened respectfully. "I don't want to become a demon, I don't think I can. It's... madness. I've spent my whole life hunting monsters, chasing the demon that killed my mother and ruined my family's life. I'm not interested in joining their ranks. It's fucking insane."
"I wish there was another option, but now it's your turn to make a decision. You still have time, we don't even know for sure if it will work."
"Thanks anyway, Sam and you are really trying, not selling bullshit like Ruby."
"I suppose."
"Are you going to stay awake?" he asked, putting the empty flask back in its place.
"Yes," she confirmed. "I won't be able to fall asleep, and I don't want to. I'll wait until six and then head to the airport. Hopefully, I'll sleep on the flight."
"Hey," Dean called, turning his body towards her. The scent of cologne and the lingering smell of battle sweat filled her nose. "I... um," he closed his mouth, thinking about what to say. His words never came.
He put his arm around her waist, drawing her closer to his body, sending shivers down her spine and causing her to drop the cigarette, which bounced a few times before falling to the ground. Lilith looked into his eyes and gradually clung to his neck, finding comfort in his embrace and bringing her lips close to his. Lilith's thoughts were plagued by the distance from her mother, her home, and her pet, feeling unprotected as she contemplated the insanity it would be for her mental health to know that she wasn't there to save them from harm, that one day she would lose them forever, and she couldn't do anything to fight it. The torment slowly ate away at Lilith, but there, with Dean, she could momentarily forget what was happening. He kissed her, trapping her between the Impala and his chest. Their lips moved softly against each other's, savoring the taste of the cigarette, his hands pressing against her waist. Then the witch's bony fingers sank into his brown hair, caressing it with an experimental and newfound tenderness. There was no sexual intent, not that night. They simply reveled in the contact with each other, kissing and embracing.
In the early morning hours, Dean drove her to the airport, and about six hours later, she arrived home safe and sound. Her mom was waiting there with open arms and a cup of tea, ready to hear all about her experiences, especially those involving the first woman.
⛧.